Hey guys, Iâm sorry I havenât been around for a while. Iâve got sad news.
Peanut had to be euthanized yesterday. I took him in to the vet on the 12th for mild constipation and lethargy, and found out that the FeLV retrovirus had woken up, and he was in non-regenerative anemia. That meant his bone marrow wasnât making any more red blood cells.
His condition went down hill really fast, I tried looking in to transfusions for him but the family who said theyâd write the check till my money could be delivered went back on offering that help. And I didnât know if it wouldâve just made him more miserable for longer anyway. This was very very hard on both of us, luckily he was not in much pain, mostly discomfort and tiredness.
The euthanasia happened at home, he was already almost gone, but he got to pass away in my arms surrounded by every human he loved in a place he was very comfortable in. No death goes perfectly, but his went well and Iâm so happy I could give that to him.
Iâm still in shock from all of it. Going through another pet death like this so fast has been re-traumatizing. Iâm re-processing a lot of complicated old emotions and new emotions while coaxing my brain out of âthis is an emergency marathon, we donât have much time and we have to try everythingâ mode. Since the passing, Iâve been sleeping ok but waking up in a panic because each morning this week I had to take action on extremely stressful things right after waking up.
I want everyone to know that Iâm still taking care of myself. Iâm sleeping over at friends houses because sleeping at home is hard and I need people to cuddle me right now. Iâve been keeping up with exercise and getting myself to eat. I just joined an online therapy service and Iâm also reaching out to my old therapist from my collegeâs student services.
Any little comments or dms to offer support or reassurance are appreciated. Peanut will always mean so much to me, I wished I wouldâve shared more about him while he was here. Iâll probably be posting picture of him with good stories soon.
Lastly I want to say just how many odds he got to beat. His life was so unfairly short, but he wouldnât have got any time at all if he wasnât in the right place at the right time for me to scoop him out of traffic. Also, most kittens born with FeLV donât live to see their first birthday, Peanut almost made it to a year and a half! He got one winter and two summers and lots of love and attention the entire time. Iâll miss him so much. I donât know if Iâll get to see him again but I hope I will. Please hug your pets tonight in his honor and thank you for caring about him.






















