I have BPD and my best friend is a guy with ASPD. We share many similar feelings but I'm afraid that our differences might make the relationship toxic one day. My question is, how do BPD and ASPD compare and contrast with each other?
This is where I confess that I do not 100% agree with the DSM’s description of ASPD, haha. Just throwing in that disclaimer before I answer this question! However, I have been in contact with a psychologist here in NYC over the past few months and we’ve been working together with some discussion on the DSM and other mental health related discussions, and ASPD has come up before. While the DSM lists diagnostic criteria, its information on mental disorders is not set in stone, nor is it necessarily agreed on by all psychologists.
I will also add that I would really really love if someone with ASPD could add to this ask! Sometimes, I feel like the best way to go about things like this is to ask people with personal experience instead of sticking to textbook definitions!
Now, to compare, first of all, both BPD and ASPD are–after all–personality disorders. There are lots of similarities in this alone, such as the patterns of experiences and behaviors, manifested in cognition, affectivity, interpersonal functioning, and impulse control. The enduring pattern is inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations, and it leads to clinically significant stress and/or impairment in social, occupational, and other important areas of function. It lasts for a long period of time and can date back to at least adolescence or early adulthood, the pattern is not better explained by another disorder or injury (like a head injury which can cause cognitive problems) or substance use.
Now, getting to the specifics in which BPD and ASPD are similar
Failure to plan ahead. Borderline and anti-social personalities tend to have trouble focusing on the future and being able to set long-term goals. They have instability in relationships, jobs, goals, etc. (This obviously does not apply to 100% of people with BPD and ASPD, as symptoms vary from person to person.)
Aggressiveness and bouts of anger. Both personality types tend to have anger issues for which they feel they have no control. This is the effect of a part of the brain which allows one to rationalize being underactive.
If you are borderline and have an anti-social friend, you may find yourself able to empathize with their tendency to feel kind of “stuck” in the present and unable to move forward. Both personality types struggle with a kind of helplessness, though they may express it differently.
In our differences, we are vastly different. While the borderline personality has a problem of having too much empathy, the anti-social personality struggles to feel empathy at all. Relating to others is a struggle for them. Some people interpret this as the anti-social personality is simply uncaring, which isn’t the case. Have you ever sat down for too long in one position and your foot went to sleep, so you could no longer feel it? That’s how it is. You know a foot is there, and you walk around on it to get the feeling back, except for the anti-social personality, the feeling never returned. There is simply this emptiness where they should be feeling something, and nothing happens. Meanwhile, someone with borderline can’t stop feeling! We’re like third-degree burn victims. There’s feeling all over, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
Borderline personalities are also more socially sensitive, I feel like. We worry about every little thing we say and do. This isn’t to say the anti-social personality doesn’t worry about these things at all, but it doesn’t always occur to them to be socially sensitive.
There may also be a big difference in how the two personalities approach intimacy. Borderline types are more likely to become more attached to partners while the anti-social type may have more trouble forming an intimate bond to begin with, much less becoming attached.
Self-identity is another big difference. Borderline personalities tend to form identities based on what they see in others and what others say about them. I feel like the people in my life define me more than I define myself sometimes! Meanwhile, the anti-social personality may define themselves by personal gain or power.
ASPD can also have features which involve the person lacking anxiety or fear. Meanwhile, most borderline personalities practically live and breathe both anxiety and fear!
Both ASPD and BPD face a lot of stigma in the media, in the psych community, and even by loved ones. We have our differences, and we may often find it difficult to understand each other, but we are fighting a very similar battle for basic human rights.
Again, I would love additional commentary from someone with ASPD, and if I have said anything you believe inaccurate, feel free to correct me. Information on ASPD is limited and is mostly based on stigma.
