Welcome to the Paradox of Existentialism

the truth is a work in progress, a best guess of the moment

[chaosconstruct-exe]

hello, so I've been told that I speak very similarly to Brainstorm lmao. here to share some highlights of my texts! Hope yall enjoy! (maybe)

ask box open!!! please ask!!! I have many thoughts!!!!!!!

[chaosconstruct-exe]

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[kriminalistic]

the worlds greatest minds

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[etchbee]

headcannon. what mtmte bots would give out for halloween.

Magnus- u know he gives out toothbrushes and apples. do i even need to say it.

Rodimus- he gives out like. monsters and weed. because he has no concept of how children work. a kid comes to the door and hes like uhhh….. do u want…. aaaa…. beer? and drift is just in the corner like THEYRE FUCKING FIVE

Ratchet- does not give out candy. r u even kidding me this man has NO patience for ankle biters. he going to be inside relaxing and he aint answering the door for NO bitch. he watches a movie and is in bed by 8.

Swerve- he answers the door holding a bowl, and then just never hands any candy over. he starts talking to the kids and NEVER shuts up. and eventually they just give up and leave. people think its cause hes chatty but its actually just because the bowl is empty. 

he forgot to buy candy and feels too bad to not answer the door.

Megatron- also does not answer the door.

Brainstorm- my boy hands out toys. definitely makes them himself. and they definitely get confiscated by the parents 0.2 seconds later because they are guns. he is arming the children and he is not going to stop.

Rung- the only bot who actually gives the kids candy lol. king sized Hershey bars. what a sweetie.

Whirl- he’s too busy scaring the shit out of the kids to give them candy. he just COVERS himself in blood (energon?) and CHASES them. he is cackling. the parents are concerned.

Tailgate- he buys a SHIT ton of candy… and then immediately gives it away to the first like 5 kids. THEYRE JUST SO CUTE he cant help it. cyclonus has to be the one to tell the rest that theres no candy because tailgate just feels so bad about it.

[chaosconstruct-exe]

made a lil photocard, i should totally draw Percy next, or Pharma 👁️💥👁️

(my printer color is shit. here are the originals ajdkkd)

[ihatebrainstorm]

Hc that whenever Brainstorm is mad at someone, he subtly adjusts and modifies things that person uses frequently so that it inexplicably becomes horribly infuriating to use

- Percy told him off? Well now his lab’s lights only turn on if he does a little dance in the hallway.. and it only stays on for about 57 minutes at a time

- Magnus lectured him? Now Magnus’s period key on his datapad only works if he manages to draw a perfect circle with his finger every single time he wanted to end a sentence

- Ratchet being a thorn in the side? His medical bay door open button is now a roulette- every press only gives a 3.8% chance that it’ll open or close properly

[ihatebrainstorm]

More

- Still salty about his briefcase ban at Swerve’s? Well now Swerve’s tap has a 0.00005% chance of exploding every time he turns it on to pour a drink. Yea it’s a low percentage, but it’s still always a possibility… BS made it clear to inform Swerve about it too

- Megatron being a bother? Well now his bed is just wobbly enough that he’ll slide right off if unbalanced correctly. Also it makes this horrible ear scraping creak noise every time Megs shifts around on it

- Chromedome won’t answer his calls? Good luck with Rewind after you miss all of his calls.. Now CD’s communicator refuses to notify him whenever specifically Rewind calls or texts

[chaosconstruct-exe]

Rung proposed him with the possible diagonsis of having the Terran equivalent of ADHD ("It sounded like an insult!") And how every time Rung tries to make a cup of tea, the temperature of the kettle autosets to 38°C. Not hot enough to enjoy, too warm to drink cold, and the kettle also plays smooth jazz. But only at 4:13am

Whirl broke into his lab one too many times and now all his blasters skew just a little to the left and every 7.385 trigger pull shoots glitter instead

Cyclonus said "you talk too much" and so Stormy rerouted his internal comm system so that his internal monologue gets picked up by nearby devices and is occasionally broadcasted to random rooms. including the brig. Brainstorm has conceded to remove that quirk with a full, sincere apology in the form of an iambic parameter glazing poem.

Magnus tried to ban him from unauthorized modifications on the Lost Light, so now his desk char slowly sinks 2 millimeters per hour whenever he's sitting in it. He feels like something is wrong, but can't prove it. His knees just hurt

[chaosconstruct-exe]

currently testing sleep cycles of 3 hours and 7 hours to see which one is more consistently efficient.

Perceptor is terrified. Ratchet wants to physically knock me out so I recharge more than 7 hours.

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…do people not do this? 🥺

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I don’t think I’ve ever seen rodimus sit still for more than five consecutive nanocliks

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And then percy left me on read :(

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I think I just short circuited Swerve lmao. He looks like his processor is stalling in real time. Buddy’s got that empty look on his face. I think I see actual question marks forming above his head

[chaosconstruct-exe]

On that note, back to working on my briefcase

[chaosconstruct-exe]

yall ever find yourself staring at a deadline for some huge project realizing you only had 24 hours left and promised your boss you were almost done with it… but you haven’t even started, because semantics and the job was too boring??

Like, why can’t I make a scrödinger out of it?? Absolutely unacceptable.

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If W > 1, then they are ideal. I have yet to meet anyone higher than a 0.0472

[mechncheese]

[Science AU] Yeah

[chaosconstruct-exe]

i love surfing the quantumverse to make my ex cry tbh