Was I neglected as a child? Checklist
Bold if you experienced it, italicize if you’re not sure. If you read a line and it rings true for you, but you think ‘that’s my fault because I never said anything’, bold that line! This is about your experience, not blame assignment. (tw for painful content ahead)
I couldn’t count on having clean and decent appropriate clothing every day.
I couldn’t count on having decent meals every day
It was my responsibility to make food/assure there’s clothing even at a very young age, or there would be none
I couldn’t count on being taken to a doctor when I needed it
I was not receiving proper vaccinations/medications as a child
I was not taken care of for my injuries, flu’s, fevers, or health issues
I was left alone and ignored when sick
I felt guilty, ashamed and/or scared when sick
Nobody noticed if I was injured, sick, or scared of something that was happening to my body
It was safer for me to keep my sickness/injuries/medical fears to myself
I felt it would bother everyone, or make everyone mad with me if I admitted to being sick, hurt, or scared about my well being
I had to take care of other kids as a child, so my physical well being felt like an afterthought, it was something I was supposed to take care of myself
If I was taken care of physically, it was used as a blackmail later, I would be required to allow myself to be controlled as a return 'favour’
My medical issues were neglected to the point where they turned into long-term issues later
I haven’t felt it was safe or welcome to open up to my parents or caretakers as a child
I was not encouraged or supported in expressing my emotions or experiences
I was not encouraged to speak about my passions, desires, or what I wanted from life
I was repeatedly attacked, shamed, ridiculed or manipulated with any private information I would share, forcing me to learn to hide
I was not welcome to speak unless I was somehow entertaining or giving out vital info
It was communicated to me in subtle or direct ways that it doesn’t matter what I want or need, and that nobody cares
I was shamed and accused for wanting/needing attention
I was not receiving supportive or warm physical attention as a child (encouraging pats at the shoulder, affectionate hugs, being stroked in approving/affectionate way)
I felt uncomfortable receiving physical attention from my parents as a child because it communicated ownership and non-consensual enforcement, rather than approval and pride
I felt completely alone in any hardship and pain as a child, and knew nobody would stand by my side
I didn’t feel safe asking for help, explanations, reassurance, comfort, physical attention or to be listened to
I felt like a burden if I wanted for someone to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be okay
I was never comforted or reassured after crying or having a breakdown
I would get ignored, laughed at, humiliated or punished for crying, breaking down, or exploding in rage
I was taught that what I feel is irrelevant, and I would do better to stop expressing it
I was taught that expressing any painful emotion would get me nowhere, and it was better/safer to hide it
I spend hours crying or breaking down in pain/terror/stress/anxiety/catastrophizing alone with no comfort and nobody who cared or wanted to hear what I was going thru
I was to take the role of comforting and emotionally caretaking for my parents, or other children
My parents didn’t notice I was depressed/anxious/psychologically unwell
My parents failed to provide me with a diagnosis for adhd, autism, or similar struggle, and I had to live and deal with it all on my own
My parents failed to believe me I was mentally ill or struggling with any kind of disability or trauma, leaving me to endure it all on my own
My fears about my value, or my future, were only intensified by my parents behaviour; I never felt reassured and secure in my current living conditions, and even less my future ones
My parents failed to acknowledge my sexuality, gender, world view, and pretended it wasn’t there
My parents failed to notice I was self-harming
My parents failed to notice I was engaging in other self-destructive activities that could have, or did, cause long term damage to my life
My parents failed to notice or do anything about changes in my behaviour that signalled trauma (becoming aggressive, clingy, dissociated, numb, closed up, bed-wetting, nightmares)
My parents failed to notice I was missing school
My parents failed to notice I was failling into addictions
My parents failed to notice I was suicidal
My parents failed to notice my suicide attempts
I was unsupervised for long periods of time as a small child
I was exposed to physical danger as a child without my parents noticing or reacting to it
I was exposed to physical danger and physical violence, by my parents
I was exposed to pedophiles and child predators as a child and was never warned, protected or removed from their influence
I was introduced to pedophiles and child predators by my family members
I was never given protection from bullies, or any unfair treatment during my education
I was never given support or comfort after being hurt by a stranger or a peer
I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by another child, and nobody noticed
I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by a sibling/neighbour/relative/teacher/peer, and nobody noticed/nobody stood by my side or tried to protect me
I was groomed by a predator (who could even be a family member) and nobody protected me or stopped it from happening
I was exposed to and groomed by a cult, and nobody seemed to notice, care, or help me get out of it
I was not given the knowledge to recognize a sexual assault on me, or grooming or any other predatory behaviour from strangers or other adults
I never felt protected from any outside danger, or felt like I was worth protecting; instead I was taught to feel guilty and ashamed for getting hurt at all
If you have bolded more than 4 of these, you have experienced neglect, and you were forced to struggle alone thru experiences that you were not meant to handle or survive on your own. Neglect is the type of abuse that will have the most disastrous consequences on your trust in people, your relationships, self worth, feeling of community, and will ensure that everything you were put thru is unexpressed, unresolved, and weighing down on your life. You did not deserve to be neglected like this, and none of the above is the result of your behaviour. You were not supposed to be put thru any of this alone, much less as a child.
izzy806
dailybridgerton
