cracked confessions

When you don't have any friends who are as into the comedy empire formerly known as Cracked as you are, so you have to talk to the Internet about it instead. Submissions accepted.

[crackedconfessions]

The Confessional is now closed.

Since the Cracked we once knew is now dead, and nobody has submitted a confession in a very long time, it seems fitting to officially call it good. Thanks to everyone who followed and confessed, but mostly just listened to my dumb confessions about this weird little comedy thing that once captured my heart and yours.

If you haven’t kept up, here’s links to what some of your faves are doing now: Small Beans (Mostly Swaim and Abe, making podcasts and a few videos with many ex-Cracked folks) Gamefully Unemployed (Mostly Tom Reimann and David Bell, doing podcasts and Twitch streams of them and other Cracked folks playing video and board games) Some More News (Cody has continued his Some News series, in video and podcast form, with Katy Stoll) Last Week Tonight (This plucky little television programme recently hired Dan) Also of interest: BunnyEars.com (A new comedy site which features writing from a bunch of ex-Cracked folks) At Least There’s This (A great podcast that has had basically all your Cracked faves as guests in the last year) Matt and Dan (Former Cracked video regular Daniel Vincent Gordh has a new comedy webseries)

Good night, you princes of Maine. You fountains of Wayne.

[crackedconfessions]

Not sure how active this blog is but I thought I'd note that Cracked's YouTube is updating, with season 2 of the People Watching series. Since I'm guessing it was ordered it wasn't affected by layoffs. Not the core cracked team but it's always fit cracked perfectly and I think it really deserves attention, it'd be a shame for something that compelling to fly under the radar.

I actually just came here to make an official “This blog is dead” post. I hadn’t heard about that, and I’m genuinely surprised...but I hope a lot of people who never unsubscribed from Cracked will see it and check it out. I wasn’t always on board with their stuff, but it was generally really well done.

[crackedconfessions]

As if the Cracked fan community hasn’t been through enough this year.

If anyone else just heard the news about Josh Sargent and needs a shoulder to cry on, the ask box is open.

[crackedconfessions]

I just found out about the firing i thought they were just taking a break or something. They had really good shit I feel so bad especially for the writers I hope they find work soon. I also really hope there are similar content sites that pop up and the website itself makes some kind of come back.

The website is still going, with a staff of mainly freelancers. But like I said to the last ask, it seems like just the penultimate nail in the coffin (previous nails being Jack’s departure, Soren’s, and Swaim’s).

I mean, come on: they fired DAN. Their first employee, basically the face of the brand. There’s no comeback from that.

[crackedconfessions]

So cracked is basically dead? I dunno if it't just my PC, but not even the pics are loading for me anymore. Maybe someone's turning out the lights one by one. I just heard about the lay-offs today. I haven't been on the site as much anymore, esp. since Jack left and we didn't see much of DOB and Swaim anymore. Felt unfamiliar. At least now we kinda know what happened. I hope everybody finds another cool place to make awesome comedy.

According to the one freelancer I know there, the site’s still planning to chug along with the same old style of articles, just mostly written by freelancers. But for a company that was constantly growing, a step that far backward can’t be leading anywhere but down.

If you haven’t heard, Swaim’s already launched a new project called Small Beans. They’ve got two podcasts up and running so far.

[crackedconfessions]

Confession: I still think about this sometimes.

[crackedconfessions]

What happened with cracked? I noticed their YouTube hadn't updated and heard about the layoffs, has cracked given a reason for it yet?

I wish I knew, friend. To my knowledge they have not, and given how business works they’re not likely to. We may never know what manner of ass-backwards fuckery lead to this internet comedy tragedy.

[crackedconfessions]

Not a confession, just don't know how submitting works if you want to go anon.

Oh dang, I thought I had anon on for asks! I’ve switched it on, so that’s the best way to do anonymous text confessions. I don’t think there’s a way to do anonymous submissions, unfortunately.

Sorry to anyone who’s had something to anonymously get off their chest!

[crackedconfessions]

dronator replied to your photo “Date a guy who looks at you the way Sarge looks at Tom Reimann.”

What happened?

I don’t know, but they got in a huge argument on Twitter, then Tom started RTing tweets from (as far as I can tell) an ex of Sarge’s saying some pretty nasty stuff about him. Then Tom deleted all the tweets and made a cryptic post that suggested he’d had words with HR. They don’t follow each other anymore :(

[crackedconfessions]

(Gif by @thisiscracked)

[crackedconfessions]

Confession: One of my first thoughts upon learning that a significant portion of Cracked’s employees had been laid off was “But Marina Reimann has a chronic illness, she needs that insurance!”

[crackedconfessions]

Confession: Just know that all y’all who are having lots of Cracked feelings right now: I am having them too. If you want to share, the Confessional is open.

[crackedconfessions]

Daniel O’Brien, who just lost his job of TEN YEARS then offered to give OTHER PEOPLE pep talks, confirmed for One True Cinnamon Roll of the Universe. We don’t deserve him.

[crackedconfessions]

Confession/Unpopular Opinion: Cody’s delivery of the deeply unsexy line “scale you, with my scaly dogs” is unfairly sexual.

[crackedconfessions]

did you hear the horrible news??

Confession: I am currently drinking wine out of the bottle and eating chocolate cake.

[crackedconfessions]

Date a guy who looks at you the way Sarge looks at Tom Reimann.

[crackedconfessions]

Confession: It stressed me out so much to watch Tom and Sarge publicly fall out on Twitter, and I still feel heartsick knowing they aren’t friends anymore.

[crackedconfessions]

i wish i had a friend like you to talk about how much i love cracked... and my secret crush on dob. none of my friends get it!

I’m here for you, friend. Which is good, because your friends sound terrible: what’s not to get about DOB? He’s basically a perfect dreamboat who loves his dog and is funnier than all your exes and looks like he’d give great hugs. The whole “sweats too much” angle is like a really half-assed weakness from an old comic. If you look up “Boyfriend Material” in the dictionary, it probably says “Would make a whole video about how the 90s were too mean to Andie MacDowell.”