[beautifulfic-deactivated2015091]

The other day I answered the door to my postman. I was signing for stuff, like you do, when my kid came downstairs with only his underwear and a t-shirt on.

Now, the postman couldn’t see him from the front door, and I scribbled my signature and said, to my son, “You need to put some trousers on.”

My postman, very slowly, looked down at his trouser-clad legs with a mixture of confusion and horror, and then looked back up at me.

When I explained I was talking to my little boy out of his line of sight, he gave a very solemn nod and said: “I thought I’d put trousers on this morning, but suddenly when you said that, I really wasn’t sure.” 

[beautifulfic-deactivated2015091]

Years after this, I still have the same postman. He still always wears trousers, but every time I answer the door, I’m pretty sure we both remember this incident.

[sabertoothwalrus]

I swear to god raspberries get moldy so fuckin fast you just look at them wrong and they immediately go bad

[sabertoothwalrus]

2 for 1 sale of raspberries at the grocery store:

first pack: downed as soon as you got home

second pack: you only ate four out the pack the next day because you were trying not to be as much of a goblin and you want them to last longer except when you check it later that day half of them are covered in mold

[sabertoothwalrus]

wow,,,,, that’s so valid

[24602060451-deactivated20241111]

Customer: NIER AUTOMATA. VIDEO GAME DMV: 2 BLUNTS 9 SLUTS

Verdict: DENIED

[kalichnikov]

They were cooking with this interpretation actually

[laihco]

not to add directly but

the cali dmv is so funny to me

[ihatethisgaywebsite-deactivated]

this tweet hasn't left my mind once in the two years since it's been posted

[transpigeon]

DE WINTON’S GOLDEN MOLE ALIVE AND WELL LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO

[ampervadasz]

[teal-deer]

I wish there was a magic skillet I could pick up that would make me literally impossible to fire from a job, no matter how weird or disagreeable people decided I am, where I could still work only part time & ideally with lots of breaks. Like sorry Ms Karen McWasp, I am a load bearing unit and the task will be done when it's done and there's jack shit you can do.

[pseudo-random-neuron-firings]

I know you probably meant "skillset" but I'm having so much fun imagining myself carrying the Skillet of Job Security around my office all the time.

[teal-deer]

I did but yeah the Skillet of Job Security is much more fun

[okaywork-deactivated20141118]

growing up sucks because you realize $1000 isn’t a lot of money

[jessie-elle]

[kleefkruid]

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[paper-mario-wiki]

a blog that specializes in wacky photos loses all credibility when they begin posting AI shit.

the point of following a blog which posts pics that truly make you go "hmmm" is to appreciate the absurdity in the world.

this is not absurdity. it is something constructed without effort to mimic absurdity.

[kaminarider]

Also you don't even need to Ai this moment into existence. If you want GUNDAM LASER PENIS then it's something that has already been lovingly animated for this occasion

[maningning-deactivated20250527]

what if i *remembers that making suicide jokes is not conducive with my goal of improving the wellbeing of myself and everyone around me* transform into an oyster

[our-queer-experience]

[palecompressor-deactivated20241]

he'd be on here with a lana del rey profile pic and if it didnt say like 48 in his bio he'd just be instinguishable from any other type of tumblr mutual and he'd come on here every day posting like "still havent fucked that old man" and we'd be like nooo 😭 dont give up king 🥺

[loathsomespider]

[flipocrite]

alternatively, “the womanizer”

[valtsv]

i forgot the word for someone who demolishes buildings for a living and my brain wouldn't stop suggesting "homewrecker" to me which is. NOT what i meant

[valtsv]

*fucks your wife and then blows up your house* my work here is done

[trans-engie]

[lizardsfromspace]

"Sex is what makes us human" is stupid. Almost every species fucks. Humans are the only species that jumps motorcycles over school buses that are on fire. Some other things too probably

[scientia-rex]

Sometimes when people on the Internet are like "ADULTS CAN NEVER INTERACT WITH MINORS IT'S CREEPY" I remember how, at 12, back in 1997, I was on the Witchvox forums with people ranging from me to people in at least their 50s, and no one there was ever a creep to me, no one ever made me feel uncomfortable or asked for my personal info, and when I finally broke down after a particularly brutal day of bullying at school and posted about it they were the first adults I'd ever met in my entire life who told me the bullies were the problem and it was okay to be angry about it.

Kids need to interact with adults who will listen to them.