This Place Will Become Your Tomb

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[chemical-zero]

INTRO!!!

Hey, I’m Zero!! I go by they/she (gender? what's that?) - INFP My second blog is @a-haiku-a-day <3

I’m a writer and I love writing poetry, which I post!? I also love music, obviously, and I draw sometimes. I'm a high schooler in the US who lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. I'm a total maximalist, and I think my writing reflects that (I hope so). My music taste is all over the place, but I enjoy blackgaze, shoegaze, metal, and pretty much anything that has quality drumming in it!

Current thing?: Printmaking <3

I also love Spider-Man, NGE, Hitman WOA, TS4, ATSV, jellyfish, Sleep Token, RDR2, Cyberpunk ER and 2077, TLOU, Dispatch, and of course, my bf, @amnesia-was-their-name !!

Note, I won't tolerate any bigotry, racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc- you will be blocked. Hate speech has no place here.

I’m excited to share my writing with the wacky people here :D Please note posting won't be consistent... sorry :p

Please!! Give me music recs!! I'm always excited to hear new stuff!!

[chemical-zero]

S(k)ins

Go on. Show me the coat of sins you wear You draw the boundary lines with pencil Something you can erase and redraw This sprit you wear wants concession

Go on. Tell me the cage is imaginary I’m clean before you ask for proof Drag me underneath the bathroom door Because I’m not the problem

Go on. Present your love stripped of attention Deprive me of a holy feeling I love you to the point of breaking Anger staining my slick tongue

Go on. Preach the truth carved in my skin Cover yourself in the purity stolen As I made you my muse You made me your fool

[chemical-zero]

A Man Worth Becoming

I want to shed this skin Break free from this restraint Mold myself without scrutiny A man worth my mind

If only the angle had changed Maybe the time and place I could have been different A man worth the suffering

Birth was the end The death of me One I could become A man worth the missing rib

I act unbecoming Just to be heard Performing lavishly A man worth the anger My femineity is inherent Unleashed weekends before dawn I now am quixotic A man worth but a fool Gender closes me in Both the wound and knife Guilty for wanting validation A man worth more then me I want to be.

[chemical-zero]

Your Majesty, A Jester

I am meant to be king; Bound by duties, I do not question Dread seeps into my bones Forcing a rigid back Involuntarily cupping the world

My guilty blood drenches the crown As I rule with divine right God has taught me guilt I choke against my own name And the sword presses into my tongue

Change is worth a life backed by coin And I am but a figurehead Built to lead and leave quietly Nothing there to make my own As these chains of ire hold my honor

I swore this golden throne A pedestal of sin Should be destroyed Along with this useless title Slathering rules across throats

I dream of living As I feel no beating heart, Ichor stained and miasmic Between my ribs Mirroring those before my time

[chemical-zero]

The Fates (Sadness, Anger, and Fear)

Dissapointment comes in threes Cold anger that repeats itself The cycle that repeats itself Hanging above your head She can't see through my eyes But desperately stares Like she's trying to see through my soul Hopelessly breathing Obsession circles my tongue There's an urge to bark and bite The metallic aftertaste isn't the same Until self doubt dissipates

[chemical-zero]

Is God Our Savior?

People say we stray further from God But I think we never held his hand in the first place He lost us between Venus and Mars Absorbing the stardust he couldn’t contain God promises to love,  But resents the fact we were born from a rib not his He punishes us so For in his death we devour  Suffering seems like a second home Because our worship is distance built like intimacy

[chemical-zero]

Nightmares write 

Vocabulary; Mine is limiting. I am near restless, Forced to carve and pace.

Gazing upon love Purposefully made Eyes of longing star, I am a liar.

Buzzing fills me up Making itself known, I am nothing but Copies; recycled

Writing is draining Sometimes, maybe, sings  Divide my penned brain Cursed to dream 'till rest.

[chemical-zero]

The Dirt You Walk On

Would the worms warm me? Decaying into the packed dirt I would like to imagine Mother Earth cradles Her biggest mistake

I, too, mourn what I could have become I will forever be your dead daughter Never buried with the spoils of my heart Something you can't forget in death

But when the bugs eat my flesh and broken brain I hope they devour my authentic self Leaving behind a vision Of who I wanted the world to see

[chemical-zero]

Hangnail

I like to tell myself I'm clean But my flesh burns Where the skin is missing And my heartbeat is one with blood

Nails peel and pick and pull Irritated skin turns bruised As the itch continues And unworthy hands clasp together

The noise ceases as I reach Feel the steel in its hiding place My nightstand is my only witness After I swore, I washed it away It doesn't scare me As rivulets stain my skin But the flesh between my fingers Can taste the shame

Supple skin tells only stories When the water runs clear My quiet never lasts long My craving is carving

[chemical-zero]

Untitled Stars

My flesh Tender yet unfaithful Leads me astray Like a collapsing star I am not myself Nor human But a dying machine Built for others I am not whole So why won’t you Swallow what's left And throw up the hollow bones Dirty dying Was made for me Filled with fetid pleas I was never clean

[chemical-zero]

Grapefruit Cologne

Shattered glass glints under the light The smell of my grapefruit cologne Stuck to the bathroom floor Just like the fragmented memories Filling my senses I fear my feet will find a shard I missed And part of me will remember The taste of fresh faith Warmth like longing Of a time forgotten The bottle sat untouched for years Replaced with something better Something I am not Until my clumsy hands Revived my envy Paper towels substitute To clean up my sin Praying for a prick to ease my soul Reviving an era If only for a second

[chemical-zero]

Faded

(I can’t forget, but there’s no proof)

I used to cower under long sleeves Forbidden from flourishing in the summer sun I bit down my bubbling cravings Afraid of the monster I would become

I watched scabs turn into scarred skin And the raised lines faded At first glance I am normal now I never acted any different

But peel my flaking facade and you’ll see I am impure, tainted But only under a microscope Do I truly look troubled

It’s been years The silver lines my tears My anguish is invisible But I’m still not enough

I prove my worth again Until it fades Now it’s not real I can’t escape my own doing

[cavitychemicals]

made this instead of doing my PT exercises

[chemical-zero]

Every Summer Ever

Summer sun bathes my skin in relief

School books and worn notes lay scattered on my unmade bed

Laundry overflows the basket,

Suitcases lie at the bottom of the stairs.

My school ID doesn’t exist beyond my purse

The breeze sings tricky tunes

Drained, I was, until our sticky break

The world feels full again.

Restless nights and can-we-talk texts

But now without a schedule, I am craving

I haven’t changed

Purpose flees at the sight of my mirror

Sighing, summer

I still wake up at six before the sun

I’m free of my duties yet they still call

Relaxing doesn’t exist in my vocabulary

Old news; deafening silence in organized chaos

Friends smiling in pictures I wish to debone

Worry clings to the green grass of my backyard

Cycles repeat when you aren’t busy.

Summer aches the world behind my eyes

I want to live with the time I have

My creativity hides behind layers of rotting motivation

All my energy is being used to survive the summer.

[chemical-zero]

Thank you @picklemafia for the prompt: Skin

Picking And Peeling

It feels too hard to breathe in.

The mirror never reflects what I want to see

Nails ripping skin like wrapping paper

Layer by layer

It begs to come out

The metallic smell clings

To the bathroom sink

As sin drips down my cheek

My top layer isn’t worthy

And the bones yearn for freedom

Bits of me are stuck under fingernails

Scars left on supple flesh

One of a kind

A form of escape

Skin is what pleases me

[nondelphic]

"just write a little every day" ok but what if i write nothing for 3 weeks and then suddenly type like i’m being hunted by god

[chemical-zero]

Simulacrum

(An unsatisfactory imitation)

Bloodshed and religion skip hand in hand

Twisting the symbolism like a knife

Priests behind the rising sun 

An imagined sight 

I longed for someone to guide me

I don’t love him like I’m supposed to 

But my foundation is built on belief

I don’t pray under his name because it’s in vain

It would be nice to find something to believe in again

Ritualistic prayers before bed dwindled

As I was no longer tucked in

But they question my faith

I fear scriptures flipped against me

I was a sinner from the start

I feel wronged, diseased, maybe 

Playing pretend for a man in the sky

Hell can’t exist if I don’t believe in the maker