Depression is… so much more than feeling “a little sad”.
It’s forgetting to eat and then not sleeping, not being sure if its because you’re not tired or if you’re scared of the dark when you close your eyes.
It’s not wanting to leave the safety of your room. It’s torture.
It’s endless mood swings.
One day you’re happy, the next day you’re not.
One day you really want to do things, the next day you can’t even bear to drag yourself out of your room.
It’s having no motivation to finish simple tasks, it’s needing too much motivation to even just spritz dry shampoo into your neglected, greasy locks of matted damaged hair.
Its dissociating, Zoning out in front of your friends, needing a hard push to come back to reality.
It’s crying for no good god damned reason!
Its knowing you have things to do, but not wanting to do them anyway.
Its having no strife for life.
anxiety is caring too much about things. it’s constantly worrying about the opinions of the people who matter to you. It’s stressing about tiny details. It’s re-playing a conversation over and over again picking at every single ‘mistake’ no matter how small.
Anxiety is being too scared to answer that phone call, answer the incessant doorbell dinging, or reply to that important email.
It’s worrying about telling someone you’re struggling with mental health because you’re terrified of them thinking you’re crazy or not worth their time. It’s having constant, crippling panic attacks sometimes when nothing has happened to cause them.
Having both is a living hell. It’s wanting to sleep forever but being too busy staying up all night worrying about things. It’s pushing all your friends away because they are better off without you, but not wanting to be alone.
It’s writing and writing and writing this over and over again because I can’t gauge the reaction I’m going to get and it scares me half to death. It’s never feeling strong enough when you need it the most.
It’s what I deal with every waking hour of every waking day and sometimes it’s not okay. Sometimes it gets the better of me but it is not what defines me.
I am not my mental illness but I am not just 'sad’ either.
