just here to occasionally post weird ramble-y writings and then fade off into the great expanse of the universe | burgleyourturts on ao3 | in way too many fandoms
still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here
#excuse me but are you telling me that the Apollo pic is made with the help of the SUN and the Artemis one with the help of the MOON??? #that's actually so poetic i want to cry
@gorandomshesaid wait i need to sit with this one. wait.
just watched wicked: for good and i really loved the scene surrounding the song “for good”, but i can’t decide why i love it!
on one hand, i loved how it was given almost more gravity than “as long as your mine”. i love when platonic love/friendship is treated as seriously, if not more serious, than romance
i refuse to believe that “heaven” by mitski is about a man. a man could never find the string to strike within me that rings out a note heard in heaven.
while you were saving your neck, i've been breaking mine for you
a 5+1 ben 10 fic
Summary:
"It took Gwen a while to notice it. In her defense, she had a lot of things going on in her life, and each battle blurred into the next. But once she did notice it, it was impossible to miss. She had known for a long time that her cousin was reckless, often running headfirst into battle without thinking twice.
Recently, however, he had been far too eager to sacrifice himself."
OR
5 times Ben tries to sacrifice himself for others and fails, and 1 time he manages to succeed.
while you were saving your neck, i've been breaking mine for you
Chapter 6: The Incursions
Last chapter! Character death here, not graphic, but the implications of it are explored. Also non-consentual drugging. It's not done with bad intentions, but still. Be safe!
The last time it happened was the worst. By this point, she was determined to stop Ben from needlessly sacrificing himself. But her doofus of a cousin was dead set on preventing her from keeping him alive. The universe, too, was practically demanding that she fail.
The Incursions were back, and they were ready. Within minutes, the whole planet was surrounded. The Incursions would attack, they promised, unless the people of Earth surrendered Benjamin Tennyson.
Gwen groaned the second the Incursions stated their demand. She knew her cousin, of course he would choose Earth over himself. There was no way he couldn’t. But she wouldn’t let him. She, Max, and Kevin were a united front on this, no matter how much Ben insisted that he had to give himself up. They weren’t going to risk it, risk him. They were going to find another way. Ben wasn’t happy about it, but at least he stopped arguing.
“Fine. We’ll come up with another plan. But you owe me a smoothie!” Gwen was so relieved that she didn’t protest, and the trio soon found themselves back at Mr. Smoothy. Gwen gave Ben some cash, saying that smoothies were on her, and Ben walked away to order. As soon as he was out of earshot, Kevin turned to Gwen.
“You think he’s gonna try something?”
“Of course he will. This is Ben we’re talking about.” Kevin shrugged, clearly in agreement with that.
“So what are we gonna do about it?” Gwen turned to face him.
“Azmuth is going to deactivate the Omnitrix and sedate him. It’s extreme, but it’ll work. He’ll do it when we get back to Plumber HQ after this.” Kevin didn’t look happy, but he nodded. Gwen didn’t particularly want to do this either, but they had to. Ben had left them no choice.
They stood in silence as they waited for Ben to return. It was several more minutes before he appeared, holding a tray of cups.
“Sorry that took so long. There was a line.” Gwen just stared at him, unamused. The place was practically deserted. There was one other car, and the parking lot was silent. “Right.” Ben laughed, the sound a bit strained. “Well, drink up!” With that, he removed the life of one smoothie and gulped it down. Gwen was slightly impressed, if only because he managed to avoid getting brain freeze. Mostly, though, she was just disgusted.
Gwen and Kevin drank their smoothies less quickly, and the trio chatted idly as they often did on smoothie runs. Eventually, Gwen yawned, and she thought it was probably a good idea to get going. But Ben frowned, looking sad enough that she decided a few more minutes couldn’t hurt.
Gwen woke up with her mouth dry and full of her hair. She blinked, head pounding like she’d drank too much last night. Had she? She couldn’t remember. She was just about to drift off again when she realized she was not in her bed. Instead, she was in Kevin’s car, and when she looked over she found Kevin asleep next to her. They were still in the parking lot of Mr. Smoothy.
“Kevin,” she called, gently prodding him awake, “wake up!” He opened one eye and glared at her, but she shook him, hard. “Why are we in your car?” This got a reaction out of him. He sat up and looked around, brow furrowing.
“I don’t know. The last thing I remember is drinking smoothies.” Gwen thought about it, and yeah, that was the last thing she remembered, too. Kevin growled angrily. “Ben. He must have drugged us.” Gwen wanted to argue, but it was the only thing that made sense. She swiveled around, trying to see if anything was out of place. There, lying on the backseat, was a piece of paper. Gwen reached over and grabbed it, opening it to reveal Ben’s handwriting.
Gwen, Kevin,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I drugged you, and I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. But I needed to go, and I knew you wouldn’t let me. The planet, all these people, they need me, and I can’t sit around. This is the only way I can save everyone, so I’m giving myself over to the Incursions. I know you wanted to keep me safe, and I love you for it. But we all know I have to do this. You guys are the best team I could have asked for, and even better friends. Please forgive me, but don’t forget me. I’ll always be with you.
I love you guys so much
Ben
Gwen was crying by the end, and even Kevin was teary-eyed. The sadness quickly turned to anger, burning hot in her chest.
“How could he? How dare he?” Gwen yelled. She wanted to yell at Ben, scold him for being stupid, being selfish. But he wasn’t there, and she knew he was the opposite of selfish. She was the selfish one, the one willing to let the world burn if it meant Ben would stay by her side.
Kevin was silent, and when Gwen looked over, wondering why he wasn’t seething, she saw him glancing down at something in his hands. At the Omnitrix. If Gwen hadn’t been terrified before, she definitely was now. Ben had no weapon, and they had no way of tracking him. Actually, she remembered, she did have a way of tracking him. Maybe it wasn’t too late to get Ben back.
“We have to tell Grandpa. Then I’ll track Ben’s mana and we’ll go get him.” Kevin looked over at her, face drawn, and nodded wordlessly. He started the engine, and they took off towards Max.
Max was unsurprisingly less than pleased when he was told that his grandson was not, in fact, safely sedated. But he was a soldier, and he had a job to do. He was barking orders in no time, and only an hour after Gwen and Kevin had arrived, the Plumbers were ready to dispatch their ships. Seated aboard the Rustbucket III, Gwen closed her eyes and felt across the universe for Ben.
She found nothing. Not a single flicker of his familiar signature. She let out a sob, hopelessness filling her from head to toe. No. It couldn’t be.
“I can’t feel him. Grandpa, I can’t feel him!” Max’s face fell, but he simply wrapped Gwen in a hug as Kevin closed his eyes, already grieving.
“That’s alright, sweetheart. We’ll find another way to locate him.” He sounded so certain they would find Ben, but Gwen knew. Tracking Ben was second nature to her now, and finding absolutely nothing could only mean one thing. Ben was gone. They were never going to find him, at least not alive.
Max sent Gwen and Kevin home, instructing them to get some rest and promising to inform them of any updates. The second Gwen reached her bedroom, she buried her head in her pillow and screamed. She didn’t stop screaming until the screams turned to sobs. She cried herself to sleep that night, and the next night, and the night after that. Then she just stopped sleeping. She would reach out every night with her mana, trying to find any trace of Ben. Nothing, night after night.
Life went on for the people of Earth, Ben had made sure of that, but not for Gwen. Not for Kevin, or Max, or any of the Tennysons. Ben was gone. No, Ben was dead, and Gwen didn’t know how to live without him. Her brave, funny, resourceful, selfless cousin would never be back.
She clung to Kevin, and Kevin clung to her. Gwen visited Carl and Sandra after a few days, and then she started visiting them every day. Ben would have been shocked to see how well Carl got along with Max, when the Plumber wasn’t searching for a boy who would never return. He hadn’t given up hope that Ben was alive, nor had Ben’s parents. But Gwen knew he wasn’t, and so did Kevin.
Months passed, and Gwen didn’t get over losing Ben. She did accept it; she wasn’t happy, but she was living, and that, somehow, was an improvement. She slept, she ate, she went to school. It was better. Not good, not even okay, but it was better. Kevin helped, but he was suffering too.
Gwen had failed in the most important task of her life. She was living with the consequences of that. A tiny part of her declared that she deserved this. But Kevin, Max, Ben’s parents, Ben? They didn’t deserve this.
One night, she gives in to the need to reach out with her lifeforce. She knows she won’t find anything, she never does. But it helps her feel connected to the cruel world that took her cousin away. Without that connection, as painful as it is, she feels lost in the vacuum of space. She stretches far and wide, reaching further than she ever has before. Nothing. A tear drips onto her pillow, leaving behind a perfect circle.
Something compels her to try again, just one more time before she can put this to rest forever. She does, weakly grasping for something, anything. For a moment, she feels nothing but cold emptiness. Then, her awareness brushes up against the warmest thing she’s felt since it happened.
while you were saving your neck, i've been breaking mine for you
Chapter 5: Vorath
Warning, I am bad at writing fighting scenes. Slightly more graphic depiction of injuries here, but it's still relatively tame.
By the fifth time, Gwen should have known it was inevitable. It started as it always did: with the bad-guy-of-the-week screaming her cousin’s name.
At this point, none of them were fazed. Ben, ever the picture of confidence, simply called back:
“Yeah?” The alien, a rogue Tetramand, and a large one at that, did not appreciate this. He growled angrily before responding.
“I, Vorath, have come for-”
“The Omnitrix, probably,” interrupted Ben, much to the annoyance of Vorath. He stomped a bit closer; Ben didn’t flinch. Nor did Gwen or Kevin.
“Yes. The most powerful weapon in the universe. It will be mine!” Ben just sighed, rather dramatically in Gwen’s opinion, then reached for said ‘most powerful weapon in the universe’, the brightness of the hologram lighting up his face even in the bright sunlight.
“Right. Like that’s gonna happen. Ben let his hand fall, and with a flash, the scrawny form of her cousin was gone, replaced by the hulking figure of Armadrillo. Then he jumped right in, Gwen and Kevin falling in like clockwork, and for a while, everything went as it usually did.
Then it went to hell. Gwen wasn’t sure how surprised she should feel, especially with how things kept going south lately, but she didn’t exactly have the time to figure that out. The Tetramand - Vorath, he’d called himself - had an eighteen-wheeler held aloft, ready to toss it into the intersection below, an intersection bustling with people blissfully unaware of the looming danger. Ben froze, as did Gwen and Kevin. What else could they have done?
“Hey,” Ben began, voice shaking almost imperceptibly, “let's not do that.”
“You will battle me alone, wielder of the Omnitrix. To the death.” Vorath’s tone allowed for no arguing, nor did the semi still held up by two arms. A third was pointing directly at Ben.
“Fi-” Ben began, but Gwen and Kevin cut him off, voices overlapping.
“Ben, no!”
“Yeah, that’s not happening.”
“Quiet!” Vorath boomed, and Gwen and Kevin acquiesced. They knew what awaited them if they didn’t. Ben transformed with another flash, and he offered his teammates a tight smile.
“Guys, it’ll be fine. Just let me handle this.” Kevin gave him a terse nod, and Gwen let her mana flow back into her body. Ben turned back to Vorath. “Right. Could you put that truck down now?” Vorath growled low, but he placed the semi back on the ground, and Gwen relaxed a tiny bit. But the fear that had run through her veins for the people in the square only moments ago gave way to a slow-building worry for her reckless cousin. She knew this wasn’t the hardest thing Ben had ever done, but her heart thumped painfully at the thought of not being able to fight with him. Kevin didn’t look jazzed about that either.
But there was nothing they could do except trail helpless after Vorath and Ben as the latter led them to a more secluded place where they were less likely to accidentally injure someone. Gwen knew the dangers of backing out of the deal now wouldn’t be good, so she really did just have to watch. God, she loathed the idea of that.
Gwen boosted herself and Kevin into the air on a mana platform so they were out of the way. Ben flicked through the Omnitrix’s catalogue before settling on one and slamming his hand down decisively. Vorath and Big Chill faced each other, statuesque for a few seconds before Vorath lunged. The fight had begun.
Ben managed to go intangible in time, letting out a subzero breath that froze Vorath in place for about four seconds. Then he was moving again, fast and strong and confident. Ben matched the confidence, and the duel moved so fast that Gwen almost got dizzy trying to keep her eyes locked on her cousin even as his entire figure flickered between solidly present and entirely transparent. It was probably comical, the way Gwen’s head swiveled constantly like she was watching one of Julie’s tennis matches. But Gwen couldn’t find any humor in it, not now.
She wasn’t sure what Kevin was doing, and she honestly didn’t care. All of her attention was intensely focused on Ben, who was holding his own pretty well. It wasn’t that she doubted his ability, but he tended to be reckless, and it had been her job to look out for him ever since they were little. The urge to pull him out of anything even remotely dangerous wasn’t something that would ever go away.
The two duelers were evenly matched, both dodging most of the attacks, making the fight fairly uneventful. This should have eased Gwen’s fears, but somehow every second her cousin grappled with Vorath augmented her anxiety. There was no cryptic sign, no omen, but Gwen couldn’t shake the growing dread that settled in her stomach like a stone.
Her anxieties proved to be warranted when Vorath landed a powerful hit that sent Ben sprawling. Gwen gasped, unable to stop the fear spreading through her veins. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kevin grimacing. This wasn’t good.
In an instant, Vorath was on top of Ben, three arms pummeling him while the fourth held him down, as if there was any way Ben was getting up.
“Why doesn’t he just go intangible?” Kevin asked through gritted teeth.
“He’s too dazed, look at him!” Gwen knew she shouldn’t be yelling at Kevin, but there was too much emotion welling up in her, and it had to go somewhere.
“Shit,” was Kevin’s response. Shit indeed, Gwen’s mind whispered sardonically. “We need backup.” His town harbored no hesitation, a sentiment mirrored by his stony expression. Gwen wasn’t about to argue; Ben would want to finish this with honor, but Gwen was not about to lose him. Not today, not ever.
Kevin punched his Plumber’s badge harder than was probably necessary to activate it, and he was barking demands the second the call connected. Normally, Gwen would have berated him for being so loud, but there was no way Vorath was paying any attention. He was way too busy with his fallen foe. Whoever had picked up Kevin’s call now had several teams en route, so now all they could do was wait. They didn’t dare attack Vorath before backup arrived, at least not while he was actively on top of Ben, for fear of exacerbating things.
Gwen didn’t want to watch, but she needed to have eyes on her cousin. She flinched with every punch that landed, but she never glanced away. Then, just as Gwen thought Ben had passed out, a bright flash forced her eyes closed. When she opened them, blinking away the dark spots dancing in her vision, she saw that Ben, now back to his much smaller human frame, had escaped Vorath’s grip. The flash had seemingly blinded the Tetramand, who hadn’t managed to grab hold of Ben again.
As Ben half-ran, half-crawled away from Vorath, Gwen and Kevin didn’t hesitate. Gwen scooped her cousin’s shaking form up with a mana bubble while Kevin donned a stone suit and began distracting Vorath. The second the bubble was out of Vorath’s reach, Ben went boneless. Gwen rapidly pulled him over to her, praying that he was merely unconscious.
When the bubble disappeared, Gwen got her first good look at Ben. He looked awful. Blood coated his face, pouring from his nose and seeping from his badly cut lips. There wasn’t any bruising yet that Gwen could see, but she knew it would be bad. His hair was matted with dirt and more blood, and his clothes were ripped, only slightly, but enough to see cuts marring his arms, chest, and legs.
Gwen leaned over him, nearly collapsing with relief once she felt his heart thudding against her fingers, tightly pressed against his neck. Ben groaned softly, and she realized that he was still conscious. She teared up at the sight of his swollen eyes cracking open, green meeting matching green. He tried to sit up and sucked in a pained breath through his teeth.
“Shh, lay back down,” Gwen soothed softly, helping him lower himself back down to the ground. “It’s okay, you’re safe.” No sooner had the words left her mouth when Ben let out a breath and slipped into unconsciousness. Gwen’s heart raced, but she calmed slightly at the thought that the Plumbers were on their way.
Sure enough, not even a minute later, several Plumber ships arrived. One landed near Kevin, who was dodging Vorath’s enraged fists. Another hovered above Gwen, and she had to remind herself that they were on her side as the agents carried Ben away from her.
After that, it was a blur. Gwen couldn’t remember anything other than her ever-building worry and Kevin’s silent presence beside her. The only noise between them was the tapping of Kevin’s shoe on the ground as his leg bounced anxiously.
When they were finally allowed to see Ben, Gwen nearly tripped in her haste, Kevin right behind her. Ben still looked awful. The blood on his face had been wiped away, revealing dark bruises around his eyes and re-straightened nose. There were stitches in one of the cuts on hip lip, and his eyes were slightly unfocused, courtesy of the concussion he was no doubt sporting. There were bandages on his arms and legs, and his chest was wrapped, but he was alive.
Gwen immediately took his hand in hers, both to comfort him and to reassure her that he was still there. Kevin sat down, carefully laying a hand on Ben’s shoulder. They didn’t talk. Ben was pretty foggy, and Gwen and Kevin didn’t know what to say. As Ben’s eyes slipped shut, Gwen took a seat and settled in, still holding his hand. They were going to be here for a while.
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