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I really wish this whole "Twilight renaissance" movement would stop reframing the books like it's now this empowering feminist magnum opus because all it's done is paint every criticism towards Stephenie's work as misogyny while gleefully ignoring its actual problems and dismissing other fans (especially poc) who have said problems with it.

I haven't touched the books in a while, but recently I've kinda returned to my old vampire fixation (little by little), I've looked more closely into the fandom now and I've noticed this gross sentiment in a lot of its spaces. Take Edward and Jacob, for example. Edward is now somehow woobified and held up at a pedestal as some "consent king" (lmao??) while I noticed Jacob is constantly demonized by many parts of the fandom (I noticed Reddit especially has a weird hate boner for him and will ad nauseum bring up the kiss in Eclipse like a cheap gotcha). The amount of hyperfocusing on Jacob's faults while constantly making excuses for Edward reminds me so much of how fandom will often infantilize white characters while poc get adultified; Edward gets passes for being "frozen at 17" and "still learning" (despite all those decades of experience) while Jacob who has not been 16 for years and last I checked is still 16 by the end of the saga, is seen like this sex offender who belongs to a registry. Sorry, but you will never get me to like the "pedo" jokes in the wolf pack's expense when these boys (Jacob and Quil are both teenagers) were essentially forced to "mate" outside their control while many of the vampires in the books (even outside the Cullens) pursued underaged humans out of their own free will. I will never forgive how Stephenie essentially confirmed that imprinting is a loss of free will (both in text with Bella stating how Jacob's first instinct is now giving Renameme what she wants, and out of text in other supplementary material).

So no, Lindsey Ellis. I am NOT sorry, Stephenie Meyer. This is why I side eye whenever it's a white girl making Twilight video essays because you just know 9/10 they'll brush past the racism and see it more from a (white) feminism angle 🙄

ahhhhhhh and there it is. thank you for saying everything I’ve been thinking for the past year. white feminism is an effect of white supremacy and mormonism is rooted in white supremacy. of course these are the takeaways ppl are coming up with in the wake of the renaissance (and also smeyer being regarded as more woke bc of her interviews in forks last month)

cursed fate, part two [unfinished + unedited]

part one

You couldn't remember falling to sleep or going to bed, but somehow you woke up from a deep slumber. Your limbs felt too heavy for your body, the exhaustion that had been following you around the last few months finally catching up. The little strength you did have you used to open your eyes. A strong white light forced them shut again, fueling the headache that rested behind your eyes, before they adjusted to your unfamiliar surroundings.

#signed by rae #rae writes twilight #twilight wolf pack imagine #jacob black x reader #jacob black imagine

trumpkinhotboy

best friends | j.b

pairing. jacob black x gn!reader

type. angsty ish but mostly fluff !, kinda requested

warnings. gender neutral reader, best friends to no contact to lovers :) ?, mentions of people being sick but no details

a/n. been hiding this little thing in my drafts for way too long... but the cooler weather has done wonders in helping me finishing this piece, hope you enjoy mwah xx

SUMMARY: you used to be best friends with jacob black until he got caught in bella's claws. you haven't spoken in months, but a night of celebration for Seth's birthday might change that... 4.7K!

“Stop staring at him,” muttered a familiar voice to your left.

“Uh? What?”

You came back to life, realizing you had indeed been staring for a good minute. Completely zoned out, your gaze had fallen once again on the very familiar shape of Jacob Black, sitting alone at the end of a crowded table. Leah rolled her eyes and huffed.

“You should go over and talk to him instead of acting like a creep. Do something because this is getting weird.”

You gave her a dark look. Leah’s honesty was one of the things you valued the most in your friendship. You could always count on her to tell you what she was thinking, no games. But right now, that quality of hers was seriously striking a nerve. Mainly since there were more than a few acute ears who could catch your conversation. “You know damn well why I can’t just do that,” you growled.

You had been Jacob’s best friend since you were toddlers. At least, you used to be. That all changed when Bella Swan got dumped by her ethereal vampire boyfriend. From that moment on, Jake only had eyes for her. It hurt a lot at first, seeing your best friend completely forget about you as if you had never existed. You would still hang out, but it always happened when Bella wasn’t around, which wasn't a lot. Seeing how broken she was, you couldn’t help but feel compassion. Loving someone with every fiber of your soul, only to be rejected, was a feeling you knew damn well.

At first, you tried to forget about your own selfish and jealous feelings, Bella was hurting and needed a friend. You could understand that, but when you noticed your friend’s puppy eyes every time she was around and how she acted with him, you felt a shiver of repulsion run through your skin.

You hung out with them at first, but Bella would always start acting odd. Uncomfortable, she seemed annoyed with anyone who wasn't Jacob. You could still get over that part of it. The girl went through some serious trauma, and everybody knew it, but as time went on, you couldn’t help but feel as though she was using him. Whether she was conscious of it was another story, but still. You could not condemn that kind of behavior, especially when you had to see Jacob jump through fricking hoops to satisfy her every day. You tried confronting him about it, but were met by such a storm. He refused to hear your point of view and kept trying to explain how close he was to making improvements.

“Jake, every time that happens, something blocks it out. Don’t you think it’s some sort of sign? She keeps pulling you close and pushing you away whenever she doesn’t need you anymore. She jumped off a fricking cliff to hear his voice Jacob. This is not some normal breakup. You’re in over your head. I don’t understand how you can't see how foolish you are acting right now.” You stopped talking, out of breath. You didn’t mean to be this harsh, but for god's sake, someone needed to bring some sense into the guy.

You remember all too well the last words he somberly said to you. “If that’s what you really think of me, I don’t see why we’re still friends. I think you should go, and don't bother coming back."

That was the last time you and Jake actually spoke to each other. It broke your heart and angered you. Fine, your words were blunt, but they were the truth. It was incredibly frustrating, especially when Jake’s friends seemed to agree with you. Everyone could see they were toxic together. Why couldn’t he?

One night, you returned from a bonfire where he and Bella had been. You had to leave, anger boiling in your veins as you saw her being awkward with everyone except Jake. You got the shy, clumsy teenager part, but at this point, she was being rude.

You left. It was just too stupid to stand there and watch. You went around the Black’s house and walked past Jake’s garage. It was left open, tools scattered everywhere. He was still working on those stupid bikes. You saw red and kicked a bucket as hard as you could. It did fly away and create a particularly satisfying mess, but it was full of heavy metal junk. You muffled a stream of curse words as you hopped around the little garage, holding your feet in one hand. “Motherfuck…”

“Yeah, that wasn’t your brightest idea,” you heard a sarcastic voice say.

That night, you officially met Leah. You didn’t know it yet, but you had just been graced with the presence of a soul sister. Leah was considered cold, hateful, and even dangerous by some people. Even though those were all kinda true, there was another side to her. She was incredibly witty and funny. You admired her confidence beyond measure. That night, you bonded over your unrequited love situations. It felt amazing to be able to talk about it with someone who actually understood. You started hanging out daily, never one without the other. Having just lost your best friend, it felt great to discover you could still develop unique friendships with other people.

Then, a few months later, Bella had chosen Edward over Jacob. It had been a terrible ordeal. Jacob was crushed, an anxious, angered, broken mess. Many times, you picked up your coat, ready to head to his house to offer some comfort, but decided against it. Surely, you weren’t the person he wanted to see in this situation. Until one day, he disappeared. He just left. Didn't give anyone any type of news. You almost went crazy. You kept going over to Billy's, foremost to lend a hand, but also to make sure you'd be the first to know if there was any news of him. One day, he simply reappeared. You were walking up the driveway of Billy's house when you saw his form in the window. You jumped out of the way to hide behind a tree, your heart beating a hundred beats a minute. You ran back home crying and didn't come again.

Tonight marked a month since Jacob came back. You didn't even see each other once. You made sure your paths never crossed, even if you knew it couldn't last. And just as predicted, when you live in such a small town, there was no way you could avoid seeing him when an event rallied the community. Most of the people from the reservation were present for a family barbecue celebrating Seth’s birthday. It was a lovely night, the air fresh and cold enough for a little coat, but nothing more. The sky was clear, guaranteeing an incredible view of the stars. Everybody seemed to enjoy themselves, while Jake looked as miserable and as pissed off as ever.

“God, Y/n!” Abruptly, you were pushed to the side. “If you don’t stop, I’ll throw you in the sea.”

You looked fearfully at your friend, knowing she wouldn't hesitate to put her threat to use. “Sorry,” you mumbled, giving him one last look before you filled your plate with delicious food.

You were looking for a spot to sit down when an overexcited Seth ran to you. In the last few months, you got to know him better through his sister and even started to consider him as your own little brother. Seth was an amazing boy, always with a smile on his face, easygoing, and always ready to help others. (So yeah, basically, you would destroy anyone who would try to hurt him.)

“Hey, birthday boy!” You greeted. He gave you a machiavellian grin as he sprinted towards you, barely covering two bumps under his sweater.

“What did you do again?” grunted Leah. He came to a halt about an inch from you two. As fast as he could, he slipped you a drink. “Seth, where did you get that?” you squealed.

“Old Quil gave some to me.” He grinned, incredibly proud. You looked at his older sister with an incredulous smile.

“Good job, brother,” congratulated Leah before subtly taking one bottle.

“If you want more, go see Quil. Got it?” You ruffled his hair as he gave you a quick smirk before running off.

“Don’t let mom get you!” called out Leah before he was out of reach. She looked back at you, lifting up her bottle. “You know what, I think this is exactly what we needed tonight.”

Fast forward to 11:40 p.m. Most adults were gone, leaving you kids to have fun. You were all gathered around a bonfire. Someone was playing music on a radio, and a few people bounced their heads to the rhythm. Leah was sitting in a camp chair, a second away from falling deeply asleep. You both had your fair share of drinks, maybe having indulged a bit too much. You were personally in a very good place. Drunk enough to feel like you were floating on a little cloud, not enough for it to be dizzying. You looked around as the flames of the fire illuminated the faces around you. Embry, Jared, and Quil were munching on snacks and joking around as usual. You smiled, your gaze moving on to Paul and Sam quietly chatting with a more serious expression on their faces. They left quickly after that, leaving one person for you to observe.

Your gaze slid in his direction, only to find a pair of dark eyes already focused on you. Usually, you wouldn’t have looked at him, but now that you did, the alcohol in your veins helped you stay bold and hold his stare for a second or two. You tilted your head to the side, wondering what had happened for him to notice your existence after all this time. He seemed to open his mouth in the distance, but you broke the spell of the moment when you heard a strange noise coming from the woods. You stood up and headed in its direction. It was an odd gurgling noise as if someone was retching. You tried being quiet but tripped on a small branch, alerting whoever was there to your presence.

“Who is it?” mumbled a strained voice. You immediately recognized it and quickened your drunken pace in its direction. You found Seth, hiding behind a log, vomiting his brains out on the leaf-covered ground.

“Oh, Seth,” you cooed. When he recognized you, his eyes glowed with relief before another wave of nausea forced him to face the ground. You approached him and rubbed his back, whispering soothingly. “It’s okay, let it out, it’s okay.”

“Y/n, I feel so bad.” He whined in a childlike tone. You felt your heart tense under the distress in his voice.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

You stayed with him until his vomiting was subdued. You helped him sit up, his back against a wooden log. “Stay here, I’ll get a bottle of water. Then we’ll leave, okay? If you need to be sick, do it while sitting. No laying down.” He nodded weakly. You brushed the few messy hairs sticking on his forehead before heading back to a stack of water bottles near the picnic table. You grabbed two, and as you turned around, you met the sight of a broad chest. You slowly lifted your gaze to find Jacob standing in front of you.

“What are you doing?” He asked suspiciously. With his hands in his pockets, he looked incredibly uncomfortable. You couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness at the realization that the person who used to be so comfortable around you now shuffled on his feet like you were an intimidating stranger.

Your brain seemed to freeze. It had been a long time since you had been so close. You had forgotten how everything about him just pulled you in. You took a second to analyze his face again. He had a new scar on his chin, very subtle; it must have been a new injury. “What's that new scar. You okay?” You asked innocently. He seemed taken aback by your remark. His hand immediately flying to stroke the piece of skin.

“Yeah.” He finally mumbled, "It’s been a few days. I’m okay now.”

“Oh, that’s great then.” You gave him a lazy smile before heading back to Seth. He followed you, wondering why you hadn’t answered him. That’s until he noticed how you weren’t exactly walking straight.

“Are you drunk?”

You signed with your finger and thumb, “A little, but I’m good. I’ve got water!” You showed it proudly, still marching on as he trailed beside you.

“Where are we going?” He ended up asking, giving up on lecturing you. You were nearing the log and heard another retching sound. Once again, you forgot about the tall boy walking next to you and jogged to poor Seth. You crouched next to him, quickly opening the bottle of water.

“Sue is going to kill him.”

You rolled your eyes, annoyed by his unnecessary comment.

“Really? That’s all you can think to say right now? Think that’ll help him?” Your tone was stern, leaving him speechless. He stayed silent for a minute, watching carefully as you cared for Seth as if he were your own little brother.

“We could bring him to my place?” He finally suggested.

He wanted to do anything to have you talk nicely to him again.

“And have your father see him like that? I don’t think so.” You got up, trying to help Seth do the same. He was definitely heavier than you would have thought. Unable to support the boy, Jake stepped up, holding his weight alone. “Thanks, but no, we’ll bring him to my place. My mom’s staying at her boyfriend’s house tonight, we’ll be alone there.”

Instructing Jake to wait for you there with Seth, you went to grab Leah. Sue was already asleep; she wouldn’t notice the absence of her children right away, and sleepovers at your house were now a recurring occurrence. You knew she wouldn't be worried. You guided everyone in your small cabin and ordered Jacob around to help. Leah ended up in your bed. A sip of water, a blanket, and she was a goner. Seth still required more attention, as you were afraid he might be dehydrated. He kept being sick for a little while before he started dozing off on the edge of the toilet. You cleaned up as Jacob brought the young boy to your bed. You left him a fresh water bottle, a bucket (just in case), and some Tylenol. You softly kissed his forehead before closing the door. Leah, fast asleep next to him, didn't even move an inch. You closed the door softly, careful not to wake them, and faced Jacob sitting on your couch. He looked so huge on the small and faded piece of furniture that it almost made you laugh.

“Do you need anything?” he asked as you rested on the door.

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

You sighed before sliding down to the floor. The high from taking care of everyone was slowly wearing off to be replaced by a slight headache. Jacob immediately got up and hurried towards you. He crouched until his eyes were level with yours. “You sure?”

“I think I need a minute.” You exhaled. He kept looking at you like you'd start puking. "I'm not going to do a Seth number here, okay? You can get that worried look off your face. You won't have to clean up after me tonight."

He let out a chuckle, his head hung low, and sat on the floor with you, "That works for me."

"I should always be drunk from now on." You finally whispered after a minute of silence. Your inebriated statement extorted a laugh from his chest.

"Why is that?"

"Because it's the first time you've talked to me in months, and it just so happens that I'm not sober. So the logical conclusion is that I need to be drunk for you to be able to tolerate me for more than five minutes." You chuckled, not realizing how hard your words hit him.

"That's not true..."

"Jacob," you openly laughed, your head falling back on the wooden door. "Come on."

"It just so happens that we are talking for the first time in a while, while you're drunk, but it's not because it's making you more tolerable."

"Then why? Why now?" you whispered, afraid to hear his answer.

He took a deep breath as if he was gathering the little courage he had before starting. "I don't know. I guess I thought if I made myself look like a gigantic idiot, at least there were some chances you wouldn't remember it? And honestly, when I heard the puking sounds and saw you wobbling, I didn't really trust your ability to handle the situation."

"And look who handled the whole thing in the end, uh?"

He smiled, amusement written on his face again. This felt good, terribly good. "Why would you have looked like an idiot?"

He took a moment before answering. His gaze focused on his fingers, as if he wanted to do anything but look at you.

"Because I abandoned my best friend for someone who has only ever seen me as a means to escape their troubles. Who used me for months, and abandoned me without looking back." You remained silent, unable to speak. What could you even say to that? "And it was the most stupid thing I have ever done."

Slowly, you faced him, the daze of the alcohol gradually leaving your body. "At least you are right on one thing. It really was the stupidest thing you have ever done," you scoffed. "But I am also sorry for what I told you that last day. I meant everything, but I agree it was harsher than necessary."

"Don't apologize. Someone needed to tell me the truth, I deserved it."

You nodded, your gaze falling on your own twisting hands. It felt surreal to have this conversation with him. You had imagined this moment an uncountable number of times. Yet, now that it was truly happening, everything you wanted to say vanished in thin air. You settled with what your heart kept whispering, "I missed you," you admitted. Your words made his head whip in your direction, disbelief on his face. "Every day, it drove me mad to see you being mistreated. I know who you are. I know how amazing you are. I know you always deserved so much better than how she treated you. It wrecked me to see it happen without having any power over it."

Slowly, he wrapped his big arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer for a hug. "I missed you too."

You stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying each other's touch after so long. Inhaling his familiar smell, you sighed.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was wishing things could go back to normal and we hadn't spent so much time away..."

He stayed silent, not responding to your secret wish. His silence made you feel uncomfortable enough to pull out of his arms, "Wouldn't you like that too?" you quietly asked.

He was about to start talking, but stopped himself. He wrung his hands, "I don't want things to go back to the way they were," he admitted.

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. Mouth slightly gaping, you stared at him. You would have never thought that his thing with Bella would made him realize he didn't even want you in his life anymore. You suddenly got up, needing to put some distance between the two of you. Maybe it was all in your head, the way he looked at you tonight, his hugs, how good it felt to have him back. It was all in your imagination.

Up until then, he had simply been looking at you, unsure of what was happening. He used to be able to read your expression in a millisecond. But it seemed you had developed the very annoying habit of completely closing off to him in the last few months. "Y/n, talk to me. I don't understand," he pleaded.

"There's nothing to explain, Jake. You don't want to go back to what we were, it's okay."

Then realization dawned in him. You could almost see the lightbulb moment going off on his face. He grabbed your arm, preventing you from getting further away from him. "That is not what I meant."

You looked at him, unsure, scared to get hurt again. "I don't want things to go back to what they were because I was such an idiot. Back then, I was stupid enough to take you for granted. The most amazing person in my life. Back then, I thought I could live without you. Back then, I thought I was so strong that I could avoid what every fiber of my being has always told me." He stepped closer to you, softly cradling your face in his warm hands. "That you are the one for me. That every single part of me is yours and that you are... mine."

His dark eyes seemed to have warmed up to a molten chocolate color, his face only a few inches from yours. "Yours?" you whispered out of breath.

The sound of your voice seemed to bring him back to reality. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly pulled back as if it took all his self-control to do so. "Whatever form that takes, yes. I want things to go back to what they were in the sense that I want you in my life again. But I'm different, I don't want them to go back to me being a freaking idiot. You deserve so much better than that. I want things to be so much better than they were."

A tornado of emotions brewed under your calm appearance. Never had you expected your conversation to take this turn. "Whatever you decide, I will respect, but know that I will do better. I want to do better for the rest of our lives. If you want me, you'll never get rid of me again."

His words had something embedded in them far more profound than a rekindled friendship. "You said, 'whatever form that takes'. What do you mean by that?"

He seemed relieved to hear you speak after so much silence, but your question made him stamp his feet, his gaze set down.

"I mean that..." he took a steadying breath. "I can be whatever you want me to be."

His answer made you tilt your head, eyes squinted. You always loved making Jacob nervous, ever since you were kids. But having this hulk of a man dancing around the subject like this gave you butterflies like never before.

"You mean a friend?" He nodded. "A protector?" He nodded. All the while, you took careful steps closer to him. "A companion?" He nodded again. "What about a lover?" His breath caught in his throat, and he gulped down before nodding again, this time much more quickly.

"You think you could have those kinds of feelings for me?" Your feet toe to toe, you looked up at him, he looked down at you, barely breathing. "I need an answer."

"Yes. Do you?" He managed to get out.

You looked at him, really taking in his beautiful eyes, warm skin, and short dark hair. God was he a sight to see. "I already do."

His eyes opened wider. "You are really, really, really stupid if you never guessed. I've always loved you. It didn't take long for me to realize I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. I've always been yours."

He stood there, completely aghast, while you grabbed his big hands in yours and intertwined your fingers.

"I never thought you could love me. Especially after what happened. I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to truly say how sorry I am."

You softly put your fingers on his lips, forcing him to stop rambling. "Lucky for you. I've always known you're a little slow." You tried easing up the tension, knowing how Jacob tended to beat himself up for his mistakes, but only tears glistened in his eyes. You softly wiped away the drop of water from his cheek as he nuzzled in your hand. He brought his forehead down to rest on yours, so vulnerable in this moment.

Having him so close to you was like a dream you never truly allowed yourself to have. He seemed to be laying himself bare in front of you. Offering everything he was to little old you. Love made your throat tighten and your heart beat a thousand times faster. And maybe he heard it, and maybe all that mattered was how he looked when you couldn't contain the words on the tip of your tongue any longer. "Can I kiss you?"

If you could have framed his expression in this moment, you would have. The way his eyebrows scrunched up in yearning and true pleading. The way he whispered in a hushed tone: "Yes," and how he melted into you when your lips finally met his. An impossible warmth spread on your cheeks, not helped by the heat emanating from his hands on your face, pulling you ever so closer. Quickly, what had started as a chaste peck turned into something more. Something magical, something that made your skin feel on fire. His huge hands wrapped in your hair as yours laid on his firm chest, wanting more. He grunted in the kiss, all his control thrown out the window.

"Mine, mine, mine," he mumbled in between kisses, and it made your skin jump, every cell in your body singing: yours, yours, yours.

You slowly separated, trying to catch your breath. He kept pecking your lips softly, unable to completely detach himself from you. Until you started giggling at the tickling of his lips on your nose and cheeks. His eyes had grown larger, his gaze dark. The air prickled with the primal energy lurking beneath his skin, but something so sweet and pure, too. You wrapped your arms around his strong middle, sighing with relief in the embrace while he nuzzled your hair with his nose, taking a big whiff.

"Did you just sniff my hair?" you giggled.

He looked at you with his arms still wrapped around your body. "I love how your hair smells. So good," he mumbled before diving in again.

"Jake, stop!" you squealed. He tickled you until you were interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open.

"Can you stop being disgusting for a second?" you heard a very groggy Leah mutter. You looked at your friend standing in the doorway, her hair tangled, her t-shirt askew.

You giggled and turned to move to her, but Jake kept holding you close, refusing to let you go. You felt yourself blush, but couldn't resolve yourself to leave his arms. "Everything okay? Is Seth sick again?"

"No, but I'm about to be," she said very plainly before running to the bathroom.

Jacob and you looked at each other with surprised expressions until you heard the now very familiar sounds of someone retching in your small bathroom.

"Duty calls," you whispered.

"Go, I'll prepare water and some medicine," he encouraged.

You stayed with Leah until she was done and brought her back to bed, where she collapsed without waking up again. This night had been nothing like you expected. Even though you had been close to way too much puke for your liking, the sight of Jacob waiting for you on the couch with blankets was all it took to convince yourself you would do it all over again if it meant ending the night in his arms.

#recs by rae

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