Friday is a protest. Reposting the potato as a prayer that our protest is heard and the per capita spending on our students (and my pay) increases. 45th is not okay!
I just finished Chalice of the Gods and boy howdy. I was like. Where's Estelle? Then the bombshell pfft.
Anyway so this book was really interesting to me bc it touches on the concept of growing up in general. Things like remarriage, new siblings, big life changes in school and work. It's more than what I anticipated? Because then there's also the literal aspect. Cutting for spoilers idk.
So the thing that was really interesting was how much they didn't WANT to be little kids. Because it felt like going backwards in life. Some people chase childhood and miss it dearly, thus spend time doing "childish" things. They talk a lot about the concept of immortality. It comes up like over and over and over again but what's interesting is how Percy is so at peace with mortality. The reason it's interesting outside of being so totally human and real of him is he hasn't met Magnus yet. So for him to have this entire arc about cherishing the ability to grow old with his girlfriend BEFORE meeting her immortal/dead cousin is WILD. I'm curious to see if they touch on it in the third book or if we're supposed to just assume there was internal conflict. Like. Percy apparently gets just a few more months of demigod hell. Magnus gets eternity of it. If I were Percy I'd feel really REALLY bad for them. I mean, he felt bad enough for Ganymede. Anywayyyy.
I'd love to see this interaction, that probably won't happen in the books which is fine, but when Percy and Annabeth get older, like old enough to have their own family, or even Estelle growing up, just them having this whiplash that Magnus is still the same. It'd be SUCH an interesting concept. A part of me wants them to keep in touch and have this extended family thing where everyone (generations later on just some) knows about that weirdo immortal uncle and his super cool girlfriend sometimes boyfriend that always makes people smile.
I'm on to the last book I need to finish, Wrath of the Triple Goddess. We shall see what happens weee.
I volunteer with my school's band program and I've always found the guard coach to be unreadable to me. She's just reserved and doesn't talk much about herself during rehearsal but has a deep love for the sport.
Anyway, I'm beginning this journey of being a single mother by choice. I'm getting tired of waiting for a partner and having it curb my dreams of being a mother. So I overheard said coach talking about her kids being IVF and I immediately scooted over and wanted to talk.
Later, I went to the clinic to get the process started. In the office, alone, I found myself overwhelmed with unfamiliar emotions. I trembled and got anxious and wanted to cry. But why? This is supposed to be big and positive and exciting!
She texted me later that day. Somehow she remembered my appointment day. She wished me well and said she'd go to appointments with me and basically do what she could to support me. I broke down in gross sobs. I still don't understand why.
Apparently the community of women going through this experience (infertility for whatever reason) bond in a unique way. Life is hard, and being a single mom is a big decision. My own mother works a job where she cannot just be present at my appointments on a whim. So I needed another person. I didn't expect that person to reach out first. Tumblr will always be my safe void, but I certainly didn't expect this unreadable woman to become a safe space as I go through this journey. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry some more.
My only dream for my future baby is they love the arts as much as I do. I want to read to them and create with them. I hope they will feel loved because even the dream fills me with it.
For about 7 years I've been in this turmoil of wanting to find a partner. Wanting a family but struggling with being ace. Trust issues. Anxious attachment. Family pressure. Shit, the last time I spoke to my father about it he bullied me. It's my fault I can't find a man. It's my fault I'm not dating. Well. Whatever. It's not. I was built differently and it took a long time to love myself.
My father is still unhappy about me doing this without a partner but I know my mother will love me unconditionally. All of us want the family to grow and expand. So she's willing to do this with me. Support me. Nothing about this will be easy but it's okay. Love finds a way. Sure, I don't want to be single, but it's so hard to find people who are like me who also want kids.
Oh well.
But no, fr, this is an emotional journey but I am feeling so so so positive about it. I'm ready!
this but I don’t do major character death so, knowing me, I’d just give my blorbo a miracle and cure them in the end. but the whump. the “not knowing”. the “believing they were going to die”. the “caretaker being in pain thinking they were going to lose their loved one”. the “caretaker watching whumpee get worse and slowly fade away, then telling them they won’t let them die alone” before the miracle. give me the hurt and give me comfort 😮💨🥹
Back when I knew this beautiful person named Kada they had an AU for Hanbei where he's dying of cancer. I think about it a lot and really want to write it but I often shy away because it was so personal to her that only the concept was shared with me. It's one of my most adored hurt comfort stories and I wish I could have talked with them about it more. This chapter concept is insanely good though and I should totally do that if I ever post it.
The last 16 hours has been a fever dream of just sleeping and being awake for like 20 minutes and passing back out.
At some point I had this thought of Magnus Chase and Alex Fierro arguing about his hair length again. So they talk about doing goofy things like dying hair hot pink or braiding Magnus's hair if he refused to cut it.
Anyway so Alex gives him little braids and their hallmates walk by like bro why do you let Alex do whatever she wants (he really doesn't care) but when she's done she laughs bc she's reminded of Legolas. Maybe he needs to learn how to shoot a bow (no he doesn't.)
There's something about their sass that's cute on a different level from the other ships in the series. Not like it's better or worse, but their level of playful is so funny.
I wrote some fluff I'm tempted to place on my sideblog but I'm a bit shy. Weh. Shoot, normally I'd post this kind of thing there but I wanted to put it here instead.
I love that my biggest gripe about newer PJO novels is that the more books Uncle Rick writes the less they are children's novels and the more they are teen novels.
That being said. I'm reading through Nico and Will's story wishing that Alex Fierro could have a do-over. As a fellow genderfluid individual I love Alex a lot, I truly do. I love that Magnus is super demi/ace energy. But the teasing low key pronoun police and spontaneous changes for the sake of convenience was just cringe. I want Alex to have another story with Magnus where gender is like... less of a Big Deal and more of a trait. Because I do not know of a single human being out there who would be so in your face about their gender. Because, wow, we know it's annoying and cringe. Perhaps for someone their age it's more likely to be a thing.
I was less critical of the whole ordeal until I got into Nico's story and I'm just like, they really did Alex dirty if the writing was capable of this.
I was miffed at the end of Heroes of Olympus that it gave this energy that Will magically fixed Nico and he was better. So this book was refreshing in the sense that he's not "fixed" and is going through a healing process with an imperfect person with his own insecurities. I'm not far in the book, so I don't know how they will grow, but I appreciate it. Also they are really cute? Some of the characterization feels off but I guess that comes with the territory of a guest writer but it can be brushed off as character growth I guess. Will has grown on me a lot and I'm excited to keep reading.
I am also excited to be done with Trials of Apollo. I did not enjoy it. Character death gave me trauma I couldn't heal from bc Apollo wouldn't shut up about it. RIP my heart. However, lesbian Piper is an awesome concept and I'm convinced Jason is a magnet for gays. Not in the sense of them liking him but in the sense of him being friends with them.
Anyway, I just wanted to scream into the void and Tumblr will always be my haven for it.
This is petty don't read it. Unless you're my ex lol.
So my ex slides in my tw*tter dms on an alt account talking about "block me here too" I'm like if I didn't recognize your reoccurring username I wouldn't give a FUCK who you are. Hell.
So he told my friend the other day that he thinks I'm seeing someone new, and honestly, there's a reason I chose the Taylor Swift breakup song that I did. Yes I'm an adult acting like a literal child right now. It's ok. I know.
"There are many different ways that you can kill the one you love. The slowest way is never loving them enough. Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really gotta tell you how he brought me back to life?"
I did not actively cheat on my man. When I lost feelings and gained for another I left him. I'm close to the other guy but it's not... We're not dating. I've been rejected like 3 times lol. So what is even the point? He can think what he wants but at the end of the day he's dead wrong. This other man did bring me back to life. He reminded me of what it was like to do things that I loved. What unconditional support really looks like. What respect for who I am looks like. And I do my best to give it back to him every day. I feel like someday he'll hate me. Maybe I'm a dirty cheat. But I'm happier with a complicated situationship than I was with a man that didn't treat me right.
Whatever.
I hope your dumb ass is stalking this blog too so you can see how bad you fucked up. Now give me my money back and leave me alone forever because the pettier you are the longer I block you for.
Edit: also your ignorant ass didn't even think to realize that the story the news all over the Gods damned state is covering explains that one of my students died yesterday. But I'm totally here to care about you blocking me. I'm only writing this because writing letters is actually therapeutic.
For some time, I lost much joy in my life and only found it writing things that I can't post here. As a result, I put down my old projects. I'm really bad about not picking things back up, so maybe a few words of encouragement would help.
I went through something really tragic this last month, and I'm a mess of a person right now that just wants to find some peace.
How desperately I missed feeling the love the people in my stories feel. Oh, how different it is but isn't.
My life is at an odd place you know? I graduate with my master's degree, and humans... we need goals in order to find purpose in our life. I love my job, and I really look forward to continuing my work, but I'm aware that I had no goal after that. My goal was to get married and have a family, but that was so wildly dropped from my hands. My life changed so suddenly in the course of two weeks... it makes me feel quite a bit lost. Messy. Confused.
The one thing, thankfully, keeping me holding on is my love for the students that I serve. I'm blessed to work a job I love, and blessed to have a little ray of sunshine always cheering me on in his shy little corner. Thanks buddy.
I think about this passage and footnote from the Shibboleth of Fëanor a lot.
[Fëanor] himself perished too early in the war against Morgoth, largely because of his recklessnes, to do more than note the differences between the dialects of North Sindarin (which was the only one he had time to learn) and the Western[22].
22 His sons were too preoccupied in war and feuds to pay attention to such matters, save Maglor who was a poet, and Curufin, his fourth and favourite son to whom he gave his name; but Curufin was most interested in the alien language of the Dwarves, being the only one of the Noldor to win their friendship. It was from him that the loremasters obtained such knowledge as they could of the Khuzdul.
Feanor was alive and kicking in Beleriand for long enough to start cataloguing languages! Did he write a book? Did he finish it? Did Maglor finish it? (Actually that is my headcanon; yes, Daeron helped, obviously.)
Maglor and Curufin had something in common!
Curufin was the only (really?) Noldo to make friends with the Dwarves! (What about Finrod?)
Picture: "mean guy" Curufin going about making friends with Dwarves, chatting with loremasters, writing books (?).
“The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult.”
All the humanoid figures in the building you're in suddenly come to life and are trying their hardest to kill you, (this means dolls, mannequins, sculptures, puppets etc but they have to be human-ish)
How Screwed Are You?
I'm chilling. (there are none that i can think of)
slightly unnerved
Oh no (I could fight them off.)
OH NO! (can't fight them off)
already dead (I live in a museum/large fashion store)
Voting ended onMay 20, 2023
Add the approximate number in the tags!! If you're wondering if something counts, drop a comment!
Fire but you can choose the character <3. Giving me flashbacks to the days of Telvo and the burning boats though.
cw self harm, canon-ish character death, cannibalism-ish?
This is nothing, Amras told himself, this is nothing, this is nothing.
The patch of skin on his wrist where he had pressed the match began to bubble and blister. Somewhere he registered this, but he could not begin to think of why it mattered.
The wound began to weep. It occured to him that he ought to clean it.
This is nothing, he thought as he reached for the waterskin he kept at his desk for this exact purpose, and splashed water across the wound, holding back a yell at the blade-sharp pain of it. It's nothing compared to what my brother felt, he repeated as he coated the burn with salve.
When they had pulled Amrod out of the flames, he had not looked like an elf anymore. His whole body was instead an open wound, red and weeping. It was as though he had been flayed alive. His brothers had thought at first that he was dead already.
He was not. Amras had known he was not. He could not speak, he could not move, but for several moments his eyes had darted backwards and forwards, wide and afraid. That was all the response he could manage, as Amras tried in vain to comfort his twin. In truth, however, Amras did not think Amrod could hear anything that he said.
Amrod had died truly shortly after that. He could not speak, but Amras knew- he had died in terror and in pain.
Amras had howled like one of the beasts he and Amrod had once hunted together across the plains of Aman, he had screamed and cursed his father. He had grabbed at a patch of flaking ash from his twin's shoulder, and shoved it into his mouth, and the ash had stuck in his throat and made his eyes and nose stream. That pain was nothing, too. It had taken Celegorm and Maedhros together to drag him away from the corpse that had once been his twin, and he had fought them all the way.
His mouth was full of blood when they finally released him.
Now his father was dead, and his brothers were installed within their own keeps scattered throughout Beleriand, and Amras did not know who he ought to fight. He himself was the only person left for him to hurt.
His burned wrist had already stopped stinging, but that didn't matter. Someday, he would find a way to hurt as badly as Amrod had. A way to beg forgiveness from his dead brother, that he had not died in his place.
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