/this one/

of memory, etc. 34/pacificnw/usa formerly : singthesea

[inneroptics]

[aubreylstallard]

Jean Cocteau

[human-cliches]

Paintings of oranges by Woodstock/New York based artist, Karen O'Neil

[celle-ci]

Emotional Parentification: This type of parentification forces the child to meet the emotional needs of their parent and usually other siblings also. This kind of parentification is the most destructive. It robs the child of his/her childhood and sets him/her up to have a series of dysfunctions that will incapacitate him/her in life. In this role, the child is put into the practically impossible role of meeting the emotional and psychological needs of the parent. The child becomes the parent’s confidant. This can especially happen when a woman is not having her emotional needs met by her husband. She can gravitate towards trying to get these needs met from her son. It is as if the son becomes emotionally her surrogate husband. What child does not want to please their parent? An innocent child, is exploited by the parent and it creates a form of emotional and psychological abuse. This type of relationship can be the equivalent of emotional incest. Parentified children have to suppress their own needs. This comes at the expense of having normal development and causing a lack of a healthy emotional bond. These children will have difficulties having normal adult relationships in their future. … Intense Anger: Parentified children can become very angry persons. They will tend to have a love-hate relationship with their parent. Sometimes this adult child may not know why they are angry but will be angry at others, especially their friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, and children. They can have explosive anger or passive anger, especially when another adult happens to put expectations that might trigger their parental wounds of emotional exploitation. Difficulty with Adult Attachments: The parentified adult child can experience hardship in connecting with friends, spouse, and his/her children. This person could be operating out of deficits in knowing how to attach. Hence he/she could find it difficult to experience healthy intimacy in relationships. Relationships will tend to be distorted on some level.

Samuel López De Victoria, “Harming Your Child by Making Him Your Parent”

[celle-ci]

my whole past often feels like a marathon of emotional and (sometimes) physical violation yet a martyr complex is woven so tightly thru my learned behaviors--not that my experiences of abuse are invalid--or that i try hard to be passive aggressive!-- i have only learned to suffer through a certain situation without speaking is more "correct" but i don't actually believe that; it is not rational, but a kind of survival. i hate to use "survival" as it's such a word loaded with heavy imagery, but those experiences are truth.

[laurenslovinglife-blog]

Visit Original Link

Melody Dean by Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra

[celle-ci]

me: i could begin to describe how fucked it [my personal relationship to body and self] is, and why, but that would lead us down the path of no return you: i'm down

[arsantiquis]

Julian Alden Weir - The High Pasture

[demiiwhiffin]

honey & i // haim

[eiruvsq]

Artist:

Muha Zekotuha

“Sleep”

Watercolor on Paper

30 cm x 40 cm

[praial]

[celle-ci]

Vincent van Gogh 1887-1889

[thewriterscaravan]

Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard. Angry people live in angry bodies. The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.

Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (via thewriterscaravan)

[celle-ci]

i have so many secret blogs i am 90% of tumblr just kidding

[celle-ci]

“do you remember when we put our mouths together just to see what it would feel like? I think I called myself in then… She was strange, this partial self–I met her and was so shocked I slammed and locked the door, left her bewildered, shoeless”

OH i remember that time i wrote a poem about this friendship and shutting my self out because i identified as straight but i actually wasn’t? ??? i didn’t even realize what i had written

[celle-ci]

let's always talk about the parts of ourselves that have exiled each other let's always say our fascination with the unattainable love is real

[tristamateer]

I kiss the pretty boy in black semi-sheer thigh highs, plant my hands on his hips, pull teasingly at his garter belt and I can hear my mother shaking her head across town. I can’t tell if she is disappointed or confused. I lie awake next to the girl who smells like sweat and lemonade. I think about shoving my face into her hair but she falls asleep talking about her boyfriend. On the day my mother corners me in the kitchen to ask if I’m a “fucking lesbian”, I say no. I wonder if it counts as a lie when I still don’t have a word for all the different kinds of porn I like to watch. When I come out, I am eight thousand miles away from home. I am sharing the bed of a substitute teacher. He likes to tie me up at night and kiss me in the morning. My mother says she’s not surprised but she doesn’t understand. When I use the B word, all I can think about is the first time bisexuality came up with her in conversation and she laughed. THEY’RE JUST GREEDY. IT’S LIKE THEY DON’T EVEN CARE WHO THEY’RE FUCKING. THEY’D FUCK ANYTHING. THEY MAY AS WELL FUCK A DOG. My grandmother asks where they went wrong, if it’s because my father left and “you know, the other stuff.” She says, LOOK: IF YOU FALL IN LOVE, I’LL BE HAPPY FOR YOU BUT YOU CAN’T MARRY A WOMAN BECAUSE IT PERSONALLY OFFENDS ME. She calls me a dyke and says it’s a joke. She never asks me again if I’m seeing anybody. I have a crush on a girl who makes her living writing good lines. I swoon every time she calls me baby, but I tell her I don’t know if I want to get into things. I second guess myself into a corner. What if it is just a phase? What if I change my mind? What if my mother’s right? Do I really need to put my family through that kind of thing? I make arrangements to meet up with a man I’ve been in love with for the last few years, but I don’t tell anyone in my family because I don’t feel like explaining that it doesn’t mean I am straight. My coworker says to me “why do lesbians use dildos? why don’t they just fuck men?” And I want to say “have you ever met a man??” but I feel like the joke is too gay and I am always trying to convince everyone I know that my sexuality is a revolving door that never stops spinning long enough to check IDs. Yet somehow, I am always getting carded. OKAY BUT HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU BEEN WITH? HOW MANY THREESOMES HAVE YOU HAD? I MEAN ALL GIRLS ARE A LITTLE GAY. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FLAUNT IT LIKE THAT. YOU JUST DO THIS TO GET GUYS, DON’T YOU? When the supreme court ruling comes through, I cry; but I don’t know if I can really celebrate the way that I want to because I don’t feel gay enough to talk about the struggle, but I’m not straight. My mother finds me in the morning to ask if I’ve heard the news. She says, I SUPPORT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE MY DAUGHTER BUT I DON’T AGREE WITH IT AND I DON’T THINK IT’S RIGHT. I say, “then you don’t really support me” and she doesn’t say anything.

“The B Word” Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)

[celle-ci]

i could have BEEN THERE

[screenshotsofdespair]