Can someone help me and my girls get out of the house and off our phones? Being called a nigger and a monkey earlier triggered me into a anxiety attack. I don't have any money to do anything all we do is be in the house. The only place that we've been these past couple months is church, hospitals and lawyers offices. I don't think it's healthy for the girls to spend so much time at home. Since my son died we've all been in a lil haze . We have moments of happiness but most of the time is silence and somberness. I just really feel like going to a movie or out to eat or something like that would be good for us. Im tired I deal with a lot and being called racial slurs really made me think about the fact that I don't have anything but this as a source of entertainment. Earlier that racist took that away from me ..... Can anyone donate anything for Saturday so me and my girls could breathe and enjoy something?
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It's crazy how I just keep seeing the word in my head . I once did a job well almost in the Hamptons that turned out to be some crazy racism party . I didn't stay I hid in the bathroom and then waited in the woods til a cab came to get me. My old boss asked me to do the party and then fired me from my regular job when he found out I left. I still have nightmares about that night . I thought one of those people were gonna find me and hang me from a tree. I just had to continue with life after that. And now today to be traumatized once again by being called the N word is very jarring for me . Like it isn't something that I can get used to being called that today felt like the first time . No different. I don't know how my ancestors were able to live when being called that was normal. That shit literally changed how my body feels immediately. I don't understand why racism exists it's one of the most evilest things in the world . It made me hate myself as a kid . Not until my late 20s did I finally develop black pride . I love my black skin now but it's a target for people to lay out throat cutting words and actions . This made me think about that party again and im scared to sleep cause It took a week for those nightmares to stop. Nightmares about klan members and ghost of dead black people and black babies being murdered..... So many many horrific things . It almost drove me to start drinking it fucked my head up so much . I'm scared to sleep tonight because being called that brought the party back into my head again as if I just was there ... Being black is hard sometimes... Well a lot of the time 😞
My daughter had a horrible nightmare about her brother. She woke up screaming and crying I ran to the room and she was going though it. I immediately hugged her and asked what's wrong. She just kept saying her brothers name over and over and that the shadow men are hurting him . She said she was trying to fight them but she kept falling through them . I started crying and me and my babygirl grieved so hard for our lil man . We both cried hard while I held her and she asked me never to leave her and she hates God for taking her brother away . After that we laid in silence.....
They are having some Juneteenth events that I would love to take girls to we can't even get there no carfare I would love for them to get connected to our ancestors. Before they end can you reblog plz this would be so great for all of us
I hope I can get there I need it more then ever 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 I need to be reminded about the strength and all weve been through this is our day to celebrate us getting out of slavery and I want this for us so bad we need the healing
Walking to the train station and seen this mother and daughter . The lil girl was holding this doll and my daughter complimented her on it . The mom said they were selling hand stitched dolls for Juneteenth like the ones black mothers would stitch for they're daughters during slavery. This girl makes them by hand and sells them for 30 dollars . My daughter is very into it so I just wanted to know if we could get help in her getting her one it already making me feel good to see her excited about her heritage 🥲
$30 for hand stitched doll that mothers would make for their daughters during slavery
And a couple dollars so at least the girls can eat some food while we are out there . This would be the first time they get a chance to have some west African foods and exact recreations of the food our ancestors had during the first Juneteenth. And it could expose them to something they've never experienced before.
I'm sorry can someone please help me feed my daughter cause she is getting a bit grumpy cause she's hungry her excitement is going down . And I don't want this experience to be ruined cause she couldn't eat
We finally got out of the house and it's getting ruined cause I can't feed her 😞. Nothing I do is good enough 😞
I guess we'll just go home . I was excited for the lil African dance classes they had for free that I know she would like but she's not even interested anymore she's focused on her stomach pain and I feel her im sorry I wasn't able to give her the day that I wanted
I refuse to let my girls go hungry I'ma do what I gotta do to give my girls the joy they deserve. Fuck it . I'ma hold my family down and do what it takes to put a smile on my babies faces
I'm dealing with so much alone while still in the grieving process for my son who hasn't even gone for a whole month yet. Everyday life is on me alone to make things happen. I wouldn't give a fuck if I was alone but I have 2 girls here that depend on me for everything and if I lose they lose. I would never want either of them to have to go through what I do in order to provide. I hope that their life will be better than mine. I'm doing my best but a lot of times that is not enough . This shit is hard and I know later on when I'm alone I'm gonna go through the emotional turmoil of what I had to do today but until then my daughter and niece eating with a smile on their face is what I live for . I'm all they got so I gotta come through for them
I chose to take on this responsibility. So no one has to do anything for me it's not their responsibility. The irony of me having to exploit myself to a white man on Juneteenth to feed my babies .... Shit writes itself 😒 no one can ever say I don't love my kids
Update : 9:56 pm
I had to sell myself today to féed my girls at an event but I don't wanna have to do that tomorrow so I just wanted to feed them at the Juneteenth weekend event plz I don't want to take this away from them but I also don't wanna have exchange sexual favors for money again
$40
Can any please help this shit literally destroying my mind and my body. If I don't have to do that shit to provide I rather not cause I don't know how many more times I can do that before I have to check myself into a psych hospital because it's breaking my mind and spirit but I gotta do what I gotta do for my girls I don't want them to be in the world without me.
$0/$40
Another night of me wondering if I'm gonna be ok tomorrow.....so I guess no sleep tonight cause now on top of the racism I experienced yesterday I also had to sexually exploit myself and both time in having to do with needing help. I pray someone cares enough to help plz man I don't want any more men touching my body 😞
Please I don't want to have to be touched by another man that I don't want to touch me today was more than enough. I don't wanna have to do this again I'm begging for my sanity
$20/$40
If anyone would like to help with more then 20 so they maybe can get some trinkets or anything else to make their day more fulfilling I would definitely appreciate that my daughter still wants that handmade doll that the mothers during slavery times would make for their daughters as well. She starts her free African dance classes next Saturday I'm sure she's gonna want dance stuff . I mean if not that's ok right now I just wanna be sure that both her and my niece can eat properly tomorrow I want them to enjoy the day without issue they deserve that
3:03 am still haven't slept. TOO worried about the same thing happening again today cause im not breaking my promise to my girls one way or the other they gonna have a life. I have. A plate for 1 of them the other one needs to eat . I wanted to just make them share one plate but my niece is vegan its honestly not right to force either one of them to eat something they don't want to for the sake of the other one. I want them both to be able to eat. My niece would suffer in silence my daughter voices her displeasure.
I wanna sleep so damn bad bro plz someone help me plz with the last 20 dollars plz I can't sleep cause I'm worried that I'm gonna have to put myself in danger for 1 of them to have . I'm not letting one eat and the other not. I don't need to eat as long as they are taken care of im ok. Like plz I haven't slept since the day before yesterday and I'm getting delirious and I have to take the girls out later on . I don't want the sleep to finally catch me in the street when I need to be focused and on point for my girls.






















