i think i was born to be a writer
to weave words
from crying hearts
woes of yearners
unspoken whispers
and most especially
my mind
a labyrinth that never slumbers
from thinking
and maybe
feeling
- writing is a curse and a blessing
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@cafeaumischief
i think i was born to be a writer
to weave words
from crying hearts
woes of yearners
unspoken whispers
and most especially
my mind
a labyrinth that never slumbers
from thinking
and maybe
feeling
- writing is a curse and a blessing
the thoughts
are too much
that my words
confuse me
and want me to
erase it all up
and start all over again
then the cycle begins
- writer's block
the kid's first heartbreak, not.
if only the kid in me knew how much gut wrenching and bittersweet love was, then maybe i went down on my knees and prayed long ago to higher power to close off my heart to any emotion.
growing up, ive always wondered how love was. was it sweet like how the books described it? was it thrilling like the soap operas during nightly television sessions with my family?
i never knew people who cheated existed, until my first relationship. then my second. then my current.
you know what they say, you are what you love. and maybe it's the pent up emotions or the urge to exact revenge, but i cheated on him. it's an act i will always be ashamed of and will always look back with utter disgust.
but because of this, my mind has been, for the longest time, haunted by the thought that "maybe i'd be cheated on over and over again"
i long to protect the kid in me from this reality, from this belief that my heart would be toyed with countless of times, like some plaything. are they messing with my love? am i? or is it us both?
as ruthless as love is, the love in me will always be so much for me and my partners to handle. i will never be ashamed of loving too much, for pouring out so much love from my love.
maybe, just maybe, the kid in me still believes about the love i dreamed about many moons ago.
- it was all balloons and cupcakes, then turned to tears and heartbreaks
i
am
tired
- i give up on you because it was easy for you to do the same
- if i were to fall off a cliff, you'd let me go in an instant
i love you for who you are. you are precious.
for quite some time now, my brain has been at peace with my inner demons. i have been calm, and i could never be more happy and satisfied with how i feel with myself and with my relationship. i pledged to myself that i'd work on it, especially with how my mind takes in certain things. i have been patient with myself, and by doing so, i have been kinder and i approach things differently.
however, i do find myself staring back at the rabbit hole again: thinking about jumping like alice and indulging myself in these selfish and deteriorating thoughts. my mind would race and my heart would catch up, and i find myself nibbling on my right thumb.
i do know that i am human, and i am made to think and feel, and that suppressing such emotions and thoughts would only lead to them being bottled up until i explode like a dynamite. i met them halfway: i feel them, both the good and the bad. i let them run free in my mind, let them frolic in it. but then, after a few minutes, or hours, days even, i always remember that i am bigger than these thoughts.
and that has given me the biggest sense of calm i have ever felt. i've got a long way to go, but i'm starting it right.
to my baby, i know this change can be sudden and new, but i promise it'll be worth it. there's this sense of yearning in your voice when you said "i love you for who you are" after noticing that i've been calm for a few weeks now. you do love me, even the worse, brittle, and fearful parts of me. and everytime i'd let my brain go wild, you'd never fail to be there to hear me out. but i'm getting tired of it. you've done so much, now it's time to do my part.
my mind will always be an eternal storm, but my person is an eternal sunshine, bringing rainbows to my heart and butterflies to my stomach.
"you've been calm lately," he said
"for the past few weeks, i think," he said again
i giggle
let out a reassuring sigh
and give him a soft kiss
as i clench my jaw
to stop my heart from
breaking free out
of my rib cage
"have i?" i asked
if disbelief was personified
it would be me
at that moment
- i lock myself in to keep us sane
i'd like to think
that to him
i am but a warm and gentle fireplace
that slowly melts away
the frost around his heart
enveloping him in loving flames
and a burning sensation
of what it feels
to be loved
and i leave burn scars
to remind him that he is worthy of happiness
- you and i, a home together
didn't know the perfect bed would beat 60 to 100 beats per minute
- your chest is where i lie and rest
my boyfriend taught me that
we may find peace in being alone
but it'd always be nice
to have someone to cling to
every time we lie in bed
to have someone to talk to
when our thoughts get loud
to have someone to smile with
amidst tears and sadness
to have life and love personified
with pretty eyes
a charming smile
a warm, gentle soul
and lips who'd make everything calm
- if a flower is planted every time you cross my mind, i'd be walking with you in my boundless flower garden
- my life begins after college, and i can't wait for it
patience hasn't always been like this
i sometimes ponder on how much patience i've got when it comes to my boyfriend. don't get me wrong i love him dearly. but sometimes, i just wish it was somebody else. he floods my brain with bad thoughts all the time, and no matter how much i wash it off with video games and anime, it lingers like onion scent on fingers. my insecurities are my own problems, but i just don't like the way he talks about other people with me. it's as if he's a dog in heat, and it makes me feel less of a person. lmao what gets me back up on my feet is the fact that i won't let anybody, more so him, bring me down and make me feel bad about myself.
entirely, being with him is a conundrum. or a picnic date even. one second my mind is clear as day and im all in good vibes, then the second when he spouts unnecessary nonsense, it all crumbles down. just like right now. im in class, and all i could think about is how stupid he is.
he's dense, dumb, and cold. mean, sometimes. he says "it's how i am." and i just say, "okay."
even though it's not entirely okay. it hurts. it's unfair, and sometimes, it feels like you don't give a single damn about me.
but what's more dense and dumb, not cold but wanna be, is me. more specifically, my patience who never seems to know when to draw the line.
you continue to stir emotions within me
and these can be
unprecedented typhoons of
anxiety and paranoia
or a warm, sunny day
on a wednesday morning
- your words churn me inside and out
i'm back with heavy luggage and iced coffee. looks like someone's going to use tumblr as their poem and vent dump!
i love gaboon vipers why do they move like that
me when im walking
@catadromously how could you leave this important comment in the tags etc.
Why is its tail so long? Does the pygmy jerboa need to have a tail three times the size of its body?
the same reason its head is the size of the rest of its body- because it is a RIDICULOUS creature.
look SOMEBODY has to, and it might as well be me
He looks like a SPOON
accurate commentary on this miserable creature