Marine Air Ground Combat Center - TwentyNine Palms - Five Marines and one Navy Corpsman play through the D&D Campaign - Sunless Citadel. Based on actual events.
These were the highlights
>Immediately force Corpsman to play as Cleric/Healer against his will.
>Deity of Worship - General Mattis
Our DM assembles our party. We arrive in a tavern.
>First mistake.
>Party spends all gold on week long booze filled wench fest.
>This continues for days.
>DM sick of us ignoring the quest burns down the tavern with lightning.
>Three days of mourning
~~~~~
>Barbarian somehow acquires magic notebook of infinite paper.
>Dub it “The Never Ending Note Taking Gear”
>Use it to Craft paper hats.
>Entire Party gets Paper Hat of Friendship
>Write “Friendship” on everyone’s hat.
>Wrote “Cunt” on Barbarian’s hat.
>Barbarian’s intelligence is too low for literacy.
>We tell him it means “Friendship”
>Laughingstock of party.
>Still procrastinating main quest
>Chased out of town by guards
>Forced to start main quest.
>First night on the road
>DM - “Okay you encamp in a small clearing by the road.”
>Rogue - “Roll for Firewatch roster!”
>DM - “You don’t have to roll for that…And no firewatch either. You all sleep or none of you do.”
>Entire party baffled by concept of sleep without firewatch.
>Argue with DM for twenty minutes.
>Finally agree to just sleep.
>Attacked by Dire Rats in the night.
>Player gets into fistfight with DM
>Play convenes for the evening.
~~~~~
>Finally reach entrance to Citadel
>Dire Rats below
>Dwarf brandishes War Axe promising to “ Matthew McConaughey” the fuckers like from Reign of Fire
>Leaps like forty feet down and is incapacitated from the fall.
>Corpsman/Healer summons motrin and socks.
>Rats approach unconscious ally.
>Party agrees to piss away the Dire Rats
>Party starts pissing down the hole.
>Rats are unfazed and now piss-soaked ally is being eaten by piss-soaked dire rats.
~~~~~
>Side Quest to Retrieve Kobold Queen’s pet Dragon
>Party finds the Dragon and consistently fails diplomacy checks because diplomacy is for pussies.
>Forced to beat the shit out of the queens pet before it slashes us to death
>Dragon loses consciousness before it dies.
>Force the Corpsman to heal the dragon so the queen wont know how close we came to killing it.
>Dragon wakes up
>Barbarian bashes it in the head with a rock.
>Unconscious again
>Repeat every few yards until we return to the queen’s chamber
~~~~~
>Overjoyed Kobold Queen offers party rewards
>Eager Lance Corporal says “She shows us her tits!” Rolls Dice
>DM “That’s not how it works you can’t-”
>Natural Twenty
>DM sighs angrily “…alright fine.”
>Queen Obliges
>Everyone Hi-Fives
~~~~~
>Hall of the Dragon Statue
>Dragon Statue Speaks
>” We come at night without being-”
>STARS!
>Riddle solved - Secret Doors open
>Ask the Statue about the Citadel
>DM - “The statue says nothing”
>Roll to make a Paper hat of friendship for the Dragon Statue
>DM - “You don’t have to roll for that. You can just do it.”
>Makes paper hat for dragon.
>Ask again
>DM - “ITS A STATUE IT CANT TALK! ALL IT SAYS IS THE RIDDLE! IT ISNT SENTIENT!”
>Party doesn’t understand
>Prays to General Mattis for guidance.
tangentwithtanner
dededos
prguitarman
stormborns
kaledo-art
baratheonpilled
jbbartram-illu
