Jules of Nature
AnasAbdin
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tumblr dot com
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
Three Goblin Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
todays bird
Cosimo Galluzzi
Monterey Bay Aquarium
No title available
Today's Document
art blog(derogatory)
d e v o n
i don't do bad sauce passes
noise dept.
Product Placement
Peter Solarz
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@candlemas
Source
Ask it like this. Make it a bit more personal. Say there’s a vial with 5 of your own viable, human embryos and a 1 year old child. I’ve seen one person not dodge the question and answered that she would preserve her own embryos before someone’s child. I appreciated the consistency, but what the fuck.
the rest of the planetary system is like fuck you
top 5 puns?
basically everything in this poster
I need no axe to be a dwarf,” said Bashfullsson. “Nor do I need to hate trolls. What kind of creature defines itself by hatred?
Terry Pratchett, Thud!
Oh–
(via a-ramblinrose)
so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.
Everybody go home, this is my favorite soulmate au
So you finally find your soulmate. After years of knowing that dumbledore dies and the entire franchise being ruined, you find him. You’re in the theatre, dumbledore is dead and you hear it. ‘Man I can’t believe dumbledore died’ by a guy walking right by you and in you’re rage you shout ‘You! You’re the one!’ The guy stops, looks at you, his own arm to read the words, then back at you and he says, “That’s not really how I imagined that being said”
It got better
They’re a good boy. (via imgur)
You have been visited by the Chan of wealth, reblog this and you will have money come to you!
I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN
Last time I did this it was payday so duh. Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Chan.
Er, actually, about a minute after I hit reblog I got some very important (and positive) money-related news out of the blue. The system works, guys.
THIS WORKS!!
Doesn’t hurt to try 💕
StreamWeek - Day 7
Leverage OT3 for @do-what-the-knight-tells-you <3
And that’s how we turned Rose Faeries into Potato Faeries
‘Okay, so, today at work I asked a question that made my boss recoil, but apparently, once asked, he has to tell me the full story or ‘bad things will happen’. Which, as it would, immediately piqued my interest. I did the mash up last night, so I know that I left potatoes in the bin. I was last one out, and first one in this morning, and the potatoes are gone from that bin. Bit of a ‘huh?’ moment. And my boss … he starts telling me about how they always used to put out roses outside the restaurant when they opened. “What? Isn’t that expensive?” “I mean, yeah, but it’s just what you do when you open a restaurant” What the fuck kind of answer …? Anyways, the roses always used to disappear, so they had to replace them everyday, (This skinflint spending that much cash?!). One outside the front door, in that little metal thing that I had forgotten exists. It’s above to the right of the front door, a small circle made by 8 vertical bands of metal, each in an ) shape. So, like, the cross-section is a )(. Apparently that’s a flower holder. And then outside of the back door, apparently the old wooden post there never held up anything, it was just a post with a vase on it. That he drove into the asphalt there. In the alleyway. “What? Why would you do something so pointless?” “Anyways,”, he brushed me off, “like I was saying, we used to put out the roses every night [[emphasis mine]] and they would always be gone by morning. City kids, right?” “Why did you keep doing this?!” “We had really good luck opening, I didn’t want to screw it up” At this point I feel I should stress that my boss is a straight-laced no nonsense, no superstition, don’t-do-needless-things, pennypincher without an ounce of spirituality in him. But throughout all of this he’s defending putting out roses at nighttime, like it’s the most obvious thing n the world. Just when I think he’s playing the longest, weirdest joke on me, he brings out the iPad, and he starts showing me security footage. It’s indistinct, it’s too dark, he’s trying to point out that the rose never changes from the beginning of the night to the end, but when it gets bright again, the flower is just gone, while the stem remains. It’s about this point that I realize: This is a faerie sacrifice. This is how you sacrifice things to goblins and faeries. These are rose faeries. Now you might not know, even if you live here, but Newfoundland has a tradition of rose faeries. We basically took all the stuff british colonists knew about faeries and said, ‘yeah, well, it’s all about wild roses now’. Hike up to Signal Hill from behind the geo centre and you’ll pass a faerie ring of rose bushes that someone planted because of that. (It’s not obvious at first). Later in Newfoundland history, we star replacing all of the rose faerie tales with tales about Mother Mary, (As in, Christianity), whose flower is the rose. Ask around the old folk, they’ll tell you tales about people getting sick or getting well really suddenly, followed by a strong smell of rose. About people working on church roofs, falling down into rose bushes, and not getting hurt. About statues of Mother Mary crying rose oil, indicating that an infant will be left in front of the statue soon. Those are all stories that are actually about rose faeries, but they changed the topic. I guess they still pay respect to them, they just think they’re paying respect to god with rose petals and rosehip tea. “But what’s this got to do with potatoes?” Well, he said, he kept this up for about 5 or 6 months, and then the winter started. And back then, the florists in town didn’t stock as much in green houses, there wasn’t enough call for it. So he wasn’t able to get roses. The restaurant had really bad luck for a while, but then one day, all of the potatoes in the restaurant went missing. Of all the things, not the tenderloin steak, not the fresh salmon, not the halibut, not the cherries, not the fresh baked bread, the potatoes. And the luck came back. And he hasn’t questioned it since. “So, about how many potatoes go missing every week?” “About 25lbs in little bits” We turned rose faeries into gluttonous potato faeries.
How does that even happen?! Was a faerie just screaming “Where are the GODDAMN ROSES?!” while breaking into the restaurant?! And what the hell happened when it found the potatoes?! Like, *monocle pop*, “What the fucking WOT?!:, while holding up a potato and looking at it in reverence?
What do they even DO with potatoes? I mean, the obvious guess is ‘eat them’, but like, did they eat roses? Are there faeries somewhere swimming in potato water, blessing our restaurant for the earthy smells we have bestowed upon them?!
Just … potato faeries. We have fucking potato faeries in the restaurant where I work. Potato. Faeries.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Terry Pratchett - Wyrd Sisters (via terrypratchettparadise)
why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier
“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”
“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”
“Nice job breaking it, hero”
“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”
Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines
“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”
“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”
“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“
“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”
“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“
“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”
“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”
“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”
“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”
”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“
“Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber…. is looking pretty good.”
I’ve heard they actually had to rewrite a lot of her dialogue for the early part of Portal 2 to be more ridiculous and petty, as it was actually so on-point and vicious it was making playtesters not want to play the game.
Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
Terry Pratchett - Men At Arms (via terrypratchettparadise)
Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years.
she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt.
damn no wonder she died and smiled for a trillion years afterwards
The fact that we know about her is marvelous.
the next Pharaoh after her Tuthmosis III tried to erase Hatshepsut out of history ,chiseled her name off her monuments ,covered the text on her obelisks with stone,knocked down and defaced her statues .
she was even left off the list of pharaohs ..talk about some patriarchy bullshit
her name was lost for a couple of millennia, her body was found in a unmarked grave in early twentieth century
sad part is in Egyptian belief is if your are forgotten in the living world you don’t exist in the afterlife,so he was trying to kill her even in death
My best friend throwing down some herstory. A+ commentary
She wore a fake beard, you guys. She was the fucking boss.
If we remember her now does that save her from an awful afterlife?
I’m just picturing the Kemetic afterlife. All the Pharaohs are hanging out in some kind of swanky club, drinking and congratulating each other on being bros.
The doors slam open and Hatshepsut strides in, glorious, robes swirling, rocking the fake beard and the insane amounts of wealth and power. “Miss me, bitches?”
Then she punches Tuthmosis III straight in the dick.
I feel bad but this is so fucking hilarious
if anyone is lost, Donald trump jr literally just tweeted out evidence of him being involved with Russia. Something this journalist has been trying to find evidence of for months…… he is obviously in in shock 😂
he has continued to be hilarious
polygon laps
Courtesy of Sincerely Tumblr on Twitter
This is the greatest post I have ever laid eyes upon.
