Glad to hear that. Hope ur candidacy exams went well and best of luck on ur conferences. Hope this doesn’t come off as rude and is not meant at pressuring at all, I’ve just been re reading splihaus project (it’s such a comfort fanfic) and I was wondering do you plan to continue it?
This is so kind of you to say!!!! It's always such a joy to hear that a fic of mine is rereadable! And a comfort fic?? HONESTLY MADE MY WHOLE DAY, THANK YOU ANON 💕💕💕 Spilhaus is a fic that I take special pride in for multiple reasons, so praises on it are just so precious to me
I definitely plan to continue it! I actually just finished the first draft of chapter 34 last week, and will be working on it for the next 2 weeks. Hopefully it'll be out in June and will resume a more steady schedule! The next few chapters will be my favourites to write so I AM VERY EXCITED. I'VE MISSED ONE PIECE MORE THAN YOU KNOW
(Also it's not rude at all! I would argue that my claim to return in February followed by an unexplained extra 3 months of silence was much ruder LOL but I genuinely just Could Not for a while there... Spring is truly a curséd time for grad students)
(And thank you! I did pass my candidacy exam! Straight up thought I failed that oral nightmare but my supervisor said I did well so THANK GOD FOR SMALL MERCIES)
HELLO ANON! I AM! If ‘active’ actually means ‘scrolling mindlessly through tumblr after a full day at work and not doing much else’ I definitely am 😭 I haven’t had the mental capacity to write or answer (very very sorry to everyone / every ask I haven’t responded to), but hopefully after my conferences in June I’ll be back to fandom activity. I’ve missed fandom and writing so so much!!!!!!
HELLO! Wow it's a heck of a trip to get Haikyuu/SakuAtsu asks, I've really missed that fandom -- I can't believe it's been 4 years since I've written for it! Time flies!
God sorry, I genuinely don't think I'm a good (or even decent) source of skts fic recs because I've missed all the ones from 2021-2024, I've missed most of the ones from 2020, and there are really wonderful writers like kitcassia, sifuhotman, akanemnida, and noodletastic whose writing I adored and whom you should 100% check out, but these were my favourites from my ao3 bookmarks:
keep me closer by emso (you should definitely read this author's i left a taste in your mouth too if you found me through Elephant Gun! her writing's beautiful)
bullets through rotten fruit by isaksara (syailendra)
Smoke and Mirrors by lettersinpetals
Burden of Blame by DeathBelle
cut the conversation, just open your mouth by meeks00
The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets by isaksara (syailendra)
THANKS FOR TRUSTING MY NOW-VERY-LIMITED KNOWLEDGE OF SKTS FICS TO ASK ANON
Writing this fic has overtaken me, body and soul, and if you have some time to waste with 1) hurt Sanji, 2) dimensional travel, 3) a questionable story structure with events in parallel with canonverse that perhaps only Isaac Asimov might enjoy, 4) even more hurt Sanji, 5) genuinely I'm still hurting Sanji in the No Good Very Bad Universe — amidst an unsteady and admittedly inconsistent 2-week posting schedule — then I SUPPOSE I IMPLORE YOU TO READ
I read your satosugu fics and they were one of my favs !!! I’m reading The Spilhaus project right now and it was my first zosan and one piece fanfic! I love love your writing <3
Awwwww well this is just so heartwarming to hear!! THANK YOU so much for reading my stuff, you’re too kind!! It’s wild to know that someone has read both my satosugu and zosan fics — plus the fact that The Spilhaus Project was your first OP fic?? omg — it’s such an honour!
Thanks for messaging me to say this, it made me really happy. Have an amazing day you amazing human! 🩵
Hii! do you have any one piece ships you like other than zosan? if so, would you want to write about them at some point?
HI ANON WHAT A WONDERFUL QUESTION, I LOVE IT, THANK YOU! I would not be myself if I don’t answer tumblr asks with needless ramblings so I’m sorry to have subjected you to this, though you have brought this upon yourself
YES! I definitely have other OP ships I like! These are my favourites in order:
1. Luffy x Sanji
I actually love LuSan just as much as I love ZoSan! I have a LuSan draft in my gdocs, which I'm not sure I'll ever finish but it's there! I love them a whole lot. This is also embarrassing to admit, but the only reason why I’m not making progress on writing for them is because Luffy is SO HARD to characterize. Every time he shows up in The Spilhaus Project I’d worry about whether or not he’s in character, whether or not he’s saying the “right” things, whether or not his actions are sound, etc. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN, I APOLOGIZE ON ITS BEHALF
Funny thing is that every time Luffy shows up in my ZoSan fic, I'm half trying to characterize him well, and half trying not to turn it into a LuSan fic lmao. At some point I'll get that LuSan fic written!
ERGO, I LOVE LUSAN WITH MY WHOLE HEART
2. Nami x Vivi
They just have such good chemistry! I'm also a sucker for the pirate x princess dynamic. FUCK I LOVE THEM. My queens. I'll for sure have them as a minor ship in The Spilhaus project!
Funnily enough, I was so enamoured by Nami and Vivi's relationship that when Robin showed up, I expected her and Nami to have the same level of chemistry too since they're nakama. But they didn't! And I'm still sad about that! I thought I would love them even more than NamiVivi! Although this scene from Long Ring Long Land lives in my head rent-free:
MOTHERS???? MY SOUL MOANED. I WOULD BE SUCH A DIE-HARD SHIPPER IF THEY INTERACTED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME
3. Capone Bege x Chiffon
Okay they are just too cute. 100% my favourite canon ship in OP.
4. Robin x Franky
Man I really like them. The contrasting personalities, the "it's not a crime to exist", the humour of Robin berating Franky in Chopper's body... I'm already writing hints of them in The Spilhaus Project but definitely will explore them more
5. Cavendish x Cavendish
Isn't this an iconic one. I will gladly participate in ship wars to defend this pairing.
Some honourable mentions:
Sanji x Usopp
Ngl when I read Skypeia I thought they would become one of the most popular ships in OP. Their dynamic was SO cute and so funny. I wish there'd be more similar interactions between them post-Skypeia (tho Wano and Enies Lobby were nice!) but ALAS
Reiju x Any Girl Honestly, I'm Desperate
Tashigi, Nami, Stussy... I have a huge crush on this woman and I'll take anything
Sanji x Pudding
I'm sorry but they're so FUN. (I didn't realize until after I finished the manga that Pudding is 16.) But while reading WCI I really loved their dynamic, I loved the arranged marriage plot, the secret villain plot, the way Sanji is so kind with her, the way she adores him in turn. Also them both spewing blood everywhere was hilarious
Noland x Kalgara
My doomed yaoi... I very much cried. I love them platonic, romantic, anything in between
There are lots of other ships that I'm intrigued by but haven't explored! I will at some point! Thank you for asking anon, this was such a fun thing to write on a Saturday evening and it made me happy :')
What's your opinion on angst vs whump? Which do you prefer to read/write?
HI SILVER!! Omg YES! You've been such a source of happiness for me for the past 10 months and have always been so kind, and I love what you wrote -- I still think about how stark and distinct Patty's voice is in that letter -- so I'M SO HAPPY TO BE MUTUALS
(Sorry you asked straightforward questions and here I am going on a ramble wkh;ghweg;kg)
So there's actually a pretty specific thing I like in stories (it feels too callous to call it a "trope", but it kind of is one). It's when a character experiences prolonged hardships/suffering/abuse, but they don't quite recognize it as such. They might think it's just a natural thing that happens to everybody, or they might know it's abuse but react to it like nothing happened: hide it, shoulder it, repress it, put on a mask. Bonus if it happens in childhood! And bonus if their found family later finds out about it not through them!
Which I think falls somewhere between angst and whump... Tbh I had to google the definitions before answering NHEL;GWEK so from what I saw, "angst" is primarily emotional distress, and "whump" can cover either/both mental and physical suffering? (PLS CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG.) If that's the case, then I think what I like proooobably falls into more whump than angst, since I love the mental/physical torture but the character narrating wouldn't often lament about it as torture, so it might remove some of the emotional distress. Not all! But some!
ANYHOWS I do love them both. Especially if there's at least a bittersweet conclusion at the end.
And I definitely prefer to read angst & whump than write it! There are always a lot of new thought processes and emotional progression that I learn from reading -- specific to the writer -- which opens up a lot of avenues to explore empathy, WHICH I FIND SO INTERESTING. I don't learn as much writing it myself. Reading also feels more cathartic to me. But sometimes I'm really just in the mood for that specific thing above, and if I have trouble finding fics for it, I enjoy writing it myself too because that would cater exactly to my taste xD
TLDR: I LOVE THEM BOTH and definitely prefer to read!
I'm gonna send you an ask of the same questions Silver! I wanna hear what you think too!! (I realized you have a writing blog so I'll send asks in that one :D)
Oh god choosing between Hinata and Oikawa is like deciding whether I want to continue working in medical physics or spend the rest of my life living in as many different countries as I can for a few years each nomad-esque… I CAN’T DECIDE. But it’s definitely those two. Hinata and Oikawa own my life, I love them too much 🧡🩵
(though Nishinoya embodies everything I ever want to be as a person)
(and Tanaka’s ‘mediocre me’ is the most resonating thing)
IN TERMS OF WRITING OR IN TERMS OF TROPES? Y'KNOW I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS LATELY... but I have a pet peeve in writing that seems to only apply to stories with English as its original language. It's the 'constantly switching POV in the middle of a scene'. If it's a danmei or a novel originally written in Spanish/Russian/etc., for example, I don't find it jarring to read. But for some reason when I know it's written by someone whose first language is English and they are also writing it in English, it is quite hard to follow. SO CLEARLY THIS IS A MENTAL BLOCK I HAVE AND NOT ACTUALLY AN ISSUE WITH THE WRITING STYLE ITSELF
Other than that I think it's just the usual incorrect grammar / punctuations / capitalization mistakes! Which I am very much guilty of committing oftentimes! Writing do be hard!
How often do you get insecure about your writing? Do you ever publish thinking it's bad? I get so frustrated and anxious with writing, I don't know what can help
Shit I'm sorry you're feeling anxious and frustrated, that's the worst feeling to have when it comes to writing / hobbies you do for the enjoyment of it. Really sucks the life out of you :( If you want to talk more about it please DM me!! We can even do a call or writing session on discord if it could help!
I definitely do get insecure about my writing -- I think all writers at some point do. The insecurities come up whenever the comments/feedback are low, or whenever I read a particularly good fic, or whenever I hit a writing block that seems impossible to get out of. The usuals! I love writing though, and incidentally was just chatting to a dear friend today about the joy of producing art, and I think as long as I have the love and enthusiasm for the story I'm writing for, I can pull through it. Sadly I don't think I have any good trick to combat the insecurity... For me the happiness of someone out there enjoying my story just overpowers it; writing is so personal to me.
Also YES... VERY OFTEN I publish thinking it's bad. Sometimes readers still love it, sometimes they don't. IT'S KINDA A GAMBLE... But the people who love it always sound louder than those who dislike it for me!
Do message me if you want to talk more about this though! I'm always happy to chat!
Hello hi it's me the person who leaves paragraphs of theories about your fic (The Spilhaus Project), I just want to say that I'm fucking Obsessed with it
Omg HI this is such a belated reply but THANK YOU! SO MUCH! ALWAYS! It genuinely means a whole lot to me to hear this, especially on days when writing seems like an impossible task, and I'm so happy and honoured to have such a wonderful writer read The Spilhaus Project, that is so wild. Thank you!!! I hope you're having a lovely day!! ❤️
I love the way you wrote and expressed your thoughts on Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai. It's refreshing to hear.. well read someone else's thoughts and perspective on it! I also started reading it back in 2013. It is going to be a lifelong obsession lol.. anyway! I got carried away~ I just wanted to let you know that please continue on writing. I truly enjoy reading your thoughts~
A FELLOW READER for the past 10 years! Ahhhhhh HELLO!!
This is so sweet of you to say, thank you so much :D Haha I wrote the post in part because I’ve been such a silent reader for a decade, and in part because it’s been A DECADE and I’m still following it — I think Saezuru is the only series that I’ve followed for this long. So hearing this is so heartwarming, thank you for being so kind 🩵 I’ll definitely have to write more once work isn’t killing me; there’s so much appreciation for Saezuru in me that I haven’t said enough!
I recently reread Saezuru for the umpteenth time and just needed to gush about it like a crazed person who constantly hallucinates about Yashiro being happy and soOooOOooo.................
1. Why now? (Chapter 25)
These 3 panels kill me always... although it's the entire chapter 25 actually, and not just these panels. This broke me when I first read it nearly a decade ago, and it breaks me every time I reread it. I recently just listened to the drama CD for the first time and wanted to hear how this scene played out (a.k.a. wanted to hear Yashiro moan wkegh;ghwle) and I did not expect to start bawling and sobbing uncontrollably when his flashback appeared. WITH THE MUSIC AND EVERYTHING. THEY DID NOT SPARE ME. FUCK. What was supposed to be a tender and gentle and loving and intimate scene between them turned into Yashiro facing the effects of his childhood trauma -- that will never cease to hurt me. Doumeki saying "kashira, kashira, kirei" right before that broke me in a way reading that scene in English couldn't. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS and if I keep writing about it I'm gonna cry again so:
2. Car ride back from Kageyama's clinic (Chapter 4)
This is mostly for nostalgic reasons, really. I first read Saezuru in 2013, and I wasn't used to Yashiro at first. I didn't know what to make of him.
So what happened was that I read "Don't Stay Gold" first and was like... there's a manga about this mildly threatening and unreadable yakuza dude who's Kage's friend…? Who played cupid for him in a weird way? HMMMMM dubious, dubious. Would I even like him? It took me a while, but I finally gave Saezuru a shot anyway, and I remember feeling uncertain about Yashiro up until those panels. I remember it so starkly, because this was the instant I fell in love with him. I think it was because this was the first time I understood the depth of his loneliness (since I hadn't read his high school oneshot yet at this point).
There's just something about how Yoneda Kou-sensei draws these kinds of pages that just resonates with me so well. I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IT. It just connects with me the way Yashiro connects with me, and that was pretty much it for me. Obsession sealed. Life signed away. For the next 10 years I would follow the story closely and routinely check every few months for updates. Yashiro became one of my only 3 comfort characters, and rereading Saezuru always gives me a catharsis and sense of peace that I didn't know how to find elsewhere.
3. "To go on living this strained existence... no longer holds any meaning to me." (Chapter 34)
This scene is one that I come back to every time I'm down. AM I A MASOCHIST? I really like the June translation too: "To go on living this strained existence no longer holds any meaning to me." I think the way the panels divided up those thoughts were brilliant!
This especially hurt me because for the entire manga up to this point, Yashiro has stated that he completely accepts himself and he's happy with who he is. It wasn't until his realization during the sex scene with Doumeki and how much he's said/done hurtful things to Doumeki afterwards -- who he considers pure and sweet and good -- that he thinks this.
4. "Falling in love feels like this" (Chapter 33)
The first time I read this, I had to set my PC down, go out to my apartment balcony, and just silently stare out into the night and resist the urge to smoke (that was half a joke) (I did feel a pang in my chest though) (and I did have to fight very hard not to smoke lwkehg;hge). I love the dialogue right after these panels too, when Yashiro said, "Your sister was lucky that you were there." That, along with Doumeki's reaction, hurt.
This was such an intimate scene between them. Yashiro was so vulnerable. So was Doumeki. I hadn't realized this until I reread Saezuru this year, but these two have always had such intimate scenes right from the start. It was a slow burn, yes, but they had always been instantly drawn to each other: Doumeki thinking Yashiro was beautiful and captivating, and Yashiro doing something he doesn't normally do with his subordinates the first time he met Doumeki. And it didn't clue in for me back in 2013, but their conversations with each other were much more intimate than the conversations they'd have with anyone else, right from chapter 1. I find that so precious.
5. Dream (Chapter 40)
I couldn't not include a scene from post-timeskip, BECAUSE I LOVE POST-TIMESKIP. I love Darkmeki and I love Yashiro and I love that the theme of post-timeskip centers around "change". Wish I could include that conversation Yashiro had with Tsunakawa about it, because I thought that drive-home was brilliant. I really appreciate that Yoneda Kou didn't have Yashiro and Doumeki get together right away after they have sex, and I really appreciate that the question was raised of: Do people change? Can people change on their own, or would you have to force them? Or are we always the same at our core? And I think the answer is a mixture of all of it, and that of course it's circumstantial and subjective, but I love how we're able to see the shifts in both Yashiro and Doumeki. How both men aren't quite the same people we knew pre-timeskip. Ten years ago I didn't think I would meet a version of Yashiro that wouldn't talk about sex 24/7, but here we are.
(Not to say that they're completely different now. They're still our Yashiro and Doumeki of course; I just wanted to gush about how well Yoneda Kou were able to flesh out her characters in such a complex, multidimensional way.)
ANYWAYS, I went on a rant without even mentioning these panels of Yashiro's dream. I love everything about it: Doumeki's face not showing, Yashiro running away and turning back to see Doumeki not there anymore, and that last panel of him standing in the middle of nowhere, lost and empty and lonely -- all of that was so incredibly told in pages of no words. UGH YONEDA KOU IS A GENIUS. It reminds me of that page of Yashiro looking at a mother and child in the rain; it's one of my favourite scenes too.
Honourary Mention (Chapter 4):
I should end with a more light-hearted one. THIS WAS CUTEEEE. I remember reading this for the first time and thinking Yashiro was just salty that his roleplay got ruined. But upon second reread (and maybe I'm delusional here), I thought he might've been happy to hear Doumeki say that.
We know Yashiro gets angry and irritated whenever he's happy to hear something sweet from Doumeki (like that extra when they ate together LOL), and that he had the same reaction of kicking the chair when Doumeki said he can't touch Yashiro's hair anymore. Which was cute to say. So I thought Yashiro might've lashed out in annoyance because he was glad that Doumeki doesn't mind. (I tried putting myself in Yashiro's shoes so many times trying to imagine how I would feel if Doumeki had said this............. what does it say about me that I came up with "happy"? xD)
...........or maybe this was obvious to everyone and I've just been clueless. AAAAAAAA THIS IS WHY I LOVE ABOUT SAEZURU SO MUCH. It never spoon-feeds you information and lets its readers interpret :")
These scenes show the talent of Yoneda sensei. Yashiro and Doumeki emote through their facial expressions, and those details add to the reader's experience.
I like your words and the scenes that you chose. Scene number 3 is so painful and intense. It hurts every single time. This must have been quite the journey for you. You started reading Saezuru early on!
Awww thank you!! (Sorry I’m a bit new to using Tumblr so I’m not sure if responding like this is okay.) But yes! Scene #3 is so brutal every time. There are so many incredible scenes in Saezuru that it was difficult to pick just five. It’s definitely been a huge journey — I remember when I first found Saezuru, the cliffhanger was right after Yashiro got shot and I had to wait to see if he’d live. That was somehow less agonizing than the cliffhanger of Doumeki saying “I will do it” after offering Yashiro a handjob for the first time though 😆 I was ON MY TOES
It’s been such a long journey following Saezuru silently that I’m so grateful I can now talk to people who love it too. So thank you for saying this!!
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