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@collectivelyacollectionofdolts
We sometimes refer to penetrative sex acts by the name of the appendage doing the penetrating – e.g., fingered, fisted, etc. – and of course we have appendage-related euphemisms such as "to dick down", but imagine if this applied more generally. Imagine a world where "I'm going to penis you" is plausible dirty talk.
im always saying this
the football analysis we all need
i need everyone to get into college football right now i am dying to talk about the texas tech situation. this is the kind of thing that will be referenced for the next 100 years. there will be documentaries and biopics about this.
no one asked but here
texas tech's quartback, brendan sorsby, was investigated for sports gambling. i know sports betting is all the rage right now, but athletes themselves are not allowed to do it. it is Rule Number 1 and it is the highest priority rule for the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), who governs all athletic programs at about 1,100 colleges in the US.
the invesitagetion of sorsby revealed that, not only did he place more than 9,000 sports bets when he himself was a collegiate athlete, but 40 of those bets were AGAINST HIS OWN TEAM when he was playing at indiana university. immediately, this threatens the integrity of the sport, and especially because indiana is the hottest team right now as the defending national champion.
the NCAA, which is largely a sham organization these days (they've truly lost their grasp and college athletics are the wild west now) actually enforced their Number 1 Rule and told sorsby his career is over, that he would never play college football again (and, subsequently, that he would never get drafted into the NFL because his college career was cut short).
well, because the NCAA is a husk of its former self, sorsby and texad tech immediately took this to court. MANY athletes have learned these past few seasons that if you can find a judge who's a fan of your team, you can get any NCAA ruling overturned. that's exactly what texas tech did. they filed a suit in Lubbock, where the university is located and where every judge is an alum of texas tech. so sorsby was granted an injunction and will now only be suspended for the first 2 games od the 2026 season (which are alwayd against no-name teams that will be destroyed regardless of who's suspended).
every other school in the country immediately went on the defensive because this is a very clear integretiy issue. so nebraska and georgia (sic em dawgs) released statements saying that all currently-scheduled competitions witb Texas Tech in ANY sport will be canceled and there will be no future schedulings. at least 3 of the major conferences (SEC, Big 10, Big 12) , who account for almost all division 1 sports teams in the country, are also in discussions about cancelling comtests. Texas Tech is part of the Big 12, and there is serious talk of all other teams in the conference shutting texas tech out.
now would probably be time where i say that texas tech is one of the wealthiest programs in college football becaise there is a single billionaire alumnus pouring money into the program with hopes of essentially buying a championship. so texas techs integrity has always been questionable. anyway, the university president put oit a statement that he doesnt care that sorseby violated regulation and that texas tech will sue any school that refuses to play them because it jeopardizes their championship prospects if they're umable to play any games.
this is all just startomg but its so juicy and delicious. the NCAA is going to crumble to dust if they cannot get this injunction overturned. schools like georgia and nebraska have plenty of money so a suit isnt necessarily a concern, but this will absolutely change college football forever. i cant stop reading about it.
update on this: texas tech is claiming that every school who has/is considering cancelling all contests is "afraid" that texas tech is better than them. what's funny about this is that sorsby's stats are average. he is not good enough for this kind of protection. many schools who have already cancelled or are considering it have much better quarterbacks than sorsby. also, texas tech's head coach had said that it's actually ok that sorsby bet against his own team because it "its not murder or assault."
the attorney general of texas has threatened to investigate the Big 12 conference if they sanction Texas Tech
the claim is now that texas texh university just cares so much about brendan sorsbys mental health that they have to sue everyone who calls this an integrity violation. any other school who wouldnt defend an athlete that committed this violation "doesnt care about mental health"
They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.
I cross-posted this to Bluesky and got followed by a bunch of folks with blog headers clarifying which exact flavour of Christianity they adhere to because they thought I was making a hashtag-relatable post about cheating on your diet. Now we get find out how many of them are also comfortable with posts about werewolf cock.
I feel like my crocodile mom can protect my wife and girlfriend and my friend and that random old woman from the other crocodile while I rescue the money.
I have a greater claim to erudition than you. This fact would be obvious- (pause to smirk) were you as erudite as I.
The Amazing Digital Purpose of an Amazing Digital System is what it Amazing Digital Does
I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger
here's another idea for a poll! I think this will have some interesting results. this sentence is here to pad out this paragraph so people who don't read posts will be more likely to accidentally miss these instructions. if you're reading this, please select option eleven. here's another sentence to make this block of text look longer. anyway here's my fun poll idea!
try to create a normal (bell curve) distribution
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fascinating data. having picked through the notes these are the groups of people i tended to notice:
1. Post Understanders: people who read the whole post, voted 11, and are chuckling at the results
2. Good Sports: people who got bamboozled and are reflecting on their own habits, often with an air of exaggerated self-deprecation
3. Silly Goofy Pranksters: people who read the post but then voted for something other than 11. unclear how many of these there actually are or what their motives were.
4. Lucky Souls: people who didn't read the post but picked 11 out of sheer chance. reactions vary but i can't imagine there are too many of these.
5. Defensive Skinmers: people trying to rationalize why they didn't read the paragraph at the top of the post before interacting with it, often citing something like text size. i'm sorry but you need to be more like group 2. the instructions were at the very top, and if you read even the third sentence of that paragraph you would notice something is up. three sentences! is that so hard? do better, please
6. Clueless: still don't get it after voting?? like seeing the insane skew after trying to make a bell curve, rather than thinking "hm maybe there's a reason why the data looks like this" they instead chastise other voters for not making the bell curve, indicating they still have not read the post or really any of the notes around it.
7. Voted On Accident: wow tumblr mobile kinda sucks huh
Given how often solar eclipse are used to date historical events, I think an international calendar should begin on the day of the first recorded total solar eclipse.
If scientist are right about some Irish petroglyphs, it is currently the year 5365. Christ was born in 3340. The Egyptian middle kingdom period lasted from 1300 to 1558. The Ottoman empire took Constantinople in 4793. Star Wars episode IV was released in 5312.
if astrology was real it ought to be affected by anthropogenic space objects. imagine being like yeah this month has sucked for me bc the iss is in sagittarius
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