I'm Not Short, I'm Fun Sized ☕

sleep deprived college student • hill shipper first, ranger second 🏳️‍🌈

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Image ID in the alt text

[cillyscribbles]

still not over how absolutely batshit insane ranger's apprentice was. "one riot, one ranger" bro WHAT????? one riot ONE RANGER??? i refuse to accept that rangers are human because that just isn't gonna work out.

it's a riot. a RIOT.

rangers are sub-5ft dudes with 24 arrows, two knives, some glorified whip garottes, no will to live and a caffeine addiction.

they also talk to their horses.

(the horses talk back.)

they shittalk their own government.

the ranger gatherings are probably on par with collage end of the year raves.

their commander is a man who has never kissed anyone but his mother and somehow still exudes the most violent "this is a man who fucks" energy. it's probably the fact that he's a dog person.

i'm convinced half of them are orphans and just got adopted into the corps.

one of them is the fucking crown prince of fantasy ireland who ran away from his murderous brother and ended up adopted into the corps.

the one (1) ranger who can use a sword (and also the crown prince of fantasy ireland's apprentice) advises that, in the instance you find yourself losing a fight, you simply throw yourself off a fucking cliff. he was also adopted into the corps in spite of having two (2) father figures beforehand.

one of the most legendary rangers of all time (and also the crown prince of fantasy ireland's second apprentice) fought a fantasy british minotaur at age 15, got kidnapped by fantasy swedes at age 16 and was enslaved along with the fucking crown princess of fantasy britain for a year during which he also got addicted to and recovered from the effects of fantasy ketaweed, then did a switch and almost died in the desert looking for his talking horse. and that's all before he finished his apprenticeship. this guy was also an orphan, got adopted into the corps, and didn't even want to be a ranger.

also the guy who trained the dog person commander also trained the crown prince of fantasy ireland. he also died dramatically in the crown prince of fantasy ireland's arms. his apprentices met because one happened to walk into a tavern as the other was getting his nose cut off in the tavern

the first ranger woman is also the crown fucking princess of fantasy britain. but not the one that was enslaved with the ranger getting high on ketaweed. the ranger is that one's daughter. yeah.

basically i forgot where i was going with this post, because somewhere along the line i realized that i'm wrong because yeah any one of those fuckers could absolutely stop a riot.

i don't say this often, but jesus christ. flanagan you absolute madman.

[rangertessadarling]

this is glorious

[golden-bubblebee]

I'm gonna use this post to convince my friend to read the series

[vilewile]

But! Their commander has, in fact, kissed his second-in-command a lot, despite him not being either his mother or a dog, only the crown prince of fantasy Ireland. Which doesn't really change anything, I just can't shut up about it.

[redrose-arrow]

“yeah any one of those fuckers could absolutely stop a riot”

- Duncan whenever someone asks him why he keeps yeeting Rangers at problems

[vilewile]

The main reason why I'm sold on the Faengers AU is that this way we can have Crowley pining for Halt for 300 years before he finally works up the nerve, and I think it's beautiful.

[ragingadhd]

Wait this is literally so gay

[solarishashernoseinabook]

[Image ID: a thin book labelled "Ranger's Apprentice"; a book several times thicker labelled "Ranger's Apprentice if the characters dealt with all the trauma they should have" /end]

[redrose-arrow]

THE US PUBLISHERS CHANGED THE HALTINE WEDDING PLANNING SCENE IN ERAK’S RANSOM

Remember Halt and Pauline planning their wedding early on in Erak’s Ransom? Well, apparently, some fans remember it differently. That’s because different versions of that scene exist.

As far as I’ve been able to tell, it’s just the American version that has been changed.

Here’s how the American scene goes:

Sounds fun, right?

Well, let me show you the original version of this scene:

Yes, you’re seeing that right — the US publishers cut a bunch. Why? No idea. But in case you only read the US version — now you know the full story :).

[daggersandcoffee]

BRUHHHHHHHH REALLY

[araluenstories]

Crowley Meratyn (& autumn)

“... I’m sorry for climbing – I really thought I could do it. But I was lucky Crowley came along and caught me. I would’ve been stuck if he hadn’t come through the forest.” “I would’ve come to get you eventually,” Halt acknowledges distractedly as he takes leaves out of Will’s hair. “But you can always trust Crowley to get you out of a tough spot.” “Yes,” Will agrees, looking at the red-haired man walk away, mumbling to Cropper. “I know I can.” (see the lightning in your eyes by mipmap on ao3, part 3 of 'Uncle Crowley' series)

[daggersandcoffee]

I lowkey want to write a modern au about the crazy shit Will and Horace get into in college

[daggersandcoffee]

@solarishashernoseinabook :0 I have read that!!!! It sparked a craving and I do not know PEACE

I am in DESPAIR

[daggersandcoffee]

I lowkey want to write a modern au about the crazy shit Will and Horace get into in college

[daggersandcoffee]

Will Treaty can be genderqueer as a little treat :)

[daggersandcoffee]

Give me grizzled, queer, older women in the Ranger Corps being as important to Will as Halt and Gilan were. Give me Will being friends with several female apprentices as a teenager. Give me Will going on missions with these women and learning so much and teaching them some things in return.

Give me a universe where there were already female rangers and the 'first female ranger' wasn't some spoiled bratty princess.

[araluenstories]

[araluenstories]

moodboard: Araluen

Alpina | Araluen | Arrida | Aslava | Celtica | Hibernia | Iberion | Magyara | Nihon-Ja | Picta | Skandia | Sonderland | Teutlandt | Toscana

[araluenstories]

The Early Years: Arald & Rodney

[araluenstories]

will treaty - apprentice to one, hero to all

[araluenstories]

O'Carrick siblings (& songs of Lana Del Ray)

[araluenstories]

If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.

They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar.

So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word. (Men at Arms by Terry Pratchett)

[araluenstories]

moodboard: christmas in the cabin

Don't get me wrong, this whole found family thing happening in Redmont fief is awesome. However, after spending these last few days alone (and watching the second season of the Witcher), I realized that many rangers are quite lonely. Not everyone has an apprentice (or bard) watching their every step, or loving parents or friendly baron who they can have fun with. Some of them just get scared looks from children, aggressive words from villagers and unsatisfied frowns from barons. So, sometimes, the only ones waiting and having kind words for them are their horses (or tamed squirrels). Rangers have to eventually get used to it, but on Christmas, when everyone else is with their family and friends.. I think that's the time of the year when the loneliness gets its grip on them. (Or maybe they arrange something like small Christmas gatherings between fiefs and oh, Crowley definitely gets a present for every single one of them, and every ranger sings 'Cabin in the Woods' at the midnight and and..)