I am well aware that I’ve been slacking off on my blogging duties for the year 2018, and as I am currently feeling a little under the weather, I’d like to give myself some credit for the things I did and the things that happened this 2018. The year has been one heck of a ride, and I never thought I’d survive it in one piece but here I am now.
I'll try to write as much as I can, and will try to remember as many milestones as I could, so forgive me if this blog post is a bit lengthy.
disclaimer: I am in no way trying to brag about anything.
Welcomed the year with my family, drank a whole bottle of wine by myself (I don’t know if that’s something I should be proud of but I didn’t know I was capable of doing that so...). I don't think I should put this here because that's a sad memory lol but hey it's still memorable.
Michael asked if we could be "official" and I said yes. It wasn't anything special, there were no surprises. I think we both knew what the answer would be even before the question. It was a Sunday, the same date when he asked if he could court me, and we just finished going to church and was on our way to eat dinner when he asked the question. It was simple, but to us, it was everything.
There wasn't a lot going on during these months. I was basically at a routine where I'd go to school then head straight to my dorm to study and sleep. I had a lot of mental breakdowns, but thankfully I had supportive groupmates who were very understanding of what I'm going through.
There were moments, however, where I got to sneak in a bit of time to spend with my college best friends, and was able to reminisce about the good old days.
I've always had a problem with trying to fit in (even until now), but sometimes, when I'm at my best mood, I would think that the people who I'm with and the place I'm at is where I actually belong.
Spent the last few weeks of classes staying out late watching anime at a local internet cafe with Michael. It was good.
I barely survived med school emotionally, but I made it through first year.
My dad went home for his vacation, spent a few days cramming and planning on how to spend his few days with us. Drove to Ilocos, and found myself at peace with the unknown.
Finally owned a Fujifilm mirrorless camera as an advance present for my birthday.
Cut my hair short again, felt happier.
Was finally able to meet with Michael's family. Was it scary? Yes. I feared that they wouldn't like me because I'm not very talkative in person, but it went well. I do hope I made a good impression.
It's my birthday month, and also our school vacation so I spent a lot of time meeting up with old friends and going out to eat. I also accepted the challenge of eating unli samgyupsal three days in a row. Got sick after, but it was worth it.
I'm finally at my second year. The horrors of my experience during first year still haunt me but I'm trying to live with it.
Became part of a new group, and grew close to them (although there are times when they stress me out, but that's okay. Not everyone is going to keep up with the expectations I have of others.)
Started going paperless. Used the iPad mini my college gave me as a reward(?) for topping the board exam, and I am proud that I pulled that off flawlessly.
Learned a lot, and I realized, once again, that there is still a lot I don't know, and I am excited to learn more.
Started saving money, since I wasn't able to save much during my first year.
There were still countless emotional breakdowns, and I feel like I don't deserve to be a doctor because I'm weak-hearted. But I was able to find new friends, was able to speak up for things I think is right. I'm still shy, but I feel more confident now than during first year.
After saving money, I was finally able to buy myself a new phone.
Had a rough -ber season, which is not unusual for me, but it felt like it was the roughest I've experienced.
Got called to the guidance office because apparently, according to the test I've taken, I'm at high risk of having suicidal tendencies and I need to seek professional help. I was able to address this concern to my parents and they were very supportive. It was shocking, because I always thought they would never understand, but they urged me that if I needed professional help, they would support me. I haven't been able to talk to a psychiatrist yet, though.
Got a new iPad and Apple Pencil for Christmas, and it helped me heaps during discussions and while studying.
Michael bought me a hamster as a Christmas present, because he felt like I needed that so I could feel less sad. I won't say having a hamster helped me be happier, but helped lessen the sadness I have. Is that the same thing? Hehe.
This ended up to be both a gratitude journal and a life update, lol. I'm hoping 2019 will be a better year for me, because I really want to feel okay. I will also try to be more active in writing, hopefully med school won't demand all my time for studying and emotional breakdowns.
stormborns
dailybridgerton
dededos
theartofmadeline
kaledo-art
romaincrisis