Calm Down Sister, Just Breathe

23. Australian living in Seattle. Student-Athlete. Depression. Eating Disorder. Trigger warnings. 182cm, 6'0'' SW: 191lbs CW: 137lbs GW: 175 lbs UGW: 160 lbs UUGW: 155lbs OMGGW: 150lbs or less!! CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH RECOVERY. THIS BLOG IS NO LONGER USED.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

at least the university will cover my being a patient at an eating disorder clinic when i'm back in home in australia..i don't think i'll be inpatient, but my mum isn't convinced.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

intervention

just got put through an intervention..

my best friend sat me down and basically guys i have to get better.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

new shorts, because as you can see, my old ones are about 4 sizes too big :S

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

I ate for the first time since Sunday breakfast today. 

Ate at dinner time - had two bowls of lettuce, some ketchup, and a cup of pickles.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

You guys want to see 35 pounds difference in a year? haha yeah here it is! Good LORDDDDDDD. 192lbs above, 156lbs below.

[rememberingc]

I think I’ll just spend lunch in the bathroom..

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

we can spend it together, if you like :)

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

My face when my grandparents call

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

breakfast - coffee with fat free milk

lunch - coffee with fat free milk

dinner - hot chocolate, fat free, no sugar

exercise - am: 20 minute run, 208 calories                  pm: 20 minute run, faster pace, 310 calories                         10 minute core set                         10 minute weight circuit                         20 minute sauna

Weight at end of day: 158lbs. 

[animalsnaps]

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

All I've had today is coffee and I am so proud

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

I've started running again :) Now I don't have to row with the university, the coaches don't care if I re-injure my hip, and I'm allowed to do what I want. today, I did 10 minutes of 2 up, 1 down, and then 10 minutes flat running. 208 calories in 20 minutes. Pretty happy to start there, looking forward to working out again in a few hours :)

Food log: coffee, 2tsp fat free milk, 1 T apple cider vinegar, 1 cup water

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

SEASON IS OVER.

4th fastest crew in the country. pretty devastated with result but what can you do?

I can now finally stop carb loading and having 1500 calories a day, and back to nothing - so fucking relieved. this past week has been so hard and I've literally been force feeding myself in front of my team mates.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

me in March 2012, and May 2014.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

chew and spit

I just chewed and spat so much food.

1 handful of almonds.

1 slice of cheesecake.

1 handful of thin crackers.

2 hotdog buns.

I'm happy because I feel better after vigorously chewing and literally shoving food in my mouth. I had a really bad day.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

what is that app that you use to count calories?

It's called 'Calories 2'; it's a free app I got through the Apple Store on my mac. If you go onto the app store and just look up calorie counters, there are a tonne of free ones, but this one is by far the best I've used :)

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

So far today…last week I was doing well but this week I just cannot bring myself to try I feel so disgusting and fat

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

Slash I probably have burned more calories than that rowing indicates, but I didn't wear my heart rate watch so I'm not going to risk underestimating. Rowing for 60 minutes at high intensity usually burns a lot more than that but you can't be too careful.

[calmdownsisterjustbreathe]

So far today...last week I was doing well but this week I just cannot bring myself to try I feel so disgusting and fat