When Dean rescued Cas from the empty, he had this big elaborate speech that mixed in how much of a dumbass Cas was and how in love Dean was. Of course, it was supposed to end with a big kiss. One that he imagined would have been the greatest kiss of his life, one that made it feel like fireworks like in those movies. Course that didn't happen, though.
Instead, Dean remembers running towards Cas, pulling him into a hug, and then zip. Fin. Nada. And there was an explanation for that. Dean passed out. It wasn't his greatest moment, but Sam says the mixture of adrenaline, relief, and lack of sleep must have just hit him all at once that he just passed out. And now Dean has yet to kiss the damn angel.
Maybe he would have tried again with the big romantic gesture, but Dean was embarrassed. Not only that, but he still has yet to figure out what they are now. Friends? Best friends? Definitely not lovers if the most Dean can make himself do is hold Cas's hand but then what?
Maybe it would be easier if Cas took the lead in this, but that little shit is acting like everything is fan-freaking-tastic. As if Dean is not in the background screaming for answers. Yeah, sure, maybe Dean should ask a question first, but Cas should know better than to expect that from him.
But maybe that's the fucking point. Maybe that's what Cas wanted. He already used his dying words to express his feelings, so he may just be waiting for Dean to do the same. That poor son of bitch better not hold his breath on that because the more time passes, the more Dean wishes a hole will open up and swallow him whole with no way to escape. The guilty pressure he is feeling to just admit his feelings out loud is just getting heavier, scaring him away from making any sort of confession. Maybe if Cas said something, he could respond, but if not...they are fucked. And not in the way Dean wanted.
He tried to show his feelings with dates and stuff, but Cas always acted like they were just hanging out. He even acts as if holding hands wasn't a big deal. Did he not understand? Maybe that's it. Maybe Cas just doesn't understand human emotion, as well as Dean has hoped, and maybe the confession wasn't of romantic love...maybe-
"Dean? Are you listening?"
Dean blinked and looked at his shoulder to see Cas glaring at him. How long has Cas been resting his head on Dean's shoulder? Who knows, but the question should be, when did Dean get so used to it that he didn't even notice?
"You know," Cas lifted his head up to look at Dean head-on. "If I am boring you, you can just tell me. I just thought you would enjoy the dinosaur story."
Cas frowns at that. "What were you thinking about?"
There is a lot of things Dean could answer this question with. Most importantly, he could answer it with a lie. A nice wonderful lie that won't show any of his true feelings or intentions. Making them continue to tiptoe around the subject of them.
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan. The best plan, actually, but of course, Dean would find a way to ruin it.
Friends kiss each other in the mouth, right? Even if they are in their 40s? Or however old Cas is.
Actions. He can do actions. It's the words that keep holding him back, but maybe, if he just knew for sure that Cas wanted him the same way, then maybe the words will spill out. He's just under a lot of pressure right now because this whole love thing is just not his playing field. Not romantic love, at least because he knew how this ends. The same way it did before.
Fuck. He's scaring himself! He needs to stop because this is Cas. Castiel. Died for him one time too many Castiel. Always coming back to him Castiel. Always there for him Castiel. His best friend, who he can't live without because it felt like he'll go crazy. He has. Life without Cas is dark, but he had him now.
He just wanted to make sure Cas knew he had him.
"I missed you." Dean didn't know where those words came from, and it wasn't until they slipped out that he realized he never said them before. But, judging by Cas's complete shock, they were unexpected for him too.
"I'm...I'm back now." Cas looked at him, head angled in the way that would be perfect for kissing, but he looked worried. "Were you ignoring me cause you were missing me?"
He was teasing, but Dean heard the worried tone he was trying to hide.
Dean shook his head, gently reaching up to slide his hand to the back of Cas's neck. His fingers touching the growing hair at the back, feeling the warmth growing under his palm.
He could ask now. Ask all the questions that needed answering. Mostly the one he has been asking himself for weeks; what the fuck are they now to each other? What label could he give Cas? What label did he want to give Cas?
"Dean?" His voice was quiet this time, soft and hesitant but lacking patience.
Dean has been making the first moves on everything they have been doing so far. Just testing the waters, but Cas must have had enough of that bullshit because he now had a pair of stiff lips pressed against his.
The kiss sucked ass--they were nervous fuck off--but it sure as fuck did give Dean the kick in the ass that he needed to finally admit, "I love you."
Breathless. Like a teen nerdy girl confessing to the popular dude in school but lucky for him, the boy confessed back.
And the second kiss, he was sure he saw fireworks.
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