Please Be Considerate of Others
I really wanted to address some things because it has been bothering me lately, and I just want to clear some of the air because a lot of this is from friends throughout the years that never understood me. As some of you know, I do not have a good relationship with my mom. This makes being home really difficult as I can't do much about it. I used to be a pretty violent kid in response. I would beat people up that upset me, I would get beat up a lot myself, and this was only elementary and middle school. The last 18 years of my life is going to take many many years to recover from and find my true self. Because of how I grew up, there was always this image placed on me to be expected to reach. This image did not define who I am, so I just ended up putting on a bunch of masks to please those around me. I am a people pleaser and an empath. Not only can I sense how people are feeling just from looking at them, but I also immediately feel how they feel. Growing out of this people pleasing mentality is going to take years because I've had this mentality since a very young age. Because of this I may seem to be an easy target to be walked over. This is not the case. I sense auras in a sense. These auras give me a vibe of how a person is. Who I should be around and who I shouldn't. As of lately, I feel as though I have let some wrong people in. Not in terms of being friends per se, but more so I've opened up too much in hopes that my view could be understood, but it never can be fully. The whole picture will never be seen by anyone but myself and maybe someone else if I'm ever allowed to bring friends home.
When I am treated unfairly by someone, it's something I really don't tolerate. The difference is, is that I do in silence because I don't like to cause a scene. Most people think that not getting walked upon is a result from publicly standing up but this is far from the case. Let me tell you more about the people pleasing personality and my Myers Briggs personality INFP.
On Psychology Today, the wrote an article entitled "10 Signs You're a People-Pleaser." This is a short list, but it is just a glimpse into the people pleasing mentality.
Now, combine these 10 traits, that don't cover every aspect of being a people pleaser, with personality type INFP. Look at this insight of the day about INFP.
I encourage everyone to go to 16personalities.com to really understand the INFP personality type. This personality type comprises of only 4% of the population IN THE WORLD. I can name 3 people with that personality type right now that you may know. BTS's Jeon Jungkook, Kim Namjoon, and Min Yoongi. I bring this up because we, INFP's, feel the need to sacrifice ourselves for others. Some more so than others. Because of this, it makes it harder to focus on ourselves and we want to carry all the weight someone else is carrying so they can have an easier time.
I hear from a lot of people that privacy is the norm so why don't I care if it's invaded. I started hearing this in 7th grade and it hasn’t ceased a year since then. Every single year someone brings up this topic and it’s annoying because no one ever understands why I feel this way about privacy. I truly just don't feel anything because my space has always been invaded so I got used to it. Never in my life did I have my own space so why would I long for something that I've never had or never really knew of for that matter? Many people have mentioned this to me for years and I just truly don't feel anything if my space is invaded because I never had a space to call my own. Not everyone wants their own space and that's fine. For me, having my own space is filled with friends and people I care about, because that's what I want to surround myself with. Not what others find the norm.
I have shown on social media that I'd rather make excuses than receive help from people, and I know that's frustrating, but going back to the insight of the day for INFP, "Mediators are the most likely personality type to find it difficult to accept generosity from others." It's my personality. I feel bad accepting help from others because it makes me feel like a burden someone taking time out of their own lives to help me. I would rather do things on my own, even if it seems like I'm not doing anything to help myself I'm doing something. I'm just really good at hiding it. Again, I really encourage you to research more about people pleasing behavior and INFP personality because how I act will make so much more sense.
I won’t call someone if I need rescuing physically or more mentally. I would deal with it on my own. For example, one time I was locked out of my room because I thought I had my key and I didn’t. In fear of being seen as unprepared for forgetting my key, because I usually have it, I stayed in a bathroom stall for 1 hour with just my phone because if I left the building or the floor, I couldn’t get back in. I stayed in the bathroom for that whole hour until I knew someone was in the room and walked in as if I had only just gone to the bathroom. I feel this story really sums up my mentality and why I act a certain way. Even my roommates don’t know about it because I just couldn’t bring myself to open up about that mistake I made. I didn’t want to burden them either for a dilemma that I caused myself, so I dealt with it in a controlled manner.
Being a people pleasing, empathic mediator is very difficult and as I’ve mentioned, being a people pleaser is going to take me a while to grow out of because it’s all I know. I wanted to write this not only in hopes that someone can connect to it, but so that people can also understand me better. There’s a lot to myself that I hide for a reason. I do have a therapist who helps me with baby steps, but I need others to be patient in me as well.
I would like to take time to myself to sort things out, so I won’t be drinking anymore, and I’ll be turning down hangouts with friends. I need this isolation to get myself somewhere I want to be, and I don’t think I can trust anyone to help me through this because the barrier of not being able to understand is just too thick to cross.
Please just be more considerate of others. This is all I truly want in the world. Just because you can’t understand something doesn’t mean your way of handling things works for everyone. Something that works for you could be completely out of the norm of someone else. Even a friend. Please take into consideration the whole picture, because there is always more to it than is being let on. If I’m honest, I had the hardest time growing up and most people I know will never see that whole picture, because I just can’t bring myself to share it all.
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