k.

❝ as long as i write, my heart will beat ❞

[cafeaumischief]

i think i was born to be a writer

to weave words

from crying hearts

woes of yearners

unspoken whispers

and most especially

my mind

a labyrinth that never slumbers

from thinking

and maybe

feeling

- writing is a curse and a blessing

[cafeaumischief]

the thoughts

are too much

that my words

confuse me

and want me to

erase it all up

and start all over again

then the cycle begins

- writer's block

[cafeaumischief]

the kid's first heartbreak, not.

if only the kid in me knew how much gut wrenching and bittersweet love was, then maybe i went down on my knees and prayed long ago to higher power to close off my heart to any emotion.

growing up, ive always wondered how love was. was it sweet like how the books described it? was it thrilling like the soap operas during nightly television sessions with my family?

i never knew people who cheated existed, until my first relationship. then my second. then my current.

you know what they say, you are what you love. and maybe it's the pent up emotions or the urge to exact revenge, but i cheated on him. it's an act i will always be ashamed of and will always look back with utter disgust.

but because of this, my mind has been, for the longest time, haunted by the thought that "maybe i'd be cheated on over and over again"

i long to protect the kid in me from this reality, from this belief that my heart would be toyed with countless of times, like some plaything. are they messing with my love? am i? or is it us both?

as ruthless as love is, the love in me will always be so much for me and my partners to handle. i will never be ashamed of loving too much, for pouring out so much love from my love.

maybe, just maybe, the kid in me still believes about the love i dreamed about many moons ago.

- it was all balloons and cupcakes, then turned to tears and heartbreaks

[cafeaumischief]

i

am

tired

- i give up on you because it was easy for you to do the same

[cafeaumischief]

- if i were to fall off a cliff, you'd let me go in an instant

[cafeaumischief]

i love you for who you are. you are precious.

for quite some time now, my brain has been at peace with my inner demons. i have been calm, and i could never be more happy and satisfied with how i feel with myself and with my relationship. i pledged to myself that i'd work on it, especially with how my mind takes in certain things. i have been patient with myself, and by doing so, i have been kinder and i approach things differently.

however, i do find myself staring back at the rabbit hole again: thinking about jumping like alice and indulging myself in these selfish and deteriorating thoughts. my mind would race and my heart would catch up, and i find myself nibbling on my right thumb.

i do know that i am human, and i am made to think and feel, and that suppressing such emotions and thoughts would only lead to them being bottled up until i explode like a dynamite. i met them halfway: i feel them, both the good and the bad. i let them run free in my mind, let them frolic in it. but then, after a few minutes, or hours, days even, i always remember that i am bigger than these thoughts.

and that has given me the biggest sense of calm i have ever felt. i've got a long way to go, but i'm starting it right.

to my baby, i know this change can be sudden and new, but i promise it'll be worth it. there's this sense of yearning in your voice when you said "i love you for who you are" after noticing that i've been calm for a few weeks now. you do love me, even the worse, brittle, and fearful parts of me. and everytime i'd let my brain go wild, you'd never fail to be there to hear me out. but i'm getting tired of it. you've done so much, now it's time to do my part.

my mind will always be an eternal storm, but my person is an eternal sunshine, bringing rainbows to my heart and butterflies to my stomach.

[cafeaumischief]

"you've been calm lately," he said

"for the past few weeks, i think," he said again

i giggle

let out a reassuring sigh

and give him a soft kiss

as i clench my jaw

to stop my heart from

breaking free out

of my rib cage

"have i?" i asked

if disbelief was personified

it would be me

at that moment

- i lock myself in to keep us sane

[cafeaumischief]

i'd like to think

that to him

i am but a warm and gentle fireplace

that slowly melts away

the frost around his heart

enveloping him in loving flames

and a burning sensation

of what it feels

to be loved

and i leave burn scars

to remind him that he is worthy of happiness

- you and i, a home together

[cafeaumischief]

didn't know the perfect bed would beat 60 to 100 beats per minute

- your chest is where i lie and rest

[cafeaumischief]

my boyfriend taught me that

we may find peace in being alone

but it'd always be nice

to have someone to cling to

every time we lie in bed

to have someone to talk to

when our thoughts get loud

to have someone to smile with

amidst tears and sadness

to have life and love personified

with pretty eyes

a charming smile

a warm, gentle soul

and lips who'd make everything calm

- if a flower is planted every time you cross my mind, i'd be walking with you in my boundless flower garden

[cafeaumischief]

- my life begins after college, and i can't wait for it

[cafeaumischief]

patience hasn't always been like this

i sometimes ponder on how much patience i've got when it comes to my boyfriend. don't get me wrong i love him dearly. but sometimes, i just wish it was somebody else. he floods my brain with bad thoughts all the time, and no matter how much i wash it off with video games and anime, it lingers like onion scent on fingers. my insecurities are my own problems, but i just don't like the way he talks about other people with me. it's as if he's a dog in heat, and it makes me feel less of a person. lmao what gets me back up on my feet is the fact that i won't let anybody, more so him, bring me down and make me feel bad about myself.

entirely, being with him is a conundrum. or a picnic date even. one second my mind is clear as day and im all in good vibes, then the second when he spouts unnecessary nonsense, it all crumbles down. just like right now. im in class, and all i could think about is how stupid he is.

he's dense, dumb, and cold. mean, sometimes. he says "it's how i am." and i just say, "okay."

even though it's not entirely okay. it hurts. it's unfair, and sometimes, it feels like you don't give a single damn about me.

but what's more dense and dumb, not cold but wanna be, is me. more specifically, my patience who never seems to know when to draw the line.

[cafeaumischief]

you continue to stir emotions within me

and these can be

unprecedented typhoons of

anxiety and paranoia

or a warm, sunny day

on a wednesday morning

- your words churn me inside and out

[cafeaumischief]

i'm back with heavy luggage and iced coffee. looks like someone's going to use tumblr as their poem and vent dump!

[pitbolshevik]

i love gaboon vipers why do they move like that

[pitbolshevik]

me when im walking

[corvidable]

[spleen9000]

@catadromously how could you leave this important comment in the tags etc.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[bunjywunjy]

Why is its tail so long? Does the pygmy jerboa need to have a tail three times the size of its body?

the same reason its head is the size of the rest of its body- because it is a RIDICULOUS creature.

[bunjywunjy]

look SOMEBODY has to, and it might as well be me

[tortoisesandcrystals]

He looks like a SPOON

[bunjywunjy]

accurate commentary on this miserable creature