confusions of a BPDer

💧Kanashi💧 💧22💧 💧Virtual bloger💧 💧diagnosed BPD💧 💧diagnosed autism💧

[confessionsofabpder]

I ended up harming myself again tonight and I'm really fucking regretting it.

I'm in such a bad place right now and I'm just pretending that everything Is alright when in reality I'm completely falling apart.

No one I'm talking know about harming myself or how bad I'm really feeling. I just don't want to bother them and end up feeling like a burden to them. It's best I keep it to myself.

I'm just gonna try and calm myself down and try my hardest not fall backwards again I need to for my sake and for the people I care about sakes

Any way thanks for listening

💧Kanashi💧

[confessionsofabpder]

[confessionsofabpder]

Currently having a heat wave in the UK it's 28 degrees where I am I'm melting.

Ngl I wish it was either snowing or rainy stormy weather.

But on the plus side we've put the pool up and it's currently being filled up. Now that should cool me off haha

Anyways thanks for listening

💧Kanashi💧

[confessionsofabpder]

[confessionsofabpder]

Honestly it really gets me down looking at my arms and seeing all the scars I have.

Sometimes I look at them and start crying cuz of how much it really upsets me.

Also so sometimes when I look at them it can trigger the voices and that makes me wanna harm myself again.

Sometimes I'll harm myself as a form of punishment to myself for being mental ill. And yes I know how fucked up that sounds.

I'm currently 3 months without any self harming and I don't wanna fall back behind and do it again.

Deep down I know it's not worth it.but sometimes the urges and the voices brake me down enough to where I'll do it.

I'm trying my best not to and its working so far.

Let's just hope I can keep it up.

Anyways thanks for listening

💧Kanashi💧

[confessionsofabpder]

[confessionsofabpder]

So it's 20 to 1 in the morning and I'm having a pretty shitty night.

Iv started hearing voices and there being so horrible to me.

I'm having really strong suicidal thoughts and the voices are just feeding into that and trying to validate these feelings and thoughts.

Honestly it's slowly convincing me to act on these thoughts.

I'm not going to tho.iv gone so long now without any suicide attemps and I don't want to ruin things now

I'm just gonna listen to some music and hopefully try and drown them out.

Anyway thanks for listening

💧kanashi💧

[confessionsofabpder]

Hi there.

The names Kanashi.

I'm a 22 year old Vbloger and I have BPD (diagnosed when i was 17) and autism (diagnosed when I was 13).

I'm hoping this can be a place where I vent share my experience with my mental illness post memes and things I enjoy.

Feel free to follow me it would be much appreciated

All my love

💧Kanashi💧