no

[crunchy-teeth]

my cat's toes taste like stale tortilla chips

[sneakyfeets]

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

[sneakyfeets]

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

[sneakyfeets]

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears

Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night

Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning  

Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels

Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash

Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4

Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack

Tricked me into loving him forever anyway

[the-haiku-bot]

Ripped an escape hole

in the patio screen door

in a single night

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[thedorkdionysia]

oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!

[anais-ninja-bitch]

[bebe-benzenheimer]

the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend

[crunchy-teeth]

ALL HAIL STINKY BASTARD MAN

[nyancrimew]

[catball]

eating him

[catball]

the rule of eating him is whenever you see it you have to say eating him

[fon-master-ion]

eating him

[catball]

thank you eating him

[niceinchnails]

[crunchy-teeth]

eating him :3

[never-obsolete]

Computer Chronicles - The New PCs (1996)

[bacony-cakes]

reblog to call your mutuals on the trans phone

[crunchy-teeth]

you may be good at sports but have u ever poked a hole in a playdough container with a spoon?

[crunchy-teeth]

why do people not teach their kids abt the lgbtq bc its "confusing"? yk whats confusing? MATH

[crunchy-teeth]

every time u complain abt there being too many genders, we add more

[only-cat-memes]

[crunchy-teeth]

give them broccoli

[crunchy-teeth]

me: i dont have trauma ive just had horrible experiences that have scarred me for the rest of my life

my friends: ...

[crunchy-teeth]

is it just me or are jellyfish some of the best animals

[yendts]

some hoo kids✨

used a mix of these refs for funzies

[crunchy-teeth]

gay little nico has his hand on wills knee

[only-cat-memes]

[crunchy-teeth]

it wants to come with you

[crunchy-teeth]

when i hear "the closet" (as in gayness) is can only imagine a bunch of gays shoved in a closet and when it gets too crowded they shove each other out into the world while theyre screaming

[catchymemes]

[crunchy-teeth]

THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE

[technofeudalism]

today i learned how they vaccinate sheep and OH MJY TGOD

[catchymemes]

[sneakygirlgamer166]

Babies aren't permanent if you're hungry enough :3

[crunchy-teeth]

truer words were never spoken