Alright so I’m bouncing between some dialogue for a fic I’m writing
The last time I uploaded ANYTHING was “Desperate” so it may take a while to get to this point, but bear with me
Alright so this is dialogue between Character A and B (place your bets on which two Sanders characters they are), where B cheated on A with C. A and B know that B hadn’t loved A in the way that you should in order to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship - but that doesn’t change the fact that there is some love there (all that first-love and first-relationship stuff that keeps a hold on you and bleh)
BUT, would the dialogue hurt more if it was styled as:
B: “I’m always going to love you. That’s a problem, isn’t it?”
A: “But you’re never going to love me the way I need you to, at least not in a way that’s real. Not again.”
B: “What we had was real.”
A: “When it counted, yes.”
OR, like this:
B: “I’m always going to love you. That’s a problem, isn’t it?”
A: “But you’re never going to love me the way I need you to, at least not in a way that counts. Not again.”
B: “What we had counted.”
A: “When it was real, yes.”
This is very important, because I want it to simmer and build to this point - I don’t want it to fall flat
Also, different idea - do I take out the “not again”? Does it kneecap the dialogue or does it sound natural? For reference, these characters are in high school and had been dating for quite a few months so the kneecapping might be natural, but it also might be excessive.
(Wow, I leave high school for 9 months and I suddenly forget how people my age are supposed to act)
