Hello again. It’s me. The person behind this blog. As you can tell, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted. There was a reason behind that, and it leads to what this post is actually about. At least, half of this post.
I had ignored the boundaries of an artist and promptly was blocked for it, which I knew then was understandable, but now I realize it was deserved as well. I was below the age of 18 at the time they had blocked me, and they had 18+ in their bio. I had a habit of interacting with 18+ artists before this, so I had assumed the same thing as I always did would work there; follow/like, but don’t reblog, like, comment, or send asks until 18. So I followed them. And I was blocked. I was mad back then when I had realized, and I had thought that it made me a bad person. While what I did wasn’t good by any means, my reaction was more akin to being blocked by all of their artist friends, one of whom I was following at the time.
Now that I’ve had some time to reflect on the incident, I realize that I had ignored a boundary, and the artist had reinforced that boundary by not making me the exception.
So, @didderd-reblogs , if you are reading this, I would like to formally apologize and say that I now realize that what I did was wrong.
I originally had an explanation as to why I did it, but looking back I realize that no explanation could justify or excuse my actions.
However, that is only half of this post.
I am thinking of leaving this account. I will have the new account made soon, and I’m probably gonna move there at the end of the day.
I see this account as a time capsule in a sense. I made many friends on this account. Changed and grew. But I changed out of tune to this account. People that I knew during this accounts activity knew me when I was ~15. I’m 18 now. I’m not the same person that I was back then. I’ve made friends, gained memories, both good and bad, that make me feel as though using this account and posting on it again would be the same as painting over vintage wallpaper.
Plus, to add to how I realized that didderd was right to block me, I realized that I didn’t want minors on my page. Problem is, some of those minors were my friends, and it once again feels wrong to remove them from my mutuals list. I don’t want to change this little time capsule. I also was friends with many adults who I see as family, and I would like to avoid people I view on a similar pedestal as siblings/parents seeing me sexualize fictional characters on main lol.
This account is who I used to be. Who I was before my life got so much worse in ways I won’t go into. But it’s now who I am anymore. And I don’t want it to be.
I want it to be the me that laughed and cried and felt alive when she was. The me that trusted adults. The me that had a bright hope for the future. That isn’t who I am anymore. I’m an “adult” now, in the legal sense. But I feel like a jaded and scared kid. That’s not what this account will ever be.
So this is my final goodbye.
TL;DR: I crossed a boundary that I hadn’t realized was there, and was given rightful consequence. I later realized that the thought of returning to this account felt out of place and wrong, since the person I was when I made this account has long since been buried. So now I’m laying my organs bare, so I could clear the air before my departure.
That’s Louis Rossman, a repair technician and YouTuber, who went viral recently for railing against Apple. Apple purposely charges a lot for repairs and you either have to pay up or buy a new device. That’s because Apple withholds necessary tools and information from outside repair shops. And to think, we were just so close to change.
This guy inspired me to repair my own macbook. First of all, you should know that I am not… like, I have to look up HOW to look up what my computer specifications are. Tech, that ware either soft or hard, is not a subject in which I experience comfort or competence.
But my puppy peed on my keyboard, and I asked the apple store, or the fucking mac cafe, or the godsdamn Computer House Chill Zone or whatever cute ass name they have for their bullshit store, and they said it would be TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS TO REPLACE MY KEYBOARD. I’m not even exaggerating.
So I asked the internet, well how hard IS it to repair? And I saw this guy’s video, and while I am no techie, I AM fueled by spite, so I was all “oh, they do that shit on purpose specifically so they can charge me $1200 bucks or make me buy a new computer hunh? FUCK THEM” and I bought all the tools I needed for about $25 and I bought all the parts I needed for about another $25 and I watched a few tutorial videos, and I replaced my own keyboard.
So, once you are doing the actual deed, it becomes pretty obvious that they are finding creative ways to make this much harder than it has to be on purpose. On thing that stood out to me is, instead of all the tiny screws being the same size, there are about two dozen very slightly different sizes. They could easily be all the same size, or like, two sizes at most, but no.
These mother fuckers will take a panel that screws into place and they’ll use a different size screw for each corner. They are so close that you almost cannot tell them apart visually, but they each will only screw into the matching corner. Like, it’s a pretty clear “fuck you” to anyone trying to do repairs.
anyway, this guy is also fueled by spite, and doing holy work, and I have mad respect
I saw some posts and accounts that really bummed me out tonight. Some people are so proud to be transphobic and it’s disgusting. I’m terrified that I accidentally follow some TERFS without realizing it.
Show trans people some love in the midst of all of this hate that is still going around.
Like, not in the republican way. I mean she will not let me wear black lipstick/thigh highs/fishnets/shortish skirts/anything kids my age (and sometimes younger) wear because it's "too grown"
Mom I am 16
Like, I can't live on my own. But for the love of Christ Black lipstick????? That's GOTH. I see girls wearing thigh highs all the time. I can legally own and drive a car. I am the minimum age to get a job anywhere (to my knowledge).
I'm not saying I'm "basically grown" but come on. My mom thinks everything is "too grown" but gets upset when I don't want to wear ripped jeans. I hate ripped jeans because what is the point???? They're ripped. They've failed at the only job they were assigned. They're always too tight on my knees, so I just feel the ripped threads dig into my knees. I had to convince my mom to let me wear boys clothes. My black jeans are too old (even though I like the faded look they have). But wearing a crop top sweater is fine??? I hate the texture of knitted sweaters and ripped jeans. I wanna wear skirts and thigh highs and baggy jeans, but it's either "too grown" or it'll make me look "homeless" or "like nobody cares for me".
Idk, just ranting. I'm really frustrated. I feel like once I have the ability to move out and but my own clothes she won't even recognize me because that's gonna be all I want to wear. Black upper lip with a bright lower lip, thigh highs, and a non-knitted oversized sweater. I don't care what opinion you have on how old you have to be to wear what, I'm just upset because all the clothes I want to wear is off limits.
I’ve been getting horrible messages like this in my ask for months, including:
and my personal favorite
After getting the message saying “Just go kill yourself” I was completely done dealing with this person’s horrible messages and replied with just an “Okay.” and logged off tumblr.
About a week later I logged back on with 17 messages in my ask, most of them from the anon. I scrolled down and at first when I logged off, the anon messaged me things like
I scrolled up more and all of a sudden they started sending me more and more messages like
This was extremely surprising to me. I thought “After all those horrible messages you sent to me for MONTHS about hating me and wanting me dead, you say ‘sorry’ and that you ‘cant be responsible for someone’s suicide’?”
But I guess the lesson goes like this:
DONT TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED FOR WHAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN
This needs to be reblogged. I couldn’t scroll past this if I tried, I got a message like that but not for me, it told me to my friend to kill them self, I was livid! I didn’t answer it because a message like that doesn’t deserve an answer but I don’t see what is so funny about telling someone to kill them selves! I really don’t! It’s sick and it’s wrong. This person though, I take my hat off to you. You taught that bully a lesson.
How the fuck is the anon gonna do a complete U turn when they find out ‘oh shit they might actually kill themselves’ every action has consequences, good or bad, some people never learned this and it really fucking shows.
How about this: Stop being a coward and don’t use anonymous! And obviously, why on Earth would you tell someone to go kill themselves?! That Anon is a absolute S.O.B !!
your comment is a lie actually it CLEARLY states July 11 - July 13 so there are THREE days you can reblog this post PLEASE stop LYING on the internet, god.
