The Colitis Queen

I am a 24 year old female with Ulcerative Colitis. I was diagnoised in February of 2015. This is my life, feel free to drop in.

[colitisqueen-blog]

Is it selfish to be upset that after dog-sitting and being away from my home since Friday, I’m trying to not cry because my boyfriend decided he needed to get shit faced with his friend and won’t be home my first night back? I was off of work since February, and started my job on Monday. It’s been stressful and I was looking forward to finally snuggling with him after being away from home for so long and watching NXT together. It was his third day off in a row. I mean at least I get to be with my precious little cat again. But can’t say it’s quite the same. Whatever though right? And here I thought I’d start to fight my alcoholic urges again. I guess one sober night this week will have to suffice. But any reason to get shit faced. Can’t blame the alcohol on him. Whatever. I’m just sad for lots of reasons. Work didn’t help. Fat prednisone face isn’t helping. I’m just sad.

[colitisqueen-blog]

Happy Pride Weekend Guys

I wish I could be involved, but physical and social/mental/emotional limitations prevent me from actually going to my towns parade and festivities. Plus being the “B” in LGBT has always come with its own stigmas, and I’m too scared to go alone my first time in the off chance I get judged or criticized for which part of the community I am. Fingers crossed I can make it next year though, it’s on my list of things I wanna do before I’m 30! So have fun, and be safe! I’m with you all in spirit <3

[colitisqueen-blog]

So weird LGBT question here

Alright, so not only am I (in my opinion, NOT legally according to my state as of yet) disabled by by ulcerative colitis, but I am bisexual. I am in a very good and loving relationship with my current boyfriend, and have been for over a year now. But over the past few months, I’ve been finding myself more attracted to girls again. I still love my boyfriend, and don’t want to leave him, and I’ve always seen wanting to be with a girl as equal to wanting to cheat on him with any man (as I should, but it IS America, and we have that stigma that it’s not *AS BAD* if I *WERE* to be with a girl than if I were with another man, harharhar). But at the same time, I still am not AS sexually attracted to him. Not because of WHO he is, but because he has a penis. I have been more attracted to vagina’s the past few months, rather than dicks. And this is the first time I’ve had to deal with this specific situation. And I don’t know what to do. I feel horrible if I tell him that, because it’s something he can never give me. And I would be very torn if he wanted to try things out with guys (though again, not as heartbroken as if he wanted to bang another girl, double standards, but at the same time not really cuz I could never give him a penis with no boobs anyways). I don’t know if anyone else has been through this that will see this, or has any advice, but at least I’m throwing it out there, right?

[sunsethummingbird-deactivated20]

Can abled people please just let me be mad? Like, I am allowed to be mad, frustrated, upset and pessimistic about my illness sometimes. I am allowed to cry and be fed up with a treatment not working again.

I should not be expected to perform constant, enthusiastic optimism just because you’re uncomfortable with anything else.

[colitisqueen-blog]

I haven’t been on here in a hot minute, but I didn’t know where else to vent.

My UC has been taking me through the ringer and I don’t know if it’s the prednisone or just my depression rearing its ugly mug again, or a mix of everything, but I’ve finally hit a wall. I mean, I hit a big one back in February, but right now I just feel literally immobile.

I haven’t gone to work in two days. I can’t imagine getting up in the morning and making it in. All I want to do is die. I started writing a first draft of my will outline a few weeks ago. Everything just hurts and I don’t know what to do.

I’m not going to kill myself right now even though I want to. Things aren’t ready and I can’t be that spontaneous. But the feeling always being there is just starting to wear me out and I don’t know what to do anymore. 

Sorry to be such a downer. I’m just in a bad place right now and needed to get this off my chest. I hope you guys are having a much nicer night than I am.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

People say they’re afraid of disabilities, mental illnesses, and fat being “glorified” or “romanticized”.

Usually that means they don’t want disabled people, mentally ill people, or fat people to be normalized.

[baawri]

[castielsteenwolf]

woah

[urbanoutcasters]

EVERY BODY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS

[hashtagloveloses]

Everyone needs Laverne cox to come to their house and spit truth in front of the mirror

[lonniiii-deactivated20170829]

If Mitt Romney is telling y'all not to vote for Trump 😅

[autoneurotic]

do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust 

[colitisqueen-blog]

Does anyone have any Youtuber recommendations when you’re in the deep bouts of depression? My usual people are Jesse Cox, TotalBiscuit, Cryaotic, Dodger, and The Completionist/BeardBros with some dashes of JonTron, RoosterTeeth, PeanutButterGamer, and ProJared. 

I’m not big on screaming and overreacting Youtubers like Markiplier, PewDiePie, or JackSepticEye (I’m almost 25, give me a break).

But my usuals aren’t seeming to do it for me right now, mainly because I’m caught up on all the new content and don’t care to rewatch their videos and I’m just at a loss as to what to do with myself during the day anymore besides stare at a wall. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

So, who do you watch when your depression is at its peak?

[colitisqueen-blog]

My insides hurt. The depression has decided to come back. I don’t like things. I don’t do much during the day and just try to do something until it’s time for bed again, just to repeat. I’m lonely but want to be left alone. I’m scared about why my uterus is in so much pain. I don’t want to find something else wrong with me. Even crying doesn’t make me feel better. Cuddling the kitty hardly helps anymore even though it used to. 

I’m just very empty right now. The Ranpo Kitan OST is all I’ve got going for me.

[lierdumoa]

[chronic-confessions]

Confession #782

My friends at uni aren’t supportive at all. They make fun of me and they say things that hurt a lot. I don’t know what to do, and i can’t think because i’m in so much pain.

[colitisqueen-blog]

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but just in case- You don’t need them. You need true friends that aren’t rude and hurtful. Maybe you can’t remove them completely from your life, but try to reduce the amount of time and energy you spend on them. Try to make new friends. Maybe at a club or team or even just online. Real friends that will help you and support you, not constantly belittle you and hurt you. You don’t owe them anything. Not your time or an explanation why you don’t want to be around them. This is YOUR life and it’s important to be able to enjoy it, not have it be further tainted by toxic people. Good luck at uni. Sending well wishes!

-Dlanor

[lgbtlymie]

Spoonie Problems

Trying to get the heating pad in the right spot

[chronic-confessions]

Confession #641

I’ve given up the career I wanted for so long because it is too physically taxing for me. While I’m relieved I won’t have to worry about the pain and being able to do my job down the line, I also feel lost and sad. I don’t know what to do now. And I’m sad to have to give up on the one thing I knew I wanted. I know I’m doing the right thing but it just hurts. I wish I didn’t have this extra hurt.

[wootn]

When u hold your hand out to a cat and they close their eyes and bump it with their forehead reblog if u agree

[cassandracalin]

I wanted to try a different look, but never mind.