݁⋆˚࿔ Nisey 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ݁

19 yr old girly-teen-girl (^,^ !) fanfic writer /)/) (\(\ ₊˚⊹ ( ᵔ ᵔ) (ᵔ ᵔ ) Go! / づ👩🏻‍💻⊂ \

[bvnyx3]

Nisey - she/her, nineteen, straight

: big fan of fanfiction, Twilight, playing and listening to music, Jeff Buckley

• not sure what content i’ll post, but it could lean into +18 content one day; keep that in mind, i’m not your mom

• will probably be nameless x fem!reader and I fucking love omegaverse, so we'll see

• send requests anyways ! of literally whatever you want !

[bvnyx3]

they should’ve made steven universe a lil asian :(

[the-wolf-moon-diaries]

Hold a Light Back to My Soul // Act Two // Chapter 1: Before/After.

A/N: just a note, if you’re looking for music to write to, I highly recommend “Discovering the Waterfront” by Silverstein. 10/10.

Pairing: Seth Clearwater x Swan! Reader (female).

Taglist: @venusdelaroix @riverofempathy @the-newest-vegetarian @vvviankaaa @qhuedie21 @tinyminxie @bvnyx3 @i-dont-even-know-man7

Everything was a mess.

Maybe it wasn’t as messy as it had been before, which in some small way was something to be grateful for and yet...nothing was right.

Nothing was how it had been before and nothing would ever be as good as “before” had been again. The way it was when Bella had first come home and Edward had first loved her. Before, when everything was simple and sweet and you had been so, so blissfully unaware of the dark truth lingering within your lives. The old saying was true. Ignorance truly was blissful and reality was far darker than you had ever known, the sweetness of “before” still lingering in your mind…

Before the Cullens had come to Forks and their mere presence changed everything, forcing the pack to change with it all.

Before Edward had broken Bella’s heart.

Before Seth had shifted.

Before everything had fallen apart and you’d all been forced to live in the mess, making some sort of life from it all.

But how was anything supposed to be the same again?

Even if you missed it and wanted it more than anything...you couldn’t have it back. You couldn’t be that girl again. You’d seen too much and suffered too much hurt to be her ever again. Sitting on your bed, the contents of the previous few years memory box was scattered before you, staring at the little mess of memories spread across the bed sheets. You’d always kept a memory box. It had started when you were just a kid, throwing little things into a shoe box in hopes of showing Daphne everything she’d missed in between scarce visits, some small part of your little heart hoping that something in that mess would make her stay a while longer.

It never did.

But you never stopped keeping memories, choosing to do it for yourself rather than your mother.

Every so often when you’d felt like a “phase” of your life was over and a new one had begun, you’d empty the box out and begin again, putting the past aside. Elementary school to middle school, middle school to high school. When you’d started this one, you’d just been entering high school and had assumed that you’d keep it for the next four years, only planning to empty it out once college had began.

But that had changed.

Everything had changed and nothing could ever be the same again.

The quiet little life you were staring at was so different from the one you had now. On the surface, it didn’t seem so different...but secrets lingered deep, some scars were visible but others hide where no one could see, only felt in quiet beats of fear and hurt. Once everything had seemed so safe, all of you so unaware of the danger that lurked beneath the surface of a sweet and simple life. Monsters who had lived just a ways away and the desolation they had left in their wake, boys who were forced to become wolf warriors and deal with the destruction left behind.

The Cullens weren’t in the memory box anymore.

Those memories had been burned away in a bonfire, remembering the scent of burning yarn, the way the papers had blackened and crinkled, stuffed bears burning away. Only Leontes remained now, the lone bear that had been spared from the flames, and the Cullen’s presence in your past remained a black hole, ashes to ashes…

But the pack remained, in small ways that grew quickly over the months.

Receipts from the gas station you and Seth visited on late nights, little love notes written in his handwriting, shells and rocks collected from the beach, pressed flowers that Seth would pick for you during those long walks in the woods, photos taken with Jacob and Billy and with the Clearwaters too. Harry Clearwater smiled up at you, an arm slung around Charlie as they sat on the beach, Leah sitting by her father and Seth in the sand, sunlight in his dark eyes. You could almost hear it again, the way the ocean lapped against the shore, the laughter and teasing…

Charlie and Harry bickering.

Leah right there yet still so far away, her gaze pulled away from the camera.

Seth staring up at you, dark eyes so full of light.

The brief moment right before they had both shifted, before Harry had been killed, before everything had changed again, and the memories that followed were darker. A shattered CD player from your attack, drawings of wolves torn out from your sketchbook, everything you’d written about Victoria sealed in an envelope.

There had been three phases in that time.

Before the Cullens, after the Cullens, and after the wolves.

And now, with your scars healed and your head and heart ready for it, another phase had begun. You could feel it, the way you always felt it. Something shifted within you, a change that reverberated in your blood, your bones.

Everything was different and maybe that included you.

Bella was still grounded but you weren’t fighting about it anymore. There wasn’t a point in being mad about something you could not change, and although the hurt remained...it could be dealt with another day. You could swallow the anger and the confusion, smothering in beneath your ribs and keeping it down, down where it couldn’t lash and rage.

The Cullens were back in Forks and you were getting pretty good at ignoring them. And they weren’t so bad at politely avoiding you. Disdain could be handled quite courteously, spoken only in sharp looks and insults only a telepath could hear.

The wolves still roamed the woods.

That was the part that scared you the most...not the thought that a crazed vampire was out to kill you (and had nearly done it). It was the thought that she might kill one of the wolves, every one of them just kids fighting a war they’d never wanted. Some barely out of high school most still in school, and all of them too young to be fighting this fight. But they fought it. With anger and courage, through the pain of shifting and venom, they refused to stop fighting and fight once it had already started.

There was still so much anger and hurt over so much of everything that had happened.

Anger at Bella for just accepting them back after what they did, anger at Jacob for making the mess of it all even worse, anger at the Cullens for coming back at all, as angry at Victoria as she was with you and your sister, anger at the world…

But not with Seth.

It was impossible to be angry with him, you loved him too much to even think about it.

It was almost magic, wasn’t it? He just appeared and you felt the smothering anger quiet softly, contently, his very presence a lullaby for your aching. You loved him. And that love had been enough to pull you through the worst of it all, smiling softly as you realized how much of him was within those memories.

A shard of glass from the Cullen house, notes he’d scribbled in your notebook as you’d done homework together, wildflowers he’d picked for you pressed and glued to pages of scrawled poetry, doodles he’d slipped into your palm before leaving, at least a thousand pictures you’d taken together.

When you were done with memories, there was an old trunk you kept things in, save for a few photos you wanted to keep with you. Now the memory box was left empty and awaiting something new. Something happy. That was all you were hoping for this time. No more fear, no more hurt, you wanted for all of this to go away and become something...happy.

A knock came at the front door, a rhythm you knew all too well, and you moved to the window, looking down at the earth below.

Seth was there, having run back into the grass to look up at you, waving up as you smiled down, dark hair all a mess from running through the woods and hanging in his eyes. Bolting down the stairs as quickly as you could, nearly tripping as you went, you opened the door and the moment you did, he was kissing you, laughter smothered between your lips, a hand resting on the small of your back as you were pulled into him.

“Let’s go,” he murmured, breaking away from the kiss for a moment. “Let’s go, honey.”

You wondered how’d he known that you were hurting...but you didn’t question it too much. He knew and that was enough to let you take his hand,

Victoria was gone.

At least she was for now.

One moment, she was hunting and the next she was gone, vanishing in the night, her scent slipping away and never reappearing. She had vanished again and, although you hoped that she wouldn’t dare come back, you knew that she would. Monsters like her did not die easily, or willingly. There was too much hate in her to just die as a bad memory. But for now she was gone and the woods had become a safe haven again, though the wolves still chose to patrol, albeit less obsessively, and you were safe to wander. Shouting an excuse to Charlie over your shoulder, Seth took your hand and held it tightly, running off into the trees together.

For a moment, you followed the paths.

But suddenly he broke away and took you with him, following behind faithfully. You trusted his footsteps as well as you trusted your own.

The quiet world was left behind and soon you found yourself tucked into a little corner of the forest.

Here, there was a river tangled through the trees like a silvery ribbon, bubbling with clear and content water, and a willow tree leaning over the silver, thin branches dancing along the surface, creating an endless rippling as they twisted in a breeze so soft and cold.

“I found this a while back but, with Victoria loose, I didn’t want to bring you here until it was safe...I thought you’d like it,” Seth smiled sweetly. “I know you like willow trees.”

“It’s perfect…”

Everything was perfect.

Seth took you beneath the willow tree, laying in the grass as the green veil of branches protected you from everything else, shadow and sunlight dancing all across the earth, his skin, dark hair tangled with the sun. You ran a hand through his hair, looking up at him with a little touch of wonder in your eyes. How was is possible for someone to be so pretty? Settled into Seth’s warmth, he played with your hair as you lay your head upon his heart, watching the willow boughs dance.

“You should come to the reservation this weekend,” Seth said suddenly.

“Oh...have you missed me?”

“I always miss you,” he grinned, “Always. But so does everyone else. The whole pack misses having you around.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean, we all worry about the imprints. Each wolf worries about his imprint the most but we all worry with them and you’re the only imprint that lives off the reservation. You’ve got us all on edge over there, honey.”

He was saying it all in that lighthearted, I’m-just-having-a-little-fun sort of way, but you knew what he truly meant: he worried about you more than he ought to. It wasn’t enough that Victoria was gone, it just wasn’t. It was hard and it was scary to be so far from you all of the time. And he was worried. And he wanted you to come home so he could hold you and kiss you and keep you safe.

Sitting up, you pushed the dark hair out of his eyes, a soft smile twitching across your face as you looked at him.

“I’ll come,” you promised. “I’ll come home to you.”

He grinned like a Cheshire Cat, just as sharp but far sweeter, canines sharp enough to almost glinting in sunlight, and kissed the corner of your lips in thanks.

You didn’t know the pack well.

All of your life had always been wrapped up in Charlie and Bella’s lives, you had realized suddenly some time ago, spending time with the Clearwaters and the Blacks because they were important to your dad, pretty much family, and repeating the same with Bella and the Cullens. Even though you’d have your friends and your own things, they’d been small things, just little stars, and the center of it all had been your family.

It still was.

But the pack was something that, in a strange way, only you belonged to.

Charlie could never know the truth and, although Bella knew, her choice of the Cullens put her on the other side of the line in the sand.

Bella on one side, you on the other.

Your dad in the middle and unaware of everything that had come between you.

The Cullens on one side, the wolves on the other.

And you knew what your choice was, even if you didn’t know the pack all that well and even if you were still something of an outsider, Seth was one of them and that was enough.

Because you would choose Seth over everything, everything else.

Walking home in the dim twilight, your eyes wandered up to the treetops, glimpsing faint stars flickering between branches, the lullaby of birdsong echoing in the air as you thought of the wolves once more.

Jacob and Leah already liked you, of course.

Jared had been nice before, you liked the way he talked about Kim...like a babbling little love poem that just fell from his lips.

Embry was quiet but he’d always been like that, you like him enough anyway.

And Seth would be there with you, like always. If this was his world than you needed to know more about it. You needed to understand it as much as you could because there was so much more you couldn’t understand, so much that you could never see coming. You needed to find steady earth to stand upon.

Maybe you weren’t a wolf, but you could run with the pack.

[seirxi]

episode 44-49 of bnha drawings!

loved this arc so much and there were so many cute bakugou scenes i was rejoicing. I love the character progression so far as well, it just has me so excited to see where all of these characters go in the future

(previous watch drawings can be found here)

[pregnantbakugou]

“Gently, we howl at the stars together. Gently, we swallow each other whole.”

—  Emily Palermo, Love in the Time of Monsters

[livelaughwriteit]

Writing Sexual Tension

Some tips and tricks I’ve seen on Tumblr, on Pinterest or have learned the hard way while writing. These are pretty basic but sometimes basic is good!

Realizing they can feel the person touching them. Maybe they’re not touching but they can feel the warmth.

Accidentally saying something flirty and both of you freeze. Or saying something flirty and the other person panicking and running away

Eyes dropping to lips. Eyes looking them up and down. Eyes unable to look away. Eyes unable to make contact without blushing. Eyes are you best friend.

Mirroring. When people have crushes or like someone (or want someone to like them) they do what is called mirroring. If character 1 crosses their arms and character 2 has a crush on them, have character 2 cross their arms too.

New Girl taught me about toes. If their feet are facing you, they want to stay. If their feet are pointed away, they want to leave. I’ve found its not always true but its something you can mention or use.

Unable to stop smiling. Unable to stop laughing.

Touching the other one when you laugh. Touching them to move them out of the way. Touching them and not moving your hand away

Hugging them when you see them. Sharing a bed. Trying to be near them at all moments.

Looking at their lips and fantasizing about kissing them.

Watching others interact in some way with them or how they act around them and being super jealous, wondering why they don’t act that way with you.

[nocturnal-nora]

Need this taught at colleges👨🏻‍🏫

[lambsandstockings]

Price of Life 🏹🪶

Price of Life Masterlist | Ao3

DESC: You are a Seraphite who was attacked by WLF soldiers and rescued by Joel Miller, only to find that he has a price for saving your life.

TAGS: Joel Miller x Female Reader, Dark!Joel, Kidnapping, Religious Cults, No Use of Y/N, Reader is Brainwashed, Possessive!Joel, Dubious Consent, Innocent!Reader, Religious Guilt, Religious Deconstruction, (Unspecified) Age Gap Relationship, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Joel Miller Smut

Joel wasn’t shaken by much, but the sight of a young woman, barely alive, with a gunshot wound in the leg, was pretty damn startling.

He scooped her up in his arms, carrying her and her bleeding leg back through the forest and into the small clearing where his current home stood. He moved around a lot, but decided to stay closer to his brother Tommy in Wyoming, so he’d built himself a house in the woods, far away enough from Jackson to give him space to breathe, but close enough to stay somewhat connected to the community.

He brought the woman into the bathroom and gently set her onto the counter, grabbing supplies from the cabinets. The bullet had grazed the side of her leg, causing a bleed that wasn’t as bad as it looked. He gently cleaned her leg, the blood that poured down her calf, then used his limited supply of antiseptic on the wound itself and used a needle and thread to stitch it up. He certainly wasn’t a doctor, but he’d stitched himself up enough to do a semi-decent job.

He carried the woman’s limp form to the worn sofa in the living room and laid her down, made sure she was alive, then gently laid a blanket over her.

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When you woke up, your eyes fluttered open, squinting at the sunlight seeping in through the windows. It was early morning; the first thing you heard were the birds chirping and the creaking of old wood. You quickly sat up in alarm as you realized you were now in someone’s house and not bleeding out on the forest floor, then winced once you felt the pain of your wound kick in.

“Woah there, darlin’-” a deep, funny-sounding voice sounded from across the room, “no need to hurt yourself. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” Your head turned to look at the man currently approaching you like one would a skittish prey animal, his body a bit crouched, shrinking himself, his palms open and facing you in surrender. “Name’s Joel. Found ya half-dead in the forest by my house, n’ I fixed up your wound.”

You lifted the blanket he’d laid over you, examining your bandaged calf.

“Thank you, Joel.” You murmured softly. “The Prophet’s blessing must be upon me.”

Joel’s face scrunched in confusion. “The Prophet?” You nod. Didn’t he know about the Prophet? He only shook his head as if to brush the whole thing off. “You must be starvin’- I’ll wrestle up somethin’ for you to eat.” Turning away, Joel walked over to the kitchen and began rummaging through the cabinets in search of something for you to eat.

You adjusted yourself on the sofa, sitting up and adjusting the blanket to lay over your legs. It was nice and warm in the house, with a fireplace next to you that felt nice compared to the chilly Wyoming breeze.

He returned a few minutes later, handing you a bowl of porridge, although it was a bit too watery. You were so hungry you could care less, grabbing the spoon he provided you with and scooping the stuff into your mouth.

“Slow down,” he murmured with a tinge of amusement, “don’t wanna make yourself sick.” You slowed down a little, but still ate voraciously, like a dog. If your mother were with you, she’d chastise you for being ill-mannered.

“Where am I?” You finally asked once you were sated and of a clearer mind. You knew you probably weren’t in Seattle anymore- you had been traveling for days, trying to escape the wolves from hunting you down. Nothing but pure, primal fear had carried you on bare feet through miles of forest and abandoned houses until the wound on your calf and the mind-numbing hunger got to you.

“Wyoming.” Wyoming? Had the days and nights really blended together that much? How couldn’t you have realized you’d traveled so far? You felt a pang of guilt- your family was probably worried sick about you, and your husband- well, he was supposed to become your husband soon, must be wondering if his bride is dead. “Where’d you come from?” 

“Seattle.” You answer in a murmur. Joel’s brows rose- it was the most expressive you’d seen his face thus far. “That’s a ways from here- ‘s a wonder you got here on those little feet of yours.” You handed the bowl to him when his hand reached for it, curling up into yourself as best you could without aggravating your wound. You saw concern in his eyes, more prominent now, but he didn’t ask any questions. You found a bit of relief in that, for some reason.

“Well, you can rest up here. I ain’t gonna harm ya, I promise. It’s nice n’ quiet here- no people for a few miles, no infected really come ‘round here. I got traps that catch ‘em if they ever do wander nearby.”

“Thank you for your kindness,” you murmur softly. Joel gave a non-commital shrug and a grunt. “Not like I could’ve left ya out there, dyin’ in the cold.” An awkward but rather peaceful silence fell over the two of you, and after a moment, he cleared his throat. “Well uh, I’ve got a spare bedroom upstairs. You could rest there- I’ll carry you, if it’s too hard to walk on your own.”

“It’s alright, I’ll stay here.” You murmur. You weren’t planning on staying long. A few days and hopefully you’d be able to find your way back home, where you belonged.

“Alright, then. You go ahead n’ rest up, let your leg heal. I’ll be around the house- just holler if you need anythin’.” He lingered for a second before turning and walking out of the house.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅𖤓⋅⋆ ─────────────────────

The day passed slowly, sluggishly, each hour feeling like a year. You stayed on the couch, not really desiring to move, especially with your injury. You watched the fire flicker in the fireplace, listened to the sounds of Joel working outside, shuffling around and chopping wood- you even heard the clucking of chickens and bleating sheep. Otherwise you closed your eyes in prayer, dozed off a couple times, looked around the house from where you sat. It was pretty structurally sound, no rotted wood or janky floorboards- almost like it was built recently, and with skilled hands. It was also well-furnished, with the fireplace built into the wall on the left of you and a shelf with a few picture frames. Two featured Joel: one where he was younger, posing with a man with lighter-colored hair and blue eyes. Another where he was smiling wide and posed with a little blonde-haired girl who was wearing some sort of uniform. A third frame held a rough sketch of Joel. Did he have a family? Why was he living in the woods alone, then?

A bearskin rug covered the floor of the living room, your toes lightly brushing against it. A bookshelf rested against the wall in front of you, close to the stairway that led to the second floor. There was a clock, a few paintings hung up, and to the far right was the kitchen, with a rounded table and four chairs, a potted plant in the center. It was cozy and simple, but welcoming. The scent of cedarwood and coffee filled your senses, making you feel much more relaxed than you probably should feel.

Joel had stopped in at lunch to check on you. He made sandwiches for you and him, gave you a glass of water, and disappeared outside once more.

He didn’t return until evening, his body moving with a slight sluggishness as he grabbed something from the fridge. He sat at the table, cracking the bottle in his hand open and taking a generous swig.

“You hungry over there?” He asked after a few moments. You had been staring at the floor, zoned out. You were thinking about your family again, wondering if they were alright. The last time you had seen them was before the Wolves came into your settlement and attacked. Your mother had been chastising your elder sister once again about the way she carried herself. Your sister had always been brash and fiercely independent, something you always admired. Your mother despised it, saying she acted like a man. Because of that attitude, however, she had been ready to fight back against the Wolves to protect you and the rest of the family, running headfirst into the chaos with your father without even a second thought. You could only pray that she survived.

Your attention snapped out of your thoughts when Joel called after you. “I asked if you were hungry,” he said almost gently.

“I guess I can eat.” You replied meekly. He cooked up some chicken, the smell reaching you in the living room and making you salivate. He walked across the room with your meal, which you almost grabbed out of his hands, before reminding yourself in your mother’s voice to be polite and ladylike.

“Thank you, Joel.” You said softly before gently taking the plate. He muttered a ‘no problem’ in response before returning to the table to eat from his own plate. Once you were finished, he came over to take your plate.

“Um, I have to go to the restroom,” you murmured quietly. Joel went to put the dishes in the sink before coming back. “Can I?” He asked gruffly, holding out his hands as if to reach for you. You nodded, your arm reaching up to wrap around his shoulders as he helped you stand from the couch. His other arm came behind your knees, sweeping you up in his arms, which surprised you.

He carried you to the bathroom, setting you down on the toilet. “Let me know when you’re done.” He said before leaving you alone. You shimmied out of your pants and underwear enough to comfortably relieve yourself before tugging the fabric back over your hips.

“I’m done,” you called out. He came in, scooping you up again before carrying you back to the couch. “You sure you wanna sleep here?” Joel asked as he set you down. You nodded, pulling the blanket over yourself. “I’m fine.” 

Joel nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “Right then, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” You said as you watched him walk upstairs. Once he disappeared from view, you bowed your head and quietly murmured prayers to the Prophet. You prayed that your family would be safe, you prayed for the Wolves retreat and your people’s victory, and you prayed for yourself- for your safety and prosperity when you made your journey back home.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅𖤓⋅⋆ ─────────────────────

The next few days that passed were the same: you woke up on the couch, ate on the couch, Joel went outside, checked in at lunch, carried you to the bathroom if you needed it, checked your wound, came back in the evening, then the day would end with you falling asleep on the couch. He’d given you some books to read so you’d be less bored. You didn’t read them because they were frivolous. You’d asked him if he had any of the Prophet’s writings, to which he gave you that same confused expression when you first mentioned her.

“Do you not know of the Prophet?” You asked gently, a bit of excitement creeping into your voice. You wanted to impart your wisdom, to tell him about what you believed was the answer to everything. The corruption, the demons, the rebirth of the world- it was an honor to share such sacred information with someone, to bring them to the truth.

“I don’t suppose I do,” he answered warily. You could tell he wouldn’t be receptive to her love, at least not yet. Something tugged at your heart, something that said you should lead by example, show him what blessings the Prophet could bring to his life, but you knew you didn’t have the time- you’d be leaving soon. “When I go back home, maybe I could bring you some of her writings.”

You felt yourself inwardly cringe after the words left your mouth. The Seraphites were wary of outsiders, given most of them were out to persecute them- but if you explained the situation… that he saved your life, that you wanted to share the Prophet’s love with him, maybe they’d allow you to teach him.

“Go home?” Joel parroted, his weathered brow furrowed. “You ain’t in shape to go home, darlin’.”

“Yes I am,” you insisted, “I have to go home- my family's waiting for me, they’re probably worried sick.” He shook his head before you’d even finished speaking. “Nah, you ain’t goin’ home.”

You were perplexed at the firmness in his tone. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I was going to ask if I could take some food and water- not too much, I promise, just enough for me to make the journey.” His gaze shifted, his warm hazel eyes darkening with something that terrified you, your body instinctively curling protectively into itself. “You ain’t leavin’.”

“I need to go home-” you began, much quieter than before. “What I say is final, girl. You ain’t leavin’ here anytime soon- ain’t healed enough yet.” His voice wasn’t raised, but there was something biting in his tone, his drawl low and gravelly, almost resembling a growl. You went quiet, your eyes wide with fear, surrendering to the authority made clear in his voice.

Anger flared up within you once he turned and went upstairs. Despite your quiet reserve and general timidity, you had your father’s stubborn attitude and your mother’s quick temper. It drove you to get up, grab your cloak and hobble into the kitchen, where you took what you could fit in your pockets and left.

Your bare feet crunched in the grass, the only sound in the cool night air being the crickets and the occasional sound from the pens nearby. You didn’t turn back, continuing your quick pace and ignoring the pain that bit at your calf. This was childish and stupid, you knew that, but you just wanted to go home, to return to where you belonged. You trusted that the Prophet would guide you through the thicket of trees, over the streams and through the brambles that blocked your path. You didn’t even know where you were going, but you had to trust that she would lead you home.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅𖤓⋅⋆ ─────────────────────

By sunrise, you had sat against the trunk of a tree next to a small creek. The gentle sounds of the water lulled you into a light doze, and your leg throbbed less intensely from the brief rest.

That very moment, you heard rustling nearby. Your eyes flew open, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise. You wish you had your bow with you- Joel must have left it behind when he brought you to his home. You only had a small pocket knife you’d taken- barely anything that could truly defend you. The feeling of fear and hopelessness gripped you once more, burning in your eyes and throat, constricting your lungs. It was stupid to think you’d be able to make it home with barely anything, but Joel had found you, hadn’t he?

You could’ve died, but the Prophet guided him to save your life. Now she was going to guide you home, to your family, to your husband. Your life was set in stone, nothing could change the course of destiny. You would marry Adonis and bear his children. That was the life the Prophet had chosen for you through the Elders.

Then you saw it, a beast running at you at full speed, muscles straining with each movement, eyes dark and wild and focused solely on you. You scrambled to your feet and broke into a sprint, adrenaline controlling your limbs and disregarding the feeling of your wound opening back up beneath the bandages. You jumped over the creek and kept running, light and agile as you ducked under branches and stepped over gnarled roots.

You could hear the beast behind you, roaring your name, but you kept running. Everything felt far away, the forest before you stretched out before you, guiding you through its obstacles. You could hardly feel the burning in your lungs or the throbbing pain in your calf, your body pushing you to keep going until you were safe.

And then something shrieked, something that wasn’t the beast pursuing you. Your head turned to see a demon flinging itself at you, its ugly maw open in a perpetual cry as its hideous claws reached to grasp at your flesh. You moved back, narrowly dodging the attack, but your ankle caught onto a root, sending you careening onto the ground. You felt the impact move through your body like an electric shock, starting in your head and extending through your body. Staring blankly up at the trees, you said a silent prayer in your mind, praying to the Prophet that you wouldn’t die here. You had to make it home.

Something loud cracked through the forest like a thunderclap, and the shrieking suddenly stopped, leaving only the ringing in your ears. You could hardly move, frozen in place, staring up at the trees.

Then your vision faded to nothing.

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A/N: Hope you enjoy this first chapter !! I'm trying to get back into writing after like a century so please forgive me lol. There's gonna be a little bit of dark Joel but like... it won't be too crazy. I will be posting this on Ao3 at some point... if I can remember my login ;'0

[Part 1 of 11]

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[bvnyx3]

maybe my big issue with krbk is that kiri tops bakugo. the only one who i see topping him is izuku and i will die on that hill.

[maybutter]

A year to fall out of love (and finally realise something is mentally wrong with my ex-crush)

Yan! Ex-crush x former yan! Fem! Reader x ??! upperclassman

CW : someone gooning, Lulu trying to redeem himself, silliness, light angst, cliche plotline.

Word count : 5.9k+

Ch. 2 - KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU

Gabriel Rodriguez used to be dubbed as ‘The King’. That is before [name] came to the dull picture that is his life. He's always been an all time champion in tracks. He's a runner, always and forever. It all started when he was still a child. Running has always been his favourite activity. Maybe because he used to be weak and frail, maybe because he gets bullied for being the only motherless boy in his class, or maybe because he wants to show the world that he's different.

The memories he had of his mother are mostly bittersweet. She was a strict lady. Anything Gabriel did is somehow wrong in her eyes. He must follow her rules and instructions to a T, or else he'll get his body beaten. Yet if anyone dares to mock him, they'll get a flying sandal towards their way. His parents are on the brink of divorce, with his father worrying about his mental health. Gabriel used to be quiet, so quiet. He prefers to be alone and study. But when a car crash took his mother away from him, he felt he could finally breathe.

He was 6. The coffin is placed slightly lower than him. He tried, but no tears came. His little palm rubbed the wooden box, as if she'll rise back up and tell him everything's going to be okay. When she was buried, he only hid his face on his father's neck. He felt hollow. Numb. He only cries when he's in his room, clutching his mother's shawl because it's one of the only things he managed to take before his father moved his mother's belongings to the attic.

It was a faint memory, but it makes present Gabriel chuckle. He's currently jogging on the school fields, his ears plugged with earjacks while he listens to his mp3. He has a competition on Thursday, and the older male already plans to give a free ticket for [name]. Gabriel couldn't help but imagine how she'll look. She'll be shocked, isn't she? Such a sweet girl, unfortunately tainted by a snake she didn't know she was getting choked by.

Thankfully the same snake is foolish enough to let go of its one and only willing prey. Now it's his turn to nurture and protect her from the whole world. [Name] is so interesting in Gabriel's eyes since the day they first met. To be told, he's a fake extrovert. He does this to keep up a reputation as a respectable, yet kind senior. He wants to protect himself from the unfortunate bullying that could happen even when he's almost an adult now. But [name] makes him want to be exactly that. He starts smiling even more, and even volunteers around the academy just to see and give [name] free samples of food and anything the clubs are offering.

And now, he's the Track Team leader. He's actually planning to invite [name] to be a part of the track team, but he supposes she'll refuse. You don't really have good stamina when it comes to running. But Gabriel doesn't mind. As long as you're healthy, he doesn't care. Once he's done with his fifth lap, he pulled on the earjacks and sighed. He could still hear his fellow students’ moans and groans from getting way too tired from running through the large field, and obviously he's the first one to finish. The teacher only nodded at him with approval. It's time to take a bath. And maybe eat lunch with [name] if he's fortunate enough.

…

On your side, the situation is bad. Since Ludwig is officially joining the class, the former class president needs to be moved to 2-B. And a student from 2-B to 2-A. Now with the position empty, your teacher is currently smiling and clapping her hands for attention.

“Okay, students! Since Noah is moved up to the 2-B class, the position of the class president is empty. Does someone want to volunteer to be one?” Mrs. Hannah chirped happily like a finch. She's too enthusiastic while you look like you haven't eaten in thirty years.

Just sitting beside Ludwig gives you the chill now. Goosebumps keep rising on your skin, and it feels oddly cold. The students obviously looked behind to Ludwig. While the blond guy is slowly looking at you. You obviously didn't know what he's signaling, so you only smiled in hopes the teacher notices how awkward this is.

“Seems like everyone wants Ludwig to be the class president! Are you okay with that?” She asked again. Ludwig tilted his head, and pursed his lips. 

“I want to be the vice president only if [name] is the president.” He called out. You immediately choked on your own saliva and coughed hard. Is he seriously dragging you into another mess?! No, you don't want to be the class president, and no, you don't need more attention from fellow students and teachers. One year is enough to convince you that some students see you only as Ludwig's lapdog. You're not going to do this. Not again.

“Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Hannah, I-I don't want that position, please. I have to help my aunt settle her flower shop after school.” You shook your head. While Ludwig looks back at you with a hurt expression. Inside, you're screaming and crying. What did you even do wrong for fate to kick you on the butt like this?! He looks like you just stole his books and burnt them. You forced yourself to look away. Unfortunately for you, you're still weak with his softer expression. You're the one teaching him that manipulation technique, so you wouldn't falter.

“But [name]... Isn't this a good opportunity for you to finally shine and be the leader?” He asked with a croaked voice. Everyone is already gasping and giggling from his surprisingly sappy words. You shook your head and kept your ground. No matter what, you didn't want this position. Just let Ludwig and that Sarah girl be the pair. You're quite sure Ludwig is already in a relationship with Angeline anyways. You always saw them walking together while avoiding Ludwig.

In the end, your teacher decided a vote would be far more democratic and nice. And in the end, you're chosen as the class president, and Ludwig as your vice president. You can already feel the impending headache that is going to attack you. The other students in the classroom think it's good to pair him with you, just to see you suffer, it seems.

After the lunch bell rang, you're currently walking on the school corridor. With a very large German boy tailing you from the behind. Since the classes are finished, Ludwig has been following you. Your hands are clutching your lunch in hand, and you're nervously smiling at the confused passerbys. Usually it's you following the taller male. And you stopped since the school started around a month ago. Now everyone is seeing the famed student council following a nobody from the 2-C class.

“Uh, Ludwig. May I help you?” You finally stopped and looked behind at him. He looks fine today. Now that you notice more, he didn't use any hair gels, which is weird. And he switched his glasses to his old one. Ah… maybe he's at that stage in a relationship. Where he can finally show his true self with Angeline without any fake things.

Ludwig stayed quiet for a while, before he nodded. He raised his hand to show you a box. A Tupperware box, to be precise. “May I eat lunch with you?” He asked ever so politely, that you'll definitely scream yes if this is you from a year ago. But now hearing it makes you flinch.

“Aren't you and Angeline, uhh, a thing?” You asked back. Again, everyone assumes they're the perfect couple. He's crazy great with science, and she's a genius at math. They're a match made and concocted in heaven. 

“...Did you mean we’re a pair of student councils?” He seems confused now. While you're about to scream from the embarrassment. Before anything could escalate, you decided to just nod and let him join you for lunch.

“Nope! No need to answer that. J-just follow me.” You decided that keeping your mouth shut might be a better option at this point. You lead him to one of the public places you usually eat alone, like a squirrel at. Today, it's in the gardens. You have a few spots you'd like to keep as a secret so you can eat without anyone chatting or enquiring you about anything. And fortunately, you have a pretty quiet seatmate today.

Except that's what you thought. The moment you let him sit first, Ludwig thanked you. Which is weird. He apologised, he looked like a kicked puppy, and he thanked you. He must've hit his head on his way to school, because there's no way he willingly does this. You opened your lunchbox and stared at the sad lunch you prepared for yourself. It's just a lumpy sandwich. Business is hard for your aunt these days, and you don't want to bother her, so you make use of everything in the house. 

“That’s all you're eating?” He pointed his index finger at the bread you're eating. You nod, your cheeks puffed from biting on the lettuce, eggs and tomatoes you stuffed inside. You didn't notice it, but Ludwig’s finger twitched slightly as he saw you munch and bite. Okay, now you look like a mouse. A very cute, chubby-cheeked mouse who's trying her best to fit a large piece of bread inside her mouth. He looked away, and took a deep breath before looking down at his food. His mother has made too much, again. Apparently it's fried fish and a large amount of mashed potatoes today. He wouldn't be able to finish this without puking, so he decided to ask for your help.

“Do you want some?” He tugged on your hoodie to grab your attention, and you looked surprised. His parents are rich. Too rich for their own good. Yet his mom always cooks for him every morning. You can't help but feel a little envious and sad. But you can't help but think this is some kind of a test. So you shook your head.

“N-no thanks. My bread is enough. I'm uhh, dieting!” You quickly thought of a reason. Though now Ludwig looks sad, again. He just nodded understandingly, and began eating the huge lump of mashed potatoes alone. You don't get what's wrong with him. Why is he so nice now? Did something happen? Or is this his way to check if you're going to tell anyone about what happened? He's scary. And you feel uncomfortable around him. Because deep inside, you know you're messed up, just like him. And the fear of turning into what he can and will do makes you recoil.

And besides everything, something traitorous in your heart is still beating slightly quicker for him. In your brain, there's a 100 mob of [name]s raising pitchforks and yelling in anger because she needs to spend time with him. Yet there's one teeny, tiny [name] wearing all pink, clutching on a teddy bear with a paper written with ‘Ludwig’ stuck on its head. “H-hey guys, maybe we should give him a chance! He's a changed man now!” Tiny [name] would say. And then she got beaten up by the angry crowd for suggesting something so dumb.

Ludwig meanwhile, is stealing glances at you from his peripheral vision. You look so deep in thought, and there are crumbs of bread on your face. He quickly grabbed his handkerchief, and without question, he wiped your cheeks gently with it. You're obviously dumbfounded. Suddenly there's a thumb on your jaw, and a soft cloth rubbing on your face.

“There… all clean now.” He spares a smile for you, and it absolutely kills you. It looks so affectionate, and the mobs inside your brain all died from the cuteness. You recoiled and instantly shot up from your seat though, you fixed your billowing skirt and cleared your throat. 

“Um, I have to go to the bathroom! Just go to the class first! No need to wait on me.” You laughed like a madwoman. It's all forced, but Ludwig is as always, too dense to know. He nodded like a loyal dog, and waited for you until you're inside the toilet as if he's a clingy puppy.

When you're already inside, you let out a loud groan and look at your reflection in the mirror. There's imperfections here and there, nothing too major. The fall injury has all healed, thankfully. You opened the faucet below and let the water stay cooped on your hands. In a flash, you splashed the cold water on your face. This really can't be happening. You hope he'll lose interest in a day or two. This must've been his annual time to check on the secret.

During your way out, you accidentally bumped into someone. Before you can sputter an apology, you hear a familiar voice call out your name.

“There you are, [name]! I was looking for you!” Gabriel laughed and steadied your shoulder gently. You looked up and brightened up. At least it's not a mean senior or Ludwig. He'll be the last person you'd like to see now. Gabe meanwhile, ushered you to the nearby seats.

“[Naaaaame]! Do you have any clubs you want to join? The track team is open for any new members!” He grinned. He's been advertising the track team for a year by now. But you always refused because you don't want to slow him, or anyone down. You're afraid you can't keep up with athletic people like them.

“I-I’m actually interested in joining the cooking club. Book club is a no now.” You scratched your neck. A year ago, you joined the book club in the library with Ludwig. More like for Ludwig, so you can be around him. The club is filtered because most want to join only to see the prided genius himself, but thankfully they let you in because you two seem to be friends. And again, you can't keep up with what they discuss and debate. Every week is a different topic, and your brain just couldn't comprehend what they talk about.

Gabriel looks elated that you're at least not rejoining that messy club. Book club… he hates them. People that get inside are either big-brained, or snobby (mostly both). They'll talk behind your back if you can't keep up, and laugh at your reactions if you can't comprehend the meaning of a book from the late 1700s. And besides, he heard that Ludwig is elected as the next president. He can't help but scoff once hearing it. Is that guy planning to take every presidential job the academy offers? One sloppy fault and he's gone, preferably.

“Heummm, then I'm glad for you, [name]! As long as you're happy, I'm happy too!” He chipped and hugged you. Doing skinship with him is already so common that you're starting to expect it. It's actually nice hugging him. His biceps are just so nice to hold…

“Just let me know if you ever changed your mind! I'll keep one secret spot for you.” He smiled and blew you a kiss. You shyly nodded and slowly walked back to your class. Without any word, Ludwig comes out from a pillar near the seats you just sat with Gabriel on. His hands are twitching on his sides, and he feels something complicated.

‘[name] doesn't plan to re-join the book club?’ he thought. Ludwig only takes the offer to be the president to tutor you more. But now his plan completely backfires on him. He doesn't know why, but he still felt like the winner because she's not joining the track team either. Track team. Smelly, messy people that rely on their body too much more than their brains. Especially that senior. Ludwig loathed Gabriel. He's usually very neutral with everyone. But Gabriel gets on his nerves. He never interacted with him much, yet he's itching to hit him, he doesn't even know why. Ludwig knows why, he just doesn't want to admit it's because Gabriel kept touching [name] in ways he actually wants to experience too.

At least both of them wouldn't win in their own respective cages. So Ludwig decides that a change of plan is needed. 

“Cooking club it is.”

…

The rest of the day goes as normal as possible with Ludwig beside you. It's so odd seeing him so calm and kind with everyone. Even the other students are shocked. You kept quiet and played with your keychains. You're not looking for any gaps where he'll talk with you again. When the last school bell rang, you packed your belongings and spared one look at Ludwig. He's already staring at you, as always.

“U-uh, see you tomorrow?” You're supposed to say a statement, but it comes out more like a question. Ludwig nodded at you, but didn't move from where he's standing before you started walking. You dragged yourself through the corridors and started thinking about what you should do tomorrow. You planned to help your aunt's flower business, you can only hope the cooking club has a free day every Wednesday.

You slide the door inside the cooking club. There, you saw a few people already inside. You took a deep breather before stepping inside. On clockwork, a few heads snapped to you, and a cheery girl jogged towards you. You noticed it's another Senior. Senior Ayami. Japanese dad, absolute sweetheart, class 3-B, that's what everyone says. 

“Hello! Welcome to the cooking club! Are you here to apply?” She clapped. You slowly nodded and smiled back. The hospitality is absolute. There's a few trays of freshly baked muffins on the table. And they seem like kind people.

“Yes please. Is there a form I needed to fill?” You inquired, and Ayami nodded. She quickly searched for the papers. Though she's a little clumsy and forgetful on where she places her things, she's still pretty responsible. While you're jotting your name and new phone number, Ayami tapped on your shoulder.

“Does your friend want to join too?” She whispers. You, on the other hand, look confused. Didn't you walk here alone? When you look over your shoulder, your heart drops when you see Ludwig there. His left hand is on the strap of his bag, and he's currently scrutinizing the place from each nook and cranny. When he realized you're staring, he stopped and looked slightly flushed.

There's no way he's here. WHY IS HE HERE? The questions are storming your brain, and you feel your heart churn. Ayami goes over to him, and starts chatting with him. You can feel your forehead twitch, especially your blood vessels that are about to pop from the stress. When he gets inside to fill the form paper too, you stand beside him, awkwardly.

“Never knew you're interested in cooking.” You fake chuckled. All you want to do now is to dig a hole in the gardens and bury yourself alive. Ludwig shyly nodded, and his bangs covered his eyes and glasses. He tugged them back in place and smiled at you.

“I just wanted to spend more time with you, [name]. We've been a little distant since the new school year started.” He looks down at his shoes while talking, and you swore he's avoiding your eyes. You'd like to know if that's a signal or something you should know. Yet there's nothing to dissect because he's really just bashful, not like you'll know.

So obviously, Ayami can't refuse two cute juniors to her club. She's already looking between the two of them like an eager mom. She wonders if they're lovers or something. The leader grabbed a pair of clean aprons and handed it to both of them. You accept it with a soft smile, while Ludwig is looking at you, like he's seeking your approval or way of doing things. You just didn't notice him or his hopeful gaze.

Ayami allowed you and Ludwig to be as creative as you'd like and cook anything you two wanted. You looked inside the fridge, and awkwardly back to him. You remembered that he hates cooking. The smoke, grease, everything. He's going out of his way just to torment you, it seems. It's a little over the top, but it's crazy that he's really standing beside you.

“Are you planning to cook anything in particular?” He asked with a smaller voice. He looks like he's ready to be scolded, and you can't help but feel sorry for him for no reason. You just hummed and looked back inside the cooling box. Maybe… something that is easy to transport and take back home? Or just eat here. 

To be honest, you still remembered he hates cucumbers and lime. And your mind subconsciously throws out any ideas involving both ingredients. You shook your head and looked back at him.

“Any suggestions?” You asked back. It's safer to let him choose. You don't want him to get displeased and follow you home in retaliation. Ludwig looks deep in thought. He learned a lot of things from Angeline.

…

Angeline has always been a little suspicious of you. Mostly because when conversing with her, you'll bring up Ludwig as if you're trying to matchmake them. And you always ask about her type. She always kept it vague, like longer hair, nice appearance, and if they're using glasses, they'll look cuter in round glasses.

Unfortunately, you also shared your own preferences with her. You'll always keep Ludwig in mind back then.

“I like guys with their hair down!” You excitedly jumped on your seat. “Too much gel isn't really that good on the hair follicles, right?” You'll giggle.

And Angeline kept it all in mind.

Sophisticated men, kind boys with square glasses, blond, blue eyes, boys that like cooking and playing games together. 

Ludwig already won by three. He has blond hair, blue eyes, and the awards on his house shows how smart he is. But the rest is questionable. He never even went to an arcade in his life.

Angeline coached him what to say with [name], but he forgot everything the moment he saw her. Seeing her again makes him uneasy. Yet now he realised that he's indeed, happier when she's near him.

So that's why now he changes his hair style and glasses. He looks into his mind palace to try and remember what you like, and what you've always shared with him.

…

With a determined look, Ludwig had found the answer. You really like rice balls. It's one of the cheap foods you can get at the asian store near your house. So he would choose it. “Maybe we should make rice balls.” He solemnly says. You only blinked once, before nodding. At least it's not a risky, expensive food you'll probably mess up.

In an hour, there's a dozen tuna rice balls you and Ludwig made with the ingredients from the fridge. You shared them with the other four members of the team, and when it's almost 4.30 PM, you decided it's time to go back home. You bid farewell to everyone, and walked to the gate with Ludwig beside you.

“Um… again, see you tomorrow.” You waved your hand. Ludwig nodded, but he looked expectantly at you. You turned your heel and started walking into the other direction from his home. He clenched his fists on his side. Usually it's always you who walks him home. He doesn't know where you live. He wants to be responsible too. Why can't he walk you home? He's so afraid he'll get bested by Gabriel. If you're with him, what'll he do?

“[Name], please wait up!” He soon ran to your side. You stopped on your tracks and looked behind, only to see a 6’1 nerd almost crash against your body. He stopped a few centimetres away from you, and bit his lower lip. “May I walk you home?” He asked. His eyes looked wetter than usual, you're afraid refusing him will make him mad. But it's already odd enough he wants to walk you home.

“Uhh, sure?” You sound unsure even to yourself. He brightened up almost instantly. He matched his pace with you even though his legs are obviously longer. He's memorizing each passage and quick route you have passed, and he could only hope that you'll allow him to do this every single day.

…

Gabriel is currently setting up each photograph he has of [name] on the corner of his room. He applied to be the school festival’s helper and photographer for every event just to make sure he'll have all the photographs of his dear junior in his camera. He had 1.546 pictures as of now. At least he has an excuse to take extra pictures of her. The rest is from his ‘coincidences’. Oh! He met you on his way to the neighborhood’s library. You look nice with your pink hoodie. He snapped some pictures for safekeeping!

Your missing hairpins are pinned carefully to the wall. Even the pens you threw away sit beside them. Of course, the most important part is the picture of the two of you together, snapped by one of his friends. You looked so happy and carefree, while his hand rested against your shoulder, squeezing you closer with him.

“[Name]... I wonder when we'll be able to be together.” He chuckled. Gabriel is already planning to coax you out of your old shell, and he'll be the angel you needed in your life. A new school event is going to start soon. The Spring Festival would allow the two of you to spend more time together.

But even the cats near the academy had noticed Ludwig slowly itching back to [name]’s reality. Gabriel rubbed his temple and sighed, this is getting too complicated. He thought Ludwig’s enslavement to [name] has stopped, but it's clearly wrong.

Gabriel grabbed a flash disk and his school vest. He took one whiff and almost moaned. It still smells like your cologne. Maybe he should investigate and buy the same brand so that he can lull himself to sleep easier. He plugged the disk to his PC, and soon, impossible amounts of files popped out. 

[Name]’s schedule.

[Name]’s favourite activities.

[Name]’s pictures.

[Blackmail material].

He ignored all of it and went straight for the pictures. Gabriel’s right hand on his mouse, the right now fisting something that is throbbing hard between his legs. 

“‘m sorry for this, [name]...” He softly moaned, “I just couldn't help myself… I love you so much.” He mumbled to himself. He's doing something disgustingly sinful to your smell. But once you two are lovers, he promises he'll treat you better. He'll be the most devoted boyfriend ever.

Let's just hope there won't be any obstacles. He heard Ludwig move classes so abruptly, and the headmaster and other teachers couldn't convince him to stay on 2-A. He clicked his tongue and moved his hand faster. Just then, a loud thunder hits his ears. He slammed the mouse to the table from the shock, and then the electricity died.

“Oh, come on!”

…

Ludwig is currently shielding you from the rain with his blazer. The two of you are running to the nearest bus stop to not get drenched by the sudden rain. You're panting while he's placing his suit on top of your hoodie. He's wet from head to toe because of his sacrifice.

“Hey, hey, you need this more than me.” You nudged it back to him, but he shook his head. He’s actually a little proud of himself for acting that quickly. At least you're not touched by the raindrops at all. Meanwhile, all you can see is a proud samoyed whose hair is sticking on its skin. There's waterdrops on his lashes, and his hair is stuck on his forehead. His glasses are foggy, but he'll manage.

“Ludwig, you really don't have to do that.” You sighed and quickly searched your bag for a tissue. You handed a pocket tissue to him, at least he can clean his glasses now. He thanked you for the nth time today, and slowly squinted while wiping it. You're aware his eyes sucked without glasses. He has a habit of studying and straining his eyes too much since he's young. 

“I'm glad you're okay, [name]. That's enough for me.” He turned bashful with every word. You're still confused. Why is he so different in the course of four months from where you guys were separated by the summer break? You rubbed your cheeks out of frustration and cold, and finally decided to end this once and for all.

“Why are you doing this? Are you ensuring my loyalty that I wouldn't snitch on you?” You looked straight into his eyes. He looks surprised at the sudden burst of energy from you. He feels guilty for making you worry.

…

The whole summer break after the confrontation with Angeline, Ludwig spends his days reading law books you used to point at the library. 

“Having a judge boyfriend would be funny, right? Maybe I'll do a crime and he'll let it slide. He'll be my secret partner in crime!” You grinned. 

Ludwig thought that's ridiculous. But he's now reading through the thick books without any look of boredom. Your number is still deactivated. At this point, Ludwig has memorized all of the messages you sent him. Why did he answer you so abrasively? He called you a parasite. And yet you're not mad. You still stuck around with him.

He goes to the park to get some fresh air. It's just an excuse though. You said that you love taking a stroll at the neighbourhood park to sit by the swings. He looked at the large oak tree and kids playing on the swings and frowned. No [name] in sight. He walked mindlessly, his left hand holding a cup of lukewarm honey tea. He keeps sipping on it, staring at the shops near him. He stopped after seeing a flower shop with a very familiar picture on. Ludwig looked up, ‘Blossom’, is what the shop is called. He didn't even realise he already got in. There's a bell ringing on the door. 

He took one look at the picture frame on the counter and correctly enough, it was a picture of [name] standing beside someone he doesn't recognize. “Hello! Welcome to Blossom! How may I help you today?” A cheerful voice comes from in front of him. Ludwig almost let go of the frame and let it fall down, but thankfully his hands managed to grab it just in time. Then he felt something rubbing against his pants, and when he looked down, there's a fat tabby cat looking back at him, while meowing and rolling to its belly.

“Uh… My apologies.” He neatly placed the frame back, before looking at the fresh flowers behind the counter. He remembers your favourite flower. Daffodils. He didn't exactly know what it meant. You just talked about it in one of your many yapping sessions, where you'll talk and he'll half-heartedly listen.

“Do you have daffodils?” Ludwig asked. For once, he's kinda nervous because this woman in front of him is the same lady in the picture beside [name]. Which means she could probably show up at any moment, and maybe he could converse with you again.

“Going through a heart-break? Are you alright?” The older lady hummed but went to grab the daffodils to wrap for him. Ludwig is confused. Does daffodil mean something bad? When the lady came back out, he asked the meaning of daffodils.

“Daffodils represent unrequited love. I didn't expect such a fine, young man like you to go through that type of heart break. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find someone better.” She explained. He frowned while accepting the beautiful, arranged wrapped daffodils. He paid extra and left the change as the tip. 

Language of flowers… It's actually interesting. But it saddens him that your favourite flower would be such a sad one. He'll learn more. And he'll make sure to impress you with how much he knows about flowers when you two finally meet again.

…

“...” He stayed quiet while the rain hit harder against the plastic roof on top of their heads. Ludwig looked down at his shoes, water was slowly pooling into a puddle around his dress shoes, and he finally raised his head back to look at you. “I missed you.” Three dangerous words to say to someone you have no connection and feelings for.

You are shocked. Your jaw went slack from what he's saying. “It's all my fault. I'm sorry for pushing you away.” His voice cracked, assuming it's from the sudden emotional outburst. Ludwig slowly grabbed two of your hands and engulfed them on his larger one. He looks at you expectantly, and sniffles pitifully.

“P-please forgive me. I just… I only wanted to be your friend again.” He smiled timidly. He couldn't be hoping that you're still interested in him. The least he can do and hope is that you still want to be his friend. But the thought of Gabriel now latching around you makes his blood boil. If he's your ‘best friend’ again, at least he can protect you from that creep.

You're about to pass out again. You probably really have low blood sugar because everyone has been stressing you out these days. You retracted your hands back to your side, and Ludwig looks like his heart is broken to a million pieces. As if he was just rejected by the girl of his dreams. You're just creeped out by everything that has happened just in a span of the day.

“Look, Ludwig… no offense, but we're not really friends.” You started things off, hoping it'll go smoothly. You just hoped your feelings and emotions wouldn't betray you. Old habits die young, and you still care so much about him, though the love has dried up like drought.

“Just… follow me. You'll get sick if you're wet like that.” You neatly placed his blazer back on his shoulder. Then you grabbed his cold hand and positioned yourself. The two of you needed to run for a bit before arriving at your home. “Get ready.” You signaled, and there were four footsteps against the wet pavement of the neighborhood that day. Ludwig is speechless. Your hand is extremely warm despite the cold weather around the two of you. His heart can't help but rush a little.

But even a genius knows when he's losing. Ludwig knows that [name] is already half way through the running course, Gabriel is already chasing, and he's still in the starting line. He wouldn't force [name] to love him. Guilt and anxiety is still choking him from how he treated her. The least he can do is drag Gabriel down with him. If he couldn't be [name]’s boyfriend, no one, absolutely no one can.

A/n : just a little filler episode for Ludwig and Gabriel's background! Hope you guys love it!

Reblogs are appreciated, reqs and asks are open!

Taglist :

@awshit @scapinoz @sirenetheblogger @suckahhfornerdss

[maybutter]

A year to fall out of love (and finally realise something is mentally wrong with my ex-crush)

Yan! Ex-crush x former yan! Fem! Reader x ??! upperclassman

CW : 2nd person view, angst, suicide (or is it)?, former yan! Reader used to be an awkwardly sweet, harmless yandere, upperclassman is sussy, cliche plotline, reader is a creep at first, yan! Ex-crush is extremely annoying, disgusting upskirt pictures (not by reader or yan), SET IN THE 2010s.

Word count : 6.4k+ (this surprised me)

pt. 2

Ch. 1 - TAKE A CHANCE ON ME

The only sound filling the entire corridor is the ticking of a century old grandfather clock on the leftmost corner of the passage. Your hands are getting sweatier with each second past, they're trembling with nervousness as if you're a bride to be.

The thought of finally mustering the courage to see your school's counselor is genuinely nerve-wracking. You spent countless days and nights thinking about what you should say, the dreams that lingered with each negative notion you have to endure alone. You're afraid. You don't like that guy anymore. [Name] is a changed woman after the summer break. That's it.

You were so deep in thought that the footsteps nearing you didn't even falter you from what you're pondering about. Soon, there's a soft movement on the sofa beside yours. Finally, the bubble you're in popped prematurely. You snapped your head to your side, only to see your upperclassman’s soft smile. A rush of blood goes to your cheeks, and you recoil from the closeness.

“S-senior Gabriel?! Did you want to see your father?” You quickly pointed at the door to the counselor’s office with your thumb. The truth is, you've been sitting on the nice sofa in front of the counselor's office for almost half an hour by now. You've been standing, walking, grabbing the knob, but chickened out each time you're about to get in. When another student queued up to see the famous counselor, you let them get in first with a nervous grin. You promised yourself you'll get in right after them, but again, you chickened out.

“Hm? No, no. I'm helping Elana move some boxes for the library. And I've seen you sitting here since twenty minutes ago. What got you so nervous, [name]? Did something happen?” His face turned from an eager expression, to a concerned one. You've known Gabriel for a year by now. You're partnered up with him during the first day at school with him as the leader of the pack of new students, which includes you.

Back then, you just recently moved to the town. You didn't know anyone and didn't have any friends. It is deeply unfortunate that you're awkward with new people too. Thankfully, Gabriel was there to introduce you to everyone, and you ended up getting acquainted with everyone. He's too extroverted in a nice way. He could befriend anything. Sometimes you think he can make friends with bugs if that's what he wanted, but maybe that's too dramatic.

And yes, his father, Mr. Rodriguez, is 180° of him. He's pretty quiet, yet is a famous counselor in the school. He's understanding but not in an overbearing way, and he always taught the students where to draw the line, which is what you're trying to do currently. But seeing his stern face makes you back out. You're afraid he'll ridicule you from your mistakes in the past, and even call the police on you.

“Uhh… I want to see Mr. Rodriguez, but I'm so nervous talking to him.” You mumbled quietly while rubbing your cold hands together. “I mean, he's nice! But it's easier talking to someone like you.” You continued, but your voice gets smaller with each sentence. (Un)Fortunately, Gabriel got a nice pair of ears, and he caught what you said. He got perky again, his eyes shimmered, and soon abruptly stood up. His hand shot towards you, as if offering his palm to be held.

“Well, why don't we talk on the rooftop then? For privacy!” He chirped. You can't help but sweat even more. He's way too excited for this quest, but maybe talking with him will lift some burden from your head. With a nod, you accepted his offer, you wiped your hands before engulfing it with his. You apologized that it's a little wet, but Gabriel doesn't seem to pay any mind. The two of you went up the stairs, while four eyes watched your backs.

In the second floor, Ludwig Kappel looked up at you and your senior’s fleeting shadows as you two bolted up the stairs. His left eyebrow couldn't help but twitch from curiosity and something akin to annoyance. He fixed his pristine school blazer, and the student council badge he attained just a few weeks ago.

“Tch… how many times have I told everyone not to run on the stairs just today?” He sighed and rubbed his temple out of frustration. Beside him is his vice president, Angeline. The girl could only giggle softly, while looking at the same empty spot.

“Just let them be. [Name] has Gabriel’s help if anything happens to her. He would absolutely help her if something happened.” She hummed and rubbed Ludwig’s shoulder in a calming manner. If she's concentrating on the taller male beside her, he'll see his ears getting redder. The man could only clear his throat.

“She's way too clumsy to be in a rush like that.” He mumbled, his voice too low and quiet for Angeline to hear. So the girl could only tilt her head in confusion. When the boy noticed her, he shook his head, insinuating that it's probably not important.

“Nothing. Let's continue the patrol.”

…

On the contrary, [name] and Gabriel has just arrived on the rooftop. You're taking deep breaths while clutching on your hoodie. The breeze whilst running is indeed nice, but you're not built for running anywhere, your stamina sucks when it comes to that. Gabriel pulled a small pocket tissue, and handed the whole thing to you. With a nod of thanks, your hand slowly pulled out a pristine white paper, and you wiped your sweat with it.

“You need to work out more, [name]... You're sweating too much.” He pouted his lips before grabbing a tissue to wipe your brows with. You noticed he always sticks out the tip of his tongue when he's concentrating. It's oddly funny yet endearing at the same time. You can't help but giggle.

“Eh? What's wrong?” He asked like a happy puppy. He's still smiling and the wind is making his wavy hair billow in the air. No wonder he's called ‘Mr. Smiles’. Now that you think about it, you've never seen him get sad or angry. He's just… way too optimistic for his own good.

“Did you know you stick out your tongue when you're engrossed in something?” You finally smiled back on him. He seemed surprised. He placed his thumb and index finger on his jaw as if he's in deep thought, before he giggled back at you.

“I actually didn't know! I think I used to have that habit when I was small. Mom used to scold me about it before she…” He stopped mid sentence and looked far in the distance of the city. You immediately took notice of his change of mood, and shook your hands.

“Oh no… I didn't mean to bring it up, I'm so sorry, senior.” You looked down in both fear and shame. But soon, a soft palm landed on your back. When you look back up, Gabriel is looking down at you with a worried glance.

“Don't worry about it, [name]. It's not your fault my mother is long dead and gone.” He tried to brighten up the mood and lead you towards the nearby bench. His head kept looking towards the staircase, left and right. He made sure no one was around before gesturing to you to take a seat first.

You thanked him and finally sat on the wooden bench. It groaned a little with your weight, and when he crashed beside you, it made a funny sound, like a loud, creaking door. It took you some minutes to actually prepare yourself for what you've been hiding for months by now.

“I… I have a confession to make.”

…

ONE YEAR AGO

Around one year ago, or more precisely, four hundred and thirty days ago, September 19th. Autumn, breezy day. You met Ludwig Kappel and fell in love. You're an orphan, your parents died in a bus crash while you're still at your grandparents’ home because of measles. You live with your aunt, who's been taking care of you ever since your parents' deaths.

You're late on your first day after your aunt decides to move into a new town to re-open her flower shop. You bolted out from the neighbourhood with a quick sandwich on your right hand, your hair is messy bed hair, you only managed to put moisturizer and sunscreen on your face, and yet you swore you put too much on because you looked so pale now in comparison to your regular skin color.

Then you bumped into your muse himself. Ludwig, Ludwig Kappel. A boy who grew up in the same neighborhood since childhood, couldn't live without a list of things he must finish, and is way too honest that he sounds like a jerk. Your face bounced back after running into his chest, and both of you obviously fell down on the streets. You slowly opened your eyes after the impact, but could only see two blue eyes glaring at you.

“Oh shoot!! Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you!” You scrambled to help him grab his books and glasses. Thankfully it's not cracked, it seems a little expensive. When you handed them all back to him, he only huffed and pulled a cleaning cloth from his pockets to wipe it down. He looks disgusted, only squeezing the bridge of his glasses with his thumb and index finger.

“Are you a student at Brightsglow?” You tried to be nice and smiled. But he plainly ignored you. You saw the same logo on the blazer and came into that conclusion, but why is he so cold? Yet you feel warm inside for the first time. He's handsome… but why did he have to gel his hair up like that? He would absolutely look cuter with hair down. Thankfully, before you can get distracted by your own thoughts, you jogged at him.

“Not much of a talker?” You tried once again, still with the same goofy smile. Now he only rolled his eyes. At least that's a reaction! You followed him like an imprinting kitten, and when you reached the glowy gates of your new school, you couldn't help but gasp in awe. Apparently your parents had saved up money for you until high school, so your aunt signed you up to a nice school to make sure you have a smooth education.

“Shut your mouth. A fly might soar inside.” He sighed, while [name] is obviously excited. Finally, this interesting guy is answering her.

“I'm [name]! What's your name?” You peeped while offering your hand for a handshake. It is only proper to give a good impression to a gentleman. The taller student took one look at your hand and only crossed his hands in front of his chest.

“Ludwig Kappel. Don't get used to calling my name.” He grunted and scratched his elbow out of irritation. Why is this girl following him around, latching at him like a parasite? She looks so impatient and enthusiastic.

You only hummed and clasped your hands in front of your chest. Ludwig… that's a nice name. You followed him all through the corridor to the auditorium where all the new students are cooped at, and thankfully to you and unfortunate for him, you two are in the same class. You took a seat beside him, and smiled at him.

Ludwig meanwhile, looks like he had aged thirty years just from talking to you. He's a very quiet guy. He prefers to do things alone and in his own way because he's a perfectionist. His schedule? Perfect. His test scores? He wouldn't settle for anything lower than a 90. He got an 89 once and his left eye twitched nonstop for a whole week before the teacher decided to change it because he keeps glaring at her.

However, seeing from how you interact and talk with him, Ludwig has a feeling you'll be useful to him. He decided he'll let you be around.

For now.

…

It's been half a year now. You and Ludwig are close friends. At least according to you. If anyone asks Ludwig, he'll just shrug and say you're a scab. Something he wants to scratch off of his body, yet he decided to heal and be gone on his own. You gained other friends besides him because of the help of upperclassmen Gabriel. They've always disliked Ludwig and his harsh behaviour. They've always warned you about him. He doesn't do friends. He's been this way since elementary school.

Yet you're too blinded in the delusion that if you keep pleasing him, he'll finally bounce back to you. Reality decided to prove you wrong. Lunch in March. Spring is starting and you can see cherry blossoms slowly blooming and drifting their leaves apart. You're talking about a new game you'll be hunting on the game store, but Ludwig is looking far away.

“Hey! Are you listening to what I'm saying?” You shook his shoulder. Usually doing that will give you his attention again, except he didn't budge this time. You followed his sight and it settled on the student from the other class. Angeline Huang. A genius, straight A student, and most importantly, a beauty.

“Bro… why are you looking at her like that?” You asked with a furrowed brow. Ludwig’s gaze slowly falters back to his lunch, and he takes a bite of his lunch.

“She defeated me in the last science competition.” He stated. When you asked for clarification, Ludwig decided to keep his mouth shut and finish his food.

You came into the conclusion that he's crushing. He didn't understand the concept, and your heart breaks little by little. Yet you always keep the same smile you always gave him. When you confronted him about it, he looked equally as confused as you were.

“Are you saying that I'm in love with Miss Huang?” He enquired. You nodded. Obviously?? He kept eyeing her at the class, and every time she answers the teacher's questions, you can see him nodding a little, as if telling himself that she's correct.

“Yes??? Did you not hear how you talk with her?” You asked back. He's obviously softer around her. And he controlled his tone and vocabulary better. Like he's trying to butter her up. Not to mention the praises he gave to her. It's like a nail is digging on each of your fingers. It's painful seeing the man of your dreams, who you secretly wrote a diary on, and prayed to the skies to be your boyfriend like someone else.

But deep inside, you know you have nothing to offer. You're not that pretty. Not that smart, and certainly doesn't have the aura to charm him. You're just another passerby in Ludwig's life. So… you decided to help him get the love of his life.

You befriended Angeline easier than Ludwig does. The girl is extremely friendly in nature. And soon, you two became close friends. You're the one investigating what type of guy she likes, and discovering what things she likes and dislikes. All of the information? You willingly give to Ludwig, obviously.

It goes as far as helping the guy go on shopping. You recently found out that Angeline likes guys with round glasses and softer personality. So you obviously have to coach him personally regarding that matter.

“Okay… so what do we do when someone does something that bothers you, but you're around Angeline? For example… They accidentally poured a cup of cold tea on her?” You started the flash quiz with a clap of hands.

“You're a nuisance.” Ludwig answered.

You can only slap your hand over your forehead. The trial and error of teaching him what to or not to say around a woman is a hassle because he's too truthful.

“Nope. We offer Angeline our blazer… and if the guy is apologising, let her take the wheel. But if he's being a jerk, you must do something.” You shook an index finger in front of his face. He only nodded and started writing your words like it's a rule. At least he's going somewhere.

As time goes by, you and Ludwig spend more time together. Though it's strictly about Angeline more than anyone else. You taught him how to be more ‘normal’. And be attractive to the lady. You even helped him style his hair to experiment on which one Angeline likes best, though it seems she likes his regular hair better because she keeps giggling after seeing his hair down.

It was now July 24th, the last day of school. And for the first time, you saw Ludwig with an expression that is not his regular resting face. You just got into the class and he's already clenching his fists. You raised an eyebrow at his agitated expression. You crashed on the seat beside him, and saw Angeline laughing with a delinquent. You don't really understand what's happening, and when you ask him about it, he drops the literal bomb.

“He's been taking pictures of Angeline’s inner skirt.” He grumbled. You're obviously shocked. Ludwig doesn't lie. And he certainly wouldn't say something so outrageous if it's not correct. The delinquent's name is Francis. “Ugly ass name for an ugly guy”, you once said to Ludwig. He's been in and out of the school for causing ruckus, and it's just a month he's back, and he's been chasing Angeline around for a disgusting purpose. The two of you decided to follow them around, and what he said is right. You two were hiding behind a wall, and you saw the guy sneak his phone up to take pics of her panties. A gasp left your lips, but Ludwig pulled your hand back and slapped his hand in front of your mouth before the two of them got suspicious.

“What the hell? That's so weird and disgusting! We should've taken a video to report to the guidance counsellor!” You whisper-yelled to him, but Ludwig only grunts.

“I have the solution. Take this.” He handed you a key. Your eyes widened seeing the number on it. It's Francis’ locker key. You didn't even have time to ask how he gets it, because he's already walking towards the stairs.

“Meet me on the rooftop in fifteen minutes.” is the only sentence you heard from him. You then went to the locker room to open Francis’ you only see a few pictures of Francis taking advantage of the female student's kindness to manipulate and force them to get more pictures. What's crazy is there's a printed out screenshot of his messages. Did Ludwig send all of this? You know he's a smart cookie, but this is out of mind. You grabbed all the evidence and slammed the door shut. That's when you heard something fall out from the corner locker. It's Ludwig's locker. You jogged towards it, seeing a plainly beige book on the ground. Your hand grabbed it, and it's already opened to some page. You can see pictures of Angeline. Angeline and you conversing together, or it's just her.

You feel like puking. He's scrutinizing her. Every time she wears new accessories, he'll write it down, each of her interests and things that she hates. He's just like you in a way. Twisted, stuck with obsession and this realisation cracked your skull open. You threw the book inside, and ran to the rooftop.

Each breath you take, you can only hear the sound of your shoes against the polished floor. You're going too quickly, that you accidentally stepped higher on the stairs and fell. You hit your nose, and it quickly starts bleeding. Your leftmost area of lips slowly gets swollen, but you ignore the pain and persist. When you arrived, you saw Ludwig already cornering the delinquent.

“Ludwig!” You called out to him. The blond only spared one glance at you. He grunted at the blood running through your nose, clearly it disgusts him. You glared back at him, and threw all the paper and photos on the ground. Francis however, is trembling and laughing nervously.

“Look, Kappel. How much money do you want? I'll pay you hundreds and thousands of dollars if you just keep your mouth shut.” Francis offered. You can see he's trying to control himself. You know this is the wrong time to scream at him but this has gone too far.

“Ludwig. You're also stalking Angeline behind her back, aren't you?” You spat back and wiped your nose with your sleeves. Ludwig scowled at you, but you're not backing up, not this time. “What do you mean you have her missing hoodie on your locker? And planning to join the student council just to better stalk her?!” You raised your voice. Francis meanwhile, only darted his eyes back and forth between the two of you.

As if finding his way out of this problem, Francis turned his eyes to you. “[Last name]! I'll pay you however you want. This lunatic is just the same as me!” He voiced out and laughed. But now there's four eyes glaring at him. “You're just a creep, Kappel! A good-for -nothing, goody-two-shoes that's actually the freakiest of them all!” Francis taunted.

Then, everything happens slowly. You saw Ludwig grab Francis’ collar. Then he pinned the delinquent against the railings. “Do not… measure my love as the equal of your mistreatment of other ladies.” Ludwig smiled softly and raised the guy further in the air. And before you can pull him back, he pushes Francis off of the fifth floor rails, making you choke on the air.

Ludwig slowly looked back at you, while some tears of dread already brimmed on your eyes. You still remember the sound of Francis’ body hitting the ground. The SPLAT of bones cracking and blood rushing out, and people screaming on the ground floor. Your feet automatically start walking backwards little by little. Your whole body is trembling from the shock, and you stumbled because of the blood loss. You can see him crouching in front of you, and for once, you fear for your life. He has just ended one right in front of you.

“...and without you realising, you've just become my accomplice. In a way.” He muttered, but you can hear him just fine. “Thank you for creating an alibi for me. Having you bleed disgustingly like this actually makes everything easier.” He smiled softly, and tapped your cheek. “Do know I can do the same thing to you if you ever decided to be a loud mouth and tell anyone what happened today. You've always been a persistent worm.” It was the last words you heard from Ludwig Kappel. You didn't know when exactly, but you passed out. When you woke up, you're already in the infirmary. You expected the first person you saw beside your bed to be Ludwig, but it's actually Gabriel. He's holding your right hand with worry. And he didn't actually realise you've woken up because he's sleeping, presumably because he waited for you to finally open your eyes again.

…

“I know it's unbelievable. How can the school's ‘prided genius’ turn into a ‘cold-blooded killer’ in my story? But I need to get rid of this tugging feeling on my chest.” You rubbed your hands together, and Gabriel looks way too calm for someone who just heard a story about a murder. He looks more worried at you and your feelings than what happens to Francis.

Slowly, you felt a hand on your upper back. He patted it softly, and his other hand rummaged through his pocket to pull out your favourite brand chocolate bar. “Eat this first. Maybe you'll feel better, [name].” He calmly smiled. You nodded and thanked him for the snack. You bit through the bar quietly, and when you finished, you stood up and thanked him for listening to your story.

“Thank you for listening, senior… I understand if you'll go to the police and report me, b-but can you please do it during the school hours? At least let me be arrested on my own. I don't want to burden my aunt even more.” You looked down at your shoes like a scolded child, but Gabriel only snorted. He shook his head and laughed softly.

“[Name], why would I do that? If anything, I should report the student council president for murdering someone and dragging you in the process.” He whistled and patted your head. You shot your head up, clearly dumbfounded. Why is he acting so casual about this? You didn't have the time to ask him because the bell that indicates the lunch break is done slowly rang. Gabriel sighed at the sound, and he engulfed your hand with his again.

“Let's go, [name]. I'll walk you to your class. I don't want you to be late.” His voice shows how enthusiastic he is, shown by how an octave is raised whenever he's talking to you. You can only mindlessly follow him, walking down each step with him on your side.

…

Ludwig is currently on his way to class 2-C. It's not even his class, but he managed to ask for a class change from his former homeroom teacher. He used to be in class 2-A, a class for all the geniuses around. He actually has to rack his brain to look for an excuse to change to a lower leveled class.

So he settled by saying, “There's too much pressure in this class. I would like to move to the 2-C class, please.” The teachers inside the faculty room obviously didn't believe a single word he said. He's one of the brightest students the academy has. However, no one dares to question him when he's already looking this serious.

When he entered the room, every chatter died down. His sea-blue eyes eyed the familiar cat keychain [name] always puts on her bag, and once he found it, he placed all his books and belongings there.

Over the course of four months, he discovered new things about Angeline. He confessed to her a few weeks after the summer break and the death of the delinquent, only to find out that…

1. Angeline is apparently, a lesbian. She's not interested in boys, ever.

2. That [name] actually has a crush on him, which he never noticed, and will never do if Angeline never spilled the beans.

Talk about karmic justice. Heh.

“Oh come on, Ludwig. You're telling me you've never noticed how she looks at you?” Angeline laughed and nudged a cup of americano his way. He took a sip and hid his horrified expression. Now that he thinks about it, no one knows his drinking preference. Or how he likes tea more than coffee. Only [name] knows. But he hasn't received your messages since what happened.

“What do you mean?” He scrunched his nose and placed the cup back on the table. Angeline only hummed and tapped her fingers against the counter, and sighed from his aloofness.

“She looks at you like you hung the moon and stars, silly! Dare I say she looks at you with heart eyes everyday!” She sighed. These two silly people in her life are giving her a good kind of headache. Angeline first assumed [name] befriended her without any missions in mind. Now she knows that [name] only befriends her for Ludwig. But she's not really mad at the girl, she's always known there's something deeply concerning with Ludwig's way of thinking, however, as long as she gets the benefit, she wouldn't mind being around him.

Now it's Ludwig's turn to look deep in thought. He actually never knew that. He's never experienced interest or love with [name]. Love is complicated in his eyes. Angeline makes his heart rush with thrill. [Name] doesn't. She's just… there, always around him, always happy to help, and always smiling.

“Gimme your phone.” Angeline gestured her hand towards him. The blond boy handed it without question. She starts pressing the buttons on the flip phone, and reading each message [name] and Ludwig has.

“You haven't messaged her in four months?! I thought you two are close friends.” Angeline muttered, and pressed the ‘up’ button to see the old messages. As expected, it's almost all about her, or [name]’s interests.

“Now I have a feeling you're not really into this friendship, Ludwig.” She sighed and handed back his phone. She knows he's a stoic guy, but she didn't think it goes THIS far. “Friends message each other things they love and want to share. Yet from what I see it's only [name] who tries to message you first everytime.” She shrugged. While Ludwig is furrowing his brow.

He thought that's how things work. Letting her around him is already a privilege, right? Ludwig is stuck on his thoughts the whole time. Even when he goes home, he's still thinking about what Angeline said. “You should try to reciprocate. She's not a toy, she must've been your first real friend.” Rings in his eardrums even when it's his time to sleep.

The phone on the nightstand is snatched by his hand. He searched through his contact numbers, and finally pressed on [name]’s. He doesn't know why, but his heart is beating so hard against his ribcage. He slowly typed a message with both thumbs, yet the ringing made him uncomfortable.

[Ludwig] : [name], are you there?

Does asking that makes him clingy? He decided not to ponder about it too much, and just send it. He closed his eyelids and placed his flip phone in between his chest. He predicted she'll answer in three seconds. Just like Angeline said, he never messaged first. Seeing the message must've left you so elated and speechless. A second past… then a minute. He cracked one eye open and frowned. He checked his phone, and saw no notification.

…Maybe you're already asleep. He goes to bed with a confused mind, and wakes up with a bad mood. He keeps waking up every an hour or two to check if she has replied, and she hasn't. In the morning, he woke up at around 8. The first thing he's supposed to do is to go to the bathroom, brush his teeth and wash his face, then tidy up his bed. But for once, he breaks his routine and checks his phone first.

He's already having so much optimism. For once, a hopeful look graced his face. Though it quickly fades away after he sees the system’s message.

[THIS NUMBER IS NO LONGER ACTIVE]

Ludwig doesn't really understand. Did she change her number? If she did, she'll obviously tell him. He went through the break half stressed. And when he found out he's in a different class than hers, he's even more upset. He wants to visit [name]’s house, though now he realised that he doesn't really know where she lives. It's always [name] who visits him.

But at least now they'll be seat buddies again. It's November 23rd 2011. A month and a few weeks after the new school year starts. He genuinely thought you'll be searching for him. Except it seems like you're avoiding him. He feels a little hurt. But Ludwig understands where you're coming from. He's been so mean and rude to you. He'll try his best to fix it though. He corrected his tie and cleared his throat, waiting for you again.

When he saw your reflection through the class windows, he straightened up like an eager kitty. However, when he saw Gabriel beside you, holding your hand, he could feel something gnawing on his head. His eye twitched as he saw Gabriel smile and pet your hair with so much affection.

Who does he even think he is? Why is he touching you? Ludwig never even did that. Why is this upperclassman acting like he knows you inside out?

Ah, Ludwig has a feeling that it is going to be a rough school year.

…

You are receiving some head pats from Gabriel. He's always been touchy, but he technically asks you first, and you've given him consent to go on. He never passed any line though, just touching hands and petting your hair. He insists it's because your hair looks so pretty and soft. Unlike his, which is a little dry from running on the school field almost everyday.

“Don't worry about anything, [name]. I promise I'll keep my mouth shut. It's not your fault that incident happened. But if you need anything, just go to me or my father, okay?” He cooed like a mother hen. You only nodded and thanked him, even going as far to bowing your head to him. He shook his hands and smiled again.

“Oh! And do tell me if that weirdo decided to bother you again.” Gabriel grinned but when he spoke, he looked through the window, straight to Ludwig's blue eyes. His soft gaze turned into a wicked look. The student council president could only scoff. “And don't call me Senior Gabriel anymore. It makes me sound old, you know? Just call me Gabe!” You as always, obediently nodded. You're thankful that Gabriel is so understanding. He never judged you, or anyone, really. At least as far as you know.

After saying your goodbyes, you get inside the class. You're so lightheaded from crying and hugging your senior, that you didn't even see a certain blond headed guy beside you. Only when he clears his throat that you finally see who's beside you. When you see Ludwig, you recoil so hard and fast, and even scream a little from the shock.

“...did I scare you?” Ludwig asked with a furrowed brow. “My apologies.” He continued. It's actually the first time he's ever apologised to you. Your heart rate is through the roof though. Did he move classes? You're already throwing a happy party inside your brain when you found out you're placed in class 2-C. Class for the normal people. The average. The mediocre. Ordinary people.

“H-hey Ludwig. Long time no see.” You nervously laughed and coughed. Seeing him again after trying your best to hide and ignore him is actually nerve-racking. Ludwig nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. You noticed he does that A LOT around Angeline, mostly because he's nervous around her. But there's no way he's nervous around YOU out of all people.

“May I ask why you're with Gabriel?” Ludwig didn't even realise his expression is currently scaring you. Knitted brows, scrunched nose, and tight-lipped after saying his question. On the other hand, you're having a panic attack. Is he suspicious of you?? He must've been thinking you're snitching on him. He's going to kill you. God, the fear is actually making you about to pass out.

“N-nothing… I just… I almost passed out because of my low blood sugar level. And he gave me chocolate for it.” You lied, and to be honest it's a bad lie. You braced yourself to get ridiculed by him, but he looks concerned.

“You have low blood sugar? You've never told me that. You should've gone to the infirmary and rest. Not running everywhere with him.” He sighed. But it seems like he trusts your words. You took a deep breather and smiled again. Now the silence is awkward. Usually you're the one doing all the talking, and he's listening. Now the situation is flipped, and you don't know how to respond.

Thankfully the class is about to start. You can see your Biology teacher getting inside the class and the man is a little shocked seeing the golden student of the academy sitting beside ordinary [name]. But he decided to keep his mouth shut. Because after all, Ludwig is not really a student anyone should be trifling with. Your class once signed him up for a debate competition all around the class, and he obliterated everyone, even the teachers.

You could only hope time goes quickly now. You don't know why he's sitting in your ordinary class. And to be honest, you didn't want to know. This is your karma for being a matchmaker for a psychopath, it seems.

…

Gabriel is quietly tapping on his Geography book. He's thinking about what he should do after school. Usually he goes for a jog around the neighborhood, where he'll meet his favourite junior, aka [name] and walk her home every couple of days. Maybe he'll go to the market every Friday where he'll accidentally meet [name] and her aunt who's grocery shopping too. He rested his head against the table and smiled.

His father has been scolding him. He's getting sloppy. He's not hiding the coincidences well, but how can Gabriel do it? He's just so entranced by you since the first day he saw you and that annoying brute entering the school together. He actually has to rig the grouping after seeing one of his friends get your name after the introductions of all the students. You're just something he had to protect, especially because you've wasted a year with good-for-nothing Ludwig.

He decided to just cook curry for him and his dad. Sometimes the counselor is correct, seeing you too much might bore you. Giving some space for you will be better for the two of you.

…

Now, if you're thinking about why did you see Gabriel first after passing out on Ludwig's arms. Maybe it's time to think and rewind.

Perhaps it's not just you, Ludwig and Francis on the rooftop that day.

Maybe there's someone else?

Maybe that someone…

Is the same man you idolize?

Perchance, only Gabriel’s phone knows the truth, where it contains one material Ludwig and you would dread to discover.

A/N : hello my darlings!! This is a silly parody of cliche yandere stories, our dear [name] is on her way to redemption, but of course someone has to disturb her… anyways I had so much fun writing this zzz

If anyone wanted to be tagged lemme know.

Reblogs are appreciated!! Reqs and asks are always open!

[lepus-fangs]

Personal Nest Moodboard !

[bvnyx3]

girl why we trynna ruin ao3 with these ads 😭😭

[bvnyx3]

just finished stranger things…that was a waste of time

[bvnyx3]

GUYS I NEED HELP FINDING THIS FIC🗣️‼️

it was bakugou’s sister x izuku and basically the three of them grew up together pretty close, but when katsuki started acting up, reader would defend izuku. in middle school, they started growing closer, sneaking out to see each other, and eventually they began dating secretly. as time goes on, they continue their relationship and bakugou is confused abt why his sister likes being around izuku sm. reader and izuku kinda do the nasty here and there (but like no p in v yet) UNTIL eventually bakugou catches them in the act (p in v) in her room and explodes on deku and then izuku explains that he loves his sister and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her blah blah blah yeah

it was a short story here on tumblr :p

it might’ve had a couple of chapters but not a whole lot if any at all.

[honey-words]

spider boy — spider-man!midoriya izuku x reader

synopsis:   you’ve talked to your neighbor a few times before and have waved at him on campus. But you’ve noticed he keeps really weird hours, sometimes hearing him go into his apartment at ungodly hours of the night. So when spider-man enters your apartment one night, it’s easy for you to connect the dots from there. 

content warnings: mentions of blood/injuries, hints of angst, hurt/comfort

wc: 3.1k

author’s note: I believe in spider-man!deku supremacy :)

part 1 of the spider boy series

“Spider-man does it again! Only three blocks from the UA university campus, the masked hero—”

“You’re a spider-man fan?”

You jumped, almost dropping your phone and falling off of the bench in the process. 

“Midoriya! You scared me.”

He laughed and you paused the video you were watching, a news clip from this morning. He settled down beside you on the bench, taking a sip of his iced coffee as he did. 

“Yeah, I guess I am a fan,” you said. “Campus PD sucks and I think it’s funny a spider guy is more reliant than all of them put together.”

You both shared a laugh. 

“I have to get to class,” Midoriya sighed, not making any movements to get up from the bench. “How’s Moony?”

“She’s great, thanks for asking,” you said, smiling back at him. Because Midoriya was the definition of a perfect neighbor. He had introduced himself when you first moved in and he saw the small cat carrier with a little black kitten, Moony, inside of it. From there it had been a pleasant acquaintanceship between the two of you. 

“I’ll see you later, then,” he said, really standing up this time. “Bye!”

You waved goodbye as he left, then turned back to the video. 

A thief had been running loose on campus for the last week, snatching cell phones and wallets from unsuspecting students on their way to class. Campus PD had found the thief this morning, literally on their doorstep with a sticky note that had a spider sketch stuck on his face. 

A smaller feat of Spider-Man’s, but a good one nonetheless. 

During your first lecture of the day you could see other people were watching the same video and reading the accompanying article. It was the first time Spider-Man had acted so close to campus, practically on the grounds of it considering where he had turned in the thief. 

The person in front of you had a Reddit post pulled up, and you had to bite your cheek to refrain from laughing as you read the title. Spider boy or whatever is totally a UA student. Here’s my proof!!!!

Finding the professor’s lecture increasingly dry and dull, you decided to pull up the Reddit tab on your own laptop so you could read it, too. 

By the time the lecture was over you had read the entire post (it was surprisingly long) and all of the comments underneath it, half-convinced of the theory yourself. It made some reasonable arguments—Spider-Man stuck to the surrounding city, usually went around at night, rarely seen throughout the day—keeping with the schedule of a college student. Sticking to the surrounding city pointed to the fact that he lived near campus. And the latest crime he’d solved was the cherry on top, because the alerts about it had gone out to all campus members since the incidents were contained to the campus. 

The dull lecture came with dull readings, which you idly flipped through later that night. It was nearing 1 am, but sleep had not yet found you, and even the reading was not putting you to sleep. 

You must’ve dozed off on your tiny kitchen table, Moony curled up on the chair next to you, because her surprised meow and the sound of a door closing close by woke you up a few hours later. Your phone lit up with an email notification (professors were truly unhinged with their work hours) and you were able to see the time without lifting your head up from the table. 4 am. 

The door that had closed and woken you and Moony up had been Midoriya’s, you realized even in your half-asleep state. Occasionally the sound would wake you up, but you never minded it much and usually rolled over and fell back asleep. 

This time you had to drag yourself over to your bed, and you could vaguely hear Midoriya moving around next door. What business he had this early in the morning you never knew. He seemed pretty normal, and you always assumed he was fond of late library study sessions. Even if it was not exactly exam season. But then again, he was a biochem major, you mused. 

You fell asleep wondering about this and woke up five hours later to the sound of your blaring alarm. It snapped you awake, enough to hear a thud from next door. Did Midoriya fall out of bed?

The day passed as usual. You went to class, took half-hearted notes (it was hard to focus at this point in the semester—everyone was already burnt out) came home and ate dinner with Moony, and cuddled up on the couch together to do your readings. 

This time you were ready to pass out outside of the warm embrace of your bed, so you’d done your nightly routine and brought over blankets to the couch, ready for sleep to come whenever it was ready. 

The sound that woke you up this time was much louder. And Moony hissed. 

She never hissed. 

You froze from your curled-up position on the couch, eyes still heavy with sleep and senses scrambling to catch up with your brain and racing heart. The coffee table was right across from you, and by some miracle, you’d been sipping on a lemonade earlier—one in a glass bottle. 

As swiftly as you could, you untangled yourself from the blankets and grabbed the lemonade bottle, wielding it in front of you like a sword.

It slipped from your grasp when you saw who was standing in front of you, next to your open window you always kept closed, scared Moony would climb out. 

As if on reflex, as if he expected you to drop your weapon, Spider-Man shot a web just as it slipped from your fingers, catching it in his hands before you could even register you had dropped it.

Moony, who had been very annoyed at being woken up just a minute ago, was now rubbing her head on his shins affectionately. 

“Moony,” you whispered. “Get away from him.”

“It’s okay!” Spider-Man said, mirroring your whisper. “I’m not here to hurt anyone.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Then why did you break into my apartment?” You looked around for your phone, or another potential weapon. Instead, your gaze found the small digital clock you kept on a shelf near the door, the bright green numbers clearing away the fogginess of sleep. 

It was 4am. 

You could not help the gasp that escaped you. 

“Midoriya?”

The effect was instantaneous. Spider-Man’s entire body language changed, that much you could tell, even in the dark. He took a step away from you, back toward the window, shoulders tense. 

“What?” he said. Trying hard to keep his voice steady, even deepening it a little. But you knew it was him. 

“Did you think this was your apartment?” You were connecting the dots now. “This is why you always come back so late.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, inching towards the window. “I just got a little lost. Thought this place was empty.”

“You’re bleeding,” you said, pointing at the gash in his arm as though he had not noticed it himself. “Why’re you bleeding?”

Moony meowed, as though echoing your question. She was still close to him, and leaned forward to rub her head against his shin again. 

This seemed to break him—his shoulders drooped and he let out a long exhale. He reached up and pulled the mask off, and you gasped again. 

The left side of his face was covered in bruises, his eye starting to swell a bit. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, glancing down at Moony. 

“Smart cat. She recognized me.” You winced and instinctively moved toward him when he tried to smile and grimaced at the action. 

“Sit down, please,” you said, remembering to speak quietly. “You can’t die in my apartment. You can’t.”

“I won’t,” he said, letting you manhandle him into sitting on the couch. “Promise.”

“If you thought this was your apartment you’re definitely concussed,” you said, reaching up to move his curls aside, careful not to touch his face. The bruises covered his entire left side, also the side his arm was bleeding. “What happened to you?”

You snatched your hand away when he realized he was frozen, eyes to the side where your hand was. 

“I got thrown into a wall,” he said, smiling again. A smaller grimace this time. “I’m really sorry.” 

“You’re sorry for being thrown into a wall?” You shuffled to the kitchen to grab the tiny first aid kit you kept there. It was dusty and unused and consisted mainly of bandaids, something you started laughing at a little hysterically as you opened it on the couch, in between you and Midoriya. He’d leaned back onto the couch, breathing evened out. He was lying so still you thought he was sleeping, until he turned his head to see what you were laughing at. 

“I only have bandaids,” you said, still laughing a little. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” he said. “Oh, I didn’t mean…” he started laughing. Quietly, then a little louder until you were both giggling and suppressing loud laughs. 

“It’s okay,” he said, catching his breath again. “Can you help me get to my place? I’m used to patching myself up.” 

It took five minutes, but eventually, you both managed to get out your front door, coaxing Moony to stay inside. Midoriya had one of his arms draped around your shoulder, keeping him upright. He had reassured you plenty of times as you both shuffled out the door that he was fine, he had been through worse. Which only made you feel worse. 

His apartment was the exact same layout as yours, though a little messier, which he apologized for. There were notes all over his kitchen table, his couch was covered in blankets. You had a feeling he was prone to falling asleep all over his apartment like you did.  

“Thank you,” he said once he had settled down on his couch. “I’m really sorry, again.”

“I know,” you said, sitting down beside him. You stared at the clock directly across from you, above his small TV. “I’m sorry for figuring out who you are.”

Another small laugh from him. “S’okay.” he shifted to look at you, and you mirrored him. It would have felt awkward being this close to someone you knew more in passing a day ago, but you felt as though this entire experience had automatically made the two of you friends. A trauma bond, of sorts. “You won’t tell anyone?”

You smiled back at him. “Promise.”

You didn’t remember getting back to your apartment, only that it took a lot of convincing on Midoriya’s part. The second you woke up (on your couch) you rushed to get out the door and knock on Midoriya’s until he opened, if anything to confirm you had not dreamed anything that had happened. But before you could get your slippers on, you saw a small note on the floor in front of the door. 

Two spiders drawn holding hands, with “friends?” written underneath.

You slid it back under his door with your own addition — a drawing of a cat and “friends” written underneath his question. 

——— * * * ———

“Trauma bond?”

“Yeah,” you said, shoving at his shoulder and ignoring his fake wince. “Am I wrong?”

“No,” he agreed, petting a meowing Moony in his lap. He was frowning down at her, and you had been around him long enough to know something was wrong. 

It had been over a month since the break-in incident (which Midoriya was still apologizing for) and you had grown used to each other’s company. It had started off small—seeing him in the library during the day, studying quietly next to him. Stifling your laughter when he slid a spider doodle across the table to you. 

After that, you noticed him around campus more often. You had always greeted him when he crossed your path, stopping to make small talk. But now you actually talked about things of substance. Setting up study sessions, inviting him over to play with Moony, exchanging recipes and even starting to cook at each other’s apartments. 

“Is my pasta not good?” you said. Moony meowed, echoing your question from his lap. 

“It could use some pepper,” he said, smiling teasingly at you. “No, it’s good. Just a rough night.”

“Wanna talk about it?” you said. 

“S’okay,” he said. “We’re trauma bonded enough.” You felt a pang of guilt at the sadness in his tone. 

“Midoriya—” 

“Thank you for the pasta,” he said. “I can help with the dishes.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. “You know we’re friends friends, right?”

He nodded. “I’m messing with you.”

“You little shit!” he laughed as you set your dishes down in the sink, shoving him slightly. He smiled slyly at you. He seemed like the perfect boy next door, but he was really a little shit. And he was the perfect boy next door. 

“I haven’t heard you come back late in a while,” you said. He turned to look at you from his place at the sink, eyebrows raised. 

“You wait up for me?”

“No!” you said indiginantly. “It just used to wake us up.” 

“Really? I’m sorry.”

“S’okay,” you said. “But you have to wake me up if you’re hurt really bad, okay? Even if it’s just to sit with you.”

A small noise of acknowledgement from Midoriya. 

“What was that?”

“Promise.” 

Satisfied, you got up from your place at the table, letting him finish up the dishes. “Are you going out tonight?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry in advance about the early morning wake up call.”

He still would not tell you where he went. But the news reports the next day served as the answers to your questions. A crime solved here, a criminal turned in there. The Spider-Man news page, ran by dedicated fans, was bookmarked on your computer and one of your most visited tabs. On nights when you couldn’t sleep and didn’t know where he was, you would refresh it every few minutes, waiting for an update. 

Sometimes he would go during the day, and when you would get back from class he would be there on your couch with Moony, napping. You would sit on the opposite end and wait for him to wake up, then decide on what to make for lunch together. Not talking about the new bruise on his arm or the new cut on his leg. If he brought it up you knew it was okay to talk about it, but usually you both talked about normal topics. Avoiding the giant spider in the room. 

“All done!” he said, falling down on the couch beside you. Reaching to pet Moony, who was cuddled up on your lap. Arm muscles flexing, hands softly running through Moony’s fur. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore how jacked he was. Especially when he was literally always stripping in your apartment, changing from his suit into his regular clothes. Letting you sneak glances at his back, his chest. 

“Take a nap,” you blurted. “If you’re going to be out tonight. You need to rest.”

“I will,” he said, smiling up at you. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m not!” you said, huffing. “You better not visit me tonight. I expect you to kick ass and come back with no injuries.”

“‘Kay,” he said. “See you tomorrow?” You nodded and watched him dramatically sigh, throwing his head back on the couch before getting up and shuffling to the door. 

The rest of your evening was spent anxiously trying to distract yourself. There was a nagging feeling in the back of your head, in the pit of your stomach. After finishing your homework and realizing it was hours before your usual bedtime, you cleaned your apartment. Reorganized, moved things around. 

You decided to settle on the couch for the night. Better place to hear Midoriya come back. 

The sound that jolted you awake a couple hours later was louder than usual, and it woke you up quicker. A quick glance at your clock let you know it was only 1am.

“Midoriya?” you said quietly, sitting up. “You okay?”

He was standing near your window, at almost the exact same spot as a month before, when he had first broken in. 

“No,” he said. Voice hoarse and almost too quiet for you to hear. 

You were up and leading him over to the couch in an instant. His mask was already off, clutched in between his fingers

“Are you hurt?” you said, patting down his arms and running your fingers over his face softly, scared to touch a bruise or aggravate a cut. A shake of his head. 

You gently took the mask from him, setting it down on the coffee table with one hand, the other gripping his hands tightly. “Want to talk about it?”

He nodded, squeezing your hands back. “Later.”

“Okay,” you said, scooting closer to him on the couch so your shoulders pressed together. “I’m here, okay? It’s okay.”

You were ready when his shoulders started shaking and he slid into your hug, staining your shirt with his tears. You ran your hands through his hair, rubbing your fingers along the nape of his neck. Repeating the phrase over and over until it felt like you were trying to convince yourself of the same thing. 

The bruises were on his side this time—no cuts deep enough to warrant him going back to his apartment to patch himself up. You helped him get his suit off slowly. The tears hadn’t stopped, and yours had started fifteen minutes after his. It hurt to see him like this and not know how to help. Knowing all you could do was help him get back to his apartment and keep his secret.

“Can I stay?” he said. He was holding the top half of his suit to his chest, hugging it. 

“Yeah, course you can,” you said. “I’ll get you some clothes.”

Moony walked out of your room with an annoyed meow. She had been sleeping, but once she spotted Midoriya she happily sauntered over, already purring. 

Once he had changed into the clothes his eyes started to droop, and you started convincing him to sleep in your room. He kept shaking his head, until he finally told you, “Don’t want to be alone.” 

“Okay, I’ll stay with you,” you said. Slipped out so easily you had no time to realize you had said it until he nodded and you were walking into your room and settling under the covers, Midoriya turning to face you, lashes wet with tears.

“I’m not leaving,” you said, reaching to intertwine your fingers with his. “You’re okay. We’re okay.”

He blinked slowly at you, sleep making his eyes heavy. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

masterlist

[bvnyx3]

I feel so disconnected with everyone and myself. I hate feeling any emotion other than happiness. I’m like addicted to feeling empty most of the time and then when it gets too much, I get a moment of joy to keep me going. But then when i feel so so angry, it feels so satisfying to make someone else suffer.

and then when im crying, it feels good to say that I’m miserable to be around.

but not for others. but just that i have to live with myself and tolerate me every second.

[tb-png]

baby lamb 🐑 🐕

[bvnyx3]

STAHP HES SO BABY