"Hold my dumplings."

Name's Alex, I'm 24, pronouns are he/him. I cosplay and go through life the best I can with my darling fiancé. My ask box is open if you wanna talk or have questions about whatever, so long as you aren't an impossible ass 💜

[hazelenergy]

The vampire version of fuck marry kill is bite fright ignite thank you for coming to my Elysium talk

[birf]

*banging on the table* vampires vampires vampires

[biohazrd]

girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure

[darillium-night]

Update from the man himself

[holdtightposts]

The Porn Guy aka The Nice Guy aka The Canadian side of Pornhub aka SFW Pornhub’s REAL NAME is Ryan Creamer. No joke, that is legit his real name.

Also this.

Which led him to this.

Bless this man.

[the-nightman783]

[mysharona1987]

[comradesaucegay]

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

[comradesaucegay]

and so it begins..

[voxiferous-deactivated20171119]

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

[drtanner]

I’m NEVER ready for the fucking photograph, holy shit.

[normal-horoscopes]

I love how medieval wizards would write shit like "We all know the testicles are controlled by the position of mars" just incomprehensible king, please continue.

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[the-unseelie-court-official]

Sometimes it feels like first base in the winter court is attempted murder.

[flagellant]

in my experience third base is successful murder

[clinical-manners]

Second base is an exorbitantly expensive and creative hat made of ice.

[memewhore]

[teacupsandtimelords]

Fun Fact! Two Weeks Notice is not a REQUIREMENT in any sense of the word. It’s a nicety. A polite gesture, and only polite for the MANAGEMENT because THEY want time to find someone to replace you. They cannot withhold your last paycheck if you refuse to give two weeks notice, and they cannot force you to work the two weeks. Additionally, they cannot report that to any future employers who call them regarding your work history. In fact, they’re not allowed to comment on your performance AT ALL! Legally they are only allowed to confirm that you were an employee during the dates you list - anything else and they open themselves up to civil lawsuits in which they can be sued for damages for any number of reasons. So fuck Two Weeks Notice. if you work for a fucked company, they deserve to get fucked in return.

[continent-of-wild-endeavor]

If you ever feel bad about not giving two weeks’ notice, or like you’re being unprofessional/unfair, think about this: If your boss fired you, would they give YOU two weeks’ notice? Or would they have you escorted out of the building then and there? Anything they don’t owe you, you don’t owe them. Fuck ‘em.

[alunarrose]

Oh these are therapeutic

[severalowls]

I’d just like to add a classic:

[barrenwomb]

you can be masc AND a slut. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

[v4mpyrsp1t]

lady dimmadome

[nerdygaymormon]

[barbara-lazuli]

Best use of this meme

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

the raven (1845) - edgar allan poe

[actual-mothman]

op change ur fucking url

[luminarai]

listen, I’m not the biggest fan of kids but if a child looks at me then you bet I’m gonna smile back at them. kids deserve to experience the world as a kind and safe place to explore okay.

[scarlet00rose]

But the world is not kind or safe.

[citizen-zero]

then Fucking do your part to make it that way.

[valtsv]

nobody who's ever drawn or been a fan of a "tumblr sexyman" will ever be on the level of some 19th century artists with satan

[valtsv]

satan, the original sexyman

[valtsv]