My Geekdom

All things I love. Life is but a work of art unable to be captured.She/Her

[hyperfixation-fix]

Can't stop thinking about how much of a relief it must have been for Ilya to realise how insanely predictable Shane is. Like, he's lived his whole life with a mother who had horrible mental illness, a father who was unstable and always angry, a brother who couldn't even hold down a job. He's had to keep secrets and lie and read between the lines just to survive.

And here's Shane. Shane who folds his clothes before sex. Shane who will always be happy with a cold ginger beer. Shane who has a stylist and an interior decorator because he likes things to look objectively nice.

Shane who answers "How many times can you cum in an hour?" completely literally. Shane who has no filter and comments on the bed being dirty within 0.2 seconds of cumming all over it. Shane who comes out to Ilya the moment he figures it out himself, and who tells him point blank that it's not just sex, because he never ever expects Ilya to read his mind.

Their relationship is far from simple, but it's probably one of the most predictable things in Ilya's world. Shane is a safe harbour throughout the years, even while the hurricane around Ilya only gets more and more destructive.

[gaynehollander]

Can you imagine how angry Ilya "Summer Before" Rozanov was when he heard about Shane's own teammates accusing him of throwing a game against him? Sure, the idea that Shane would need to throw a game in order for him to win is offensive in and of itself but the notion that Shane Hollander would voluntarily lose at a fucking egg and spoon race, never mind a deciding Playoffs game is so beyond insulting that it cannot be borne. They all suddenly think of him in a binary, sort him in his mind as "Shane before Ilya" and "Shane after Ilya", view them as two separate people and it's ludicrous because none of them have ever even met a Shane Hollander before Ilya Rozanov. Before Shane's skates ever touched NHL ice, he touched Ilya. Before the puck hit the back of the net on his first NHL goal, his cock hit the back of Ilya's throat and he's not allowed to tell them that?? What do you mean???

[academicblorbo]

Yuna and David asking about the timeline of their relationship would have been even funnier if, after discussing how long they've been "lovers":

Yuna: ok, so you've been "seeing" each other for 9 years... And when did you confess your real feelings and decided to be together?

Shane:

Ilya:

Yuna:

David:

Shane:

Ilya: like, today at 4am

[escapepodding]

The miscommunication in Heated Rivalry is because they're living in different romance types to begin with:

Shane: In some sort of Austen-esque existence where hjs ill-advised flirtation with a notorious rake goes too far. Scandalised by the intimate use of first names he flees, concerned what society and his goodly parents will think, his reputation at stake. He tries to find a proper marriage prospect but alas his heart is lost to the rake! But he finally follows his heart and invites Ilya into his home too (and accepts first name usage!)

Ilya: Smoldering in mirrors and out of windows and getting emotionally wuthered screaming Shane's name on a moor. My man is byronically going through it gothic style

[escapepodding]

Scott Hunter is trying to live his best modern rom com life and is side-eyeing the fuck out of these two. No idea what's going on there and franly doesn't want to

[unlikelychildchaos]

My headcanon of the day is that Ilya is not used to getting calls from family members unless they need something from him. Nobody ever calls him (maybe apart from Shane) to just simply check up on him. So the first time David calls him on a random day of the week, asks him about his day, hands the phone to Yuna to do the same—Ilya is a little confused as to why these people are just randomly calling him. He even texts David after they've hung up to confirm if they needed something and have just forgotten to mention it. When David texts back "no son we just wanted to check up on you" Ilya sits and stares at that text until he feels his throat close up and there's an odd sting in his eyes.

[lavenderprose]

As a married person I do need to tell you all that Shane and Ilya do weird shit all the time.

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

I just think that we as a fandom need to embrace how Weird married people get about each other. From personal experience I am telling you it is SO FUN.

[aurumacadicus]

Not only would Miss Piggy fold the vampire Lestat like a fucking lawn chair with a single karate chop but I believe she would also insult him so gravely he would wish to die. Either way she is winning and looking fabulous doing it.

[ahexagon]

shane really hit the jackpot as someone on the spectrum because ilya is perceptive enough for the entire nhl. he clocks every homosexual in the room like he's psychic

shane has never had to interpret a social cue again ik he's content

[409-conflict]

Hayden, finding out Shane’s gay: hey man, thanks for telling me, I’m so honored to have your trust

Hayden, finding out Shane has a boyfriend: dude, so happy for you, congrats!

Hayden, finding out it’s Rozanov: like, I don’t get it. At all. But you seem happy, so, okay?

Hayden, finding out Rozanov’s been to the cottage: I mean … would kinda like an invite too? But, you know, when you’re ready

Hayden, finding out Shane eats burgers and hot dogs and pasta and non-macrobiotic food when he hangs with Rozanov: this is a betrayal of the worst kind, how could you do this to me after all these years, what the fuck, I thought I knew you man

[bambicoded]

it's important to me that ilya remains captain of the centaurs after shane joins, but i have a specific picture in my mind of shane being assistant captain and being generally harmless and super chill , so the centaurs see him as like the chill parent (something to be said about shane being content in letting someone else, specifically His Someone, have the reins and enjoying not being in charge) but then ilya has to be out for a few weeks for like health or smth so shane goes into Captain Mode and the centaurs are scared shitless by how intense he gets all of a sudden. the most intense drills of all time. the hardest plays they've ever heard of. the strictest practices on earth. and they suddenly understand why shane led the metros/voyagers to victory so many times and why ilya treats him like the boss in their relationship. and then as soon as ilya comes back he turns it off and the centaurs are like Oh Thank Fuck Because What The Hell Was That

[donttesme]

at some point people get genuinely concerned by how much Shane seems to control Ilyas social calendar, because Ilya is constantly saying "sorry Shane said no" to plans and shane has to share ss of their chat history that clearly show Shane saying "yeah ofc baby enjoy yourself" and "Ilya why the fuck are you asking me" to clear his name

[upstairsatels]

was about to fall asleep and then hit me that when ilya first meets shane his mother's death was only FIVE years earlier which is. basically nothing but also SO much time to be fending for yourself and growing up too fast and everyone expecting too much of you and you're only 17 but. then there's this canadian boy with freckles who tells you not to smoke and shakes your hand twice and looks at you like you're more than a hockey player and for the first time in five years you think maybe that's true. i'm gonna be sick.

[gaynehollander]

Post public relationship someone asks Shane and Ilya who made the first move and, without thinking, they both go "I did" which leads to them being outraged at the other one and any witnesses finding out way more than they ever wanted to know about how they got together.

Shane's like, "I was the one who introduced myself to you!" With Ilya replying "yes, but I made it romantic!" And normally Shane would never admit this under penalty of death but Ilya just engaged his competitiveness over who's responsible for their relationship so he immediately throws back, "romantic? Oh, please, you jerked off in front of me and you only did that because I was already hard." Ilya then, of course, comes back with, "you wouldn't have even been in that shower if I hadn't booked you for that commercial! And you were ready to pretend to forget it until I came to your room and kissed you."

And everyone else is just sat there thinking... I'm sorry, what happened??

[lavenderprose]

I just know that Shane was one of those kids who didn't speak til three and when he did he busted out a full sentence one day and that sentence was, "Jason stole my FUCKING crayons" followed by a WHAP as Shane hit Jason and Jason hit the floor and Yuna and David were summoned immediately to the school to have an Important Conversation and David sat there the entire time staring at Yuna out the side of his head because Shane did NOT get those "interpersonal skills" from the mailman and Yuna's only response to the entire conversation was, "Well. Did Jason steal his fucking crayons???"

Twenty-three years later Ilya Rozanov dies on a floor in Ottawa after hearing this story for the first time.

[lavenderprose]

Love that Shane and Ilya are so insane for each other that it basically invokes the Forced Proximity trope from 500 miles away. Being in the same conference is too close for these fools. Being the same LEAGUE. What do you mean I have to see that guy once every six weeks and somehow keep my cool. What do you MEAN there's only a single international border separating us. How am I supposed to keep my emotional walls up when that guy sometimes occasionally comes within the general metropolitan area of my person. How can I fall asleep at night knowing that we're under the same constellations. This continent isn't big enough for the two of us. We're gonna have to kiss about it.

[legotwink08]

still not over the fact that shane hollander was told by an insanely attractive man that he was going to come to his room for sexual favours, and his first instinct was, yes. let's put on a suit.

[shnehollander]

Shane & Ilya Heated Rivalry S01E06

[prettykitty65]

This scene makes me tear up. Ilya is admitting that he is Shane’s boyfriend.