This comment was left on a post about making the most of the Libby app. "Excessive use of generous lending policies" is the most absurd phrase I've ever seen anyone use to discuss libraries.
evergreen

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Keni
Sweet Seals For You, Always

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tannertan36
occasionally subtle

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I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
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@characterintheback
This comment was left on a post about making the most of the Libby app. "Excessive use of generous lending policies" is the most absurd phrase I've ever seen anyone use to discuss libraries.
evergreen
âBecause the truth is, tech doesnât have an image problem. It doesnât have a message problem. It has an intention problem. Whatâs wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasnât successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. Whatâs wrong is that heâs trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product thatâs designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isnât that you havenât told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.â
â The 40 Most Rage-Inducing Problems in Tech
Everyone should be aware of nitter.net
for any address to twitter you can replace the âx.comâ with ânitter.netâ and you will be able to browse as if you have an account. Lifesaver.
Similarly, imginn.com works for most Instagram addresses. I still havenât found one for Facebook.
youâre twelve years old and you break your fatherâs hand when he hi-fives you. the first thing you learn is that the smallest slip up can hurt the people you love. your (foster) father smiles and says itâs okay (itâs not).Â
your parents are not your parents. the idyllic farming community that raised you is not your home. youâre a You-Donât-Know-What from You-Donât-Know-Where. all you know for sure is that youâre not human.Â
so you can fly. so you can run fast. so you can lift cars. so what? why do you even have this power? what should you even do with it?Â
your father said do whatâs right, so thatâs what you do.Â
you stop a robbery. the manâs knife shatters against your skin and you see the same fear in his eyes that you saw in your fatherâs when you were twelve. you catch a falling child before it can hit the water. his mother looks at you like youâre a god.Â
they love you, even though they donât know you. the most powerful man in the world hates you because they love you.Â
you wanted to write when you were younger. you wanted to tell stories that needed to be told. you never wanted to star in them. you never wanted super-geniuses and demi-goddesses looking to you for advice; like you have any idea how to handle threats to reality itself. youâre just a kid from smallville whoâs trying to do the best he can with what heâs given.Â
you try and get back to the farm as much as you can. it feels normal being back among the open wheat; where everyone smiles because youâre that nice Kent boy.Â
when you were younger, you pretended to fly, hands out to your sides and running through the tall grass by the river. it doesnât look as beautiful from on high; the details get lost and the colors of your hometown blur together from a mile above ground.Â
the problem with flying is that it puts you so far above people you care about
âoh but Superman is such a boring c-â shut up shut up shut up forever.
One of the keys to Bruce and Clarkâs friendship is Bruce going âpowers shmowers you think your godlike strength makes you infallible and above people? Youâre just some dude in a cape. Whoâs an idiot.â
Clark: Oh thank God. This guy gets it.
Bruce *expecting arrogance*: wait what
Clark: yesterday I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment in my underwear trying to get the mail and I forgot I could just break the door open. I stood there for an hour waiting for the locksmith to open before I remembered.
Bruce:âŚ.
Clark: IâM AN IDIOT OK, Iâm just a guy, I have no idea what Iâm doing
Bruce: I hate how endearing this is. Stop making me like you
Clark: if I get my mom to make you lemon squares will you teach me how to pick a lock
Bruce: I SAID STOP
maybe y'all didn't notice but fat people who don't hate ourselves sure did notice that people were obsessed with shitting on fat people in the late 90s and early 2000s (conservative political time) and now are again (fascist political time), coincidentally while the market for weight loss has become a 90 billion dollar industry due to glp1s.
you are not immune to propaganda. it makes some people a whole hell of a lot of money for you to hate fat people and fear becoming (or staying, I think like 70% or something of the US is fat) one of us.
a lot of the fearmongering over fatness comes from studies directly funded by the weight loss industry...i think people don't really realize or think about the fact that research can absolutely be influenced and skewed by its funding. there is also research that shows that an amount of the negative health outcomes for fat people come from anti-fat bias. if you go to the doctor with concerns and the doctor simply tells you to lose weight, your problem is neglected and you may not even bother going to the doctor with the next problem.
every fat person you know for the most part probably has a story like this, of medical neglect. many of the stories i've heard personally are when the complaint or the doctor wasn't related at all, like being told to lose weight at the ear nose and throat doctor or at the dentist. it's straight up just bias. it's such a thing that in the show Shrill it's portrayed, when Aidy Bryant goes to the gynecologist and her doctor suggests she get gastric bypass.
the studies on health and fatness are simply not that black and white and there is basically no research that shows that more than an incredibly tiny minority of people can lose weight and keep it off for more than like 2 years. bodies have set points that they gravitate towards, it's not a personal failure. this also is how the weight loss industry succeeds so well - repeat customers.
some of the harm associated with fatness is also due to weight cycling, which is very hard on your body and is even worse if you get off a GLP1, which according to a recent study causes weight to be regained at a rate that is 4x faster than without taking a GLP1.
you don't have to hate yourself. you don't have to hate other people for their body type either. it makes me so sad to see the thinspo tag going around again in 2026 a lot like it was back in the day.
some resources to learn more here:
https://www.reuters.com/article/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/feeling-fat-may-be-worse-for-you-than-being-fat-idUSTON079061/
A study spanning almost four decades and involving more than 100,000 adults in Denmark found that those with an 'overweight' body mass index
there's so much crazy shit once you go down the rabbit hole. for example, BMI was not invented by anyone with a medical background. it was never meant to measure individual health.
The U.S. weight loss industry reached an unprecedented high in 2023, estimated at $90 billion, largely driven by surging sales of the widely
Evidence is mounting that our body fat supports everything from our bone health to our mood, and now, research suggests it also regulates bl
just gonna reblog this forever because i love fat people and we deserve fuckin basic human dignity and respect regardless of our weight
The Consequences of Accidetly Making Life with your Arch Enemy link: Fic
@blackpensils
Y'all, couple of quick things.
This original work belongs to blackpensils. I got permission from them before I shared this, and they said it was cool to do so. I don't own anything, this is all their original ideas. Just a big fan who wanted to share this with the world.
DO NOT HARRASS THE AUTHOR FOR ANYTHING. Pensils has been kind enough for us to have this wonderful fic shared. That being said, if anyone bothers blackpensils for more updates, harasses them in the comments, and reblogs and pushes for anything further you will be reported. Pensils, if someone harasses you even once, let me know and I'll remove this post.
I'm not revealing where I got this from, but I want to shout out to the wonderful person who made this possible. Not all heros wear capes, but you sure did and I, along with the rest of the MegOp community, can't thank you enough for making this happen.
We're bringing back the don't like don't read with this one. If it's not your cup of tea, don't even bother. Read all tags before proceeding.
Let it just be known I am not good with technology. I cried three times while trying to figure this out. I did make it work though: the link is public to anyone that clicks it. You can even open it in private browsing, and it will pull up without you needing to sign in. That being said, if the link doesn't work at first or it's giving issues, please let me know. I'll call my IT friend and ask, I don't even care at this point.
Damn seems like an author called blackpensils deleted all their SM (remember them going by colourful pencils or something on some platforms) as well as their ao3 fics, i was subscribed to one fic & have a backup of the first 29 chapters as an epub but checking my emails seems like there was at least 53 chapters and possibly a series đ
The fic title is The Consequences of Accidentally Creating Life with your Arch-Enemy & was megop seems to be part of a series as far as i can tell from the emails I have
I remember reading the first few chapters then adding it to my read later pile because of fanart i saw & lots of ppl discussing the fic on twt like @pricklyjim so sucks I'm probably not gonna be able to read the rest of it or enjoy the author's other work unless someone else has a more up to date backup đ
I really can't understand why someone would delete their fics instead of orphaning them, i know authors in other fandoms who have deleted all their SM but just change their ao3's username or orphaned their fics
I need to figure out a way to automate making archives of fics I'm subscribed to because there's simply too many emails in my deleted fics folder đ
ŕźŕşśâ âżâ ŕźŕşś
Bro if ANYONE has this fic saved or any other ones PLEASEEEEEEEEEE let me know đ đ @blackpensils
Or, if anyone knows which platform they moved to, or even what happened that sparked their sudden action into deleting their works and account.
The series was called The Endling Paradigm. It contained stories that took place before The Consequences of Accidentally Creating Life with Your Arch-Enemy (I often shorten it to ACL) but weren't overall necessary reads since the contents of every fic would either be mentioned in, dealt with or some other variation in ACL.
And to simplify a long story that I really don't want to go into detail on and would rather just forget and move on, I was tired of ppl thinking it was okay to jump in my DMs and my straw page to tell me everything they didn't like about ACL, about the story, the plot, the way I was handling Optimus' anxiety (which had plot relevance related to his pregnancy, but I never got the chance to get there), the way certain characters were acting or, as I've seen you mention in some of your comments, the overall criticism of how I write. I had ppl acting as if just because my story was popular (something I never wanted tp happen btw) I should be grateful ppl even read it, that their unwanted criticism of the way I write should be taken positively when I never asked for it or accusing me of thinking I'm a better writer than I actually am when all I'm doing was practicing a hobby that I was doing for fun. Something I stopped enjoying everytime ACL was involved in the end. Posting a new chapter would literally have me spiral into such great anxiety attacks it had my doctor concerned, and where it was affecting my real life (such as personal life and even my work. I was away from my place of work sick for a good majority of 2025 because of poor mental health. Now my mental health was bad before as a side effect of bipolar disorder type 2, but everything related to ACL wasn't making it better).
Now I've probably missed some stuff, omitted some stuff cuz I never made some things I had to deal with from online anons public or just forgot some stuff.
And some minor correction on your comment o the length of ACL. It was originally planned for 99 chapters, but act 1 currently sits at about 68 chapters, and the outline for act 2 is nearly twice as long... I don't have an estimated final chapter count anymore.
I also pray you never get to the point where you do understand why a creator may delete their stuff from the internet instead of choosing to orphan it. It's not a nice place to be, but considering I had ppl leaving comments claiming I was withholding chapters when I was on a break between January and May... I felt it was for the betterment of my own mental health to just disappear along with my stuff. Especially considering I made it clear I took a break for my own sake but was still actively working on the story (meaning it wasn't abandoned) and was disabling comments because I didn't want to deal with any "plz come back T.T" or "when's the next update?" comments.
I'm not saying you have to understand or that anyone else has to understand either, but in the last month I've already been called every name under the sun by angry, parasocial anons that act like they're owed the right to read my stories while also treating me like garbage, thinking that's somehow going to make me hand over the fic on a silver plater.
You're allowed to be upset. You're allowed to be mad. And I hope someone can supply you with a copy of the posted chapters. I'm sure someone has one.
This wasn't very concise or simplified, and I'm sorry for that đ but I deleted it so that if I ever choose to come back, I'll have full access to all of my fics. If I'd orphaned the fics and deleted my ao3, I would've lost all access to the stories that I'd worked so hard on. And I don't care if that sounds selfish to ppl, they're my stories and ppl need to be aware of the fact that what they say to an author can be that author's last straw.
@blackpensils ITâS OKAY đ
Pensils! No youâre all good đ No, no, Iâm sorry if I came across as rude in my comments and reblogs, that was not my intention đ
I also want to apologise for pushing the issue too, I know I was reblogging and commenting a lot and tagging you. Iâm sorry for any ill feelings I created by doing that 𼺠(Iâm stopping now, I just wanted to take a second to apologise first.)
I loved your story, but I loved your writing too. đââď¸ The anons were cruel and you didnât deserve that at all. đ˘ After reading what they caused you, I canât imagine how it mustâve felt. Iâm so sorry you had to go through that, and I do hope it gets better. 𫶠All of it, I hope that spark comes back to you again for you and you alone to enjoy đŠľ
Thank you for giving an explanation for the deletion. đ I hadnât explored orphaning works at the moment, so I was unfamiliar with the process on that, so I do appreciate the clarification.
However your journey goes, I wish you the best in life đââď¸đŤś Thank you for replying and taking the time to read everything. Once again, sorry if Iâm harping on it, but I am so sorry of this came off as bothering you and upsetting you in anyway, shape or form.
I wish you the best Pensils 𼚠Stay cool in this heat wave ^^
You're okay. I didn't mean to come off as appearing mad at you. I'm sorry for that. I understand that it might be sudden that I deleted stuff for ppl who aren't very active on sm or over on bsky before I deleted.
It's just a bit exhausting to relive sometimes since the feelings associated with ACL and everything that happened around it are complicated at best.
Did I handle everything the best? No. Was it as a result of everything that went on? Yes, but that's not an excuse.
I'm sorry I made you and everyone else worry. I hope you guys the best, I hope you stay cool during this heat wave and I hope someone can get you that copy đ¤
The MegaSound Zine is officially LIVE on Itch.io!
(Edit made by @orion-archives)
I made a piece for this zine đđ please go check out everyoneâs work, itâs a free zine â¨
Sorry, but I'm just trying to comprehend things here. Does being a proship means you normalize dark, taboo, incest etc. in fics?
no. proship literally just means anti censorship and anti harassment. proship does not necessarily mean liking every taboo ship. it does not necessarily mean normalizing any taboo ship.
you can be proship even if you hate every single ship that is taboo. as long as you donât harass or shame real people over fiction, then by the definition, you are proship.
almost every person who is proship has something they dislike, hate, or even find disgusting. the point is not to normalize any of these taboo things. the point is literally to not shame, harass or censor people who enjoy the things they enjoy as long as itâs fiction and no one in real life is harmed.
so when someone who is proship finds a taboo ship they think is disgusting, they either scroll past, mute, or block the source. thatâs all. they donât harass or shame the person who enjoys it. they donât try to normalize it. they just curate their own internet experience. scroll past, mute or block what they donât want to see, mind their own business and let others enjoy whatever fictional things they enjoy.
I swear to fucking god. I would claw out OneDrive from my computer if I could. I would burn down their servers if I could. I would run down their stocks to the ground if I could. I hope every single one of their workers gets a better offer from a competitor in the next 24 hours. I hope every single one of their light bulbs explodes at the same time. I hope every single carton of milk in their fridge will always be expired.
Stop backing up my fucking files.
Stop asking me to back up my fucking files.
Stop taking my fucking files off my fucking computer.
I don't want a fucking reminder in three fucking days. Let me fucking say no.
Fuckers.
Friend, I have news you're gonna love. Here's a text tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 10.
Here's a text tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 11.
Here's a video tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 10.
Here's a video tutorial to get rid of that shit on Windows 11.
Go forth. Be free.
Reblog to save a life... and someone's sanity
Representation matters.
Happy Star Trek Day!
I was at DragonCon one year when Avery Brooks was on a panel, and a Black dude stood up and talked about how the year DS9 came on, he became the sole custodial guardian of his small son, and he was *terrified* and felt helpless, because he hadnât really had a father himself, and he didnât really know any Black fathers he particularly wanted to emulate, and no Black single fathers at all. He talked about how every week heâd put his kid to bed and sit down and watch Deep Space Nine, and think to himself, âOkay, this, I want us to be this kind of father and son,â and how, silly as it might sound, the idea that Ben could be there for Jake, all the time, successfully, and earn his admiration and trust, was the only source he really had of inspiration, the only voice that was telling him he could handle this job.Â
I swear to fuck there was a whole auditorium of people in tears by the time he was done, including both him and Brooks. It was one of the most beautiful moments I ever saw about the sometimes bloodless-sounding term ârepresentation,â and about fandom in general, and I will never forget it.
[Image description: Twitter thread by Pete Souza Petty (@KendraJames_) that reads as follows:
Itâs #StarTrekDay, and I canât begin to express how much Sisko and DS9 meant to me as a kid. Not gonna try, Iâll just repeat my fave story.
I got into basically every college I applied to, and when it came down to it I was choosing between Oberlin, Pitzer, and I think Occidental.
I was leaning heavily on Pitzer, which seemed like Oberlin with better weather. My parents didnât want me to go to LA.
(caps) (LOL jokeâs on them on Tuesday when I move there anyway, ainât it?)
Anyway (end caps).
I was scrolling Wikipedia in my dorm room one night trying to look for facts that would convince them to let me go to Pitzer.
I got to the Oberlin page, basically looking for dirt, and scrolled down to the âfamous alumniâ section and saw Avery Brooksâ name.
I think it was like 10min later I called my parents and said âIâll be okay with going to Oberlin, Sisko went there, write the check pls.â
My logic was that, as a famous alum, heâd probably come back and maybe lâd get to meet him.
And my logic panned outâ Avery Brooks came back twice. Once to do Death of a Salesman. It was amazing.
He worked with the AfAm Studies and Theatre departments, and came back a second time to give a lecture during my senior year.
I met him the first time and cried (A lot) while trying to explain what he and Sisko meant to me.
He said, âI know. This is why I did itâ so *you* could watch it.â Then I cried some more.
My favourite Avery Brooks quote is from one of his Oberlin talks: âBrown children must be able to participate in contemporary mythology.â End description.]
@startrekdescribed @a-captions-blog
(Cover Art by @urghblergh)
â¨Issue 3: 'Golden Years' is out NOW!â¨
Happy Spones Day everyone!
Just in time for the big day is the newest SWF issue of the Spones Zine! This time around we're celebrating their Golden Years!
Inside this Golden Years themed issue you will find artwork, poetry, fanfiction, edits, cosplay, & more from our extremely talented creators. This issue features over 40 pages of brand new Spones content for all to enjoy and download.
You can download it for free here on itch.io!
NOTE: itch.io may be experiencing some lag and downtime so please don't be alarmed if the page doesn't load right away. Please be patient, hopefully they have it sorted out soon!
A big thank you to all of our artists, writers, and content creators for contributing to this issue! We ask that you all please wait ONE WEEK until the grace period has ended to post your works elsewhere. After a week is up, feel free to post them wherever/however you'd like~!
Thank you to our moderators and to the ZIne committee for all of their hard work in making this issue a reality. We couldn't have done this without you!
And of course, thank you to everyone for continuing to support us. Please enjoy the issue, and don't forge to check out our past issues as well! Until next time, Live Long and Prosper! đ
You gotta read and watch some old books and films that arenât 100% modern politically correct. Iâm not saying you should agree with everything in them but you need to learn where genres came from to understand what those genres are doing today and where media deconstructing old tropes is coming from.
Also, more often than you might think, theyâre not actually promoting bigotry so much as âdidnât consider all the implications of somethingâ or just used words that were polite then but considered offensive now.
Kill the censor in your head.
When we choose to avoid history because it's Problematic or Says Bad Things, we are choosing to divorce ourselves from understanding how we came from that time to this one, which makes it even more likely for the cycle to repeat, with no one but a few people with shelves of old books aware that it's happened before.
Huckleberry Finn is a book that uses language we now recognize as offensive and tells the story of a young white boy who overcomes his learned prejudices to the point that he is willing to go to hell to save his black father figure. Reducing it to the former without recognizing the latter is ignoring the entire message, and you can engage with the text critically while still recognizing that there is a reason we recognize slurs as slurs.
Then there are works which are more ignorant than actively malicious. The early 1900s comic strip Alphonse and Gaston features a trio of extremely polite French men who travel the world and get into wacky misadventures which, unfortunately, means they run into lots of racial stereotypes. But the tone of this comic presents the heroes as bumbling, grotesque idiots and the nonwhite characters are just stock depictions without any true vitriol behind them. That said, this does not mean that these comics are not potentially hurtful; just that it is important to recognize the difference between societally normalized bigotry based in ignorance and people like Columbus or Hitler who took things much, much further.
The shifting of terms is also extremely important to be cognizant of. The NAACP dates from a time when Colored People was an acceptable term used by their own group to describe themselves. Rocky Horror dates from a time when terminology for the LGBT+ experience was very different than it is now.
And another comment I hear occasionally is "so what, all this stuff is just saying that people from this group are people! Who doesn't know that?" which. We need to be aware of history to know what a big deal the scene in In the Heat of the Night where Sidney Poitier retaliates after being slapped was, or how revolutionary it was for Barney Miller to have recurring characters who were a gay couple and were presented as deserving just as much respect as anyone else. In 2022, John Turturro and Christopher Walken could play gay characters on Severance without it endangering their careers; in 1995, network executives refused to allow Xena and Gabrielle to appear in the opening credits together because of concerns that they would be seen as lesbians, despite both characters being written as straight at that point. I have seen people argue that the plot of The Birdcage makes no sense and that the son of Armand and Albert is a terrible person for asking his fathers to pretend to be straight, and yes his motive is selfish but it only appears nonsensical now because of the huge societal changes that have taken place since the mid 90s, in part because of media like The Birdcage or Will and Grace or Modern Family (a series that feels far too recent to make this list but which started long enough ago that gay marriage was not yet legal nationwide when it featured a committed gay couple raising a child as main characters).
So yes, there is a lot of genuine prejudice in older media. Yes there are things that were ignorant, or overtly bigoted, or the right term then and the wrong term now. But we need to engage with it to understand why and how things have changed since then, and to recognize when similar things are in need of changing now. The talking points stay the same, the targets just change, and it is vitally important to be able to see those talking points get re-applied. It is also vitally important to be able to recognize the difference between an ally using outdated terminology, and a bigot who knows all the right terms.
TLDR; consume older media, including and I would even argue especially media that is denounced as problematic. Find out why we are being told to avoid it, and decide for yourself if that reason is worthwhile.
Please tell me this fandom ainât THAT dead @theol1-2
it's not fair to hit me with this on a thursday morning i'm only on my second cup of tea and now I'm having FEELINGS
Barney Miller deserves the fandom that MASH has. It's great. I love it.
And most of the fanfiction I've found (which isn't much sadly) is Harris/Dietrich. And I get that. It is so valid. They were roomies for a while. Dietrich was hurt when Harris moved out. It's totally there.
But also can anyone else see Harris/Wojo? Because I see it and I want it.
getting into a ship with two pages worth of fics, no ship name, and from a show that aired in the '70's is truly a case of 'if I want to see this I have to do it myself' but oh my god Dietrich and Harris are truly just a collection of my favorite tropes.
Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as âproblematicâ in class and our professor was like, âThatâs cool, but âproblematicâ doesnât really mean anything. It means that the thing youâre describing has a problem, and in and of itself thatâs not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else itâs not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like youâre trying to say that this is bad, but you donât want to say âbad.â Is that right?â
So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the âbadâ thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, âIâm uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.â
Once we stopped calling things âproblematicâ and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, âthatâs racistâ or âthatâs misogynisticâ or âew capitalism grossâ out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, âUhhh... Iâm not sure whatâs so bad?â and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.
Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I canât help but think of this professor being like, âGood starting point, now letâs get specific.â I think when we have to commit to saying âthatâs ___â it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever weâre claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes itâs art, and it should be full of problems, because thatâs what art is.
Anyone else think the reason ds9 deeply resonates with Queer people is because, at its Heart, its about a third space created but a group of patriotic people fundamentally alienated from their own people. Like obviously garak and quark but consider how were told in the first episode that Kira has been sent there to get her "out of the way" of the civilian government, how the things shes needed to do to both survive and secure their freedom seem deeply uncomfortable to all the civilian leaders. Dax considering both Joran and her eagerness towards reassociation make her basically a non entity on Trill. Bashir takes a while but the augment reveal puts him firmly in this Category. Obriens difficulty with his ptsd and moving passed personal prĂŠjudices puts him at odds with a lot of federation ideals. Siskos deep trauma around the loss of his wife and inability to move pass this, makes him very inconvenient to a federation desperate to pass itself off as a Utopia. He then becomes more and more unacceptable as he leans further into his role as in emissary, with the federation seemingly very uncomfortable with this religious expression. Jesus, Worf begins his tenure by getting himself exiled from klingon space.
Like idk, I dont think its all that shocking a Bunch of Queer people most liked the show about having a complicated relationship with your culture and never being allowed to go home.
(Never thought of it that way. I'll just be in the corner crying into my tea...)