Whatever

Chiara | italian | She/her | ballet, bridgerton, 911, 911 ls, young royals and more...

[hotvampireadjacent]

[hopeless-eccentric]

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

[corpseprize]

the reality of being a writer

heres how to fix it

[chiaraislost]

I had the awful idea of stalking my high school classmates on LinkedIn and now I'm once again depressed by how behind I'm in life

[chiaraislost]

I don't care about football at all, like I actively despise it. The only reason I'm kinda following this World Cup are the geopolitical and social aspects of it.

BUT I do care deeply for the Olympics and based on how this World Cup is going LA 2028 is going to be a shit show.

[risk-repeater]

this job market is a fucking nightmare

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[kosmogrl]

baby girl I can complicate situations you’ve never even thought of

[cinnamonghost23]

[chiaraislost]

The Life of a Maladaptive Daydreamer

[forestdeity]

fighting to the urge to ask “what do you honestly think about me and please provide as much detail as possible”

[probuccalfat]

staying silly is all i got left like i got no money no prospects i’m a burden to my parents and i’m frightened

[loveridden1999]

in a way i am my own dead wife

[xdevilsoulx]

Its okay (I cried all night and all day bc of it)

[insufficient-multitudes]

no because the second I feel like I'm "bothering" anyone I'm out

[inanotherunivrse]

In another universe, I am lovable

[uneessencesensible]

Dans un autre univers, je suis sociable.

[chiaraislost]

Today I had a "fight" with my grandma and my great aunts about jobs. I was reminded I'm old and need to find a job, like I didn't know it as well.

I was reminded that my "dream job" won't be handed to me right away and I need to take everything I find, like I didn't already know that.

I said that maybe I could go work with a friend that works as a security guard and for our area has a good salary and they continued to say that if I could do that I could as well search jobs not related to my field in our area when 1 those jobs (they said cashier and other things, all respectful professions I'm not shitting on them) wouldn't pay as much as my friend's job and they continued "you could do it here, close to home"

They continued to say that I need to be realistic, like the field I studied and I'm searching a job in isn't already the realistic option. That kind of job isn't my dream but I needed to be realistic and so I did that degree and now I'm told I needed to be more realistic. So basically a job I'll hate but close to home? When my one true dream as always been to live abroad?

I love them, they basically were second mothers to me but a part of me cannot avoid to think that a part of them, maybe not even consciously, is trying to make me stay close to home because I'm the daughter and there's an implicit expectation I'll take care of my parents in the future. They would probably say it's not like that but I hear when they speak about relatives and family friends and they say "oh they are alone, they don't have a daughter" or "I pity them, their daughter move away".

I'm already full of doubts about moving abroad but I feel like if I stay I'll always be pray of the same dynamics, I'll never free myself from the person I was (and maybe I still am) and hate.

And yet I feel such an obligation towards them and my parents because I don't know but I kinda feel like the expectation has always been there. Never explicit but always there

[chiaraislost]

I'm really struggling with job finding. The more I look, the more it seems there's no jobs in the sectors I want to work in.

I fear I need to start considering the soulless, dead end jobs in the public sector my family continue to suggest to me.

I fought to escape it but it really seems like the only solution.

They won, the public sector seems to be my only possible road and I just want to cry.