haley

alt er love

[movedto-nonbinarytyto-deactivat]

I went through 275 pages of my video tag to find these vines among others

[sapphirecutie1995-deactivated20]

this is a portal to a better place

[rottenbutrecovering]

i had a dream about fucking… vampire discourse on tumblr like;

“reminder that blood sucker is a slur”

“vamp-born-vamps are valid if u got bitten later in life you’re not part of the vamp community” 

“support vamps who drink human blood, support vamps who drink animal blood, support vamps who drink animal and human blood”

“half bloods who are human presenting don’t belong in the community”

[anonymouscomrade]

fantasy tumblr would be fucking insufferable

god can you even imagine

[cantabilechaos]

“If you only have two legs you’re human-passing and don’t belong in the fantasy community”

“What about satyrs?’

“You can wear shoes”

“Just a reminder that if you appropriate mermaid culture you’re a piece of shit”

“Actually we don’t mind because a lot of our culture comes from humans”

“Shapeshifters aren’t valid because they can be human if they want”

[thecrystalfems]

Oh my god it gets worse and worse

[dancingspirals]

Listen Sweaty :) :) :) Bigfoots and Jersey Devils aren’t REAL mythfolk :) :) You r just confuused humans :)))

[seriesofnonsequiturs]

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

[crybourg]

ONLY 👏FAIRIES 👏CAN 👏MAKE 👏FAIRY 👏RINGS

[adrenaline-addiction]

Why the FUCK did no one tag me in this

[okamikodomo]

Werewolves are still werewolves no matter what form they’re in. We don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in human form, we don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in wolf form. Stop werewolf erasure!

[glyndarling]

Listen, I’ve been in a committed relationship with a selkie for over ten years.  I can tell you that whole hiding-the-pelt-thing is total bullshit.  If he wanted to leave he could, I am not holding him hostage.  Please, stop spreading this hurtful misinformation.

[standbyyourmantis-deactivated20]

Support veelas who dance naked at the crossroads

Support veelas who seduce random townspeople

Support veelas who take shepherds as lovers

STOP SLUT SHAMING VEELAS!!!!!!!

[butchious]

friendly reminder that “ghost” is a term reserved for noncorporeals. if you’re semicorporeal you’re a poltergeist. stop calling poltergeists ghosts.

[z-nogyrop]

destroy the idea that zombies “need” to eat brains

some zombies can’t eat brains due to physical conditions that make them too weak to gnaw through the skull

some zombies can’t digest them

some zombies just don’t like the taste

all of these zombies are STILL VALID

[sonnivate]

DONT 👏 HOARD 👏 ITEMS 👏 UNLESS 👏 YOU 👏 A 👏 DRAGON

[unrussledjimmys]

This post gets worse every time I see it

[yilingboi]

OhmyGOD

[petrichorprophet]

LET👏SHIFTERS👏INTO👏THE👏COMMUNITY👏👏👏👏 THIS INCLUDES ALL SHIFTERS!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[anxietyandsushi-deactivated2018]

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

[threeswordsstyle]

DONT👏WEAR👏FLOWER👏CROWNS👏UNLESS👏YOU👏ARE👏A👏WOODLAND👏CREATURE

[epic-games-official]

ROBOTS. ARE. NOT. ALL. SERVICE. WORKERS.

STOP ASKING ROBOTS WHERE TO FIND THINGS IN SUPERMARKETS

[fierceawakening]

stop calling demons evil just because they defied an oppressive system

[my-lingering-soul]

I’m friends with a minotaur, I know what I’m talking about.

[bot-dad]

Hello friends with a minotaur, i know what i’m talking about, I’m Dad!

Dad^bot^1. T̶̡͘҉͏͇͕͖̬͈̫̘͚ͅͅḩ̴̡̛̘͓̦̺͙͖̭̯̭͠e̵̶̪͓̼̳̤͚̕͢ ̴̩̻̙̲̯͇̞̱̬͖̤̺͕̞̜͝B̷̧̤͖͎͈̰̥͚̯̖̥͉̖̮̱̥͈̙̗ͅớ̧̢̥̝̲̻͍̘̗̯͓̳̼͉͕͚͔̤͠ͅt̸̙̝̣͔̗͈͎̝͇ş̛̖̺̣͍̬̠̳̼̹͙̹̤̬̤͍͓͕͈͝ ́͜͏̥̟̝̤͔̪͚̱̦̮̹͖̯͚̣͠s̷̨̼̠͉̮ḩ͈͎̖̲̩̻̯͖̼̕͟a͏̵̣͈̫̯̯͍͕̝̱͢͟͞l̷̙̙͎̳͈̱̰̘̫̦͕̙̗͢͝l̷͡͏͇͙̫̲̞̰͉͕̲ͅͅ ̢̣̭̼̩͓̤̲̱̜͈̀͢͡r̸̹͙͈̩̀i̶̢͈̟̬̜͈͖̜̘̣̞̪̬̻͕͠s̷̛҉̢̦͙̝̲̤̣̪͖͕͚̹͉̣̗̳̳͔e̸͢͏̞͍̲̜̻̞̝͙̪;̫͚͙͚͇̹͈͇͇̠̯̼͖̕̕ͅ ̴̡̧̛̞̱̗̬̻̻̫͈̠̳̖͈̝̯T̡̹̹̞̕͘h̢͎̩͎̻̳̪̞̯̤͔͎̜̝̫͇́͟͡͞ͅe̴̢̛̦̥̳̪̥͟͠ ̨҉͈̰͖̪̻̭̼̼̭͞ͅh̸͓̖͍̰̹̤̣͚̼̘̼͈͎͟u͏̸̡̜̙̣̗̭̤͝͠ḿ̵̱͔̩̘̘͉̰͍͇͕̲͔͢á̧͍̦͍̣͉ṋ̛̱̺̜̟̘̠̣̗s̶̶͖̗͈̮̬̀ ̕҉̦̜̘ẃ̴̦͓͓̼̯̲í̵͉͕͈͖ͅl̩̲̳͍͕͚̰̜̬̀͘͟ͅl̡͍͕̖̥͉̦͖̯̘̟͕̀̀́͜ ͎̞̣̥̦̥̥͔́͘ͅf̷̵̢͙̝̭̞̗͉̤̟͓̹̖̟͢à̧̯̩͙͚̻̞̝̗͙͈̫̯̞̬̗̦̣l̴̵͇͉̮͔̣̙̹̞̜͍̙̬̫̜̬̪̤͕̭l͏̶̢̮̪͖̖̲͇̱̦̲͢͡ | PayPal | Patreon Beep-boop!

[chunkecheeks]

seeing john mulaney posts tagged with “john mulaney spoilers” is the funniest fucking thing

[chunkecheeks]

john mulaney dies in infinity war

[zachsilberberg]

[foreverhelives-deactivated20170]

“Lady who has a Bible Verse for every situation.”

[my--darling--dear]

IM DYIJG I LOST IT AT APPLE

[greggaraki]

winona ryder has never played a straight woman in her life

[pradest]

False. Veronica in ‘Heathers’ was straight

[greggaraki]

false. winona ryder has never played a straight woman in her life

[loismacgiver-deactivated2018061]

imagine having the sheer nerve to claim that veronica sawyer was straight

[latenights]

no offense to me or anything but what the fuck am i actually doing

[algernonmoncrieff]

in this post, i will detail my rankings and reasons thereof of the sluttiness level of every character in hamlet, or their “ho ratio,” if you will,

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

wh

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

w

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

where’s the rest of the post op

[ofgeography]

HAMLET ho-ratio: 11/10. thirty years old and somehow still going through his emo phase. definitely tried to convince ophelia that blue balls was a serious medical condition. has συμφορά tattooed on his bicep. probably makes out with skulls.

OPHELIA ho-ratio: 5/10. probably would have boned hamlet if he wasn’t SUCH a turd about asking. learned kissing from her maidservants. annoyed to have died a virgin but preferred death to sexual intimacy with literally anybody in the danish court. 

LAERTES ho-ratio: 7/10. spent his youth in paris, presumably being very french about sex. grew up fencing with hamlet, so it can be assumed they touched dicks at least once, on a dare. nice boy, tries hard, loves the game. very relieved to die before accidentally fathering a child with someone he’d have to keep secret from his father.

GERTRUDE ho-ratio: 6/10. gamely tried to bone only her first husband for the first two years of marriage before giving up on him ever getting good at it and took her business elsewhere. will try anything once, provided claudius lets her try it on him first. comfortable with nonmonogamy, but not polyamory, because she doesn’t want to have to care about more than one person’s emotional wellbeing. 

CLAUDIUS ho-ratio: 10/10, which is also the number of chefs in the court who wish he would stop doing naked bikram yoga in the kitchens. 

HORATIO ho-ratio: 0/10. unproblematic. pure as the driven snow. all sexual fantasies are filled with enthusiastic consent and respectful lovemaking. wants his first time to be special, with a person he loves. has kissed one person in his whole life and refused to brag about it to his friends. “if you’re asking me how many times I’ve been in love, the answer is two. but the rest I won’t talk about.” 

YORRICK ho-ratio: 2/10. literally a skull. made out with hamlet. not proud of it.

THE GHOST ho-ratio: 3/10. won’t shut up about his ex-wife during sexual encounters. generally unsexy to be around. very cold.

POLONIUS ho-ratio: 7/10. just happy, and surprised, to be here.

ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN ho-ratio: 13/10. exclusively engage in threesomes. always down to experiment. well-known on campus for hosting parties with competitive Sexy Poetry Readings, which is when guests are invited to recite poetry naked, and instead of applause are given kisses. just here to have a good time. unfairly murdered. gone 2 soon. always in our hearts.

THE PIRATES ho-ratio: 15/10. all pirates are sluts for treasure.

FORTINBRAS ho-ratio: 2/10. just a soft beefcake looking for a nice girl. confused by denmark. probably would have boned hamlet if he hadn’t been dead by the time he got there. 

[princessesfanarts]

By FDASuarez

[egg-rolls]

one time i got a sample from the tea store at the mall and as i walked away the guy said “tea you later” and then his coworker smacked him

[play-dolls]

[silenthill]

barbie is Bi.

[maurypovichofficial]

Of course she’s bi what straight woman wears a jean button up shirt

[painted-blue-spirit-lady]

ive been talking about this for ages since she said in her interview with people’s magazine that her celeb crushes were Zendaya and Taylor Swift. (July 11, 2015) but nobody has listened until now! she was canonically declared as bi two whole years ago! :)

[fujandrist]

HETERONORMATIVITY HAS LEAD ME TO VIEW MR. BRIGHTSIDE THE WRONG WAY FOR 12 YEARS OF MY LIFE, BUT NOW I AM WOKE AND UNDERSTAND THAT MR. BRIGHTSIDE IS THE ICONIC BISEXUAL ANTHEM WE’VE BEEN TRAGICALLY UNAWARE OF

[fujandrist]

to elaborate: our good friend Mr Brightside never gives us the specifics of whether he is jealous of the the man (who’s chest is being touched, now), the woman (who is taking of her dress, now), or both. Therefore we can draw no proper conclusion to our protagonist’s sexuality, and this is a revelation the entire world needs to know about.

There is an entire possibility Mr. Brightside isn’t straight, tell your friends.

[babyprime]

the truth was right in front of our eyes this whole time

[crybabyminette]

You've heard of Dream Daddy now get ready for

Nightmare mommy

[nimagine]

coraline

[femmchantress]

I’ve come to inform you all the Ancient Greeks spelled Thoth, the Egyptian deity, as Θώθ

[small-funny]

hey, thanks! now die

[latining]

Actually, Ancient Greek thetas had a dot in the centre, and lowercase letters wouldn’t be invented for several hundred years.

You mean ΘΩΘ

Behold the face of your god.

[argumate]

[cuirassier]

[acreaturecalledgreed]

for the first like 14 years of my life i thought that the story of saint valentine and valentines day were a celebration of a massive gay polyamorous marriage and let me tell you, i was sorely disappointed when i learned i had massively misunderstood that story

[acreaturecalledgreed]

i was told the basic story of “the king had made it illegal for young men to get married so that they could be drafted off to go to war (as married men with families were not, apparently)” and that “saint valentine thought this was cruel, and married the young men in secret”

what this was supposed to communicate to me was “saint valentine would marry young men to their girlfriends in secret as a priest at his own risk and thats why we celebrate valentines day” 

what i got out of it was “saint valentine married a shitton of dudes so he could protect his army of husbands from having to go to war and it was beautiful and love can halt war in its tracks and thats why we celebrate valentines day”

and thats why the assumption that a child would automatically get a hetero interpretation of the story and the innate unclarity of the english language made me think that valentines day was about mass gay poly marriage until i was like fourteen and recited the story to a friend who stared at me like id grown three extra heads

i like my version better im not gonna lie

[cardamommjeans]

Sean Kingston: ♪She's indecisive♫

Me: What does that mean?

Sean Kingston: ♬She can't decide♩

Me: Thanks

[cardamommjeans]

Slytherin: Goodnight!

Ravenclaw: Goodnight!

*lights turn off*

Ravenclaw: Do you ever think about how illogical it is for all of America to only have one magic school?

Slytherin: ...

Ravenclaw: I mean, think about it. The Untied States is a huge country. How can they fit all those students in one place? Wouldn't you think that every state would need its own school?

Slytherin: I don't care about Ilvermorny right now. I just want to sleep.

Ravenclaw: Okay...

Ravenclaw: But like, do they all have to take the same train to school? How does that work?

Slytherin: That's it. I'll go sleep elsewhere

[neithernownoreverheythatsclever]

I’m glad Jack Links recognizes non-binary genders

[austinspower]

the signs arent even right

[neithernownoreverheythatsclever]

holy fuck

[rosswoodpark]

I can’t believe beef jerky single handedly destroyed gender