Chaos Orchestrations

where all of my shenanigans occur

[wiittyusername]

I think the funniest thing Toby Fox could do is not have Papyrus show up in Deltarune at all and then in the post credits after you you beat the game you'd see a message appear that says "you can now play with Papyrus" and then he'd be retroactively inserted into every single chapter like some kind of new game+

[feefal]

My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it

[feefal]

Also babies can’t even fight, how would they fare in battle against my inner demons?

[rokarambles]

[conkreetmonkey]

sand tiger sharks

[inbabylontheywept]

on it, boss lady

[inbabylontheywept]

one smooth shark, coming up

[star-mom-selkie]

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[drtanner]

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

[hexiva]

I have now read every single one of Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels, except for Live and Let Die, which I had to stop once I hit the chapter title which includes the N-word. Here’s a list of things you will encounter in these books:

James Bond throws up due to trauma at least once per book

Racism

No, really, more racism than you’re expecting

Yes, even for the 50s

At one point Bond writes a letter in his own pee

“All the real hep-cats smoke reefers!”

Many comments on the nature of American culture, including the “exotic pungency” of American road signs

Extended passages of James Bond being racist against various ethnicities you didn’t even know one COULD be racist towards

No seriously, James Bond inexplicably despises Bulgarians

A lengthy passage in which Bond shares his opinion that homosexuality is caused by giving women the right to vote

Bond gets tortured for the first time and immediately comes over all political and philosophical like, “Maybe communism is good actually, and also the Devil is a good guy?”

At one point Bond gets brainwashed by the KGB into trying to kill M

Bond is a grade-A Karen who delivers all of his restaurant orders with lengthy specifics as to how the food should be prepared, and gets pissy if it’s not up to his specifications.

“a gay, happy little crocodile” 

Bond is very excited to learn that in New York there are places where you can watch porn with sound AND color.

James Bond is The Most Boring Man in the World. His hobbies include golf and complaining about food.

Late in the books, Bond’s fiancee is killed right in front of him, and he starts showing PTSD symptoms and, instead of being all macho-man “I don’t need no help,” immediately starts going to every doctor available trying to get treatment

At one point the government tries to offer him a knighthood or some such and Bond messages back that he refuses the knighthood and that “My principal reason is that I don’t want to pay more at hotels and restaurants.” When told that this is too rude, he amends it to, “I am a Scottish peasant and I will always feel at home being a Scottish peasant.”

At one point the Bond girl is tied down by the villain of the book to await being eaten alive by crabs. Bond is terrified for her, but she, being something of an amateur zoologist, knows perfectly well that crabs aren’t gonna eat a living human, so she just chills there on the beach and waits for them to go away.

There is literally a damsel in distress tied to the actual train tracks, presented without irony

An MI6 agent speculates, in an official report to headquarters, that the target may be homosexual because he can’t whistle. Apparently men who can’t whistle are gay.

Bond is drafted to act as the villain’s secretary not once, but two separate times in two separate books. 

When Bond is at a boring party at a hotel conference room and is ordered by his employer to liven up the party, he accomplishes this by ORDERING THE HOTEL BAND, who were previously singing a censored version of some song, TO PERFORM A STRIP SHOW FOR HIM AND THE GUESTS WHILE SINGING THE DIRTY VERSION. This is his second idea, after he previously livened up the party by using one of the girls in the hotel band - the same one he wants to strip for him - as target practice by balancing a false pineapple on her head and shooting it. 

Bond exchanges a look with a fellow secret agent that is said to be “the recognition that exists between crooks, between homosexuals, between secret agents.”

“A hand-painted sign said ‘SNAX’ and, underneath, ‘Hot Cock Soup Fresh Daily’.”

The backstory of the villain of The Man with the Golden Gun is as follows: there was once a circus elephant who got REALLY HORNY and then went on a rampage and was shot by the cops, and then came back to the circus to  pathetically and tragically attempt to perform its circus act one last time. The child who was supposed to ride the elephant in the circus act witnessed all of this, and when the cops shot the elephant dead while performing its tragic act, the boy grabbed a pistol and SHOT ONE OF THE COPS in revenge for HIS ELEPHANT DYING. And that boy grew up to be a deadly, womanizing, hired gun, with three nipples, whom MI6 speculates must be gay because he can’t whistle. And that’s the villain of the book.

These books will make you hate the British as much as every single villain seems to

Waaaayyy more casual drug use than you would expect

like, seriously, at one point Bond is AT DINNER WITH HIS BOSS in his boss’s fancy-ass club, and he orders an envelope full of benzedrine from HQ and just casually pours it into his glass to drink with his champagne.

M lives with the man who used to be M’s Chief Petty Officer on his last naval posting, and who had followed M into retirement, and I am pretty sure they are boyfriends.

When Bond sleeps with the Bond Girl of Dr. No, she orders him to “Take those off and come in” and “You owe me slave-time. Do as you’re told,” proving once and for all that James Bond is a switch, I rest my case your honor

[blorp-o]

[duplicarto]

first impressions

prev

[soup-mother]

*neutrally to positively because I'm polyamorous* You're laughing at other girls posts?

[soup-mother]

*kinda just stating a fact* You were checking out other girls

[kawareo]

Got reminded again of my old coworker who was a massive misogynist but also trans inclusive. Told me he believed trans women are indeed women because "only women would be stupid enough to want to be women"

I wonder what he's doing now

[kawareo]

He also aggressively corrected himself whenever he accidentally misgendered a trans guy we knew because "there's already more women than men in the world, the more numbers we steal from them, the better." Did that even when the trans guy wasn't around.

[kawareo]

I need to point out that he was completely serious btw. This man had no sense of humor if he tried.

He was a cook at the restaurant/bar I was a bartender at, and almost punched a costumer once because he overheard him talking about how women belong in the kitchen. Told me he thought women should stay out of kitchens, that cooking is a man's job and when I asked him what he thinks women should be doing, he went quiet for a moment, then proceeded to explain to me the following

"I trust a bitch to run a kitchen as much as she can run a country, they should do shit like plumbing. Or electricity. Something you can just learn to do and don't need to lead, you know?"

Apparently women are good at "fixing shit". He claimed that he doesn't trust male plumbers or electricians except if they're gay because "something most be wrong with you if you want to go fix other people's houses, that's that maternal instinct"

[kawareo]

Love that you guys seem to like the stories about my Guy, here's another. (also for context i need to say that english is not the language he spoke, and when i say 'fag', i'm using it for our version of the slur. Our Guy insisted that that's just how you call gay people in our language (it isn't))

We had an openly gay coworker who looked like it (crop tops, dyed hair, make-up) and he was often harassed by the waiters from the football bar next door. The gay dude had the same name as the Guy, who insisted that we would specify the he isn't gay, so they just became "Name" and "Not Gay Name". He was fine with that.

Oh he also once went on a rant about how he respects our gay coworker more than "those other fags" because "at least he has the balls to look like a fag, yknow? None of that sneaky shit where you can't tell if they're trying to fuck you or your girlfriend." When I then told him I was bi, he looked me over and called me some slurs before telling me that I don't need to rub it in that I can get both. Then he asked me if I think he's hot and when I told him no, he informed me I should stick with women because I clearly have shit taste.

[kawareo]

He once accidentally bullied one of our younger waitresses out of an early eating disorder she was developing before working there (she told me about it after)

Boss gave us one meal from the menu a day as a job bonus, and we had this very shy seventeen year old working with us who was already nervous around men, but Our Guy was a 6'3 dude who only stopped yelling and cursing when he was not speaking at all. If he was the one cooking that day, he'd peek out of the kitchen an hour before he'd start closing it up, and would shout at you if you haven't ordered your meal yet because he hated cooking once he already cleaned. The waitress was scared shitless of him, and so whenever he would yell at her to "fucking order already", she'd panic and just pick something.

She didn't eat much but the first time she tried to throw out almost the whole plate, he got so personally insulted that he berated her for not picking something she'd like, and demanded to know what he did wrong. He got really upset about apparently not being able to cook something that this kid would like and I'm pretty sure he started putting in extra effort to make sure she would eat it this time? It lead to him quite literally standing over her like a hawk when she ate to "see her reaction" and demand an immediate review to see what he can improve.

She later told me that it she was so scared and awkward around him back then that it kind of overrode her fear of food, and that she still sometimes pretends she's back there, when she feels a bad episode coming on, so. He did do something good for the world i guess

[kawareo]

Our Guy met a nonbinary person once when my friend came to visit me at work. He was just on a smoke break so I had to introduce them and when I said "They're visiting" he got confused and asked us how many people are there (and then threatened murder if they dare order something while he's on a break). I had to explain this man what a nonbinary person is, he thought about it for a second, called the whole thing "fucking stupid, there ain't that shit in nature" and then proceeded to very mockingly refer to them as (our language equivalent of) "your majesty" and use the pronouns you use for people you're supposed to respect (which is genderless and very formal)

My friend thought he was really funny before I explained to them that I'm pretty sure he thought he was being mean (but hey he it wasn't misgendering so yay)

Then (after his break) they ordered a vegan sandwich and we heard him cussing them out about how "they should pick a fucking struggle". Later I asked him about it and got told that "how much shit can you deny yourself? Cheese, gender, the fuck's next?"

[veal7creative]

"Cheese, gender, what the fuck's next?"

I like how his issue isn't with the "that shit ain't in nature" thing he mentioned, but the idea that being nonbinary is some form of self-deprivation and that they deserve a gender like everyone else.

More notes for The Study

[hussyknee]

This post made it to TikTok.

[elodieunderglass]

What a FASCINATING person

[hussyknee]

Adding OP's final addition so we can get it all in one reblog chain.

[parkchanwoohoo]

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

[psych-is-the-name]

Your undodgeable bug-spray move is making it really hard to memorize your attack patern

[parkchanwoohoo]

I swear to god the other day I saw it parry a single drop of insecticide. It still died but that single drop hit my finger and I'm worried it's getting better

[hansolostrickedoutweedvan]

[cure-icy-writes]

the myth of masculine individualism, and breaking free by smooching a streamer girl, in pokemon legends za

anyways. i think the justice dojo plotline is about how hyperindividualism and gender roles enable misogyny. and here's why!

Ivor is introduced as an exaggerated pinnacle of masculinity who dedicates himself to ceaseless training, all in hopes of defeating a woman who emasculated him and proving that his justice is correct. He is a hero of another story, perhaps, but a burdensome clown in this one. His beliefs are instantly recognizable as stupid to anyone who isn't superhuman, or anyone who'd like to go for a walk around their city without getting murked by a twelve foot tall dragon.

He just kind of shows up, states his views, and then jingles off stage left in his little clown hat, and then doesn't show up again until it's time to kick his ass to advance in the ranks. But, oops, he actually can't do shit without his sister! Over the course of the search for Gwynn, we learn a couple things about her: she regularly argues with people in city hall to keep the dojo going. She's friends with Canari, and sometimes goes to her place to watch her play video games. She likes the sewers, and has been scouting out a place for herself down there, complete with an illusory wall to keep anyone from finding her. Her voice may have been removed from the narrative, but we learn a lot about her secondhand.

And Ivor had no idea about any of this. Did she keep it from him deliberately? Or was he just not paying attention to her? It's hard to say.

Women are conditioned to be nurturing— and this isn’t biology, this is social pressure enacted on anyone near the splash zone of womanhood. So Gwynn feels like she has to be the one to field complaints, take care of her brother, make excuses for him, pick up his slack. And that's what she's been doing for so long, until she couldn't take it anymore. It's very possible that she felt she had no other options, that Ivor wouldn't listen to her if she tried.

His absurd training left him with no control of his strength, no ability to interact with the modern world via smartphone, and his individualistic views make him counterintuitively overly reliant on his sister. The message of this, I think, is pretty clear. Masculine individualism is a sham and women are coerced into propping it up.

Then Gwynnari provides a fascinating contrast— Canari is someone who is also an individualistic shut in, but she relies on her fans to give her a feeling of self worth. She alone seems to understand that Gwynn just needs some space, and their relationship blooms over the course of the story into something that makes them both feel less alone. So, let's look at the story from Gwynn's side of things.

She's first introduced as a Canari fan, attending one of her events. And oh my goodness, she is absolutely smitten. We don't get a lot more than that, unfortunately, but it leaves some questions open. Did this relationship start as a parasocial one? Are they already secret girlfriends? There's a lot of blank space to fill in, and I hope that the ao3 authors are already doing so because I wanna read my yuri.

The next time we see Gwynn, she's comfortable not just going to fan events, but hanging out with Canari when she needs a break from the dojo and giving her hints as to where she plans to go. Canari even has an affectionate nickname for her!

The third time we see these two is at Jacinthe's tournament, where they are, quite frankly, acting like a couple on a date. Gwynn is quite protective of Canari, and Canari seems pretty invested in making sure Gwynn has a good time.

As a side note: I really think that someone in Qasartico should set up a better system for arranging these promo matches. Seriously, that's just poor tournament design. Even Jacinthe, who doesn't seem to understand how seeds work, can do better than that.

[shoeboxgoblin]

[quasi-normalcy]

So...how much of the bad discourse surrounding Steven Universe is just because people were really hoping that the Gems would beat up Andy DeMayo in "Gem Harvest"?

[quasi-normalcy]

I was astonished to learn that there was controversy around this episode, because I felt like it was just kind of a normal children's cartoon about getting along with difficult relatives; and then I looked it up and learned that it had the extremely inauspicious timing of airing right after Trump's 2016 victory, and, yeah, okay, I can understand why a children's fantasy about reconciling with your obnoxious conservative relatives and getting them to accept your alternate family structure would play rather poorly at the time.

[quasi-normalcy]

I think that Rebecca Sugar probably assumed, like most of the world that wasn't my specific flavour of extremely online in 2016, that Clinton would crush Trump and that this episode would maybe help to smooth over divisions; but of course what ended up happening is that an episode about how you should be empathetic towards your bigoted relatives ended up airing just as your bigoted relatives were going around victoriously hate-criming people in the street.

[quasi-normalcy]

Watching it now, though, it ends up feeling wistful more than anything. Like, yeah, sure, it doesn't work like that, and we all know that now...But wouldn't it be nice if it did? It feels like a pleasant dream.

[livingauthorssociety]

Steven Universe is fundamentally a power fantasy—but the fantasy is being able to get through to people and heal things. The power is love instead of strength.

[lilly-kittyeyes]

"Like, yeah, sure, it doesn't work like that, and we all know that now...But wouldn't it be nice if it did?" Yeah....

[just-another-cat-blog]

pride month!!!

[lemonsharks]

Is that a miette?

[jeanjauthor]

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

[lost-and-cursed]

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[gilasaurus]

canon event

[cosmonautroger]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (sound on)

[peachfromcmbyn]

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.