So yknow Ive often said that were all lucky I am a lesbian bc otherwise the way my daddy issues manifested would lead me to have terrible taste in men. And how I often said that if I was born a cis man I would probably be bisexual. Basically I am a lesbian obviously, I am exclusively attracted to woman, plus I am a stone top innit, and honestly pretty dom leaning nowadays. But bc of the cliche way my daddy issues manifested I also have the urge to submit myself to like any older man basically (paired with also impulses of rebellion and idk what but that is the ground of itz sadly), which is only counteracted in this life by my misandry basically, bc I refuse to be a "woman" that in any way demeans herself to a man, and I refuse any man any feeling of dominance whatsoever. The way this makes me read to outside people is very bizzare, and has become way more obvious to me in the last few months. Bc I am a confident, kinda vain, opiniated person irl, that ppl often read as such, ranging from "strong personality" to "asshole" innit. But also, and this has kinda become impossible to ignore, something about me gives of an aura, that makes people want to treat me like a dog. And I dont mean "treat badly" or "treat like a servant" or anything I mean literally a dog. Callback to the time my 30 year old coworker put her hand under my mouth for me to spit an object into she didnt want me chewing on (?????). And its kinda funny kinda absurd bc it crashes so hard eith the picture I kmow ppl have of me, but somehow its a thing. And I do think that it comes from my weird daddy issue hangups, which I have no way of channeling sexually, bc I am a butchfemme lesbian top and not interested in that. And to bring that all back to my alternative universe cis man self, if I were that cis man (and my socialization didnt deffer from the one I received growing up, which wouldnt be the case, but whatever), I wouldnt have that inherent misandry that counteracts my daddy issues. So even if I was mostly or exclusively attractes to woman as a man, my daddy issues hangups would make me bisexual. And even if I presented like a pretty standard straight man, with confidence and ego and idk what, ppl would want to treat me like a dog and this time I would allow it bc I have a way to channel it innit. And Im saying all this to say that this is the psychology behind real life composers jay mccarrols bisexuality. Bc hes ostensibly a straight man, he doesnt really present otherwise, hes ambitious, confident, all things fitting to the cisheteronormative role of man. and still you look at him and think hes a fag innit. And I know why
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