Daniel S. Cardoso

www.danielscardoso.net ResearchGate // Academia Portuguese activist, academic, researcher. Main research interests: polyamory, lgbtqi, sexualities, new technologies, youngsters, queer theory, feminist theory.

[blackbird-brewster]

I love this so much.

[starlightandtears]

This is so cute

[quousque]

this is the kind of top-quality pun that passes my stringent re-blogging standards

[danielscardoso]

Site pessoal de Daniel Cardoso. Daniel Cardoso's personal website.

Plenary interventions at the European Federation of Sexology Conference 2018. Podcast recording available.

Daniel Cardoso 

Meg-John Barker

[robotsdontcry]

hi as pride month draws near for june reminder that cishet aces/aros are not LGBT and don’t belong in our spaces

[geekandmisandry]

And like, just a reminder that people like op are the people I don’t want to share my spaces with.

[thedoorisstuck-blog]

Every time I see an exclusionist on here and I click their profile they’re like 17 or 19 or maybe 21 at best. 

And that’s fair- it’s not like people that age can’t have opinions or be right, they’re people.

But when I think about how long it took me to work out my own damn sexuality, gender, and all that crap, and how gently I stepped once I realised I was queer, and how much listening to people I did to see who the hell was out there…how much I am STILL learning about people who have different experiences…

…it feels really odd to see people this young being so secure in their belief of who should be excluded from the community. 

Not how to support and include, to help and support, but how to exclude.

Like…being confident in your own sexuality at 19? Fuck yeah, good for you, I’m happy you had a better chance and an earlier start than I did.

But… telling other people they’re not queer enough to be in ‘your’ space?

Your space? Not mine anymore? Huh.

I’m over here at 35 still listening and learning and trying to understand everyone’s perspectives, discovering that sexuality is even more complex and nuanced than I know…and all these people barely out of their teens are talking like they know everything there is to know about being LGBT, ever. Like it’s all been written down, stamped, sealed, confirmed by some Authority.

Mmmm. No. Just… have an ounce of humility. Try gaining some perspective, please.

You haven’t lived long enough to even really listen to real life aces, to really think about what LGBT means. I don’t mean this as an ageist insult, I just really think that this kind of shit deserves TIME- hell I know it deserves time and thought because I am STILL unlearning bad assumptions and behaviours, and STILL meeting people who define themselves outside of the frame that I was once taught meant ‘LGBT’. And you, a teen raised in a world that’s still pretty fucking homophobic and doesn’t recognise half of what the LGBT community itself has taken years to acknowledge, you think you know it all?

Because you’re online? While you’re here, read some posts where ace people talk about how they’re treated. Forget semantics for a while: read the experiences. I’m online too, I have been for some time. Doesn’t make me right, but experience is of some value. Experience in listening to queer people who aren’t quite like me, that is, in trying to understand how I am similar, instead of trying to figure out how they do not belong. In how people rework things, figure out how they can be less harmful, more inclusive, more representative of all those who are marginalised. See, Q is queer but also often Questioning. It’s still important to let people be Questioning, there is an astounding amount of queerphobia in the world and we are NOT done working out the labels. We may never be. Not so long ago, the T in lgbt was under question. Bisexuals are still being excluded.  So I’m being told I don’t matter by people who weren’t even born yet when I realised I wasn’t straight. They’re skipping right over all the reflection and going straight to self-affirmation by exclusion. 

Which, again- if you are born into a world where you never have to question your identity, oh good grief I hope that’s real for everyone some day. But we’re not there yet, yanno? And I resent being told that after all these years of soul-searching and careful, very careful questioning of whether I belong and how I can be a good member of the community, people arrive so 100% certain of their claim to being LGBT that the first thing they do is try to kick others out.

tl;dr I was here first and I’m not amused.

[kimbureh]

I was here first and I’m not amused.

such a mood tbh

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

I honestly think relationships in general would be healthier, in general, if we didn’t believe they should last forever.

When the default is “forever” and shorter relationships are seen as a failure, we miss out on a lot. We stay in relationships that don’t work because they’re not “bad enough” to leave, as though not wanting the relationship anymore isn’t a good enough reason. We deny ourselves happy memories, saying “If it doesn’t work now, our love then wasn’t real.” We pass on relationships we know would be short, because if it doesn’t last forever, what’s the point in joy in the moment?

An ending isn’t a failure. It’s an ending. Most relationships have them. What would our relationships be like if we stopped focusing on our fear of endings and started focusing on what we - and our friends, partners, and family - need right now?

[kimchicuddles]

Ironically, this IS how to stop feeling jealousy :) 

SHOP: https://squareup.com/store/kimchicuddles PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/kimchicuddles

[xxstargoddessxx]

@ Christopher Lovell

[neoloputyn]

[danielscardoso]

Site pessoal de Daniel Cardoso. Daniel Cardoso's personal website.

[blueklectic]

[profeminist]

Source

[hijerking]

im contributing to this meme

[riotcinema]

Quando nos apoiamos num cardinal para falar do que nos dói, perdemos parte da nossa humanidade. Perdemos parte do que somos, da nossa…

New text up on medium <3 

[brutereason]

Let’s do an exercise. Think about your workplace. Think about the men in it. Which one of those men is the creep? The women reading this probably have a name on hand. Perhaps more than one. I like to ask men this question though. It usually flusters them. Almost every time they get blustery and say, “oh surely my workplace doesn’t have one we have lots of women on staff we are very welcoming, I’ve never heard of anything like that in my office.” If that was your reaction, stop. You’re almost certainly wrong. If you work in science publishing or podcasting, I can probably name your office’s creep. If you work elsewhere, I’m sure the women in your field have a similar list. You just don’t know who it is because the women in your field haven’t deemed you trustworthy enough to tell. So men, I’m tired of hearing about how shocked you are every time something like this comes up. Because at what point does this stop being shocking to you? How many stories like this do you have to hear or read about before you get past being shocked?  When you tell me you’re shocked, what I hear is: “I have chosen to forget all the other stories I’ve heard about this from women.” Or, perhaps: “I have chosen not to actually listen to any of the women who have told me these stories.” Or, perhaps you’re the creep, and you’re simply shocked that one of your own got caught.

The Last Word On Nothing | Stop Being Shocked Please (via riotcinema)

[polyhorde]

Warning: Poly Rant

Since this came up at a poly social let me state this for the record here.

Polyamory is NOT superior to monogamy. Polyamory is NOT inherently more honest or more natural. Polyamory is NOT right for everyone.

Polyamory and Monogamy are just different paths to get to the same goal - happy, loving, transparent, supportive relationship(s).

Just like how misandry is not the answer to misogyny, hating on monogamy is not the way to get polyamory accepted by society.

Do what is right for YOU and for your partner(s) and let other people do the same.

[polyrolemodels]

Poly doesn’t always feel nice. And that’s ok. Sometimes… Poly is watching your partner get their needs that match yours met with someone else. Sometimes poly is having to accept less, instead of all. Sometimes poly is, I hate this, but you don’t need my permission to do it anyway. Sometimes poly is burning. Sitting in your room, your house, alone, burning with all the emotions and there is no one to put you out except yourself. And sometimes, you’re not enough of a firefighter. Sometimes poly is boring. Sometimes poly is Netflix and chilling, by yourself, your own hand down your pajama pants. Sometimes poly is rage. Fierce, hot, molten gold down your gullet, choking you, burning you, cooking you to a not-quick enough death. Sometimes it’s this is not enough, but this is better than nothing. Sometimes it’s pain, bright, white hot, cutting into the very core of you. Splintering you into a thousand, million pieces. Sometimes it’s I don’t know how I survive this. Sometimes poly is… Acceptance of not so great, because there is no other option. Sometimes poly is a snide laugh, a kick in the gut, a slap in the face. Sometimes poly is heartbreak. Sometimes poly is, I will never feel “safe” again. Sometimes it’s just… Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overdoing. Over scheduling. Overtalking. Over… Everything. Sometimes poly is… Can’t I just go back? But what poly really is? Poly is I can’t. I can’t go back. Because going back would mean so much sacrifice. So much giving up of people that I cannot fathom how much I love them. So much beautiful, wonderful, awful exploration of self that I would never get again. I can’t say, I don’t want my lovers and friends and amazing people who blur ALL of my lines and boundaries with their amazing selves. I can’t say, for the sake of some general level of “comfort” that I know is false, I will give up everyone. Their intimacy, their vulnerability, their nakedness. What they look like laughing, and coming, and crying. Versions of them I don’t get to see within the confines of monogamy as I knew it. I have sacrificed so very much to be here, uncomfortable, today. I can’t. I feel I’m awake now, with all the discomfort that comes with awakening. But I can’t go back to sleep. It’s shitty, sometimes, being awake. The sun is too bright, the sounds too harsh. It’s easy when I’m head down, dreaming. But it’s not real, you know? It’s an illusion, a construct. It works for some, but I’ve taken the red pill. I’ve seen my life for how it is, my thinking for how it is. I can’t unsee it. Maybe one day how I outwardly perform myself will change, but for now, I can’t go back. I am what I am, doing what I’m doing the ways that I do it. Sometimes it hurts. Fuck yeah it hurts. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you anything remotely differently. And you know what? It’s ok. Through this, we grow. We become something else. We become better, stronger. We know ourselves more. We know more words to use to advocate for ourselves, and that is fucking amazing. Without this pain, without this trial by fire and molten metal, we might not know what we’re capable of. And knowing what we’re capable of is an awesome, incredible thing. That is what makes you, you. That is what inspires you to fucking amazing things. Even if the journey is horrible to get there. ~Jordyn

XCBDSM.com/spd (via polyrolemodels)

All of this...

[danielscardoso]

Estudo sobre Relacionamentos Íntimos! Pedimos a vossa participação e partilha! Demora 15 minutos a preencher! Este estudo foi criado em conjunto com a Profa. Dra. Patrícia Pascoal, da Universidade Lusófona, e o objectivo é contribuir para compreendermos melhor as atitudes e percepções que as pessoas têm sobre alguns temas ligados à #sexualidade.

[cityelf]

Concept: fantasy world where dragons are A Thing™ but instead of them being these rare, semi-legendary creatures who exist solely to terrorise and wreak havoc and mayhem and burn inconveniences to a crisp they’re like… dogs… vaguely domesticated cats…

They come in loads of sizes and it’s a common thing to hear them scritching across your roof or rummaging in your garbage. You pass by like four every time you go to the market.

There’s even some snoozing at market stalls and strays playing with children and stealing scraps of food that fall in the street, with mottled scales and mixed textures of feathers and mismatched jewel colours.

Your favourite baker has three tiny western diamondtips who are in charge of keeping the ovens fired up and don’t always eat all of the bread. Sometimes.

Linda Bagshot on the corner has a ground rooster who can’t fly but always reaches up and stretches her neck out as far as she can to try and scrounge pets as you pass her garden wall.

A local inn is named after its summer aura who is the length of the room, all careful length and soft scales, with breath perfumed like spring breeze and scales that emanate just enough warmth to comfort, just enough that you won’t fall asleep, just enough that it’s tempting nonetheless.

The school you went to has a forest guardian older than the town itself who spends all his time slowly ambling down the corridors, and his favourites are the kids learning their first letters who like to read to him, sound out letters and marks that don’t have any correlation just yet, and you know that nobody has conclusively proven that dragons understand human tongues but you also know that if anyone understands, it’s him.

There’s a festival of dragons, a public holiday where banners are strewn and candles glow even into the wee hours and rainbow confetti and paint clogs the streets and maybe some overexcited babies set things alight but that’s ok, the town prepared better this year, far fewer people will lose their gardens and eyebrows this time, they promise.

And yes ok, there are big dragons. Ferocious dragons. Dragons that only come out once every ten years to feed and pillage. Dragons who rule the seas and shake mountains, who take flight and block out the stars. There are reasons you don’t go into the woods at night, reasons some wells are avoided, reasons entire villages up and vanished without a trace.

But there are also dragons who curl up with your children to rock them to sleep, and ward off nightmares. There are dragons who open doors and fetch supplies and guide those without sight. There are dragons who mimic words and whistles and delight in your joy when they get them just right.

There are dragons who adopt orphaned piglets, kittens, lambs, calves, puppies, ducklings. There are dragons who sunbathe and dragons who need kept on ice and dragons who climb atop weather vanes in storms to conduct electricity. Dragons who sparkle like jewels in the light and dragons who glow in the dark and dragons with flora creeping in and around their scales and dragons who sound like windchimes when they fold their wings.

Concept: there are dragons.

There are so many dragons.

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

Lady Sybil Ramekin