Professional Dumbass’ Brain

Cos | He/They/Idfc | Cis | Bi | EST Professional Dumbass Love my friends Code guy Touchstarved Filled with Malice and Hate

[loveridden1999]

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

[dreamingnemleria]

[dumpsterfire620]

[bophia]

Daily affirmations for tesla owners: your car is ugly as hell and everyone hates you

[audliminal]

Having short hair really is just

I get up. I walk into the bathroom. I glance in the mirror. My hair is posed in a brand new, never-before-seen array that defies the laws of physics.

[byjove]

June is also men’s mental health month so I’d like to drop in and say that mine is not so good. It’s also Pride Month so I’m going to be treating the problem with yaoi.

[thepicklekingog]

Everyone get meaner to politicians NOW

[sharkwithpaws]

i wish it was socially acceptable to reply with ":3" to people you know irl

[cosgos]

I do this, it’s called not being a coward

[satan-offical]

I know the pope and I are enemies but we both agree AI is shit so maybe it's time for a truce

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

super original couples shirt idea

[satan-offical]

AAAAAAA I FEEL MY GAY POWERS CONSUMING ME!! IT'S TOO POWERFUL FOR ME TO HANDLE!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!

[cosgos]

This is the future the Left wants 😔

[theconcealedweapon]

[maarvarq]

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

[theconcealedweapon]

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

[tiny-space-whale]

No but like literally, actually. All bits aside.

He didn't do it.

The cops very clearly planted evidence on him because they had to make an arrest because all eyes were on them and whoever actually did the deed was making them look stupid.

Why would the real killer hero have kept the weapon on his person and traveled two states over while carrying it and a manifesto in his bag, conveniently turning the crime into a federal matter? The same guy whose bag they found in a park, filled with monopoly money? Why did the police turn off their bodycams, take Luigi's stuff, drive a block away, turn their bodycams back on, go back into the restaurant, and then arrest him?

From the moment of his arrest, even left-of-center media has been presuming his guilt without examining anything (e.g. calling him "the killer" instead of "alleged" or "accused") and then when I say he didn't do it, the nearest person chimes in with some quip that tells me they think he did do it but should go free anyway. Don't get me wrong, I would have the same attitude if he had done it. But he didn't. It makes me feel like the only sane person in the world, even among my staunchly leftist friends.

[satan-offical]

dudes I fucking love being able to swear it's so convinet whenf you're angry at the world fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit

[mosslingg]

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

[asthedeathoflight]

My favorite quirk of American English is that since we're constantly exaggerating, sometimes it's more intense to say something slightly less intense. Because like, it means you actually thought about it.

"you look great!" - normal. Anyone could say this. Could be true or could just be lying to be nice. Very normal expected thing to say to someone

"you look good." - gay as hell thing to say to someone.

[cosgos]

Google “What is a demiboy?”

[kissed1996]

If you had to sing a child to sleep RIGHT NOW what would you sing and it CANT BE a lullaby it has to be a regular song

[cosgos]

🎶 ✨ Two birds on a wiiiire ✨ 🎶