I Like Bad movies

A place where I can spew about bizarre, crappy, off beat and or weird movies that I've watched. I hope you find it interesting.

[crappymovies]

Switching Blog Host

Hey people of Earth!

This is just a heads up saying that I'll be switching from Tumblr to Wordpress, due to some formatting options that I have one Wordpress that Tumblr seems to have done away with recently. I expect that all should go smoothly, but I always like to prepare for the worse.

The blog will look roughly the same, but with some minor changes (hopefully improvements).

[crappymovies]

A Crappy Contest!!!

Hey folks, hope you are all doing well. 

I have decided to see if anyone is actually reading this blog by holding a Crappy Movie DVD contest.

What's that, you ask? Well, I'll provide a couple of questions, and the first four people that answer it will get a crappy movie on DVD mailed to them. The Contest will run until the end of March, or until I have four winners - that could be in a day or it may never happen - If no one answers the questions correctly, then I would just give the DVDs to the first four people that send their answers, whether correct or not at the end of the contest. That shouldn't happen - you're on the Internet - Google it if you have too. I don't care, I just want to know if anyone is reading this!

So, Here are the two prize winning questions (and they are EASY ones):

1. Who wrote and directed the infamous crappy movie, Plan 9 From Outer Space?

2. Robert Beltran played the title character, Raoul from the movie, Eating Raoul. He went on to play what character on the Star Trek Voyager television series?

Click Here to send in your answers (remember to put your mailing address in the email!)

[crappymovies]

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) - Yes It's Cheezy, Yes It's Dumb and Yes I liked It

Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) got her start on a TV station, introducing campy horror movies on a late night TV show. Dressed as a sexy, large breasted raven haired sex-vamp, she rose to the top of Pop culture in the 1980s and 1990s and her posters covered countless walls of teenage boys lusting after that fantastic figure (especially those boobs...especially those boobs).

Well this is Elvira's movie. It tells the story of Elvira, fresh from quitting her TV job and planning on starting a Las Vegas show, but finding herself $70,000 short. Suddenly she gets word that her great Aunt has passed away and she has inherited her estate, a run down house and a "cook book." Her appearance in this small town creates quite a ruckus, as the town have very strict rules on what is and what is not allowed: no sex and no violence in media... Just a boring little place. Elvira drives the powers to be crazy with her sexy appearance. Trying to make the best of things she gets to work on sprucing up the house with the help of the local youths. At the same time, her Great Uncle is trying to get that cook book of her aunt's.

Well, it turns out that things in Elvira's family are not as they seem, and she is part of a magical, ancient family that control the darkness. Her uncle wants the cookbook as is really a book of magic and spells, and possessing it during the upcoming Lunar Eclipse would seal his power as master of the dark. Of course Elvira has to stop this.

So, this is a stupid, silly movie and at times it seems like Elvira is trying to be Rodney Dangerfield with her delivery of her lines. That said, this is good, cheezy fun and I enjoyed every minute of this terrible film. Should you watch it?  Damn straight you should.

Check out the trailer:

[crappymovies]

The Bay (2012) - What's the Matter, Parasite Got Your Tongue?

2012's The Bay is an environmental horror film with one message: stop polluting the water.

Chesapeake Bay, New England has a water pollution problem that the mayor is ignoring. The town's chicken processing plant is dumping raw sewage into the bay and that is directly affecting the ecosystem of the bay0 Huge die offs of fish is the first sign that something's wrong. A team of two divers working for environmental agencies are documenting what they find in the bay. On land, a college reporter, in town to document t he town's summer festivities gets caught up in the story being one of the only news reporters in town when it gets quarantined.

This town is falling apart fast - It's eventually determined that what is affecting everyone and everything is a parasite that is growing at an alarmingly fast rate due to the waste that's been dumped into the bay. People are dying horrible deaths, eaten from the inside out. 

Shot as a documentary made up of reports and self shot videos as well as some lost footage, the Bay stays interesting if not amazing. I watched it on the suggestion of a friend, and despite some really bad reviews on the Internet Movie Database, I enjoyed it for the most part.

Worth a watch? Well, it wasn't terrible but you decide for yourself.

Check out the trailer below:

[crappymovies]

An Interview With Russ Meyer - Conan O'Brien

This is kind of cool: an interview with one of the Kings of the Bib-Boob B-Movie Drive In movies, Russ Meyer from the Conan O'Brien show.

Enjoy!

[crappymovies]

The Fast And The Furious (1955) - Don't Worry - This One's Good: It Doesn't Have Vin Diesel

I'm pretty sure if you've been reading this blog for a while, you most likely know I like Roger Corman films. Well this is no different: A Corman film that I like.

1955's The Fast and The Furious tells the story of a man, Frank Webster (played by John Ireland) who was wrongly accused of murder and wanting to clear his name. Being pursued by police, Webster is forced to take a woman, Connie Adair (played by Dorothy Malone) hostage and steal her car, with Webster hoping to make it to the Mexican border, and freedom beyond it. In order to avoid police road blocks, they pose as entrants in an antique auto race. The fact that Connie knows some of the entrants makes things a little sticky. Along this crazy adventure, Connie falls for Frank and vice/versa. A tale of injustice and love, this movie has schlock written all over it - luckily it's short and doesn't give enough time to get sick of it. Actually, clocking in at one hour and sixteen minutes, this movie is just about the perfect length for it's subject matter.

Oh, and don't go thinking that that crappy Fast and Furious film is a remake of this film - watch The Chase with Charlie Sheen to see the true remake of this film.

Should you watch it? Hell Yeah...

Heck, here's the whole damned movie:

[crappymovies]

I Didn't Come Here to Die (2010) - I You Go Down In The Woods To day You're in For a Poked Out Eye

2010's I Didn't Come Here To Die is one of the generation of new Grindhouse style movies that seem to be gaining cachet with the alternative movie market, but does it properly.

A group of young adult have volunteers to break ground on a new camp for under privileged children. A mish-mash of personalities, these folks are brought together in the woods for what is supposed to be about a year. They are working on getting a campsite setup by clearing trails, digging fire pits and such. Being young, there is the usual sexual tension between some of the people. 

On the first or second night, the group starts drinking around a camp fire (that never seems to be lit), and things get weird when one of the two group leaders, who comes off as a prude, and has been ridiculed by the others for being square (and dressing like a "Mom"), starts drinking and gets a little crazy, jumping on the bad boy of the group and basically demanding sex. Another girl pushes her of and they have a verbal spat . The leaders storms of and quickly gets injured...awesomely.

What follows is a series of accidents and not so accidents. Brutalities caused by stupidity, followed by brutalities caused by fear and humanities brutality that lies just below it's surface. 

This is a low budget movie, but that's okay: there's no real need for a big budget, and they did well with the little money that they did spend. Both brutal and fun, I say watch this movie if you like slasher/people in the woods style movies, though it's not a slasher film. This film is actually pretty original. Watch it!

Here's the trailer:

[crappymovies]

Zombies Vs. Strippers (2012) - Stupid, Yet Still Fun

Alright, by the title of the blog, you've got to know that I like bad movies. That must be the reason I like this one.

Zombies Vs. Strippers is a silly tale about a few strippers, the club owner, the bouncer and a couple of patrons that hole up inside a strip club at the outbreak of a Zombie Virus. Pretty straight forward. The acting's not awesome (at the same time, it's not the worse I've seen by a long shot), and the budget, like all these type of movies is pretty small, but that's okay - I didn't expect and award winning performance like Gandhi or anything - It was good enough to be fun.

Zombies, boobs and laughs - good enough to justify the short, one hour and fourteen minute run time.

If you like B-Movies, then go ahead and watch this movie - just don't expect too much.

[crappymovies]

Monkey Shines (1988) - Who's a Cute Homicidal Helper Monkey?

In celebration of George A. Romero's 73 birthday we decided to watch 1988's Monkey Shines. I haven't seen this movie since it was released originally and my memories of it were vague. Heck, I didn't even know it was a Romero film until my friend suggested we watch it due to Romero's already mentioned birthday. I'm glad I re-watched it.

Monkey Shines is the store of Allen Mann (played by Jason Beghe), a young man in the physical prime of his life who is rendered a quadriplegic when he is hit by a vehicle while jogging. Not taking the transition well, Allen's friend, Geoffrey Fisher (played by John Pankow), arranges to have one of the monkeys that he's been injecting with a formula to make more intelligent trained as a helper for Allen. At first this works great. The monkey, now named Ella bonds will Allen immediately and proves herself to be a great assistant and companion.Already bright, it soon becomes apparent (to Allen, at least) that Ella may be even more intelligent than she lets on. He believes that she may be getting out at night and somehow projecting her adventures into his dreams. Allen, too is changing: he becomes more angry and unforgiving. Soon things start happening to the people and things that anger Allen, and the only explanation he can come up with is that Ella is in tune with his thoughts and feelings and is acting on his dark thought. When Allen shares this belief  everyone around him just thinks he's imagining things. Ella works up a significant body count b at the time before anyone finally clues in that it is the monkey.

Back in 1988 when I first saw this film I didn't really appreciate it, and remember being a little disappointed with the movie. I'm not entirely sure why, but I remember that is how I felt at that time. I don't know what I was expecting, but perhaps the 18-19 year old me was a dumb-ass.

This movie was pretty damned good, and I definitely suggest it as a watch. 

Check out the trailer below:

[crappymovies]

Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) - Comic Book Based Horror That Stays Entertaining

I'm not sure why I hadn't seen this movie before last night, as I was a fan of the Tales From the Crypt comic book and TV show, and was aware that this movie existed. Oh Well, I watched it, finally.

The story is this: there is a man being chased by Billy Zane who is either a demon or the Devil himself. Zane's character is trying to get the seventh and final "key" that would release the demons of Hell onto Earth en mass. That key is a bottle that contains blood of certain people (starting with the blood of Christ) that are chosen to keep it, and the world safe from the evil trying to escape hell. The holder of this key/blood bottle is imbued with powers, add the blood itself can be used to destroy and to protect. 

In this movie, the most recent keeper, pursued by Zane's character holes up in an old church converted to a hotel/hostel. Followed there, the keeper tries to protect a group that really doesn't understand that they are really in trouble. Eventually, they figure out that the danger is real - especially when Zane punched THROUGH the head of the sheriff.

So, this movie is definitely cheezy. Heck it's really cheezy. Who cares, though, as this is a really fun horror movie. Not an award winner in any way, shape or form, but fun.

Check out the trailer below:

[crappymovies]

Grabbers (2012) - Stay Drunk, Stay Safe and Most Importantly Stay Irish

Well, this was a pleasant surprise!

Grabbers is a 2012 Irish Sci-fi horror film that comes out of no where and leaves you wondering why you never heard of this film before. I'm serious: I really like this film.

What's it all about? Lisa Nolan, a police officer from the city takes a temporary assignment as a police officer in a small fishing village on an Irish island. There she is teamed up with a drunk of a cop that spends his time in an alcoholic haze while fighting crime that just doesn't exist. Shortly after her arrival, an alien streaks to earth like a meteorite and crashes into the sea nearby. The alien, obviously hungry after it's trip through space, starts off by devouring the crew of a fishing vessel that saw the crash and had gone to investigate. Eventually (well, pretty quickly actually) the creature (or creatures) end up on the island itself when a fisherman traps one in a lobster trap. Thinking he's going to be rich, he takes it home with him. Eventually it turn on him and he has to kill it (kinda'). Taking the ...corpse to a local scientist, it's discovered that it's like no other creature ever recorded. Like a cross between an octopus, a squid, a lamprey and a monster from an old pulp sci-fi story from the 50s, this thing is hungry, aggressive and reproductive. Oh, and add a taste for blood, yes there you have the monster. This thing kills quickly and without mercy. It has one downfall: it can't handle alcohol in the blood of it's victims. Basically it's allergic to the stuff. The cops, one of whom is conveniently a raging alcoholic, have to keep the town drunk for about 24 hours while they wait for help from the coast guard and or military (it's an island, remember?).

Watch it. Watch it watch it watch it.

Here's the trailer:

[crappymovies]

Just Arrived: A Box of 40 HD-DVD Movies (Player to Arrive Next Week)

So I bought a box of 40 HD-DVD movies on Ebay last week and they jusy arrives. What is HD-DVD? It was the format that lost out to Blu-Ray. Same resolution, different incompatible format (remember the Bets vs. VHS video casstte war? This is the Beta of high definition formats). This is a dead format. Why would I buy them if it's a dead format? They were super cheap, like the HD-DVD add on for the XBOX 360. A crap load of HD movies for cheap is a no brainer to me. I paid $40 for 40 movies and I am super happy about it.

Here's the list of movies:

Adventures of Robin Hood, The Ant Bully, The Arctic Tale Aviator, The Batman Begins Beowulf Blades of Glory Caddyshack Constantine Corpse Bride Dead Silence Disturbia Dreamgirls Failure to Launch Four Brothers Fugitive, The Goodfellas Happy Feet Heartbreak Kid Hot Rod Jerk, The Kiss Kiss bang Bang Lethal Weapon Last Samurai, The Mighty Heart, A Million Dollar Baby Nacho Libre Next Norbit Ocean's Thirteen Perfect Storm, The Polar Express, the Searchers, the Superman Returns Swordfish TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) Training Day Transformers Unforgiven

[crappymovies]

Deadgirl (2008) - Zombie Sex Slave and Some Characters I hate

So, I watched Deadgirl last night at the suggestion a friend and, well I gotta say I wasn't blown away.

The gist of the story is that two guys (one an asshole and one an emo loser) skip school and go hang out at a local abandoned mental hospital. Once there they run around the place throwing stuff and breaking whatever they can find that isn't already broken. In the midst of all this they discover a closed door and force it open. In the now open room they find a naked woman, chained to a cot. At first they both don't know what to do until the asshole decided he wants to rape the woman. Emo guy wants nothing of this and leaves. He comes back later and asshole is till there and has discovered something: She's a zombie. How did he discover this? He broke her neck (yeah, I know), and she is still alive...

Okay, I said enough. This is not a good movie and I will not suggest it as a watch. And you know what is the worst part part of this movie? The friggin' shitty sound track.

I don't like this movie.

[crappymovies]

Ozombie (2012) - Terrorist Zombie Movie

Ozombie is a 2012 low budget Zombie movie where al-Qaeda uses a mutated germ warfare agent to turn people in to zombies and unleash them against the coalition forces in Iraq.

This is a silly movie with unbelievable acting by poor actors. The characters are not really likable and any military that would hire them deserves to lose any war or battle that they enter. Add a sister stupidly searching for her equally stupid brother who decided that it is up to him to go to Iraq and single handedly capture or Kill Osama Bin-Laden. Uh...yep.

So, this a stupidly dumb movie that really doesn't deserve a recommendation, yet it was still fun and if you are looking for a mindless movie with Zombies that can make you laugh once in a while, then go ahead and watch - I've seen worse.

[crappymovies]

Dredd (2012) - So... This is a Movie

I watched the new Judge Dredd movie, Dredd, a couple of nights ago and have this to say: Yeah, this is a Judge Dredd Movie.

For the most part, I think that's all that really needs to be said, but for the sake of the blog I'll write a bit more.

Did you see the original Judge Dredd movie starring Sylvester Stalone? Well, that one had more going on than this movie. I'm not saying it was better - it wasn't - but there was more going on. The story of this movie? Who cares. It's a dark action movie with some entertaining gunfight and explosions, characters that I just couldn't care less about. It's not a bad movie, it's just a movie I could take or leave.

This is a movie. Watch it if you like.

Here's the trailer:

[crappymovies]

John Dies at the End (2012) - A Wild Wacky Movie That Barely Makes Sense That You Should See

John Dies At The End is a weird tale of a couple of drop outs, exposed to a weird drug that allows them to see into another dimension and leaves them as protectors of our world from a possible invasion for that said dimension.

A movie by Don Coscarelli, the man who brought us the masterpieces Bubba Ho-Tep and the Phantasm series (amongst other films) has created a stylish, surrealistic weird movie that kept me confused and riveted at the same time. A couple of dope smoking, drinking roommates, Dave and John attend a big party where they meet Robert Marley who introduces them to a new drug with the weirdest of properties: a lone with distorting time, it also allows you to see into other dimensions and the evil that lives there. The drug also blurs the line between life and death. In fact, there are several times when it is not obvious if the characters on screen are alive or something...else. Throw in a police officer who has also seen a glimpse into this world and is doing his best to removea any trace of it, by any means possible. The story itself is told as a flashback while Dave relates the story to a reporter, Arnie Blondestone (played by Paul Giamatti).

This is really a hard movie to describe because it's really not like anything I've seen before. All I can really say is that if you have an open mind for weird (but good) movies, then you really should see this film.

Check out the trailer below:

[crappymovies]

The Punisher (1989) - Damn, This Was Kick Ass

I meant to see this movie in the theatre when it came out. Then I meant to rent this movie on VHS when it came out on home video. Then I meant to watch this movie on DVD when it was finally released that way. Well I didn't. I finally watched it this morning, though, and I am glad I did.

The Punisher is a movie based on a comic of the same name. It's the story of a Police Officer that lost his family to criminals and was assumed dead him self. HE has taken up the persona of The Punisher and does just that: punish the criminals that slip through the cracks of the Justice system.

Starring Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle, a.k.a. The Punisher, and Lou Gossett Jr. as Jake Berkrowitz, the Police officer that believes Frank is still alive and actually is the Punisher, though no one else seems to share this belief. In the movie, the traditional Mob crime syndicate is being squeezed by the Japanese Yakuza criminal organization. They are looking to take over the criminal trade and make the mob work for them. The Yakuza taking 75% of the profits, leaving the Mob a measly 25%. Knowing the Mob would not be receptive to this, the Yakuza has kidnapped the children of the Mob family heads as bargaining chips. The Punisher has made it his job to rescue the children while making both sides pay for their indiscretions. 

There's a lot of action in this movie and while no awards winner, it is definitely entertaining if you go into the testosterone fueled ass kicking, gun shooting style movie - and why would you not. I have to say that I am glad that I have finally seen this movie and I do not hesitate to recommend it. Check it out if you haven't yet.

Here's the trailer: