Complinsult

"Call it a Complinsult. Part compliment, part insult-He invented them. I coined the term. See what I did there? That was an Explanabrag." -Britta Perry

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The biggest thing that can cause an argument between my gf and I is the fact that I support

They were on a break

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Why does pouring hot water sound so much better than pouring cold water?

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Me with full on whiskey dick, but trying my best

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When saturday night plans get cancelled last minute

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me on grindr after a bottle of wine on a saturday at 1am

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Yeah she fuckin saved the Emperor of China. But Mulan DOES NOT get enough credit for DESTROYING THE WHOLE FUCKING HUN ARMY WITH 1 CANNON

Just sayin

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There's only two kinds of people in this world: those who wipe their butts standing up, and those who do it sitting down.

And both think the other ones are monsters

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"If something wanted to kill me I'd be dead already, so I'm probably fine." -me reassuring myself when getting a glass of water at night.

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Me when it's my turn to remove the weeds in the garden

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When she's ready to go

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When your bf proposes some kinky fantasy in bed and you try to act like a lady

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I just want to point out that if you look for loin in google, 3 out of the first 4 results are just lion mispelled.

Yuo're weclome

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Ok but have you ever been cooking with your loved ones and grabbed a knife and for a split second thought "what if I kill them... I could kill them", and then proceeded to chop an onion and not kill anybody?

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Sometimes I'm on the couch and I'm so tired and cold that I cannot bother to get up and go to bed so I just sit there, on my phone, tired and cold.