cryptid

it/its. likely ocd | sorry if i break dni, you can just block me.

[ravenfleesfire]

Remember "quoi-" doesn't just mean "I don't know." It also means:

I'm still questioning.

I'm still questioning and I always will be.

I know, but it's too complicated to explain to you.

I know, but it's not your business.

I don't want or feel a need to label myself.

All these labels are restrictive.

You're asking the question wrong.

You're defining the options wrong.

I'm tired of boxes.

It shouldn't matter. I'm still part of this community.

Any or all of the above.

[cryptid-something]

you ever sitting there writing a post and then you space out and find it difficult to focus on for sm reason? just, you try to focus on writing but you're stuck in your head and have to re-read what you last wrote and it's a Herculean Labor to keep going.

and then, you have to admit "okay, i'm struggling" instead of just *powering through it and thinking you're stupid and useless*.

"how can i make this easier?" you ask yourself because you want to post smth. you really really do. but it's hard for sm reason. you don't understand why but it is.

so you have to figure out how to accomodate yourself.

you stop a second and...

it *is* awfully quiet, you muse.

and so you turn on some music, so it isn't quiet. music helps with other silence-related task difficulties you've had. why not this one? you feel a bit relieved for it. you hadn't noticed how quiet it was.

and you sit a moment more and notice that one of the kitchen lights is buzzy, and you turn it off. you are honestly relieved for it. you hadn't realized how much it was bothering you before.

and even though you're feeling better with your new accomodations, you decide that it can't hurt to do a quick exercise. it's helped pull you put of dissociation before. it puts the remaining energy in your body into physical movement.

and then you write this post.

[cryptid-something]

I'm having a lot of thoughts, now that I've come out of crisis.

About imposter syndrome

I'm not sure if this is how it is for everyone, but for me,

It's connected to perfectionism and ego and identity.

During my episode, I was experiencing what felt like a total 180 of my usual self.

I felt that I was usually cheerful and rather energetic. Usually excitable and friendly. I was always *trying* to be better, to improve. I felt that I always cared or tried to have compassion, to give the benefit of the doubt.

And then, it's like I no longer had any energy. I couldn't think. And it's not that I couldn't feel but I couldn't care. I was exhausted quicker, utterly bored. I was apathetic about the thoughts that drew in about harming myself and generally getting worse.

I didn't understand fully what was going on with myself. All I knew was that I didn't care. I just wanted to get worse.

So I'd gone from "I want to get better" to "I want to get worse".

I wouldn't say it was instant. I think it'd been creeping up and pulling back slowly.

I'd had a couple smaller moments before in the months leading up where I was struggling to figure out why I should care about the thoughts of suicide and self harm that popped up. They weren't distressing. And I didn't necessarily desire to die. I was just apathetic and bored.

And then, they'd go away. It was just horomones from my period. It was just the weather affecting my mood. Or I reasoned with myself that I'm in therapy, and I don't like lying, so I'd just end up telling my therapist about it. Or I'd already told my friend, so they would know to ask after me, so I couldn't.

This time when I got bored and apathetic, I premeditated my self harm. Wrote out a plan. What to talk about in therapy. How to be in a good mood leading up to it so my therapist didn't notice. What to do if she asks me about it. What to say to not be lying but also not mention it. And I went through with it all.

I watched a movie the next day and realized I was experiencing depression-like symptoms. Up until this point, it was just boredom. It was just not caring. It was just normal. It was just freedom.

I didn't want to get better, but I did feel things were lightening up. Because that movie eased me a bit. I'm not some weirdo freak just because being bored enough makes me want to hurt myself. The protagonist of that story also felt something similar!

And then I scrolled through Tumblr and had the thought of "Imposter Syndrome is your opp" to the transid folks. I think because around here I wanted to dissociate but had realized that what I was experiencing probably was dissociation already.

And finally, I watched a Ted Talk on YouTube that just spoke to this hurting angry tired part of me

It spoke to the part that said "It hurts! I am hurting! I tried so hard to be okay, but it didn't work! I'm tired."

Because it felt like that video said "I see you. You don't have to pretend that it doesn't hurt. You don't have to pretend that it's not exhausting. You can do less."

And this video is what brought me out of my crisis.

And I'm realizing all the pressure I've been putting on myself. To change and get better and be okay and do all these other tasks that I already find difficult. To be perfect.

And the way to crumble this false sense of perfection that was clearly overwhelming me was to do something so utterly imperfect that I couldn't ignore it.

[lullxbyblue]

I don’t want kids in case they end up anything like me

[cryptid-something]

I hate my brain whipping out the "but self harm :( we have this new blade and everything" lately

like, *I get it*

it's tempting.

it is *very* tempting, and I'm going to have to regretfully decline.

I'm trying to form a better relationship and opinion of myself, and self-harm is not going to help me with that.

(I hate commitment so much, but I don't want to start this shit again. It was so hard to stop in the first place aaaaaAAAAAGGGGHHHH)

anyways because I value consent.

and since I'm not able to give more than a skeptical maybe (much less an enthusiastic yes), I'm going to not do that.

and it doesn't matter how much the one part of me wants to, if the other part doesn't want to.

I'm allowed to be disappointed.

and if I'd like, perhaps I can try writing or drawing instead?

[cryptid-something]

I feel so damn idk

numb empty???

irritated?

none of the things I think to do are keeping my attention

and it's just pissing me off

and

I just want to know what's going on

did we switch?

is that it?

we were numb for a bit. dissociative whatever

and now we're just angry

like we were a numb sorta angry before

but I guess it feels different now

we're all pretty fucking new to this whole system thing

just feel dizzy and distant kinda

don't really know what pronouns feels right

like 1st person ones

3rd person ones too though

aaaaaggghhhh

kill us

break somthing

at least we don't feel like gouging our eyes out anymore though that's fun

[zeesarchivedshiftingpage]

The Hyperfixation Method

-By ZeeTheQueer

Hey all!

So this is the method I said I wanted to make. It's tailored towards my fellow neurodiverce shifters. I have ADHD and can find calming my brain to focus on just affirmations or similar for a lot of methods either hard, or it results in falling asleep to quickly for even an asleep method! So I wanted to create a method that could be used on it's own, or easily combined with other methods as well.

Before you start this method, we've got one 'pre-method' thing to do. Saturate your brain with stuff about your DR. Watch or read content that exists in this reality of the one you're shifting to. Until it's basically all you can focus on. Then you're ready to start the main part of the method!

Get into a comfortable position. Laying down for sleep method, sitting up for awake. You could also start with sitting up and lay down during the method.

Next close your eyes.

Start thinking about your DR. Whatever first comes to mind works, but I recommend starting with thinking about what you're doing when you first are conscious of that reality.

Start going through what all you'll be doing, every detail you can picture. If visualization is hard for you, focus on telling yourself what you're doing and seeing as if you're actively doing it in the moment.

I recommend using what are technically affirmations while doing the previous step. Things like 'I have a lot to do', ' I wanna go see my friends', 'I have to meet up with (person from DR) to go (random activity)'. Anything you'd normally say to yourself to keep your focus on what you're doing and need to do.

Continue to do this as long as you like or are able to focus your thoughts on it.

When your thoughts start to drift to something else from your DR, let it happen. Dive head first into the new thought and fixate on it. You don't have to stay focused on the moment you're going to gain consciousness there. You and the universe already know. Allow the changes in your thoughts. Fixate on each new one as they come.

If something not related to your DR comes up, twist it to fit your DR. That idiot driver who cut you off comes back to mind? Well now you're telling your s/o or friends about them and they're reacting to the situation.

Continue doing this until you fall asleep or shift.

And that's the Hyperfixation Method.

[girlmeetsmultiverse]

You can tell this was written by a neurodivergent person because I can actually follow the damn instructions

[zeesarchivedshiftingpage]

Glad to know it's cohesive 😂 My ADHD will kick my ass some days and make me feel like an absolute mastermind during others.

[fallingmaddlyinlove]

when you're heavily dissociated and people are trying to talk to you

[cryiling]

happy friday and nothing else !! 🥰🫶

[aurangg]

I rarely think about other people and I have little to no attachment or connection to others. I don’t have people in mind. I rarely miss people. I don’t think “I wonder how X person is doing.” I will almost completely forget X person exists until they message me again.

[samvents]

[ID text — The desire to be sicker, to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. A well person does not desire to be sick]

[orcbara]

too many stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for pretending to be something you aren't and losing yourself in the process. not enough stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for choosing to openly embrace yourself even if it's strange to other people

[ananaloghorrorgirl]

LOCK IN PEOPLE. ITS YOUR WINTER ERA.

Lock in, work on yourself, mentally and physically.

Change your thoughts.

Persist in your desires.

LOCK THE FUCK IN.

[iamthewhole]

Manifestation tip i learnt from thewizardliz -

say the thing as if you already have it (cause you do) and then say 'can i have more?'

"I have a million dollars in my bank account, can I have more?"

"I get a lot of gifts from my SP, can I have more?"

"I have such clear skin, can i have more?"

and the answer is yes, yes, yes, you can always have more

happy manifesting <3

[nagichi-boop]

Me: I have object impermanence but with people. If they’re not with me, I forget they even exist.

Mum: So do you miss me when I’m gone?

Me: Uhm…not really?

Mum: Wow, you must hate me!

Me: That’s…that’s not how it works?

[cryptid-something]

I think I'm experiencing Imposter Syndrome of some kind?

Like, I feel like my life is going very well, yet something feels wrong right now.

Something is off.

And I have the desire to just

Self-sabotage, I guess.

I worked so hard to get myself here, and now I just

I'm too perfect again.

I did too well, and the world isn't loading in properly now?

I feel like I haven't felt anything in a while, or I can't remember if I have.

And the only thing I can think of is regressing back to a worse place. Getting worse again.

I don't belong in this world.

It doesn't deserve me.

I don't deserve this.

I was never meant to heal like this, and the game is glitching.

Everything's just falling apart.

[cryptid-something]

Went to sleep at like 5am or smth because I'm planning a story

and I was initially going to go to sleep at 3-smth am because I was nodding off where I was taking notes on worldbuilding on the floor

but then I got So Many Ideas for a species in my world that I just had to write it all down

and i didn't end up getting done until it was 5:41 am (just remembered the time it was)

And I set an alarm for 2:45 pm so I can get a decent amount of sleep

But I just Kept. Waking. Up.

I think I woke up at like 7 smth maybe?

I remember waking up at 9 smth for sure

Once I tried writing down my dream because I've been trying to do that. (And I now have a big block of text that I'll be analyzing later)

And after that, I just kept going "my alarm hasn't gone off yet. fix your sleeping hat and your sleep mask, and go back to sleep"

And I tried that several times.

Until now. when I checked the time and it was like 2:10 pm

And I gave up because it's close enough.

I hate anticipatory wake-ups.

I just wanted to wake up at a semi-decent time that would allow me to do things today without sacrificing too much sleep, you know?

5:40 - 2:40 would've been 5am + 5hr = 10am + 2hr = 12pm +2hr = 2pm → 5hr + 2hr + 2hr = 9 hours

So yeah, I've just been rambling for the past 20-30 minutes. Thank you for your time