Acting like a Fool @cglionhearted - Tumblr Blog

showerthoughtsofficial

You never realize how often you fart until you hang around with someone you are attracted to.

mi5kle

elaxisfae

I’m laughing so hard cause this is deadass what bees do 😂

justflowerslove

Save them

picsthatmakeyougohmm

hmmm

hells-finest-gentleman

fuck, it sure is

wisco-country

jongyyy

unclefather

Me when I have to poop

debrides

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

lesbirdan

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

hermionegranger

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

thomrainierskies

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

mirab3lle

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

icouldwritebooks

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

crimeronan

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

agrestenoir

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

gin-and-eschatonic

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

harold-theyre-thespians

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

narwhalsarefalling

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

wren-likethe-bird

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

la-mancha-screwjob

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

fair-itself

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

maplefiasco

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

iamthatbeast

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

widonotts

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

artwlw

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

youlovelucie

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

spacecores

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

thebritishteapot

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

emilyelizabethfowl

i live for stories like these

rockpaperscissorsgun

i work with kids, one time i came back from a long shift and ended up (successfully) telling my dad to “Stop it.” in the most commanding tone i have ever heard when he was being loud at dinner. i have never felt so mortified yet so powerful.

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

I’m a cinematographer and I was sharing a room with a friend while we were shooting my last film and I woke him up yelling “I just don’t understand what you want from this shot”

clockworkheartscaptain

I work in customer service, at a maze, where we have to hand out flags,and overall it’s good for just general life, good people skill and all that jazz, apart from, when, after eight hours in the hot sun I turned around to my companion who asked me what the time was and handed him a flag, then walked off. I’ve responded to phone calls with “Do you have your map and flag.” Many times in the past.

mrlovenstein

Secret Panel HERE!

allerliefste-archive-deactivate

everythingfox

House intruders (don’t call the police)

great-tweets

WOW

tastefullyoffensive

(via stylestruIy)

delightfuldonutdreams

Do you ever wonder how many stories have been told about you? I don’t mean rumors or gossip. A story like “ one time I was at the mall and this girl dropped her hotdog but she picked it up and ate it” what if I’m that girl??how many times have people seen me do something I thought no one saw and is now being used as an ice breaker at a family dinner? Hmmmmmm?!???!

helloitsbees

one time i was in this historical park in new york and i was climbing a tree in order to get a good photo and i fell out just as a family was walking past…two years later i ran into the mom at stop&shop and she gasped and said “oh my god, tree girl?” and i’ve never been the same since