cosmic chai @congeewithfairydust - Tumblr Blog

it's so easy to do things! it's so easy to get up and do things and get things done! i am capable and motivated and executive dysfunction can't touch me. *starting to cry a little because my affirmations aren't working* it's so easy to do things, come on get up, it's easy, let's do things *mental image of a cartoon trying to move a heavy lazy animal* come onnnnn

egberts

IT'S SO EASY TO DO THINGS! IT'S SO EASY TO GET THINGS DONE!!!!

inkskinned

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

furryprovocateur

boobs is better than titties as a word because boobs is bouba while titties is kiki

pinyatapix

read this post and this is all i can ever imagine from it

official-linguistics-post

official linguistics post

inkskinned

you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point i’m saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you don’t have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when there’s bigger stuff to worry on. i’m saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? i’m saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. i’m saying she’s out of my league but i’m still swinging, i’m saying yeah i’m in a ballgown and it’s a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. i’m saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.

inkskinned

#i’m saying if existence is a void at least i’m going down screaming.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

the act of living, beloved: it’s just decoding how to translate it.

sisyphusshrugged

having a hard time focusing today. i've also had a hard time focusing for the previous 15 or so years leading up to now but this post is about today.

workingclasshistory

On this day, 14 October 1977, anti-gay crusader Anita Bryant was “pied” in the face by Thom Higgins, a gay rights activist. Bryant, who was already well-known as a singer, led Save Our Children, a homophobic campaigning group which successfully overturned legal protections for LGBT+ people in Dade County, Florida. Bryant had declared about homosexuality: “I will lead such a crusade to stop it as this country has not seen before.” After being pied, Bryant burst into tears and began praying. Bryant was also brand ambassador for Florida orange juice, which then became subjected to a mass boycott campaign. Gay bars replaced screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice cocktails) with “Anita Bryants” – made with vodka and apple juice, with the profits donated to the campaign. Bryant’s lucrative orange contract subsequently lapsed and her marriage failed, which caused her to be ostracised by some Christian fundamentalists who did not approve of her divorce. Later in life, Bryant’s homophobic views softened, and she stated she was “more inclined to say live and let live”. In 1998, Dade County reintroduced legal protections for LGBT+ people, and efforts by Christian groups to overturn them failed. We’ve produced a number of podcasts about LGBT+ history, you can check them out here: https://workingclasshistory.com/tag/lgbtq/ https://www.facebook.com/workingclasshistory/photos/a.1819457841572691/2109212745930531/?type=3

angstbotfic

Happy Anita Bryant Got Pied Day Eve!

foone

Merry Piemas, everyone.

doctor-doodleman

I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should-

chilewithcarnage

so-many-ocs

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

so-many-ocs

well. looks like we're having a normal one

broneedstovent

Pouring your heart out it a great metaphor. When you send those emotions spilling out to the world, to specific people who occupy your world, you're hoping that they'll return outpouring of love and you'll both be refilled and come away changed, better people.

When they don't, you just feel drained and empty and unseen with nothing left to give.

But worse is when they only give back a little bit, and that leaves you wanting more, and so you pour out more and more and more and receive back a tiny bit each time, but you've been pouring so much, yearning to receive a full dose, that even though you've received more, you're emptier than if you'd received nothing.

They probably don't even do it on purpose. Maybe they're already pouring their heart into someone else.

It hurts all the same. It drains all the same.

otterlycurly

When your genocidal warmongering colonialist imperialistic buff butch milf wolf mom wants you to join your home country’s military industrial complex but you’re too busy being artdeco steampunk fenty beauty mogul diplomat goddess with a buff latino-adjacent boytoy who has a situationship with a sad eastern European 90’s heroin-chic machine messiah Czech hunter twink boyfriend

lockandkeyhyena

actually we should start headcanoning female characters as being terrible with children

lockandkeyhyena

stop mother-ifying fictional literally all female characters. that fictional woman would not know what the fuck to do with a child

creekfiend

gender essentialism is soooo funny bc it's like "this is what women are like" and you're like "I've met women and many of them, if not the majority, have not been like that" and it's like "well women SHOULD be like that" and you're like "why should women be like that" and its like "because that's what women are like"

suffering-and-misery

adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

woodlouseandbird

my therapist suggested i imagine my intrusive thoughts in the voice of donald trump bc i do not possess an ounce of respect for him or trust in his competence. going thru it today so i made this. hope this helps

ill-crawl-home-to-her

no this is genius actually

moved-to-the-somberlaiin

gay-mormon-wizard

today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god