Creativity Of The Mind

Hello, I'm Kierstin, They/she/he and this is where I post my poetry and short stories. art by: @toelessgabe on Instagram

[creativityinthemind]

The Flames of my Future

Ever since I was young,

I collected flowers that I believed to be

promises for the future.

Blue Daisies, Dandelions,

Opunita, Prunus, Myosotis,

Kniphofia, Dietes,

Hypoxis, Achillea, Salvia.

Flowers many don't know exist.

Flowers from so many countries.

Flowers with so many meanings.

Flowers that cost so much money.

Kunzea, Datura,

Crinum, Nelumbo, Plumeria,

Clerodendrum, Nemophila,

Borago, Penstemon, Verbascum.

My room was full of flowers.

My backyard was full of flowers.

My house was full of flowers.

My life is full of flowers.

Blue Daisies, Dandelions,

Opunita, Prunus, Myosotis,

Kniphofia, Dietes,

Hypoxis, Achillea, Salvia.

I hope that I behold their symbolisms.

I hope I obtain their symbolisms.

I hope that I am everything

that these flowers are.

Kunzea, Datura,

Crinum, Nelumbo, Plumeria,

Clerodendrum, Nemophila,

Borago, Penstemon, Verbascum.

But people like to burn my flowers.

Society likes to burn my flowers.

Expectations like to burn my flowers.

The All Mighty likes to burn my flowers.

Gypsophila, Nelumbo,

Rose, Dicentra, Tulipa,

Cymbidium, Nemesia, Platycoden,

Veronica, Scilla.

It doesn't matter how many I buy,

All my flowers burn.

It doesn't matter how hard I try,

My tears burn.

Baptistia, Hamamelis,

Lilium, Bellis, Ornithogalum,

Freesia, Nerine,

Chrysanthemum, Rafflesia, Aconitum.

I just hope

that if I'm presented with Lycoris,

I can turn it

into Xerophyllum.

https://www.atozflowers.com/

[creativityinthemind]

Chrysanthemum

The bright stars shine hello to me as I walk down the empty street with only my thoughts to guide me.

The wet grass gently dances with the wind as I pass.

But when I try to join, it stops.

The streetlight shines brighter than the stars, calling me take the spotlight.

But when I get near, it turns off.

The trees wave at me as I walk pass, the leaves chattering with each other for anyone to hear.

But when I wave back, it stops.

Is this just in my head? Or is this real?

It's almost impossible for me to tell the difference anymore.

Tears gently tickling down my face, I watch a orange leaf fall off the tree and slowly fall. It lands in the middle of the street.

Just then I see two lights in the distance and walk to the sidewalk.

But the leaf didn't follow me.

I watch, unmoving, as the leaf gets demolished under the truck's tires.

No fight was made.

I walk over and kneel by the leaf. Seeing how it's now in pieces, flat against the street, I think back to the streetlight, the grass, and the trees and ask myself,

Why did I move?

[creativityinthemind]

May She Be Fierce

May she be fierce,

May she be strong,

She's the one sung about in many songs.

May she be swift

May she be quick

May she be the one to win your stick.

But she is not kind,

She is not humorous,

And she will not be loyal to anyone.

That is why he's with me, and not with her.

May she be beautiful

May she be strong

May she be the one to last very long .

May she be cool,

May she be smart,

May she be the one to win all the hearts.

But she only cares for herself.

She doesn't care for him, you, or me.

That's why he's with me and not with her.

May she be majestic,

May she almost be everything that all genders want in a significant other.

But she doesn't have a heart or a soul,

And she'll leave your heart as hard as coal

And they all wish they had listened to my warnings about you beforehand.

That is why he's with me

And not with you.

[creativityinthemind]

Sweethearts

Do you have a reputation?

Do you want keep up the facade that you're someone you're not?

You want everyone to see you as the kindest you can be.

But you don't actually try,

You make people regret talking around you, you make people scared to express themselves, and you expect everyone to be there for you.

When someone speaks up you claim it didnt happen, you claim you didn't mean to, but continue to do it more and more until they break inside.

Because you want everyone to see you as a good person.

Because you have a reputation

But underneath those sweet lies and fake smile

You only want to be kind to yourself.

[creativityinthemind]

Aconite

So many noises,

So many things crawling on my skin,

But there are no noises,

There are no things crawling on my skin.

I just want to sleep.

Why do I hear a phone going off outside my home?

Why does it feel like there's someone peering over me?

Why does it feel like I'm being watched?

There's never anyone there.

I just want to sleep

I stay awake in fear of who could be wanting in,

Kidnappers, murderers, thieves,

Family members that haven't gotten the hint that I don't wish to communicate with them after what they've done to me.

I just wanna sleep.

I don't wanna be scared, I don't like being scared, I don't like being so scared I can't breathe.

I don't want to fear my life, fear for my family.

I just want to sleep, and maybe drift to a new world, a happy and safe one, with the ones I love.

I just want to sleep.

Let me sleep.

[creativityinthemind]

Get it out of me

Tw: ed

I feel so sick

So so sick, all the time.

I feel sick in my head, in my heart, in my soul.

Can I vomit this pain away

Can I puke away the painful memories

Grow skinny with an emptier mind

I don't want to speak anymore

I don't want to think anymore

I don't want to exist anymore

Because I'm too sick to still be here.

So let me throw up the horrible person I know I am

And all those kind friends telling me I'm not as bad as I think I am, may they never feel sickness again,

In their heads, in their hearts, in their souls.

God, I feel so sick.

[creativityinthemind]

Ocean Eyes

Ocean Eyes, oh do I admire you.

The way you looked at me, the way your eyes looked like they were always smiling when you were with me.

I would love looking into them before I kissed your sweet lips. I would love looking into them as I tucked your hair behind your ears, as you stroked my cheek and told me I meant everything to you.

I never told you you meant everything to me too.

Ocean Eyes, I still look for you every where I go, in hopes you will be back in my life, or that I can at least tell you I loved you one last time.

Although I know that's impossible.

I want to hold you again, the way we used to, like we didn't want to let go.

I want to hold your hand again, the way used to, I'd stroke your thumb with mine, and you'd being my hand up to give it a sweet kiss that would always warm my heart.

I want to laugh with you again, the way we used to, joking and smiling about the dumbest things possible, because life was better with you.

I want to tell you I love you, because I never did, even though I do.

Oh Ocean Eyes, my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my sweetheart, my savior, my favorite.

My everything.

I miss you Ocean Eyes.

I miss you with every ounce of my being.

I wish I had told you how much you meant to me, I wish I told you had I never wanted to loose you, how you brought out the better in me.

Now even your name is a stab through the heart.

But the first thing I noticed about you, that part that introduced me to the most amazing person to exist, were your ocean blue eyes.

I miss surfing with you, swimming with you, splashing you, sunbathing with you, cuddling on the couch with you, and sleeping with you after a long day of fun.

I miss the jokes, the romance, the care, the time we had for each other.

I just wish I gave you back as much as you gave me, if only I had more time.

But I don't have more time, I didn't treat you how you treated me, I never told you what I wanted to tell you.

And now you're gone, I won't ever get to your smile, your eyes, your lips, your body. I won't ever get to hear your laugh, your jokes, your flirts, the kind things you used to tell me, your fun facts about the ocean.

You're now one with the ocean, like you always wanted. Cost your family a lot of money to do it, but you were always a good person to everyone, so it wasn't a problem.

I just wish I was there for you when you needed it most.

I won't forget you, ocean eyes.

[creativityinthemind]

Gladiolus

I am but a string in the moonlight.

You could barely notice me.

And when you do, what do you think?

What does one think when they see a thin string?

Could it be to a trap?

Could it be seen as symbolic?

Could it be pretty?

Or are you only concerned with messing with it?

Fidgeting with it.

Playing with it.

Seeing how easy it is to break into two.

You don't care why the string is there do you?

If it means anything to anyone,

If it belongs to someone or something,

If it activates anything.

No, no, no.

You don't care.

All you care about is your own curiosity,

Your own entertainment.

So what are going to do?

If that random thin string you just so barely caught in the moonlight, breaks?

Explodes?

What will you do then, when faced with the actions of your own consequences?

Oh I know what you'd do.

Maybe you'd take responsibility for your actions?

No, unlikely.

Maybe you'd learn from your mistake?

No, unlikely.

You'd lie.

Play victim.

Throw on a facade.

Because nothing is ever your fault.

The damage you do you to others has no effect to you.

And all the strings you will continue to break over and over, is only for your own personal amusement.

Why?

Is it for your ego?

To make up for who you used to be?

How you were raised maybe?

I don't know, but I hope that one day you break a string that was broken before,

One that was fixed so perfectly that it looks brand-new.

One that's strong, thick, even more secluded.

And when you start playing with it

You'll become the string.

[creativityinthemind]

Silence is the music to life

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect

For every confabulation leads to extreme self-doubt

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect

For every word spoken from my articulators is another word that should've been kept inside a box of comfort

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

I don't want to conversate

I don't want to speak

I don't want to answer a query

I don't want to continue to cause negitive sentiments

Silence is the aim

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

Bring the happy sentiments among those I love.

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

Many individuals cavil about numbness when they achieve it

But for me, lack of sentiments would lead to true happiness.

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

Conflagrate my power of speech

Fasten my projection

Sever my dialect 

Burn my vocal cords.

Tie up my lips.

Cut out my tongue.

[creativityinthemind]

Blood & Snow

        Only a couple steps and the white turns to red.

         Red snow red snow everywhere.

          I've been here for years, and all I ever see is the blood in the once pure snow.

         I've seen the rain

         I've seen the sun

         I've seen the lighting

         But no matter what is happening above, the ground is the same.

         

          People come and go.

          They walk past, having picnics, taking pictures, they don't see the impurity.

           They walk past, with their lovers, with their friends, with their pets, they don't see the impurity.

            Only I see it.

              Every day

                Every night

                   Every season

                      Every generation.

The event has never left my eyes.

The event has never left my ears.

The event has never left my heart.

I lost so much that day, and now it's just me and the blood and snow.

   Blood and snow

     Blood and snow

        Blood and snow

           Blood and snow

                               Lost Purity

[creativityinthemind]

Agony

Pain, pain, pain.

So much pain.

Every action, every word, every breath,

It all just leads to so

So

So much pain.

It hurts, I want it to stop.

It hurts, I want it to go away.

It hurts, it's not okay.

But if one goes through so much pain, they would eventually stop doing what causes it right?

They would learn from their mistakes and stop, right?

They would understand and never do it again, right?

Not with me.

I can't stop,

I don't know why.

I can't stop,

It hurts inside.

I can't stop,

Why can't I stop.

Bad friend,

Bad family member,

Bad significant other.

Bad

Bad

Bad.

It hurts, I want to stop.

It hurts, I want to go away.

It hurts, I'm not okay.

Every action, every word, every breath,

It all just leads to so

So

So much pain.

Pain, pain, pain.

So much pain.

Agony even.

All because I don't know how to change.

[creativityinthemind]

Strelitzia

Concrete,

Concrete,

Concrete,

There's no people.

Street,

Street,

Street,

There's no cars.

There's stars,

There's nature,

There's the cold wind hugging my bare arms.

Every step is a luxury.

Every step is a privlage.

Every step is an advantage.

I don't want to stop and rest.

I don't want to slow down or speed up.

I don't want to catch a ride.

I want to go,

Keep going,

Never stop.

I want to get away from the past,

And keep walking to the future.

And for every single step I take down these long, empty roads,

Is another step of freedom.

Is every step a luxury?

Is every step a privlage?

Is every step an advantage?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Because right now,

I'm happy,

I'm free,

I'm me.

[creativityinthemind]

Burning the picture book

The wind blows through trees and through my hair. Sirens sound in the distance. The fire only spreads more and more. I sit on the sidewalk across the street, arms around my legs, watching the entrancing colors rise around the house. The smells, the crinkling sounds, the way the fire moved in the wind kept me in awe. The happiness I felt watching the fire was a happiness I'd never get sick of, one I'd never lose, though no matter how much it made me smile, it couldn't replace the grief in my heart.

The house had been abandoned for 5 years now, since there was a rumor of the house being haunted by the old lady who used to live there. It was two stories with at most 4 different bedrooms, yet the woman had lived alone, and never had any guests. Not many people went into the house, since she never seemed to like anyone after so long, even her grandchildren. She used to play loud country music that you'd hear from a couple houses down, but one day the music never played, and never played again. I was told I wasn't allowed to visit, I can't see if she's okay, I'm not allowed to contact her. I was supposed to forget how nice she was.

"Jesus, Kelly." My mother would say to me "You think she cares about you? No. So why should you care for her? Go back to your room."

With a yawn, I stretch out, knocking over a bright red, empty, jerrycan. My eyes start to feel heavy, but the fire and graphic images fill my mind and keep me awake. It became harder to admire the fire through blurry eyes.

"Listen to me, Kelly. I may not be able to get you help, but I'll always be here for you."

"Ma'am do you know what happened here?"

I look up at the officers standing above me, "The house was abandoned," I inform them.

"The man who called about the fire claimed an old woman lives here."

The tears get stronger and I feel my voice shake. "She's been dead for 5 years."

They look at each other for a moment before looking at the jerrycan, then back at me. They pull me up and one starts putting handcuffs on me, while the other asks "Where are your parents kid?"

"F-Florida." I tremble

"That's a far distance from here, ma'am. When are they coming back?"

I keep my head down, not meeting anyone's eye, my tears falling to the ground. All I can do is shake my head.

Once I'm in the back of the cop car, I look at the house again. The letters, the pictures, my old room, all burning down to the ground, along with all the happy memories.

[creativityinthemind]

Rain Dancing

Tw: talk of trauma and body disphoria

It's raining hard outside

It's only expected to rain

So why don't you come out and dance with me

Throw it back in the rain with me

We can forget everything else

Just let the rain soak us in it's grace

And have fun

Dancing in the rain

Your parents didn't love you like they should have

That ex hurt you worse than people can see

You're friends are all you have but not the best

Maybe you feel you don't have friends

And I'm sorry, no one deserves that, yet so many people have to struggle with that, and I wish I could fix all of it.

But right now, just take my hand, and come out in the rain with me, and try to forget life's troubles for a little while.

You're stuck in a silent struggle

You're stuck in maybe a not so silent struggle

You're not accepted for simply who you are

Maybe you get made fun of or worse for things you can't control.

And I'm sorry, no one deserves that, yet so many people have to struggle with that, and I wish I could fix all of it.

But you've got a behind, no matter the size or shape it's there, so come in rain and throw it back with me.

If you don't know how I'll show you.

If you don't want to throw it back, that's fine, just feel yourself and have fun.

Don't let your body be the reason to not have fun.

Your body was made to keep you alive and help you move.

I won't body shame you like too many people have in the past

You're beautiful, it's just trauma and terrible people have tricked you to think otherwise.

But if you don't see it, I do.

So just have fun and dance in the rain with me.

Life is horrible

Full of stress, anger, sadness from events we couldn't prevent.

Too many evil curropt people who just want to use you like you're a phone.

Too many controlling people who want to put everyone in a box and have a society based around what they want or believe people should be.

But life is also so so short, constantly being surprised that something was a year ago, or surprised something was a decade ago, and that you're getting so old.

And as long as we're together, hand in hand, smiling and laughing, dancing how we want together in the pouring rain, knowing we're never going to forget this day

We can know that life isn't cut and dry, good or bad.

And for every moment we're crying in a public bathroom

Getting berated by someone we thought we could trust

Hurting ourselves to control our rollercoaster of emotions, or lack of

We'll know that there's still moments like this, where you have fun without any worry of how people will think, about the stresses of life, or how you look

And as long as we keep walking forward, we'll have a better chance to have more and more moments like this in the future

So I'm sorry you don't feel good enough to deserve these good moments

I'm sorry you don't feel like you should move on

I'm sorry you can't imagine your life getting any better

No one deserves to feel like that, yet so many people have to struggle with that, and I wish I could fix all of it.

But right now

Take my hand

Come out

Stick it out

And throw it back in the rain with me

It's only expected to rain today.

[creativityinthemind]

Tw: death, talk of blood and abusive themes

Tsubaki

Tears falling down my face

His beer bottle rolling across the floor

Bullet holes all over the wall

Rain beating on a window

Blanket starting to fall off the bed

Tears falling down my face

Broken door shutting repeatedly

Blood coming out my mouth

Bullet holes all over the wall

I can't move

Everything hurts

Tears falling down my face

I'm losing so much blood

I pray he gets caught

Bullet holes all over the wall

No one knows I'm dying

I better see him in hell soon.

Tears falling down my face

Bullet holes all

[creativityinthemind]

Who am I?

The bright sun meets my face, demanding me to greet the day.

I force myself out of bed, my sheets strike the floor as I rise.

I sulk out of my room, my door yelling as it opens for me to pass.

I finally arrive to the bathroom, and look at the stranger in the mirror.

¨Who?” He quizzes.

¨I don´t know.¨ I say with a sigh.

“You don’t know. You don’t know.”

I watch, deadpan, as more of our face comes from his head, some screaming, some not, some of them had hairstyles I had when I was happy.

“You don’t know.” All the heads repeat again and again.

“I don’t know.” I say with them.

“Why?” the leading head questions.

I stop and think for a moment. “Because I was wrong.” 

“Wrong?” all the heads puzzle.

“Wrong.” I say back.

“How?”

“I thought I was good. A good son, a good father, a good friend, a good husband. Good.”

“Good?”

“No, not good. I hurt everyone I love. Now I’m alone. As it should be.”

There is a moment of silence.

“Really?” one small head asks.

I think long and hard before looking the head straight in the eye. “I don’t know”

“You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t know.”