saving tears for the wheat

in my vampire era, agender - they/them, dice gremlin, hotsauce enthusiast, art account: mothman dice

[bewbin]

wait what did nintendo ds stand for? dick sucking??ewwwww. the dsi? dick suck international??? ewwww

[zephyrusphi]

yuo cant say this during plague month

[zephyrusphi]

pride month. pharohs curse got me

[goth-queen]

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[goth-queen]

[natalieironside]

It's fascinating (and infuriating) to live in an age where almost everyone I know is languishing in Dickensian poverty but social media is slap full of professional-managerial computer-touchers who've never known hunger insisting that the economy is fine because their metrics say rich people are still rich.

[natalieironside]

A bad economist and a bad engineer are often bad in the same way; they're both people who, when reality doesn't conform to the model, decide to get mad at reality instead of adjusting the model

[teaboot]

And they kill people

[yellbug]

modesty

[sailermoon]

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

[lampgate]

fuck of desitel

i've been trying to think of a response to this for the last 5 minutes but i cant stop saying "fuck of desitel" silently to myself

[lampgate]

fuck of desitel friday

[lampgate]

GIVE IT UP FOR FIVE YEARS OF FUCK OF DESITEL FRIDAYS 🎉

[thoodleoo]

Have you seen/tasted the figs in the forehead of a foal as described in Pliny?

you're asking me if i've...eaten the leathery clump of debris thats sometimes stuck to a foal's head after birth? do you think im a pregnant horse or some sort of love witch? what century are you asking this from

[zendayamybabe]

🐞 a ladybug for everyone who needs good luck

[drarry]

Imagine being the gays at a pride event in 2004 living their lives when someone grabs the microphone and announces to the room that Ronald Reagan was pronounced dead. Can you even imagine the hype, the celebration, the pure elation

[drarry]

This is the Pride Month that It will happen. I feel it in my gay bones

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

i really appreciate seeing all the posts on my dash recently to the effect of "shutting down conversations about race/gender/minorities in fandom spaces because 'fandom is meant to be fun' is just an excuse to not think critically about the bigoted behaviors you are exhibiting". i hope that this energy carries over into the gaming sphere next pleaaseee

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

pokemon is a series about building Your own team and going on Your own adventure with creatures that You collect and befriend, and is designed from the ground up to be personal and immersive. i have never been able to look like myself in a pokemon game. if i bought pokemon z a today and booted it up and tried to customize myself, i would not be able to look like myself. just fuck me i guess.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

ok yay

[dgeometric]

Every other site's algorithm: Here is an endless stream of content we have decided you might like. If you slip and forget to bookmark something, you will likely never encounter it again.

Tumblr's algorithm: Here is one post we have decided you WILL like. We are going to keep bringing it up, forever.

[queer-as-city-folk]

If anyone has a right to call people out on this, it's fucking Joan Baez, she was at the forefront of activism in the 60s and marched arm in arm with MLK

[lastoneout]

honestly the discourse on this site is so bad that I have a new hot take: if you use tumblr at all fuck you

[i-wanna-be-cute]

Checked their account: turns out op is a fucking tumblr user themselves so????? Idk :/

[lastoneout]

[lastoneout]

which one of you motherfuckers reblogged this again

[fieldsandfurrets-deactivated202]

You did, my leige

[lastoneout]

No, that can’t be right.

[dizzy-9906]

You use Tumblr op

[lastoneout]

I don’t recall doing such a thing.

[earhartsease]

be it ever so tumbl

[angstics]

this is from a 2006 spin article where they interviewed gerard via AOL (pseudonym "NotOkayHelena"). starting to think this guy was "the blueprint".

context: mcr swept the spin readers poll of 2005, img 1 was in response to gerard being voted sexiest, img 2 was in response to a joke about the strokes being upset a newcomer took that prize

[twistedhellknight52]

you know voltron?

*Calmly levels a pistol at your forehead*