The Awkward Gawdess

Ethereal force that transcends nature gracing y'all with my presence one time for the one time

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[janedrewfinally]

Accurate tags:

#and this is why no-fault divorce brings down the murder rate

[chipjrwibignaturals]

incredibly funny that "and they were roommates" became like. code for being gay. we have no damn CLUE what gossip that woman was talking about we just decided it was homosexual behavior

[heiressinthecity]

Everything I want exists and I will have it all. My Father is literally God. There's nothing He won't do for me, His beloved.

[tvandfilm]

Only Murders in the Building (2021-present) Dirty Birds (S05E04)

[cyle]

$20 says the screenwriter snuck this in just to do numbers on tumblr

[at-the-end-of-all]

school uniform codes extending to what colours you’re allowed to dye your hair, and what piercings you can have and stuff is so crazy. you HAVE to go to school and you’re not even allowed to have pink hair or pierce your nose about it????

[at-the-end-of-all]

“oh it’s to prepare you for the workplace” okay. i don’t think any workplace should be dictating what you can and can’t do with your body either and i think it’s strange to decide to teach children that their body is not their own

[fifty-cent]

She’s art

[homunculus-argument]

Relationship statuses and how much I doubt it if you add "happily" in front of it:

Happily single: I have no reason to question that, nobody else gets to decide how you feel, and I'm happy for you.

Happily dating: Kind of weird that you'd feel the need to clarify. You know you don't have to date someone who doesn't make you happy, right?

Happily engaged: Same as previous, but more so. You know you should not be getting married to someone who doesn't make you happy, right? I'm not leaving before I know that you know.

Happily married: Could go either way tbh, but most likely you are. If someone's not actually happy with their marriage, it shows, no matter what they say.

Happily divorced: Yeah this one I have no reason to doubt. Nobody says they're happy about being divorced unless they really are happy about it.

Happily widowed: I wouldn't doubt that you are but girl did you kill him.

[queenjsxo]

[homunculus-argument]

If you're having a private phone conversation with the phone off your ear, no headphones, and the speaker on in public, that's a public conversation now. That's an open invite, and I'm going to chime in if I have an opinion. This is now OUR disagreement about your boyfriend's spending habits.

[spillways-mp3]

[doctorcocktopus]

Getting shot while literally dismissing people’s concerns about gun violence under a tent with the words “Prove me wrong” printed on all sides is the most fucking hilarious way to die

[guerrillatech]

[guerrillatech]

[su-n-s-e-t]

[matrixonvhsanddvd]

you fucking with fat bitches?

Since day 1 you stupid son of a bitch

[liberalrubbish]

"No person shall ... be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law."

--US Constitution, 5th Amendment

[mysharona1987]