My name is Burns @burnsisburning - Tumblr Blog

chortlebot

before someone screenshots this and posts it elsewhere this is me

clawcakes

PREV TRUTH NUKE

charl0ttan

mysterious stranger spun me twice i think i won clubbing

This guy?

youvwere there

when i was getting trained as a welder the guys started playing sneaky grabass with each other and with me. i almost hit a few people while holding dangerous tools in my hand because they wouldn’t stop grabbing me from behind, then laughing that i ‘almost’ hit them, so i finally had to go to the instructor and say, look, i’ve had years and years of self defense training due the fact i’m a very small weirdo who is in legitimate danger of getting hatecrimed and at some point one of these guys is going to goose me again and im going to bury a wrench in his eye. get them to stop grabbing me, because i don’t want to get kicked out for hitting people.

the next day i ended up punching someone in the face with a doughnut in my fist because she thought i was being a big fucking buzzkill who tattled to teacher about a harmless game, and, guess what, grabbed my butt. i got icing all over her hair. she complained to teacher...who let everyone know that this was why they weren’t supposed to be playing grabass in the fucking shop.

anyway don’t fucking sneak up on twitchy little queers with hypervigilance, it fucking sucks and you’re lucky if you get a doughnut to a face instead of a hammer.

kyraneko

given that this was a welding class, I was expecting this to end up so much worse

mrsterlingeverything

Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

mousemilf

dont worry abt it, you just keep reading your lines and well take care of the rest. you'll be a star.

mrsterlingeverything

Ill be a star

yardsards

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

fizzlepop-frog

“but I stay silly!”

sensiblereblogifposts

Reblog you stay silly

liberalsarecool

Freedom FROM religion is mandatory.

anphivenas

i need to get into cars

dontsaythatillcry

they have doors which help with this

anphivenas

most of them are locked ive only gotten lucky like twice

robosnom

』』▪︎】_]_]_\ d03s 6ny0n3 kn0w wh3n D3lt6r4n3 1s? 1 f0rg0t

i-am-a-snom

cc õ)___\ I don't know, but I have seen a lot of people saying tomorrow.

enki2

dogpuppy

wakingfromthewater

This was shared as a "bad" joke but I was so charmed by it I've been thinking about it for days.

artistic-octopus

wordswithkittywitch

Moose at the next table: No they don't. I've been waiting here for an hour.

totally-not-an-al1en

brightwanderer

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

narwhalsarefalling

just had a convo with my friend. she mentioned she doesnt like sake cause its sparkling.

“wait, sake is sparkling? what have i been drinking?” i said. because i also dont like sparkling stuff.

i look at the sake bottle ive been drinking from for fun events for the past year. its vinegar.

i’ve been drinking strawberry flavored vinegar.

narwhalsarefalling

in my defense:

and:

its very hard to tell for someone who only kind-of reads Japanese and just saw the component for "sake flask" (酉) and, rightfully assumed, that the bottle that said sake was probably sake.