i hope this email fucks your wife

call me aubrey! or aubs he/it, sé 18 ao3 is @aubrey_is_a_fool #aubrey says stuff -- personal post tag #my yapping -- also a personal post tag. somewhat more incoherent #aubrey makes stuff -- art/writing tag #mcr <-- search this tag at your own risk #gerard way <-- search this tag at even greater risk

[skipppppy]

I was cooking on twitter today

[skipppppy]

More. No married woman is safe

[mrotiski]

international cut your hair like your icon day how screwed are you 

[typhlonectes]

Aren’t you glad?

[the-corn-colonel]

IPOD

[bookwyrminspiration]

there's a common belief that artists know how to make art. this is untrue. i've yet to meet a single artist who has any idea what they're doing

[jerseyclown]

poster design i made

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

used to live in a college town that was huge on sports. 80% of small talk was sportsball and so i developed an Evil Habit: whenever the conversation inevitably turned to the upcoming Big Game i would act excited and then confused. I would earnestly insist they had the details wrong. "the game next Saturday? don't you mean the Thursday after? playing against the [predator species]? no we're playing against the [other predator species]." And so on. i would draw this argument out for as long as feasibly possible, until eventually someone would pull out their phone to prove to me my wrongness. At which point I would squint exaggeratedly at the screen, slap my forehead in an eureka moment, and exclaim "oh you meant the MEN'S team!!! are they doing a game? that's nice."

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[lizardsfromspace]

The exception is cheesy local commercials. Those should be the only ads. I will listen to someone who runs a store in my city doing an awkward rap. We once had a furniture store with these awful CGI ads and the slogan "where the deals are so low, it's almost criminal!" and then they got shut down, by the cops, because it turned out. It turned out the deals were so low because. You're not going to believe this but the prices were so low it was in fact

[heylittletomboy]

They Hacked Women

[brightereyes]

[antigoneprogone]

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

[oneheadtoanother]

It's so much worse than that. He posted this himself from a sock puppet.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampires who volunteer at nursing homes so they can meet people their own age

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#vampires who volunteer at nursing homes so they can hit on senior citizens that are way too young for them

[lowpawly]

this is my impression of what it would look like if the toddlers at my job could make traumacore edits about me

[lowpawly]

alright by popular demand here is more toddler traumacore

[memento-meliora]

forced to say “it’s okay!” Instead of throwing a fucking chair at their head

[wateredwizard]

Why does your post have lingerie on

[memento-meliora]

God forbid a bitch be feeling herself while mentally ill in this economy 😢

[toskarin]

oh my god it hurts

[toskarin]

and it's going to hurt forever

[toskarin]

every now and then I see people passing screencaps of these posts around, and in the months after I made this post there were people checking in on me assuming I was going through grief or depression or something

to set the record straight, the context is that I had covid and was bleeding from my throat and lungs, but for some ungodly reason, I was feverishly driven to drink lemonade and kept screaming and writhing because I was pouring fizzy lemon juice on open throat wounds

[superdaisypowerhour]

"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"

I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,

[tpwrtrmnky]

It's hard to really get across how baffling the gatekeeping model of trans healthcare actually is.

Like. You say "maybe patients shouldn't have to put their hand in the pain box from Dune" and people go "but we should be careful". Okay. The pain box from Dune is unrelated to being careful.

[tpwrtrmnky]

"What about detransitioners?"

"Here's an entire systematic review finding that the pain box from Dune has literally no effect on anything related to detransition."

"Well it's important that we don't make people do things they regret"

?????????????????????

[tpwrtrmnky]

"So the pain box from Dune is expensive, has no demonstrable benefit to patients, many patients say the pain box was bad for them. We can remove the pain box at negative cost and it won't be missed."

"Have you considered that this radical activism is alienating moderate supporters?"