I drink coffee and eat miracle

-sounds of the wind and the seeds- personal blog - my studyblr: @ieatmiracle

[coffeekinmi]

Now… it feels harder to ask for help…

I just don’t wanna drag anybody into my messy life…

[coffeekinmi]

When less is more, big could be small.

[kellylianneart]

Feeling fruity~! 🍓🍑🍇

Another food study! I’m having a lot of fun with these lately, plus learning a lot!

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[chibird]

The little things you might not even think about make you special and important in this world! ✨ I think everyone has something special, even if they don’t know it yet.

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Webtoon

[l-ouroboros]

Want some bestiary?

(Yeah, it's been a long time, I know, I know...)

[coffeekinmi]

The more you realise about something, the more you get used to feel the pain.

coffeekinmi

[coffeekinmi]

Have you ever felt that you were born to be alone? Sometimes I feel that way. Since I’ve frequently experienced that sort of situations when I have to deal with all of the things alone, right since I was a kid.

Maybe that’s why I kept being busy with all my stuff, doing everything that I could do, and so did I if I got bored-I’d still be alone. I did creative things on my own and took a trip alone, went out nowhere. Finding a certainty in an uncertainty that’s made me believe that I was born to be alone... the thought that I always try to avoid inside of me.

I come from a “well-built” family, frankly it’s something I’m grateful for. But my childhood didn’t work very well. It’s about friendship. Maybe I’ve ever written about it before, and that moment let me believe that I can’t just trust anyone who acts like a friend to me. Ahaha well, I can’t figure out the concept of “friendship” anyway.

I love connecting to people, that’s why I keep this tumblr and communicate with you all on my blog posts. I intend to share the good things but hey, sometimes I need a place to pour it down, all of my burden in the rainy days... and hopefully no one will feel bother because of me. I love meeting new people... but I won’t lie, my past bad experiences about friendship have made me wondering what kind of relationship it is. I only expect a professional interaction between me and other people that I meet. Cause... “nothing personal” is a perfect phrase. That’s what I try to maintain in my relationships with my “friends” nowadays. But this place is a different story. I like to show who I really am and how it is to be me. Even if I’m bad, as I really know... but I will still write, so there will be none of people would live like me.

I started writing fiction stories when I was in the third grade of primary school. I even still keep the note book and the handwriting of my first story at that time. It becomes a tiny sweet piece that motivates me somehow when I’m down. Back then, I had my first writing competition in 2014 and won the first place for my fairytale story for kids. That was the first time I made money and I liked money at that time, but not anymore ahaha. As Joss Whedon revealed, “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.” So do I. I always want to write a real book of mine or just simply share my thoughts at this wonderful place with anyone who’d like to spare a time to read my texts. This is a message in the bottle, thanks for opening it up.

I’m feeling quite disappointed with my close friends and everyone who’s special to me. But it’s fine, I’ll cope with it.

And right now, I want to tell myself that holding a dream and becoming a dreamer is not a bad thing. But sometimes it’s all right to bury everything inside for a while. Take your time to stop and feel your surroundings in the fullest. The nature will heal your heart and mind... and whishper the truth. “Close the door” then “Open the window”, let the lights in. A beam of light will come as soon as the dawn heads up to the east. Every day... every night that changes each other... you also change. Just face it. Don’t ask people to build the same dreams as yours. If they’re willing to make the dreams come true together with you, you wouldn’t have to beg them to do something.

It’s all right to get down now... and get better after that.

Thanks for reading my “note to self”.

Hopefully you’re all doing well, wherever you are......

[thespilledquotes]

What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.

— Albert Camus

[lazyyogi]

Desire and Fear are illusions that distort your intuition.

[chibird]

A small pocket hedgehog wants you to know you’re doing great! (๑˃ᴗ˂)و It’s not your fault if things are hard, and it’s amazing that you’re doing the best that you can!

Chibird store | Positive Pin Club | Webtoon

[weltenwellen]

“How many times my life has found itself wholly concentrated in this one feeling of departure; going far, far away—”

— Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke, 1910-1926

[bonjourfrenchwords]

I love you in time. I will love you until the end of time. And when the time is up, then I will have loved you. And nothing of this love, like nothing that has been, can ever be erased. • Jean d'Ormesson, French novelist (1925-2017)

[coffeekinmi]

I just want to live peacefully...

I just realised, anything can happen in a movie. That thought has brought me to a daydream... “if my life was a movie...”

But I can’t change the truth with the fake...

I’m not in a movie at all.

Even if I might be unhappy... I think, living peacefully is something I want the most right now.

What’s the difference between living happily and peacefully? I’m not really sure about it. What do you think?

In the end, people will be all alone. One secret of why I did my best even when I was alone: I kept this in my mind....

“If I’m alone today, it’s all right. Cause sooner or later, people will be all alone.”

I kept thinking that way when I was a kid, dealing with such a bullying that let me learn how to face all the things alone.

I had one or more best friends, I remembered.

He wasn’t showing his kindness to me when my classmates were around. He just texted me after school, asked me whether I was okay or needed something. I think he was also a kind of strength to me back then. And... the other boys as well, they finally broke it all. The boys were whining about those girls-who used to be my besties-who had provoked everyone in class to bully me. Yet, my first monkey-love wasn’t doing anything. I was disappointed but I knew he had no intention to follow the girls too. They’re all my friends-the boys-from that time. Those who helped me struggling with my lonely days.

It’s been frustrating, even now... I just still can’t get rid of those memories. One of the reasons why I have troubles making friends. Because sometimes I think I don’t need any of them. Me myself is a multitude, I think that way. But you know....? I need someone who would really take care of me... take care of my heart.

I’m only victim... what’s wrong with me? I explained all of it over and over again. I’m so sick of being ignored and facing such fake friends. I just need some friends who are really showing their true colours over me. If I do something bad then tell me in person and make a deal. What’s so good in talking about me behind my back then facing me with a smile? It won’t cost anything to buy you a friendship... but sincerity. Since I’m really stupid about making friends, I only believe in that kind of purity in such friendship. I don’t know what’s the point of talking someone’s flaws at the back. Badmouthing someone else wouldn’t help us to be better, would it? It’s just so low. I keep thinking that way. That’s why... every time a group of people started that useless activity, I’ll be on my way to hustle myself. I did it too when I had my study-working programme in the village. I’m a neutral person in the group... I was so glad that I was being that way.

I just want to love everyone and being loved. I just want to love a specific person and being loved as well. I just want to be all there, and I want people to treat me the same. What’s so wrong about my expectations?... I guess it’s only me who thinks it’s affordable. In fact.... it’s so hard to get. I can’t afford that sincere feelings from others. Anything I do is just wrongdoing in their eyes. What should I do? I couldn’t make everybody happy, so I started to think that so do they. And I’m a part of “everyone” for them.

I’m not talking out of anger... I’m giving up everything. I just want to live peacefully... I don’t want to keep whining about something that I don’t deserve. I will not ask why and how anymore. I will just try to accept all the things that come to my life. Whether it’s good or bad, I know it’s all the best to happen. I just want to live peacefully... even if I might be unhappy. I won’t forgive or forget anything.... as long as I could remember those bad things, it’s gonna be such a reminder to myself. Those are the things I’ve experienced before and they’re the tools that God used to make me stronger. I will remember them that way. So I won’t forget to be grateful...

I will not imagine about something nice and beautiful in my life... who knows, I might not deserve it. I know who I really am... but lately, I’m just not sure what I really want. It’s worse than failing to get what you want.

Sure... knowing nothing about what you want is worse than failing to get what you want.

That’s why... something I can figure out right now is only this...

I just want to live peacefully.

Live in peace.

Rest in peace.

[mindblowingfactz]

In 1959, police were called to a segregated Lake City Public Library in South Carolina when a 9-year-old Black boy refused to leave. He later got a PhD in Physics from MIT, and died in 1986, one of the astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger. The library that refused to lend him books is now named after him.

On January 29, 2011, the Lake City, South Carolina, library was dedicated as the Ronald McNair Life History Center. When Ronald McNair was nine, the police and his mother were called because he wished to check out books from this library, which served only white patrons before he arrived. He said, “I’ll wait,” to the lady and sat on the counter until the police and his mother arrived, and the officer said, “Why don’t you just give him the books?” which the lady behind the counter reluctantly did. He said, “Thank you, Ma'am,” as he got the books.

[tylerknott]

Typewriter Series #2670 by Tyler Knott Gregson

Do you wanna know what it is to stretch out like a vine and curl around the stronger parts of me?  

Tell me this heart won’t give out, tell me it’s an athletes heart and built well, tell me the waves will tell this truth, that I’ll be the strong thing you can wrap yourself around, tell me the beat belongs to song of survival.  

I feel an ache in the center of my chest and all I can think of is you.

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

[buttonpoetry]

From Rudy Francisco’s book, HELIUM.

[tylerknott]

Put it all back to how it was. Give it back to who it belonged to. Let us come here, but let us come as students, let us learn how to live in harmony, how to appreciate the earth we walk on. Let us learn and live as guests here. I am sorry for how things went, I am sorry for all we stole, all we ruined, all we hurt. . . . #tylerknott #tylerknottgregson #nativeamerican #teepee #canon #canonusa #canonphotography #canon5dmarkiv #canoneos #photography #art #photooftheday #instagram #instagood #explore #light #chasersofthelight #canonfanphoto # #exploreeverything #create #igmasters #agameoftones #artofvisual #chasinglight #creatorclass (at Helena, Montana) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz54V-uFQc0/?igshid=pqx79nwl2sbx