Syd protects her heart. She also doesn’t want to be a burden. We’ve discussed here how she’s likely a high functioning and high masking person in high functioning-survival mode.
Syd holds her deepest feelings and emotions close.
So of course she’s never told anyone, not even Carmy, exactly how much a certain chef means to her.
Syd’s lie in 5x04 about the grapefruit scallop dish was done on purpose, just like her lie in 1x01 about coming to The Beef every Sunday with her dad. Both lies serve the same function: to obscure her naked heart just enough from view of the one person she wants most to see it, to see her.
She does this so that she can withdraw and protect herself if needed.
It didn’t make sense for us to get the full blood orange hamachi reveal in S5 bc of how rushed the context of that season was. But we got a very natural beginning to that conversation.
A conversation where, maybe, eventually, Carmy will pull Syd up after a particularly busy future service. He’ll touch her back and ask if they can talk in the office. She’ll say sure and follow him, completely unaware, looking down at the draft menu on her clipboard while she walks. He’ll ask her to sit down and he’ll sit across from her, gently taking the clipboard from her hands and setting it on the table.
Carmy will ask Syd if he was working at Empire when she had her first-best bite. She’ll say yes, her eyes wide and dark. Carmy will tell her they never served grapefruit and scallop while he was there. Syd will smile tight and say something like, it might have been something similar. There was citrus and the protein was a fish.
(She knows exactly what the dish was but he’s calling her out and she still has too much pride to admit to lying, because what good reason can she give for doing so, other than protecting her heart?)
She takes out her phone and shows him the photo she took of the dish that stole her breath away. She’ll say oh, I remember now. It was blood orange and paupiette of hamachi. Best meal of my life.
And she’ll look up to see Carmy’s eyes glazed and smiling. A tear might escape his right eye.
Nothing. I’m good. I’m good. We- We’re good.
Because of course they are. Syd has shown him her heart and she has seen his. And neither of them is going anywhere.
pixelskylines
baratheonpilled
izzy806
origamiaround
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
turnnoffyourmind
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